Chapter : 34 - Maybe she left you for this very question.

"Have you not thought about us even once? He betrayed you, he kept you in the dark, and you're punishing yourself for all of this, Uns?" Ezzeh began to speak with great displeasure as I listened in silence.

One night had passed since I arrived in America from India, and that night was nothing short of a torment.

After struggling to sleep following the Fajr prayer, I was awakened by Ezzeh's call at noon.

When I answered the call, Ezzeh started expressing her anger.

"But there's one thing I don't understand. I agree that he doesn't believe in religion, but Aziz Nader is a very good person. Why are you doing all this? What has happened to you, Uns?" Ezzeh asked with even more displeasure.

"Is it just because he betrayed you?" Ezzeh asked, not giving me a chance to answer.

"He didn't betray me, Ezzeh," I said her after few minutes of silence.

"Then?" Ezzeh asked in a confused voice.

"Because of fear," I said with great patience.

"Fear? Fear of what?" Ezzeh's voice was even more confused this time.

"Fear that my Allah might become even more displeased with me," I began.

"I agree that Aziz is a very good person, but I prayed to Allah for a good Muslim man along with being a good person. Aziz Nader is a good person, but he is not a good Muslim.

If I stay there, I'll keep remembering him, and it's possible that in his memory, I might cry all day and night, and i don't want it" I expressed my helplessness in front of her.

A tear fell from my cheek onto my hand.

I looked at that drop, which had come in his memory.

"But Uns, you could have explained it to him?" Ezzeh asked another question.

"How could I explain him Ezzeh? How? How could I tell him that the person I loved so deeply is a non-believer? I saw a cigarette in his hand, he smokes Ezzeh, it's obvious that he drinks too.

How could I explain to such a person that it's forbidden in Islam? That Allah has not allowed us to consume this? Should I have said that to him?"

She didn't respond to my question. There was complete silence for two minutes. No one said anything.

"Then forget him," Ezzeh said in a harsh tone after a long silence.

"Mushkil hai," I said, trying to hold myself together with a broken voice.

"You can't love him, you can't forget him, so what are you planning to do, hate him?" Ezzeh said angrily.

"I can't do that," I said with great patience.

"Why?" she asked.

"I can't hate his name," I said.

"Name?" Ezzeh was confused.

Instead of answering, I cut the call and then switched off my phone. I wanted to be alone right now.

Even if I want to hate that person, his name comes in the way. How can I hate his name?

The name I recite every day.

"Aziz, what condition have you put yourself in?" Abbu entered the room and, seeing my distraught state, asked me with great concern.

"Why are tears falling from your eyes?" Abbu softly inquired, touching my wet eyes and sitting beside me.

The room was dimly lit, all lights were off except for the one near my nightstand where there was a cup of tea which Ammi kept there and a faded rose next to it. My gaze was fixed on that rose.

"Is it a matter of love, Aziz?" Abbu asked in a gentle tone, by not receiving any response from his previous questions.

In response, I just shook my head and kept looking at the rose.

"Did you do something? Or did she?" Abbu asked with the same softness.

This time, I turned towards him and kept looking at him.

"She left me, Abbu," my voice choked, and immediately, I hugged him tightly, crying uncontrollably in his arms.

I don't know what kind of sorrow it was that was pouring out like this-was it the pain of her leaving me or the pain of her leaving me for Allah?

"I loved her, and I still do. I probably will for the rest of my life," I began in a broken voice.

"And do you know why she left me, Abbu? For whom did she leave me?" I was complaining like a child, and he was listening to me.

"For whom did she leave you?" Abbu removed his hand from my head and asked.

"For Allah," I said, but my voice broke when I took Allah's name.

He removed his hand from my head, sat back, lifted my head, and looked at me.

His face reflected deep concern.

"For Allah?" He asked as if to make sure.

"Yes," I said, keeping my gaze down.

"What am I lacking? In my love? That she left me? What is it that I cannot give her? I can give her everything, I can lay the world at her feet, her every command was like law to me, whereas about, Allah she need to ask for it. What is better, Abbu, Ordering me or asking Allah?" I kept saying in frustration.

"Allah kon hai? Allah kya hai? Kya Allah ki mohabbat itni paak hai? Jiski wajah seh usne mujhe chod diya?" Maine bebasi seh pucha, annsuo par koi ikhtehar nahi tah, woh mere har lafz par gir rahe teh.

("Who is Allah? What is Allah? Is Allah's love so pure that she left me because of it?" I asked helplessly, unable to control my tears, which were falling with every word I spoke)

"Why did she leave me?" I asked with a broken voice, covering my face with both hands.

"Maybe she left you for this very question," Abbu said in a soft voice, while giving a slight smile.

"What question?" I asked instantly, looking at him as I wiped my tears away.

"Who is Allah? What is Allah? What is His love?" Abbu began to repeat my words as if reminding me of every word I asked him a minute ago.

Saying this much, he began to leave the room.

And I watched him leave with utter helplessness. Abbu left the room, and my gaze fell back on that faded rose. That rose, was given to me with so much love and a smile...

Her memory came back to me once again.

She never once thought about me, never once considered what would happen to Aziz Nader. I admit I didn't confess, but love was there, boundless love.

You left my love for Allah, Uns? What a love it was, what a passion it was, that shattered in minutes.

And when she left, she took my smile with her too, I said, looking at the rose as if I was talking to her.

.................................. ___ ...................................

"Aziz, shall I serve the tea?" Ammi asked before pouring tea into a cup. It was a new morning, a new day, a new date, with old memories.

At the dining table, we were having breakfast. Ammi was pouring tea into my cup, and I was watching the tea.

"How is the tea, Uns?" I asked her.

"It's hot," she replied as she sipped her tea. I chuckled at her response.

"Aziz, the tea is hot, drink it," Ammi said, while shaking my shoulder. I looked at her instantly, then at Abbu, and then around the room.

She was not here, but her memories refuse to leave my mind.

I drank the tea quietly. It didn't taste the same as hers. I don't know why, but for the first time, the tea tasted bitter to me, and I silently drank the poison of those memories.

"Amira called in the morning," Ammi was talking to Abbu while sitting beside me.

"She said Uns has gone to America," Ammi said to Abbu with ease.

"What? Uns has gone to America and she didn't even tell me?" Abbu asked with displeasure, his voice and face both were showing his displeasure.

And I just paused while drinking my tea.

"Uns left India?" I muttered to myself.

She not only left me, but she also left the country. Once again I started thinking about her.

My parents were expressing their concerns for her, and why wouldn't they? Ammi used to adore Uns alot, and about Abbu, he had become her close friend. And me? What do I mean to her? I didn't express my love, so she wasn't my girlfriend.

She never considered me as a friend; I've become a stranger to her since yesterday. And now, I'm just left with enmity. Maybe I'm not her beloved, but certainly her enemy. Atleast I mean something to her.

After finishing breakfast, I grabbed my bag and started walking towards college.

My favorite lecture was going on in class, discussing about business, but my mind and heart were not in the lecture. Two hours later, the lecture ended.

Discussions about exams were underway. It was my final year, and I had to take the first step towards pursuing my dreams, but ever since Uns came into my life, all my dreams seemed to revolve around her itself.

"Aziz, we're going to the club, are you coming?" Nadim asked me while coming closer, as the lecture was ended.

I looked at him, then at his attire. His outfit took me back to a distant place, taking me near someone else, somewhere else, wearing a black shirt, button undone, ripped jeans, messy hair, just like she saw me the first time we bumped each other.

"Aziz? Where are you lost? Are you coming with us?" Nadim asked again, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Me? Uh, No," I stuttered.

Before he could ask me anything else, I left the class and took a deep breath.

"Club"? Yeh lafz jaise khanjar ki tarah chubne laga tah.

................................. __ ...................................

Thank you so much for your patience.

Have a great day ❤

Chapter Aesthetics :

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.