Work is as awkward as youâd expect the next day.
It kind of comes with the territory when Mr. Hyde turns into Dr. Jekyll and almost kisses your face off.
What that?
The soulful eyes, grounding me in the noisy rain around us.
The storm.
The silence as he gazed through me with an unmistakable hunger.
Iâd be a filthy liar if I said I didnât feel it too.
Against our better reason, against all sanity, we came one breath away fromâ
God, who knows? I donât know why Iâm surprised. Much less why Iâm disappointed.
Isnât this always what men do when they play the game?
Close in, act nice, steal hearts, make promises, and commit.
No, wait.
They actually lead you on and march you through the slow, heartbreaking realization that they donât have the balls to deal with the consequences of their own actions.
Iâm dealing with something, alright, hunched over these social media posts and trying to work.
Lincoln comes out of his office around noon and heads for my desk. Heâs been evasive ever since our brush with human emotions.
âWe have a few special projects that need to be done by end of day, Miss Poe. Iâve already sent you a list,â he says neutrally.
I donât look up until heâs looming over me.
âIâll look it over as soon as I send this to Anna,â I say quickly.
âBe quick about itâand thanks.â He turns without a lingering look, marches back to his office, and shuts the door with a deafening click.
Also, heâs not joking about the extras.
Iâm cooped up until almost midnight finishing everything. Itâs a cool, clear night, and I donât even think about his stupid chivalrous crap while Iâm biking home.
The next day goes the same way. Fresh mini projects with whiplash turnaround times.
Sigh.
Itâs like heâs punishing for that almost-kiss.
Does he thrive on this kind of drama?
Does he get some sick enjoyment from everyone whispering about his dating lifeâor lack thereof?
I wonder.
Heâs been perfectly frosty ever since it happened. He piles on more work, deeper and higher like he wants to bury me alive.
If heâs trying to make me quit before my ninety daysâif heâs that freaking selfish and pettyâscrew him. Iâm not backing down.
Iâve maybe slept five hours tops since this started, and Iâve almost gotten used to it.
I havenât had time to work on my poetry for more than short blocks in weeks.
With Eliza out of town visiting a relative, I havenât even gotten a square meal that isnât reheated in plastic or dripping with frosting and cinnamon.
So, yeah, Iâm spiritually committed to surviving this job and the ogre who runs this office.
I wonât fall behind, no matter how much Iâm juggling.
Lincoln damn Burns wonât get the satisfaction.
When Saturday morning finally arrives, work slows down enough so I can peck at my work-in-progress. But Lincoln constantly interrupts me with questions about the wedding lineâs timeline on my break.
I move between five different documents. When Iâve had no stupid texts in ten minutes, I pull out my notebook, thinking itâs safe to hack at my poem for a minute or two.
I stick the pen into the corner of my mouth and read what Iâve gotten down so far. Working title, âIvory Adonis.â
My phone pings.
Ugh, not now. Iâm on a roll.
He interrupt me while Iâm scratching out an angst-ball on paper thatâs totally not about him.
Okay. Whatever.
I know itâs far from perfect. But considering the ivory asshole has me working since nine a.m. on a sunshiny Saturday morning in this godforsaken waterlogged city, Iâm just happy to spend a few minutes on something besides a new wedding dress ready to set the world ablaze.
Then again, is it that Iâm writing about how Not Lincoln ignites my body?
I take a quick photo of the poem with my phone to save it since Iâm old-school and still use paper. Then I pick up my phone with a wince, already wrinkling my nose at whatever dumb demand heâs slapping me with.
But itâs not his name on the screenâor CAPTAIN, as he is in the contacts.
Itâs worse.
Why? So you can rope me back in and wreck my heart all over again?
I think bitterly, smashing my phone down screen-first.
But it pings again insistently. Sighing, I turn it over, and hate that my ex isnât done.
I donât want to respond.
I donât want to remember he still exists.
But my fingers move with a mind of their own, and before I know what Iâm doing, Iâve typed out a message.
I doâitâs burned in my brain for lifeâbecause I was already at the church.
Iâm pinching my teeth together so tightly they could break when my phone buzzes again. I almost fling it across the room. But I do something worse instead.
I read more of his utter bullshit.
I send back with a smile that hurts.
Iâm not even joking. Iâm just disappointed he hasnât met a nice Lorena Bobbitt yet. He could use a stab-happy bitch to up his game in the bedroom, thatâs for sure.
Fury churns through my veins, venomous and hot.
I throw back.
I stare at my phone for what feels like five minutes of sweet silence.
Finally.
I think Iâve shut him up.
Until I set my phone down for exactly two seconds and it buzzes again.
Holy hell. At this rate, Iâll scream bloody murder and call the bosshole out of his office, tripping over his polished shoes.
I wish my eyes wouldnât betray me with the urge to read more, but they do.
Oh, but that would be too easy.
My phone pings two more times. Great, now heâs sending whiny texts in a row.
But when I look at the screen with my breath stuck in my lungs, I see CAPTAIN instead.
I send back, relieved itâs not more Jay.
I open an email and attach the timeline and the âivory package.â I have no idea why Isabella the designer named it that when most wedding dresses are just plain white. Weâll come up with a better name internallyâ¦
Lincoln texts a second later.
My eyes do a double roll.
Jeebus. If one went through, they both did. Heâs probably too dumb to find both.
Whatever. For Mr. High and Mighty, I send the damn email again.
Iâm rewarded with another that grates on my eardrums.
I send, gritting my teeth.
Oh my God, But he doesnât. My phone keeps chiming, bringing back the horrible face of a man I donât want to remember.
I hate having this conversation, but I really hearing that Jay still carries around any piece of me. Of us.
Assuming heâs not just lying through his teeth for sympathy, which is always possible.
But my vision blurs anyway like a heavy, unwelcome rain sweeping in.
I send back with trembling fingers.
Of course, he doesnât listen.
He never did.
Yep. Iâm fully crying now, ducking down in my chair so nobody else can see the mess rolling down my red cheeks as I bury my face in a tissue.
I send a minute later.
Heâsâ¦heâs drowning me. It hurts to breathe. I muster just enough energy to tap at the screen and send one more frantic F-you.
Itâs a miracle Iâm almost alone by the time I log off in a huff, grab my purse, and for the elevator.
I barely manage to scramble on my bike and pedal home, counting every breath and every second until Iâm nestled in the sanctuary of my bed.
My exâs comeback attempt by text couldnât be more pathetic.
Except, feel pathetic, wrapped up in the blankets and forced to remember so many times Iâve spent the last year teaching my brain to delete from my head.
Leave it to this human virus to short-circuit what little memory immunity I had.
Leave it to him to bring me back to the biggest disaster of my life.
Violins wail at me from another world.
My phone, annoying as ever, but at least this time itâs not a reckless little boy Iâd love to push off the top of the Space Needle.
My body is on fire. Iâm so wet Iâm in no mood for cinnamon roll duty today. Especially for a man who isnât welcome in my dirty dreams.
I wish heâd get over his addiction already.
Why canât my day start with a nice brisk ride to the office instead of having to make a mad dash for some overprivileged suitâs pastries?
Why couldnât I have bought that Bitcoin crap back when I was a pimple-faced part-timer at Ameliaâs Bed and Breakfast? I couldâve sold it for a billion dollars by now and had all the time in the world to write poems about good men who donât suck.
I practically crawl through a cold shower and shake off like a dog becauseâ¦yeah, itâs that kind of day.
After blow-drying my hair as fast as I can, I throw on the first dress my hands touch and shove my feet into ballet flatsâeasier to bike in than heels.
Iâve just hopped on my bike when my phone pings.
I pull out my phone. I have two texts.
I grit my teeth and donât even cringe at the sensation.
All I can think about is my dream, and him, thrusting like heâs staking his claim.
Sad.
Stress does atrocious things to the brain. I shake it off, rolling my shoulders as I type, His reply comes zooming in.
I send him a gif of a cartoon cinnamon roll flashing the middle fingerâthank God thereâs a gif for everythingâand check the second text.
Guess what?
Itâs Jay.
I owe myself a nice harsh slap to the face for forgetting to follow through on blocking his number.
He left me at a church full of people on my wedding day.
He was cheating for God only knows how long.
I send bitterly.
Like not to trust menâor anyone who isnât named Eliza, for that matter.
How many times did singer girl Sam laugh it up with me oh-so-sweetly? Usually over a bottle of cheap wine at our crappy little rented farmhouse while she was banging my fiancé behind my back.
People. They suck.
So does wasting more neurons on this brutally desperate half-wit.
I gave him the only shot he deserved at a life together.
He flunked it magnificently.
Also, I donât have time to argue, so I shove the phone back into my pocket and pedal like hell. By the time I get to Sweeter Grind, heâs texted five more times.
Theyâre all the same trashy woe-is-me messages about how he magically realized he canât live without me and how he was oh-so-wrong.
I order the bossâ stuff and then move to the counter to wait on the drinks. I donât even know why I replied. Maybe just raw curiosity.
Iâve had it.
With a hurt snicker, I pull up my contacts and block his number.
âCoffee for Nevermore!â A barista sets a large cup down loudly.
I grab the coffee and weighty box of Regis rolls and flounce out the door, but I canât get to my bike.
I think with a huff.
Thereâs some random guy about the same height as Jay with the same mousy-blond hair strumming what sounds like folk music on a six string. Heâs not the reason I canât get to my bike, though.
A barefoot woman dances around madly a couple feet away, wearing a full-blown semi-formal wedding dress. Loose ringlets cascade down her back with every turn, but sheâs between me and my bike.
Awesome.
Portland might be the weird capitol of the Pacific Northwest, but Seattle isnât that far behind for the silver medal.
I shouldnât be so pissed. At least they arenât hassling anyone or blocking traffic.
It isnât fair to hate Guitar Man for resembling Jay, either. Betrayal shouldnât course through my blood so deep, but it does.
I try to go around the dancer, but she smacks into me mid-twirl.
The coffee cup crunches between us.
My mouth falls open in slow motion. Then I feel it before I see it.
Scalding liquid runs down my torso, biting my skin through the fabric.
âOw!â I tumble down on the sidewalk, sandwiched between the pavement and the street dancer, whoâs somehow landed on top of me.
âMy dressâitâs ruined!â she shrieks, jumping to her feet like only a bride with a soiled wedding dress can.
I scrape myself off the ground and stumble to my feet, thoroughly annoyed.
âThatâs probably why most people donât dance around in their wedding dress in front of a busy shop,â I bite off.
âBut weâre getting married!â she says, her lips curled in agony. âAnd nowâ
I have to do it with a coffee stain.â
Perish the thought.
I canât bring myself to apologize. I just glare, my already low empathy tank has no fumes to spare.
âThis is where we met,â she prattles on, oblivious to my death stare. âOur friend is coming to officiate. You just crashed my weddingâ¦â
Oh, hell. For all thatâs holy, Jay abandoned me for this kind of utter bullshit. I have exactly zero patience for it.
âWelcome to the club. If it makes you feel better, someone ruined my wedding, too. But if your guyâs still here and ready to put a ring on it, Iâd hardly call that â Iâm still holding the crushed cup and I give it another loud crunch in my palm.
Then I move to the trash can in front of Sweeter Grind and toss it.
âYou deserved it, bitch! Karma!â she shouts after me.
I donât look back because I have a bigger problem now. I raise the half-attached lid on the box of Regis rolls and groan.
Theyâre spattered in coffee and half their icing was ripped off in the fall. I toss them too and go back into the coffee shop.
Thereâs no chance Iâll be on time today. I Burns to raise hell about it.
âNevermore?â The guy behind the counter looks up. âYouâre back and covered in coffee? Tell you what, the new drink is on the house. Nasty spill out there.â
I wave my hand. âDonât worry about it. Itâs a company expense, but I need the same order againâ¦â
âWill do.â
This time, when I walk out of Sweeter Grind with my new goods, guitar dude and his panicked lady are standing in front of a guy lecturing them about the evils of 5G wireless signals and trying to sell them what looks like a tinfoil âshieldâ stretched over cardboard.
I roll my eyes and hop on my bike.
When I get to work, Burns stands outside of his office with his arms crossed like a pissed off teacher waiting for the last straggler from recess to show up.
With a sigh I donât even hide, I walk up to him and shove the loot into his arms.
He snatches the cup out of my hand, sloshing me with a few beads of piping hot coffee for the second time today.
âSorry about that.â Before I can respond, though, he snaps, âCome on in. We need to talk.â
I follow him into his office, glaring at the box of Regis rolls as they land on his desk.
He slams the door behind me and waits for me to sit, silent as the grave.
My phone goes off.
âIs that important?â He falls into his office chair, pointing.
âI wouldnât think so. Youâre here.â I shrug. âI guess it could be my mom.â
Somehow, I donât think Iâm that lucky. Jay probably found a dummy number by now to keep blowing up my messages.
He nods.
âMiss Poe, Iâll be blunt. You sent me the most unprofessional, inappropriate, frankly crazy fucking email Iâve ever received in my whole career.â
I blink, totally dumbfounded by what he means.
âDonât even try. We both know youâre a depressingly bad liar.â He crosses his arms again, leans back in his chair, and tilts his head up, spearing me with those stern earthy eyes. âAre you going to pretend you donât know?â
âDonât know â Iâm about to lose my shit. Iâm so not in the mood for guessing games today. âIâve done youâve ever asked me to, including working two full-time jobs. I get your coffee, your stupid rollsâwhich I had to buy today because the first batch spilledâyouâre welcome. I always reply to your messages promptly even when Iâm not on the clock.â
I run out of breath, giving him the opening he needs.
âAnd you think that justifies the bullshit you pulled Saturday?â he growls.
What did I pull on Saturday?
âYouâll have to be more specific. With the workload youâve belted me with, Iâm running on four hours of sleep most days.â And dealing with ridiculous messages from my loser ex. âFrom what I recall, I spent most of the day writing copy for an ungrateful boss.â
âCute. You expect me to believe thatâs all you were writing?â
âHuh?â
âYou werenât writing copy, were you?â
What the hell? Was he spying on me somehow when I spent five minutes working on poetry?
âWeâve been through this. You do not own me. What I do away from here or on my breaks is none of your concern.â
âIt is when itâs wildly inappropriate and you send it to me attached to an ordinary work email,â he snarls back.
Seriously, is he talking about?
I cock my head, giving him a look that warns Iâm a stick of dynamite with a fuse getting dangerously short.
âMr. BurnsâLincolnâthis would be way easier if youâd just tell me what the hell youâre talking about. I have no earthly clue. And if you think Iâm lying, forget the ninety days. Iâll walk right out this door without waiting for a pink slip.â
His eyes soften as he uncrosses his arms and wheels his chair closer to his desk. He lays his arms on the sleek wood and leans forward.
âA lesson she never learns. And so she burns,â he says darkly.
Wait. What?
I thought he didnât like poetry? Hearing this man quoting anything literary sounds obscene. Certainly NSFW in that angry smolder he calls a voice.
The words coming out of his mouth are filthy, too, making me blush.
Theyâre alsoâfamiliar? Startlingly familiar.
But before he even speaks, my heart forgets how to beat.
âBurns who? Burns what? Burns me,â he quotes slowly. Lethally. âBut heâs her king. Her fling. Her boss. Her loss.â
Inwardly, Iâm flipping screaming my insides out.
My throat closes. I grasp the sides of my chair so I donât fall out of it. The blood rushes away from my head.
For a split second, I think I might pass out. Thank God Iâm already sitting.
I think about the other lines, too shameful to even dwell on Oh, God.
Heâs read it all and heâs disgusted.
And honestly, he should be.
I need to follow through on my threat to quit.
Resign right now.
Thatâs the only way I fix this.
Thereâs no crawling back after this. But first, Iâve got to stop crying.
I cover my face with my hand. Hot tears wonât be held back and they come pouring down my cheeks.
This time, itâs not a dream, and Iâve got no hot imaginary knight to save the day.
My boss knows my deepest, darkest desires.
He knows my pain.
He knows my art, my life, my soul revolves around him.