Chapter : 38 - Aur kitne aazmaayishe lega meri?

For Hindi / Urdu Readers.

For English Readers.

"Aziz, I've been thinking about giving you this mansion as your share of the property," Abbu said, sitting in my study room, while taking a sip of tea.

It was evening, and I was working on my upcoming projects when Abbu brought tea for both of us and said this to me.

"Why the sudden mention of the property? And why the mansion?" I asked, looking up from my laptop.

"I'm getting old, and you've started your own business too. Tamir is settled, and for Rasha, you both are there. What will Zaina and I do with such a big mansion?" Abbu said while sipping his tea.

"I don't want the mansion, Abbu," I said softly.

"Why?" Abbu instantly kept his cup on the table and asked.

"Because it's not mine," I said again softly, lowering my eyes.

"Not yours? Everything I have belongs to you all," Abbu explained.

"Abbu, I can't take this mansion from you," I repeated.

"Can I know the reason?" he asked, folding his hands now.

Seeing his gesture, I couldn't help but smile a bit.

"Because I don't want to live in such a big mansion, I want to build a small home," I started to explain.

"Is there something wrong with this mansion that makes you want to live in a small house?" Abbu asked the next question.

"I want to build a small, beautiful house, Abbu, one that I can call my own," I said, closing my laptop and looking at him with ease.

"Isn't this mansion beautiful?" Abbu asked sternly.

"It's very beautiful, but it's not mine," I said, lowering my eyes.

"What kind of nonsense are you talking, Aziz? Beautiful? Not yours? What's happening to you?" Abbu asked in a confused manner.

"I'm absolutely fine, Abbu. It's just that someone once told me that there are many beautiful houses, but only one can truly be called your own. And I know that, I can't build a mansion as big as yours; but I just want to build a beautiful little house which will be called as mine," I said, taking his hands in mine and giving him a slight smile.

"As you wish, Aziz," Abbu said, as if giving up.

"By the way, who's building the house for you?" Abbu asked curiously.

"Your son," I said with a smile.

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"Can I come in?" I asked Tamir, knocking on his door.

"Come on, bhai, don't embarrass me like this. This is your office too. Please, come in," Tamir said, getting up from his chair and coming towards me.

With big smiles, we hugged each other.

After exchanging greetings for a couple of minutes, I went over and sat on his couch.

"What brings the CEO of India to Paris?" Tamir asked, sitting down in front of me.

"Not the CEO, but a client has some work with their architect," I replied in his same tone.

"So, it’s not my brother but a client who has come to meet me?" Tamir asked with a hint of anger.

"Yes," I said, while smiling.

"Bhai," Tamir smiled as well.

"It looks like we are going to have a long conversation. So, why don’t I order some tea?" Tamir said, getting up from the couch and going to his desk to place an order.

"Tea or coffee?" he asked.

"Anything is fine," I replied.

"Ohh- okay, two cups of tea please," he ordered over the phone.

Then he came back and sat in front of me.

"So, tell me, bhai, what can I do for you?" Tamir asked in a professional tone.

"I just want to build a small house," I said.

"A house? And you?" Tamir asked, being puzzled.

"Yes," I said, breaking his confusion.

"Why the sudden thought of building a house?" he asked next the question.

"It's not sudden. I've been planning to build it for years, and now that I am capable of having it built, I just want to get it done. Can you build it?" I asked him.

"Why not? After all It’s my job to build houses," he said, while laughing.

By then, our tea too had arrived. Tamir handed me a cup. My hands hesitated for a moment before I took it.

Tea always gave me a strange feeling before because whenever I see tea, it reminded me of her.

And now I don't want to forget her, and drinking tea reminds me of her even more.

"So here are some designs for the houses; tell me which style you want?" Tamir asked, showing me some designs.

"I already have a design," I said, declining his designs.

I took out my laptop from my office bag and showed him the designs I had created.

He was silent for a few minutes.

"You designed this?" he asked in amazement.

"Yes," I replied.

"This design is very different from your usual style, bhai," he said, examining the designs closely.

"I know," I said, smiling and taking a sip of tea.

"So, who are you building this for?" Tamir asked, looking up from the laptop.

"I'm building it for myself," I said, placing my cup down.

"Didn't you like the design?" I asked him, observing his expressions.

"The design is a bit different, which is why I got lost in thinking," Tamir said, focusing on the house design.

"By the way, bhai, kahi aisa na ho ki aapke saare paise yeh ghar banane mein kharch ho jai," Tamir said, teasingly.

"Don't worry, I brought a blank check; you can fill in the amount by yourself," I said, smiling, and placed a blank check on the table.

"Bhai?" Tamir said my name with surprise and disbelief.

"I want the house in India," I said, ignoring his reaction, and walked out of his office.

I had been in Paris for two days; I had to finalize a finance deal here and also fulfill someone's dream. After leaving Tamir's office, I headed towards the metro. Since I was in Paris, it was obvious to visit the Eiffel Tower.

The metro was crowded, and I was part of that crowd too. Standing there, I reflected on my life, thinking about how Allah had transformed me from nothing to something remarkable. Despite committing countless sins, He had blessed me with immense blessings.

Blessings I had never even prayed for. I had never prayed for my own success; if I prayed, it was only for Uns. And look at His grace—what I prayed for, I didn’t receive, but I was given everything else.

Finance was my dream, but after Uns came into my life, all my dreams began to revolve around being with her.

The metro stopped, and I walked towards the Eiffel Tower. It was evening, and the tower looked even more magnificent at dusk. I stood in front of it, admiring its beauty, then closed my eyes to feel the cool breeze. After a while, when I opened my eyes, I saw a face I hadn’t seen in five years. She was standing near the tower.

"She's here?" I said in disbelief, seeing her in this place.

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"How are you, Sahara?" I asked as we sat together in the cafe.

I hadn't expected to meet Sahara after five whole years, and yet, here she was, sitting in front of me with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"I'm fine, bhai. How about you?" She raised her eyes and asked me.

There was neither joy nor smile on her face, just a strange tranquility, an odd sort of peace.

"I... I'm fine," I replied with a hint of hesitation.

Then there was a long silence, neither of us saying anything, and it was the first time Sahara was sitting silently in front of me, without saying anything or asking any questions, and the opportunity had been given by me.

"So, what are you doing here in Paris? Are you here for vacations?" I tried to break the silence.

"I've come to complete my education, bhai," she said after taking a sip of her coffee.

"Mashallah," slipped out of my tongue, and I felt glad that she was moving forward.

But her expressions puzzled me.

"What happened?" I asked her.

"Did you just say 'mashallah'?" Sahara asked, looking puzzled.

"Yes," I said slowly.

She didn't ask anything further, but there were many questions in my mind, so many that I didn't know where to start.

"How is Uns?" I asked after a long silence.

"Uns Appi is fine and doing her internship," Sahara said as she finished her coffee.

Meri coffee haath seh pissalne lagi tih, dil mein ajeeb sih khushi hui tih, kai saal baad uska zikr kisi aur seh sun raha tah. Uska naam kisi aur seh sun raha tah. Dil chaha ki abhi phut phut ke roun, uska zikr hein kaafi tah is phatar seh dil ko phirse piglaane ke liye.

(My coffee cup started to slip from my hand. I felt a strange kind of happiness. After so many years, I was hearing about her from someone else. Her name was being spoken by someone else. My heart wanted to cry a lot right now. Just hearing her name was enough to melt the stone that had formed around my heart).

"Can I meet Uns?" I asked, trying to control my tears.

"What will you do after meeting her, bhai? Will you apologize to Appi, and that woman will  forgive you, then she'll tell you her truth, and then you'll leave her just like she left you?" Sahara said with a strange smile, as if she was feeling helpless.

But not a single thing she said registered in my mind. What truth about Uns am I unaware of? And why would I leave her?

"What truth are you talking about?" I asked her impatiently.

Sahara didn't say anything for a while. There was complete silence, except for the sounds of people around us and the pounding of my heart.

Bhai, just like you hid your truth from Appi, Appi also hid a truth from you, Sahara said hesitantly.

And I still couldn't understand anything.

"Jab appi 8 saal ki tih, tab kisi neh unhe galat nazro seh chone ki koshish ki tih bhai," Sahara neh behte hue aansu seh apni baat mukammal ki. Aur yaha mere zehen phirse seh ruk gaya.

What have I just heard? Is this true or am I dreaming?

I remained silent, waiting for her next words.

"Why did you hide your truth from Appi, bhai? Cause you were afraid of losing her, and she did the same, bhai. She didn't want to lose you either. These were the nightmares Appi has been having for the past 10 years". Sahara said, trying to control her tears.

"Aur mard zaat hote hein aise, bhai. As long as a woman is pure, they hold her in the highest regard, but if they see any flaw, they either humiliate her endlessly or leave her.

And Appi had the same fear, bhai. She didn’t want to hear all this from your mouth, so she never had the courage to tell you. And I..."

Sahara’s voice faltered a bit, then she began again,

"Mai aapse guzarish karti hoon, meri  Appi ko napaak na kahe, woh aurat bahut paak hai, use zaleel na kare bhai, unhone sirf mohabbat ki hai aapse, kabhi nafrat nahi ki, us maan ko rakhlo bhai, aur appi ko unke haal mein chod doh"

(I request you, don't call my sister impure. She is a very pure woman. Don’t humiliate her, brother. She has only loved you, never hated you. Keep that respect, brother, and leave my sister as she is).

After saying all this, Sahara got up from the chair, picked up the tissues placed beside her, and, without saying anything more, started to leave the cafe. She wiped her wet eyes with those tissues as she walked out, and I stayed there, frozen. My mind, heart, hands, feet—all seemed to have stopped working.

Suddenly, my head began to ache intensely. Sitting in the corner of the cafe, I placed both hands on my head, covered my face, and silently cried. Did she not have even a little bit of trust in me? Or did she not consider me worthy enough to tell me about her past?

kya itna bhegairat samjha tah usne mujhe ki mai use napaak kahunga? Mai usse yeh lafz keh sakta hoon?

(Did she think I was so disgraceful that I would call her impure? Could I say such words to her?)

At that moment, I had no control over my eyes, tears were falling silently, and a question arose in my mind. She only loved me and never hated me? Then what were those last words she said before leaving me? Weren't they a curse?  Why did she say "fi amanillah"? What does this phrase mean?

I was questioning and blaming her when I glanced at my wristwatch. It was time for the Isha prayer.

Isha ki namaz, namaz? Mujhe jaise ek zor ka jhatka laga, meri zubaani alfaaz badal rahi tih, mai ab namaz padhne ka aadi ho chuka tah, aur... Aur mere gile ka jawab bhi us khuda neh dediya tah.

(Isha prayer? It felt like a sudden jolt. My words were changing; I had become accustomed to praying. And... and God had also answered my grievances).

When I didn't consider her trustworthy, how could she trust me?

What time did you have to show me my worth again? And what kind of test is this of Yours? And how many more tests will You take from me? How many, Allah?

Wiping my eyes, I started to pick up my bag when suddenly I noticed Uns scarf. I had tied her scarf to my bag, and now it made me miss her even more.

Mai apna baag liye, uski yaad aur apne ek aur sawaal ke saath Paris ke airport ki aur chalne laga.

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Thank you so much for reading.

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I hope you'll have a wonderful weekend ❤

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