Chapter : 39 - Mujhe uske hawaale karde, Allah.

Tumhari awaaz mein bahut sukoon hai, Aziz," I heared Abbu's voice.

(Your voice is very peaceful, Aziz)

When I turned around, I saw Abbu sitting on the couch to the left of my cabin. I was so engrossed in reading the Quran after the Asr prayer that I didn't even notice anyone entering.

"When did you come?" I asked Abbu as I closed the Quran.

"When you sat down to read the Quran," Abbu said with a smile.

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked as I folded the prayer mat.

"If I had called you, how would I have heard your soothing voice?" Abbu asked me.

Tumhari

"It's not that good," I said, refusing to believe him.

"It is. Bahut taasir hai tumhari awaaz mein Aziz, bahut hein dil seh padhte ho, Quran tum," Abbu said with great admiration.

(Your voice has a lot of impact, Aziz. You read the Quran with a lot of heart)

I couldn't say anything in response, so I just gave him a slight smile and started putting the prayer mat back on the shelf.

"This is Zaina's Quran, right?" Abbu asked, looking at the Quran in my hands.

"Yes," I replied.

"Did you steal Zaina's Quran?" Abbu asked as he approached.

"No, Abbu, I took it after asking from Ammi," I explained.

"You could have told me, I would have gotten a new Quran for you," Abbu said, standing in front of me with a slight smile.

"But it wouldn't have been Ammi's," I said with a smile.

Abbu smiled, and seeing him, I also smiled.

"Do you read the Quran in the office as well?" After a long silence, Abbu asked.

"Aadat hogayi hai," I said, keeping my eyes fixed on the Quran.

(It's become a habit)

"A habit? Of the Quran?" Abbu asked, confused.

"In the beginning, it was difficult. Then, I don't know when it happened, but I became used to reading the Quran," I said with great composure. It felt like I was not talking to him but to myself, telling myself that the person who once only looked at the Quran now had become used to reading it.

"Aakhir kon hai woh Aziz? Jiski mohabbat neh tumhe momin bana diya hai? Aakhir Kiski mohabbat?" Abbu asked with a sense of urgency.

Seven years had passed, and no one had ever asked me about that woman, but today, after so many years, Abbu's question took me back to those seven years.

(Who is she, Aziz? Whose love has made you a believer? Whose love?)

Complete silence filled the room. Abbu was sitting on my chair, and I stood quietly in front of him, my eyes fixed on the Quran.

"Uns ki mohabbat neh," I said after a long silence, holding the Quran in my hands.

Abbu didn't say anything, he just kept looking at me. I put the Quran back on the shelf and sat down in front of him.

"Two coffees, please," I said, starting to order for both of us on the phone.

There was silence in the room until the coffee arrived. Finally, I had told him the name of my Mehbooba, the name that is very close to my heart, the name I had longed to say for seven years, the name I am madly in love with, the name that is in all my prayers, the name I can't sleep without mentioning, Uns Reza's name.

"Uns? Are you talking about our Uns?" Abbu asked curiously.

"Yes," I said, keeping my eyes down.

"If you love such a pure woman, then ask for her in a pure place," Abbu said very gently.

I lifted my head and looked at him.

"I didn't get you, Abbu," I said to him.

"Hajj karlo, Aziz. Jis aurat ki tarap neh tumhe Allah ke kareeb kar diya, use usi Allah ke ghar ke dehliz mein maango," Abbu said, finishing his words with a smile, and here a tear fell from my eyes.

(Perform Hajj, Aziz. The woman whose love brought you closer to Allah, ask for her at the doorstep of Allah's house)

"Hajj?"

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Labbaik Allahumma Labbaik, Labbaik Laa Shareeka Laka Labbaik.

Innal-Hamda Wan-Ni'mata Laka Wal-Mulk, Laa Shareeka Lak.

(Here I am, O Allah, here I am. Here I am, You have no partner, here I am.

Indeed, all praise, grace, and sovereignty belong to You. You have no partner.)

I was walking up the hill of Arafat, fasting on the Day of Arafah, among all the Haajis. Being a Haaji too.

"I saw you performing Umrah in my dream, so if such a good dream has come, something good must be in store, right? So, let's buy an Ihram for you, Nader." Her words once again echoed in my mind.

That woman saw me performing Umrah in her dream, and today I am here performing Hajj wearing the Ihram she gave me. Could there be any greater honor for me? Was it written in Aziz Nader's destiny to perform Hajj? A disbeliever like me was granted permission to come to His house.

With every step I took, a tear fell to the ground. standing in the ground of Arafat, I remembered my sins. I had to seek forgiveness for every single sin, to ask for my redemption, to thank Him, and to ask for something for myself.

The sun shone brightly in the clear sky. In the plain of Arafat, everyone was praying to Allah. I too prayed to come to this place, but I never had the courage to come to this pure place. But Allah had other plans. He wanted to show me my true place again.

He saved me from such a great torment and granted me permission to come to His house. Who am I, what am I? I am nothing, at this moment. Right now, if I am anything, it is a servant of that Almighty who has come to worship at His house.

Zuhr aur asr ki namaaz ek saath padh kar, mai Arafat ke zamin mein sajda kiye mere Allah, tujhse teri banaigai ek aurat ko maangta hoon.

Mai mere Nabi ke Cheher, tere ghar aaye use maangta hoon. Maine tujhse kabhi apni kaamiyabi ke liye nahi manga, aur agar kabhi apne liye kuch manga toh sirf us aurat ko maanga hai.

Saath saal pehle bhi usi aurat ko maanga tah aur aaj bhi usi aurat ki mohabbat ko maangta hoon.

Yaah Allah, yeh tera konsa khel hai, jab usne mujhe tujhse maanga tah, tab mujhe uski duao ka yehsaas nahi hua tah, usne mujhe rote hue kyun maanga tah, us baat ka yehsaas nahi tah, lekin aaj us aurat ke har ek aansuo ka matlab samjh aaraha hai, kisi ko duao mein maangna bhi kitni badi neymat hai.

Usne mujhse maanga tah, aur maine usse sirf mohabbat ki tih, use tujhse kabhi maanga nahi tah, lekin aaj mai tere zabin par haath pehlai Uns Reza ki paak mohabbat ko maangta hoon.

Mujhe uske mukaddar mein likhde, mujhe us aurat ke hawaale karde, Allah. Mujhe us aurat ki aankhen phirse dekhne ki ijazat dede. Mujhe Uns Reza dede.

(After offering the combined Zuhr and Asr prayers, I prostrated on the ground of Arafat, asking my Allah for one of His servants.

I am pleading for the face of my beloved in Your house. I have never asked You for my own success; whenever I have asked You for something, it has only been for that woman. Seven years ago, I asked for her, and today, I am still asking for her love.

Yaah Allah, what kind of test is this? When she asked You for me, I didn't realize the significance of her prayers. I didn't understand why she asked for me with tears, but today, I understand the meaning of each of her tears.

Asking for someone in prayers is such a great blessing. She asked for me, but I only loved her; I never asked You for her. But today, I am here on Your ground, hands raised, asking for the pure love of Uns Reza.

Write me into her destiny, grant me to her, and give me the permission to see her eyes again. Give me Uns Reza).

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It was 2 AM. There weren't many people in the Haram paak at this hour it was completely silent. The sky was clear, and the stars were shining as I stood before the Kaaba. I stood at the threshold of my Lord's house. After gazing at the Kaaba for a while, I went into prostration.

I had asked for her on the grounds of Arafat, and now, at Your doorstep, I am pleading for her again. What should I do, Allah? I have no control over my heart. I am so deeply engulfed in her love that I have lost sight of my own worth.

I have been waiting for her for seven years, but now, standing in Your house, I regret not coming here sooner. If only I had asked You for Uns earlier. If only, if only, if only.

Mujhe nahi pata Allah ki mujhe us aurat seh itni mohabbat kyun hai, bas itna jaanta hoon ki mujhe us aurat ko dekh ke sukoon milta hai. Mai jagahe dhoond raha tah sukoon paane ke liye jabki saara sukoon toh uske chehre mein hai. Mai bas tujhse apna sukoon lene aaya hoon.

Aur itne saalo baad mujhe yehsaas ho raha hai ki mai us aurat seh Mohabbat nahi Ishq kar bhaita hoon. Mohabbat ho jaati hai aur ishq? jiska naseeb. Aur aaj mai tujhse apne naseeb ke liye aaya hoon.

Mujhe Uns ke naseeb mein likhde, mujhe us aurat ke hawaale karde allah. Mai bhigi aankhon seh us aurat ko haram paak mein maang raha tah.

Maine use har jagah maang liya hai, tahajud mein, masjid mein, zakat dete waqt, quraan baat teh waqt, roza kholte waqt, Arafat ke maidan mein aur ab kaaba mein.

(I don't know why I love that woman so much, Allah. All I know is that I find peace when I see her. I was searching for peace in so many places when all the peace I needed was in her face.

I have come to You to find my peace. After all these years, I realize that I am not just in love with her, but I am in deep, passionate love.

Love happens to everyone, but passion is for those who are destined. Today, I have come to You for my destiny. Write me into her destiny, Allah. Grant me to her.

With tear-filled eyes, I pleaded for that woman in the sacred Haram. I have asked for her everywhere: in Tahajud prayers, in the mosque, while giving Zakat, while reading the Quran, while breaking my fast, on the ground of Arafat, and now at the Kaaba).

Look at my state, Allah. Even on the day of Eid, I am asking for her. How many more tests will You put me through?

Mujhe uske hawale karde.

It was the last day of Hajj. Before leaving for home, I stood once more at His threshold.

"Yaah Allah, I am leaving here with hope, hope that You will have mercy on me and accept my prayer." Saying this, I headed to the airport to return to India.

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A week had passed since I went to perform Hajj, when Ammi told me that she wanted me to meet someone. I wasn't surprised that she wanted to introduce me to someone, but rather that after seven years, this was the first time she had chosen a girl for me. In these seven years, Ammi had never discussed this with me before.

I couldn't refuse her, so just to satisfy her, I went to the given address. But, Fate had brought me back to a familiar place again. The cafe I stood in front of was Uns's cafe. I purchased her cafe a year ago through Sahara. But, now having to meet someone else in her cafe felt wrong, but being helpless, I walked in.

The cafe was decorated with same flowers, all except for daisies. As soon as I stepped inside, the smell of coffee beans hit my nose. For the first time, I felt disgusted by its smell, but now I had gotten used to drinking coffee.

The cafe was exactly as Uns had left it-the same colored couches, the same books, the same counter. Everything was the same, except for her absence. I sat at a table, holding my favorite daisies, waiting for the stranger. I am here since around 7 or 7:30, and it was almost 8:15. It was nearly time for Isha prayer, and I just wanted to meet this stranger quickly so I could go for prayer.

I was sitting at the table, staring blankly, when a familiar voice said, "Excuse me." Before I could recognize the voice,

"Aziz? Aap?" She said.

I looked up and saw the woman.

"Uns," I said, my voice trembling.

She started sneezing continuously just two seconds later.

"Azizz! You and your daisies!" she said, trying to control her sneeze as she walked out the cafe. I just stood there, frozen. Something happened to my body, my heartbeats increased strangely, my breathing slowed, my hands and feet went numb, and my eyes were too scared to blink.

"Was she Uns?" I asked myself in a low voice.

Slowly, the Isha call to prayer began to reach my ears. It was a call from Allah, and at this moment, nothing but only prayer could steady me.

Mai tez kadmon ke saath masjid ki aur chalne laga. kisi ka sawaal, kisi ka jawab, kisi ka intezaar, kisi ki umeed, kisi ka sukoon, kisi ki annkhen, sab waapas aagayi tih. Uns Reza aagayi tih.

(I walked quickly toward the mosque. Someone one's Question, answers, waiting, hope, peace, eyes, all had returned. Uns Reza had returned).

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Thank you so much for reading.

Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for your wonderful feedbacks.

Eid Mubarak✨

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Chapter Aesthetics :

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