LEIGH
The moment I drove away from the school neighborhood, my phone went on again, only this time it wasn't my high school friends trying to reach out, or Brandon suggesting sedatives and hallucinogens since I just covered the deal with him some minutes ago.
Funny how, there were days when I rather glance at real shit than spare Brandon a minute of my time, but in the past few days, ever since Julian left, I didn't know what to do. I have nothing to hold on to.
I was angry at every turn, every shift, and every move. It was like I could hear every respiration in a room; it was getting under my skin.
It was supposed to be different, but instead, anxiety, pain, aggression, and tiredness all cloaked in me upon arriving back at eagle hills.
And it was in that moment Julian's comfort abandoned me, that's on Claire who practically threatened for me to let it slide or expose my slight addiction to my father.
But after all those depressions, I can breathe again. I didn't have to tense or cringe while thinking about Ava to need Brandon's supplies to relax. Granted, my brain has tended to work mysteriously for two years now. Everything I do, every minute that passes, I always thought of her, and for the past days, it had been hell for me, having to remember her with someone else.
Then today, with a motive to go hang out with Brandon before meeting with Tyron and the other boys who are in town, I found Ava huddled on a couch, broken again like the other day in her bathroom.
I wonder why this always happens, how my family is barely holding up. It is like back then when mom was dying. Dad wasn't himself, Lilith was clueless, and I was afraid. We hardly talked in a room even when we all were in it. And sometimes, when mom gets worried, she will eventually have to leave us behind; she throws a fit and breaks everything in the house. Except now, it's worst, because before, Lilith and I could only watch from a distance while dad calms our mom until there is quiet again. Which I can't say these days, for everyone has grown up, everyone has their problem to display, everyone talks back to everyone without thinking of the impact it could have on others.
The house is no more home but a battlefield.
Ava might have gotten her revenge, but that doesn't mean it's the start of a truce; if anything, she just declared war.
While I pick up the call that is her mother's, I watch her despairingly, leaning against the window.
She was regretting what she had done. That's the typical Ava, the innocent girl who constantly questions everything she does.
I would've stopped her, but it was hard; I didn't know what to do. Lilith triggered her, and Lilith had become unrecognizable to every one of us.
She had repeatedly bruised Ava. We all know. It's pretty obvious. Even Susan does, the woman only wanted to stand in the middle and not act selfishly upon siding her daughter.
"Leigh, if you are at home, can you please keep an eye on the girls? I can't have anyone of them sneaking out or fighting for that matter." Susan asked me from the receiver.
"Okay!"
The woman heaves a relief sigh at my response.
"Thank you so much. Please find something to eat. I am sure Marina had packaged dinner in the fridge. There are quite some emergencies that would delay my shift. Christian and I will have to stay late until five in the morning."
The announcement brought a smile to my face.
She continued talking while I thought of different ways to spend tonight with Ava until I heard her saying, "Leigh can you hear me?"
Shit!
"Yes, don't worry. I will try my best to have everything in order." I lied since nothing was in order. We just wrecked my sister's vehicle.
"Okay, great. I will see you in the morning then. Tell the girls I promise to make breakfast to make up for today. God, they must be mad at us about the festival."
If only she knew Lilith have her private party on full force.
After the call ended, I took a brief look at the quiet girl, scarcely functioning beside me, and decided to take a turn towards the festival.
I heard there would be some live concert before the fireworks.
My eyes flicker to the clock; it says 9:20 pm. The fireworks are not until ten, and we are just five minutes away from the venue.
I pulled Ava's hand from her thighs and nibbled her fingers. She tilted to me and melancholy smiled.
"Where are we going?" She weakly asked.
We were just fine before I had to go and meet Brandon. Now the mood is ruined.
"The festival, as you should be."
"Leigh, there is no need. I just need to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be hell." She shudders. "Please!" Sounding almost a whispered with her eyes half-closed and her cheeks a deep shade of red.
There is no need to try. She wasn't in the mood, so I found the next turn and drove back to the hills.
AVA
The garage door opened, and Leigh drove right through it before it closes itself behind us.
The car had been uncomfortable since the moment I got back into it in the school car park.
I felt every moment Leigh would turn over to look at me. It reminded me how terrible I am for putting him in between this and for even letting the fury of my anger throw me under the bus.
I don't feel sorry for Lilith, though, I still want to hurt her more than I can think of, and it scares me that I am becoming someone else.
What terrifies me more is tomorrow's outcome. When Christian and mom would found out, the wrath that lives inside of me is really dark.
I never thought I could do such a thing, but here I am, still mentally concocting another way to devastate my cruel stepsister.
"Avaâ" I heard Leigh start, but I terminated it by hastily departing the vehicle and running into the house to my bedroom, where I slide down against the door and blankly stare into the pitch-black space.
I heard footsteps and knocking by the other side of my door while I calm my rapid breathing and throbbing heart rate.
There's noticeable soft breathing and a feeling of despair from Leigh, I could hear from here. The kind that made me fear everything I've built was eroding, and I never felt so stupid of myself.
"Ava. Please open the door." He thumped at the surface, and a tear slipped down my eye.
I want to, but I don't know what is holding me back.
"I have called someone. They would erase any footage that involves you in it." He pauses for some seconds, breathing exhaustingly across the door. "Ava, I would not let you get hurt anymore. I promise." He exhaled or maybe choked. I couldn't tell, and it hurt bitterly. "Things might be getting worst, but I promise I will be here all the time."
There was quiet. For a moment, I thought he had left. I tilted a little and leaned my head against the wooden door, hoping he was still there.
"You know what is funny is that we are already a mess even before the real conflict began." His voice sounded descending but a little closer and clearer. It's almost like he was sitting against the door too.
"I wonder what my father will do when he realizes I only want the daughter of his wife." He said after a long time of nothing.
I wiped my wet face with my hands and sniffled through my congested nostrils, "Mom will lose it when she finds out I could only love her husband's son."
"Is there anything scarier than that, Ava?" Leigh carefully asked.
And when I think about it, I realize there isn't.
"I don't think so."
"You shouldn't let anything else get in the way of what should be your happiness." He muttered correctly. "I just want to take a whiff from your neck, hold you tight in my arms, and caress your skin, but this fucking door is restraining me."
While he was speaking, I had pulled myself up and gradually opened the door.
As I had predicted, he was sitting on the floor, pulled back a little when I opened the door and stood above himâstaring from under my heavy lids.
"Hey!" He held out his hand and pulled my fragile body down over to him.
I snuggled next to him, with my head on his lap, just like he used to rest his head on mine in the library back when he was a senior in hills high.
He smells satisfying and feels pleasant; I feel like crying my throat out.
"I love you." He whispered softly, his fingers stroking my hair.
My voice was strained; I just wrapped my arms around his waist as a response.
Everything could be acceptable if the people I consider family are not chameleons. I am scared of a lot of things, including those I should trust, what I can do, and what they would do.
***
I didn't know how I got onto my bed, but I woke up having this irritating headache, probably from the result of crying my eyes out yesterday.
The quick shower I took strengthened me a little, and the tiny layer of makeup I wore helped cover up my swollen eyes.
In the kitchen that I arrived at without coming across anyone in the house, I meet Leigh quietly seated by the table, eating breakfast and pressing his mobile phone.
"Hey." I alerted when he didn't notice my presence.
His eyes prompted from his phone screen over to me, and a smile spread across his feature.
"Good morning, babe." He mouth the last part, jerking his head in the direction of the living room wall.
I smiled and smoothly stepped towards him to settle next to him in the table.
His hair was spiked and a little damp. He must have tried drying it with a towel and give up.
I couldn't resist kneading the strands with my fingers and kissing the corner of his quirked-up lip before they curved into a full smile.
"I love you," I said back and looked left and right to make sure no one was watching.
His detective eyes shrunken, sparked with smugness. I rolled mine while he responded. "I love you, but the kiss is not enough, I need more."
I exhaled and almost choked while sharing a meaningful contact that he seemed to understand, for he annoyingly frowned and sat back, bringing a cup of coffee to his mouth.
He knows we can't here.
"Why did your friends leave, anyway? Were they tired of our drama?" I asked.
"That could be among the reasons." He chuckled heavenly, and my eyes studied his detailed gorgeousness while my lip gently pulled between my teeth. "But Claire's father came back from London, and he was desperate to see her."
London?
"I thought she was American."
"She is; her father left when she was little; he just decided to come back into the picture all of a sudden."
Why is it that when one parent has to leave, it always has to be the father?
"That must be hard." I never thought Princeton Claire and I had something in common. "I can't imagine my father returning. He probably would never. He must have built a new family and never mentioned he was married to my mom and had a child, Ava." I exhale a sad laugh and drop my eyes down when it registers in my head my father could possibly run into me without recognizing me.
"Does it even matter?" Leigh's hand came over me and made me look over to him. His eyes were blazing with affection. "You don't need him." He softly added.
He is correct, but my head is telling me something different.
"A father is a father. Leigh. Claire left to see hers despite everything." I exhale through the mouth and gnaw my lips. "My mom is no longer available for my needs. I will take whoever I have at the moment," Even if they had abandoned me for over half of my life.
"Your, mom! She loves you. You know?"
That's absurd.
I shake my head at him and look over to our connected hands.
"You have no idea."
"When you got lost the other day. She stayed up all night crying and worrying for your safety. I think she just doesn't know how to handle all of this change that happened so fast to her life."
Oh, the thoughtful and respectful Leigh, who tries to think positive of everything.
"The problem is, I don't know how to either."
Our eyes locked, our hand laced, when he promised, "I am here. I will always be here for you, Ava."
"Honey, I make breakfast." Mom's cheerful voice came through the room, and I quickly pulled my hand from Leigh and stood up to my feet.
She seems spirited, even though she has little sleep, given it is only nine in the morning and Leigh and I had been lying awake in the hall until past five in the morning.
"Your favorite." She whispered and cupped my cheeks, pecking me three times before she got satisfied, and circled the table to prepare my breakfast.
I remained glued to the floor, waiting for mom's anger, but it never came; and served me breakfast and helped me sit two seats away from my stepbrother.
"I can braid your hair if you want." She offered.
"Mom, I am eating." I point out, and she surrenders her hands. "I meant when you're done; we could do it."
"I thought you would accompany Christian to his game?" She always does, and he has a golf game by noon.
"I thought Leigh would want to spend time with his father." She implied, calling the attention of the boy who has his concentration on me.
Leigh looked over at her with confused eyes.
"He had missed you. You won't just keep avoiding him, would you?" She pressed, and he tensed.
The need to defend him was too strong; I went and blurted out, "You shouldn't force him to do something he doesn't plan for."
Now great! I just attract the attention back to me.
"I don't have anything to do. I will go." He simply agreed.
"Really?" Mom merrily asked again but didn't wait for his reply; she continued. "Christian will be so glad to hear that. He had wanted to introduce you to some friends."
Literally.
I doubt Leigh would want that.
"Cool." He awkwardly smiled, and his dimples sank into his smooth cheeks.
I was shooting him an apologetic smile when mom tucked back my hair and made me meet her optimistic face.
"And you and I will have all-time in this world today."
Should I be happy?