"Thank God." his voice came immediately from the other side of the line, letting out what it looked like a relief sigh. "I thought you wouldn't talk to me anymore. Lys, I'm so, so sorry. You have no idea-"
"Brett-"
"How are you?" his tone laced with concern and that made my heart squeez painfully. "Well, that's kind of a stupid question, isn't it? But are you still hurting? I swear to God I-"
"Don't do this." I begged pitifully, my voice cracking at the end.
"What?" seriously, he needed to drop that careful façade, it was tearing my already precarious dam. "Do what?"
"Don't act like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you care."
"But I do ca-"
"No." I cut him quickly, sure that if he finished that sentence I'd allow myself to fall again. "Just- Stop." I fought back a sob, too eager to believe something that would only hurt me in the end.
"Lys..." he whispered and somehow he managed to sound ached. But then inhaled a deep breath and let it out tensedly. "Fine. Be my guest. Just tell me if you're okay."
"I'll survive." I sniffled, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. This is what I'd been avoiding. Be this pathetic in front of him. I had to force myself to remember the main reason why I started this contact again. "So? You tell on Jade or not?"
"Of course I told on her." his responce was immediate but I could only frowned. How could he say it so carelessly? For a few seconds the only noise was our breathing, no further explanations from his part that would allowed some light into this nonesense.
"Well," I spoke again seeing he wasn't going to. "I bet she's terribly mad at you right now."
"See if I care." My heart clenched at the amound of hidden agressiveness his tone held. As if he wanted to be mad but was restraining himself. "I swear, Lys, if she was a guy I would had already beat her."
The knot in my throat tightened further. "Now why would you do that?" I hated how brethless it came but I couldn't exactly prevent it.
"Why?" he echoed in disbelief and I bit my lip, taking seat on the bed seeing as this conversation would take longer than I thought. "You haven't just asked me that."
"Well, she messed with me. Boohoo. It's not like it's the first time. You do it often."
"I've never hit you."
"You broke my arm." there was a sharp intake of air from the other side of the line and I realized what I just said. My eyes widened. Why do I always had to pull his buttons? "I-I mean..."
"That was an accident." instead of bloading rage, his voice sounded almost pleading, filled with painful guilt that took me completely aback. "I never meant for it to happen... but you're right. I was horrible. I'm sorry. I guess this is kinda my fault after all, isn't it?" he sighed, deeply tired and I felt my chest clunching, suppressing the sudden need to confort him.
What was his fault? The bullying? Most certainly! He's been always there, pressing and pressing, pushing to no end. Not a surprise his friends found it funny too and joined.
"I'm so sorry, Lys. So much."
My jaw clenched together. I heard that too many times so far. Did those words still held the same meaning after having been wasted so many times? "Me too, Brett. But it doesn't change a thing."
"It does." his tone way more determinate this time. "I'll make it up for you. For good this time. I promised you, remember? Starting tomorrow. You're still coming back tomorrow, aren't you?"
My brows knitted together. How did he know? "I am..."
"Perfect. I'll come by at seven thirty-"
"What?" My pulse quickened at the sudden direction this was taking. I hadn't been expeting that. "N-no. No. Why would you? "
"I'm picking you up, duh."
Oh, God. The idea of him picking me up stirred my insides in a way I couldn't exactly pointed as good or bad. Maybe both.
"No need. I'll see you later, at school."
"Yes need. "
"Norah is picking me up. She does everyday."
"Not tomorrow." I could almost sense his smirk and immediately knew the pink haired had already agreed on whatever settle up this was. I was becoming irritated now. "I'll show you you made the right choise forgiving me."
"F-forgiving you? I still yet to do so! I don't want you picking me up. I don't trust you. And if you so badly want my forgiveness you'll leave me alone!" my frantic words drifted in the air for some seconds as I mentally face palmed myself. Do I really need to sound so breathless only because he keep taunting me? It's like he could easily get under my skin, efforlessly. I was an emotional mess just by some seconds of this. Just wonder how a full ride would be!
I could almost hear the way he rolled his eyes before his voice sentenced in a final tone: "I'll be there at seven-thirty, Lys. Sharp." and hanged up.
"Ugh!" I threw the phone on the bed and dropped my weight backwards in frustration.
********************
At seven thirty-one exactly I was hesitantly climbing on the passenger seat of Brett's car. A late call to Norah was enough to understand that I was in fact right. She had settle me up with Brett. Such a backstabber! I already knew she didn't saw him as bad as I did, but to go and force me to spend time with him after evrything...
Guess today I'll greet her with my silent treatment. Not for too long, since deep down I knew her intentions weren't bad, but right now I was just so mad.
Brett gaze was pass me, on a scowling Granny, arms folded and foot tapping the wooden porch. The auburn let out a low whistle, waving tentative but only get narrowed eyes in return. "Man, she looks ready to smack me." he gulped as I buckled up and held on the seatbelt nervously, the knot in my stomach tight as ever. Being in such a small place with him felt... suffocating.
"Yeah... well, she's not exactly happy with your latest news." I murmured under my breath.
"I bet." he bit his lip, unsettled, not tearing his gaze from where Granny was. Probably shocked to see her so cold and hostil when he's always seen her good side. In fact, if it wasn't because last night she got a call from Julia Ryder explaining Brett's plans she wouldn't had let me leave with him to begin with. That's how much Granny's opinion had changed on the guy by my side. Completely understandable, got to say. "You should tell her to chill." he gulped with a grimace. "My mum is pissed enough for the two of them. That why she forced me to be your ride."
"Oh." a pang of sudden hurt and disappointment spread across my chest. So he's forced to do this. I don't know why I'd thought any different.
His eyes widened as if realizing how that sounded. "It's not like that. I wanted to as well, you know?"
"Can we just go?" I gestured forward not really longing to keep up this conversation of how his mother punnish him with being my ride.
Brett looked like he wanted to say something else, but sighed and turned the key making the engine roared into life, finally pulling out and towards Clayton High. Now I could only count the minutes 'til this was over.
There was soft music on the background but not loud enough to make it less awkward. For a second it crossed my mind that Brett had purposely kept it like that to allow some kind of conversation but... what was there left to discus? I could sense his stare on the side of my face every now and then but busied myself glancing through the window, hyper-aware of every little move he made.
By now I was pretty sure that lately all my torments went by the hand of Jade and Noel, not Brett's. And he's been pretty determined to apologize so I guess that part was true as well... but so what?
That still didn't change the heartbreak, the damange he had done, the years of constant deceptions... it was true what I said yesterday on the phone. He did broke my arm. As well as my camera. And almost drown me by throwing me in the pool... It was just too much. So what if right now he didn't hate me anymore? If he pitied me and wanted to make it up? There was just too much pain.
Then why couldn't my heart stop picking up its rythmn just by being this close?
So frustrating.
"So," he cleared his throat, apparently done with the awkward silence. "How have you been this days?"
Really? The response was immediate. "Sore."
He frowned, almost as if realizing what a stupid thing to ask someone who's recovering, and tried a different angle. "Okay, my bad. What I mean is how are you feeling now that you're going back?"
Oh, please! "Better, now that one of the responsables of my bullying is out." I didn't meant to sound so bitter but he grimaced and a part of me felt bad.
"You know I didn't know about it."
My lips pursed in anger and I finally turned to face him. "You did. You so did." I hadn't realized I was this mad. Maybe it wasn't all the awkwardness but my hidden rage what kept me so on the edge. "You did know from the very start. What am I saying? You are the start! You started it all, Brett!"
"I never meant to!"
"Doesn't matter! You still are. You hated me first, and you made it okay for everyone else to hate me as well. Like Jade, or Shannon or-" my throat dried painfully and I shut myself as memories of the last party made me shiver in disgust. The fact that I get used to it didn't mean it didn't hurt to know that there are people that loathed my guts. I shook my head and leaned back into my seat, taking air deeply to regain my composture. "It's fine. That make her perfect for you."
"What? You're making no sense." he scoffed and I carefully watched him scowling in rage and confusion.
Great, Now he's mad at me. Guess I have myself to blame. My stomach twiched.
"You know," I huffed turning to the window once more and embracing my waist protectively. "We don't have to make smooth talk."
But he wasn't having it.
"So I hate you?"
"Well it's not exactly a secret now, is it? Years of bullying speaks against you. Now if you don't mind, I believe this song is kinda good and-" but as soon as I reached out to turned up the volume of the speakers he intercepted my hand, making thousands of sparks ignited where our skins met.
I held my breath and I believed he felt it too since instead of releassing it right away he glanced down our intertwined hands, a small frown pursing his brows before slowly letting it go. I immediately brought the now free hand to my chest, where my heart was a pounding wilder at the sudden contact and the car tension shifted inexplicably. The phantom of his fingers still lingering there as I rubbed it gently.
"I don't." he mumbled quietly at last, making me realized I'd completly forgotten what were we talking about. How ridiculous was that? One touch and I lost the train of my thoughts.
My heart still frantically beating against my rib-cage. He doesn't? He doesn't what? Anxiously I tried to remember what else had I said but my mind didn't feel like helping me. I was barely aware we'd reached the school's lot and parked before Brett turned to face me and just like that I was trapped in those eyes. It was like the rest of the world didn't exist and it made the pit of my stomach bubble.
He looked mad, he looked intense. And I got his full attention. This could easily end really bad.
He went to reach out and instinctibly I flinched. That made him stop and mutter through gritted teeth: "Don't do that."
My stomach was a painful knot and I could heard my pulse pounding madly in my ears. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"
"And stop apologizing, fuck!" Brett snapped and I couldn't help flinching once more as he frustratedly smacked the steering wheel.
My chest started to feel heavy and my eyes burned with sudden tears but I blinked to kept them from falling. I glued my gaze to my lap. How is it that I always manage to keep getting in troubles?
"I don't like it when you're mad." I muttered and wrapped my arms around myself to prevent my shakes in anticipation.
"I'm not mad- Not at you... It's just... Fuck." I heard him releassed a shattering breath as mine got stuck on my throat and felt him shift. Oh, no. But the incredible softeness in his voice when he talked again caught me completely out of guard: "I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? Don't flinch."
I frowned at the weird request, my chest a mess, and got worst when I felt a warmth in my left hand, realizing a second later it was his. To my shock, Brett took my hand as softly as if I was made of glass and when I didn't retreat it right away he interwined our fingers in my lap, letting out a sigh.
My heart somersaulted at the unexpected tenderness. And it felt so natural it was scary. Butterflies going crazy in my belly and goosebumps up my arms and back. What's going on?
Startled I tilted my head slightly so my eyes meet with Brett's incredibly blue ones, that lifted from our hands to mine. "I can't stand the thought of you being scared of me." a raw emotion crossed those orbs and took my common sense away while his thumb absently brushed my knuckles twice. "I just can't. It kills me."
Words chocked in my throat. "I'm sorry."
"Lys, please." something in his voice made my heart squeezed. Was it frustration? Distraught? It sounded more sad than angry and confusion spreaded through me. His eyes were buried into mine with such an intensity I couldn't breathe. He was searching for something in mine, but what?
What the hell was he doing? Was it a trick? I didn't get the point of this whole scene and that started to freak me out.
Could he actually be speaking the truth? Could he don't wanted me scared? Not, that wasn't possible. Maybe he didn't took any part in Jade's master piece, but he'd been bullying me for years. He broke my wrist, my camera. He harassed me non-stop. I had to force myself to remember that as Brett continued to look at me that way. If I didn't know him better I would said he seemed mesmerized and that twisted my heart drastically. You're delusional, Alyson.
But Brett was so intense right now, so raw and alluring... his magnific scent overpower my nostrils and when his eyes casually fall to my lips the whole enviroment seemed to grow several degree hot.
After what it felt like forever I finally managed to snap out that weird trance and lowered my gaze again, my cheeks on fire as I focus on our hands instead. I should pull away. I really should. Then why did that felt so right?
"I don't hate you." he stated looking down too and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. A flash of disappointment flashed in Brett's tone, but it vanished before I could actually analyzed it. "Never had. If you're gonna believe something I've said believe that."
I nodded, unsure of what to do and he sighed, his thumb tracing careful patterns in the back of my hand again, sending straight chills to my chest. And still I couldn't pull away.
What are you doing to me?
"Lys, I-"
The knocks in his window stopped him in his tracks from whatever he was about to say. The bubble of intimacy we'd somehow created, shattered, and the melting feeling inside me turned into frozen realization as I became rigid, yanked from the fantasy. I snatched my hand back immediately but the tingles remain.
"Hey man." Hunter lowered himself using the car's roof for support and frowned startled when he spoted me in there as well. "Oh, Alyson. Hi! You're back." I waved awkwardly, feeling my face blushed when his gaze shifted between us pointedly, a smirk tugging his lips. "Sooo, I guess I just interrupted something, then?"
"You have no idea." grunted Brett making my heart skipped a beat.
I could still feel the ghost presence of his touch in my skin, tenderly trapping me. If Hunter hadn't interrupted I wasn't sure what would had happen... But he had! That's it. My cosmos' cue to leave. So ignoring Brett's criptic remark I unbuckled myself and was getting out the vehicle in a matter of seconds.
"Not at all. I was just leaving. Thanks for the lift, see you later. Bye!" and flied through the parking lot, dodging students and not giving them another glance but feeling the burning of his stare in my nape until I crossed the front doors. Only then I felt like breathing again.
The hell just happen?
********************
QUESTION: Any tip to overcome a shitty day?
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