For a reason unbeknownst to Sophia, Nicholas had managed to seduce her not merely in bed but also beyond it.
Never had she imagined she would be leading him through the secret corridor, past Marcus' study, her face half-covered with a cloak. It was rebellious. It was exciting. It was everything not expected of her.
The guard who came alert when they walked out of the secret exit at the other side of Rock'oles stuttered in panic when she announced that she was leaving with Lord Whiston for a stroll.
"I have Lord Durley's permission."
"But you cannot-"
"I have taken strolls in the past," she snapped, turning her head to the right where the guard's voice came from. There was barely enough light for her to see. "You are new here."
"No, Miss, I have been here three years!"
Drat it. Sophia's jaw tightened. "Then why have I not seen you before?"
"I-I was posted somewhere else months ago-"
"Ah, there you have it then. I cannot blame you for your arrogance. You may go and have a word with Lord Durley if you are unsure." She was certain Marcus was not around for the man to question.
"I cannot allow you to leave without a pass, Miss. Perhaps I will have a word with Mr. Mast."
"We are out for a stroll, lad," Nicholas impatiently snapped beside Sophia. "I would appreciate it if you accept this as our way of gratitude for keeping a blind eye." She saw Nicholas' shadowy form move to hand over something to the guard. "Is fifty townsend enough?"
"Y-yes, but-"
"A hundred then," Nicholas said and Sophia heard the rustling sound of paper.
"Now, if you will please turn around and pretend to be busy stopping an unknown lord from entering through this door, we shall be on our way."
"And hope that Lord Durley never has to find out about this certain lord," Sophia insisted. "But should you find a need to tell him then do so with a straight face."
"B-but what if they look for-"
"No one shall be looking for me," Sophia snapped. "I have already given heed of my early bedtime."
The guard struggled for a moment. "Merely a stroll?" he asked.
"Yes. Fret not, Miss Sophia shall be returned before anyone learns of her absence."
As she felt the man's resistance ebb away, Sophia felt hers seeping in. Perhaps this was a bad idea after all. But she had had made it this far. And she had never been this far away from her chamber for seven years.
Suddenly the overwhelming sense of freedom scared her inhibitions away.
Nicholas took her hand and guided her away from the guard.
"Have you truly had strolls before?" he whispered beside her.
"No, of course not. I lied."
He chuckled as he circled his arm around her to keep her close. "You lie quite easily, Miss Sophia."
"And you bribe people with ease, my lord."
"We are quite a pair, are we not?" he asked, his voice laced with wickedness.
Sophia simply smiled. A small voice in her head was telling her to go back and avoid Marcus' wrath should he find out. But then a stronger one was telling her to move along.
"That guard is easily provoked," he commented as they walked further away.
"Rock'oles is not a prison, my lord. The women can come and go as they please so long as they acquire a pass from Mr. Mast."
"Those bastards make it hell for the gentlemen," he retorted.
"Well, of course. It is the men they are paid to protect us from after all."
"You say that Durley, whoever he is, sees the women with far more importance than the men who bring him the money?"
"No women, no men, my lord," was her curt reply.
"Hmm, you might as well be correct." His hand tightened around her. "If we hurry, we can still catch the glimpse of sunlight," Nicholas said, stopping her and pulling her aside.
The sound of the carriage approached.
Oh God, she was riding away from Rock'oles.
"I must return," she hurriedly told him. "Later, you must take me back. Understand?" she reiterated.
Nicholas planted a kiss on her temple. "Of course, darling."
*****
"Have you truly not been in a place like this?" he asked hours later.
Sophia's senses were too overwhelmed. There were too many things to stare at, too many moving shadows and dancing lights.
She looked up and found a warm light hovering above them.
"There are three gigantic holes in these woods," he explained, taking her hand. "Dusk is approaching aboveground."
"Dusk..."
"Sunset. It is when the sun sets aboveground that creates the light you see. It will later turn into moonlight, see?"
It was golden. And it was wonderful.
Sophia stared with eyes wide open, wishing she could widen them even further. She took a deep breath, breathing in fresh air and scents unfamiliar yet also flickered something in her memory. Perhaps she had been under a hole in her past. Perhaps she had enjoyed sunlight and moonlight before.
Her head snapped in different directions, feeling a sense of panic. She had to see everything she could, feel everything she could before the time was up and the light disappeared.
The lights danced and twinkled as the leaves of the trees around them moved with the air.
Her eyes stung but she fought the tears for it would merely blur the images.
"Have you truly not been in the woods?" Nicholas repeated with a chuckle when she reached out to touch the nearest tree trunk, feeling its roughness and storing it to memory.
"I don't know," she absently answered, turning and searching the sound of the rushing water. "Where is that?"
It was too late when she realized what she said. Sophia made a sudden turn to escape more of Nicholas' question but pretending to find the source of the sound. "I hear water."
"Sophie, what do you mean you don't know?" he asked, grabbing her wrist, gently pulling her back toward him.
"I don't remember," she snapped, looking about. "Now, please, stop asking questions about the past. Where is that sound coming from?"
"It's the stream," he replied after a while, guiding her around. "It supplies water to most of Wickhurst and nearby estates."
She drew a breath of wonder. "Including Rock'oles?"
"Yes, I believe so."
He guided her through a rough path, stopping to warn her every now and then when a slope or an inclination was ahead. Once she heard tweeting sounds and he explained they were birds. She tried to find it but merely saw shadows flying above them.
Finally they reached the stream. The water, the light and the speed of the shadows, as they moved down into an endless flow mystified her. "It is incredible," she breathed with a sigh.
Because it was bare of trees, the light from the hole above shone and reflected on the stream. She turned to Nicholas and said, "I want to see more of you."
"My face or my entirety?" he asked with a playful tone.
She muffled a laugh and pushed him toward the direction of the light. "Your face, my lord."
"I do not want to blind you even further with my beauty, Sophie," he warned. "I am telling you, the sight of me is blinding."
Sophia bit back a laugh as she eagerly watched him step into the light.
Her smile widened as she saw more of him. The shadows gained more edge, the light shining on high points. She saw the size of his eyes, his lips, his nose and the square edges of his jaw. But then she still could not see more of him and it was with utter disappointment that she asked, "What color is your hair? Is it black?"
"Yes," he replied, amusement in his voice.
Squinting, she nodded. "And your eyes?"
"Green."
She stored the word in her memory. When the time came that she was to regain her memory and remember what most colors looked like, she would want to go back to this picture of Nicholas Everard standing under the warm light as shadows of water rushed behind him. She would close her eyes and remember how his hair blew gently with the wind, the trees behind him in symphony with everything else, and the golden light spread glowing around him.
"I have never thought I could find pleasure," she softly said, unable to stop herself. "I never thought I would ever believe in passion until you came through my doors, Nicholas Everard." She looked around her, noting how the light was slowly fading away. Nighttime was upon them. "And I never truly knew joy until this moment. I never thought it would be so... profound."
The silence that followed between them was replaced by the music of everything else around. She felt not a tinge of regret or embarrassment for having said the words she said. Things would not end well for both of them and Sophia thought it was merely reasonable to allow herself that moment of truth.
"Sophie," he started but she stopped him by holding up her hand.
"I said those words because I wanted to, not because I require a response." She walked over to him and said, "Now, would you please escort me near the water? I wish to experience it."
*****
Marcus was already waiting for her when she slipped through the secret door to her chamber, the hem of her dress damp after dipping into the stream earlier. Suddenly the music-of Nicholas' laughter as he told her of how his sisters climbed a tree and could not manage to go down later, the memory of the trees whispering around her, the sound of the stream as it rushed against her legs-all disappeared and replaced by dread.
Was it too late to ask the traitorous guard to return the hundred townsends?
"Where have you been?" Marcus' tone was low but deadly.
Sophia swallowed and moistened her lips. She stared straight at Marcus' form in the winged chair. "I went for a stroll with Lord Whiston."
"A stroll." There was not a hint that he believed her.
"In the woods," she clarified, feigning indifference. "I was not aware I cannot venture away from Rock'oles, Marcus."
"You are proving how foolish women of your station are, Sophia."
She clenched her hands at her sides. "If it is foolish to want to experience the woods for the first time, then perhaps I am."
"Are you bloody insane!" he bellowed, fury echoing around her chamber. Aabha barked from one corner. Marcus jumped to his feet and stormed toward her. "Do you know the risks you took walking out of Rock'oles for a stroll with Whiston! He could have been planning something"
"It was merely for a few hours, Marcus, and he delivered his promise to take me back-"
The rest of her words were snatched from her as Marcus roughly grabbed her arm. He gave her a shake as he said, "He is planning something." The weight of his words killed the rebellious fire inside her. All of a sudden she remembered why she was here-why she was doing this. "You cannot disobey me again, do you understand?"
Her nostrils flared with ire. The rebellion was short-lived, but the anger was slow to dissipate. "Yes."
Marcus stared at her for a long time before he loosened his grip. "I am disappointed in you."
She merely looked away to hide the tear that rolled down the side of her face.
"Don't ever do it again."
She nodded.
"Did he ask for more letters?"
"Yes."
"Then tell him to wait. Another one shall arrive in five days."
Sophia blinked away the tears and nodded.
"Don't turn soft on Nicholas Everard, Sophia. He is not the man who can give you what you need. I am."
Something clenched inside her chest and she nodded. "I know."
Without another word, Marcus left her alone in her chamber.
Sophia rushed to her bed and was joined by Brigid and Aabha, where cried until she fell asleep.
*****
The trip to the woods did not merely put Nicholas in a good light, but he also believed that Sophia was starting to trust him with each visit.
Another letter arrived five days after their short excursion in the woods and it provided Nicholas of more information about the movements of the slave trade. Three women were being made ready for an exchange.
But when would the exchange happen? Where?
Sophia told him to be patient, one he willingly obliged by spending more time with her in and out of bed.
They talked often of his travels. Nicholas did most of the talking but he merely did not talk for he also had to describe to her in detail everything he saw, from the strangest to the most wonderful ones.
And she listened with attentiveness and with each passing day her eyes disproved his first impression. They were not blank-they were merely empty of things to show. And he showed her many things to fill the void of her gaze, finding great fulfillment when they glimmered with wonder and awe.
Nicholas did not spare Sophia of things he would give his past lovers either. He showered her with gifts, most of them Everard jewelries. But she found no greater amazement in them as she did with the samples of far more inferior things he took from Wickhurst, things she had always been curious about but never had the chance to see or experience-things such as tokens, the most raved about things amongst townspeople. Tokens with pictures or paintings of someone's eyes, lips or hands were commonly carried or worn by almost everyone to remind them of a loved one. She also particularly loved the chocolate biscuits his housekeeper and cook, Fanny, baked one afternoon which, to Nicholas' opinion, could never taste worse. Things like soft laces, cards and even a board game of chess fascinated her best. And although she could hardly figure out the pieces of the game, she still managed to threaten his ability, proving to Nicholas that she was not one stupid lady.
With each visit, Nicholas found himself lost in showering her with attention and even showing affection which he rarely felt the urge to do with his lovers. Perhaps it was his desperation to win her loyalty and trust that pushed him, or mayhap it was the desire to keep the glimmer in her pale olive eyes that drove him to do things that would have caused his brothers roll on the floor in mocking laughter.
He also told her about the ruckus, or lack thereof, in his household. How his butler had drastically changed after he married the chambermaid who was now pregnant. He told her about the scullery maid resigning from her post, making him utterly short of staff.
Of all the things they shared, he had to admit that what he actually allowed himself to do and enjoy was dance with her.
"I have never danced before," she had admitted, looking almost horrified when he suggested it during a boring moment after making love for hours in her chaise.
"I am a good teacher, Sophie." And he did teach her.
And she was tremendously bad at it. She lacked the talent, her orientation to tune and steps incredibly horrible.
Yet she tried and he enjoyed it when she laughed whenever he surprised her with a twirl or a spin.
Once she tripped and they both ended up tumbling on the floor. To his utter surprise much later while he was on his way home to Whiston, he remembered feeling a sense of panic when he thought she was hurt.
And it was not good.
But then something far worse made him feel bad. It was when she stared at him after the fall and her eyes were still filled with mirth, saying, "I wish I will never have to make you go away in the future, Nick."