chapter 34

Chapter 7Rising from the ashesThe question hung on her head like a Damocles’ sword. His reply would cut her through, like his grip on her arm was already digging deep into her skin and bruising it! “You are hurting me,” she said, emotional hurt aggravating the physical one. He let go of her arm. “I can find my way back, Chintan. Thank you for offering. Bye.”“I left my farm,” he said, not acknowledging her farewell, “because I wanted to look for you. Even though I was not sure I would be welcome when I did find you. I find that I was right to hesitate.”She faced him with widened eyes. “Not welcome?”“I didn’t think I would see you so unhappy as you were on finding me here. Last night, when I sat by you, you took my hand and pressed it to your cheek.” He put his hand to her cheek, reliving that moment. “I was hopeful, I came rushing to see you this morning so that we could put our past behind us and start afresh. But your look of dismay, that was enough to make me see that it was delirium that made you forget yourself. I should be sorry to have bothered you. But, I needed to know for sure. It hurts, but at least I know now.”She clutched his arm tightly. “Chintan! Oh Chintan! I have been miserable without you! All I have thought of in the last two years has been how and when I meet you, I will…” She let go of his arm. “But after last night…!”He looked at her, his face bright with unexpected hope. “You still care, Anu?” She nodded. They fell into each other’s arms. He crushed her to him, kissing her passionately, making her breathless. She felt she was floating, carried on the wings of his love. When he finally let go, his first coherent thought came out as a question. “You thought last night would change the way I feel about you?”She sobbed into his chest. “I don’t know what to think! It has been so long, too long… And you looked…so unhappy just now…”“And whose fault?” he asked, lovingly pushing back the stray strands falling on her face. She saw his eyes wet with unshed tears, but his lips curving in a smile. “And I thought it was because you didn’t love me anymore. Was it really the promise to your mother that kept you away? Were you punishing me because of my father? How could you live holed up here? You didn’t even want to breathe the same air as I?”  He didn’t wait for an answer but continued, “I hung around your house in Delhi, hoping to meet you. Your neighbours had no idea where you had vanished. I didn’t know your mother had taken ill. I was worried. I messaged you. Why didn’t you respond?”“It was because of us…because of me that my mother fell ill. She was dying…” she couldn’t speak further.“Shh… And you suffered alone? Wasn’t I to blame too? Didn’t you think I would stand by you?”“I was very lost, Chintan. Mother was so vehemently against you! Her last wish was only that I have nothing to do with you and, oh Chintan, a part of me died too! But then, I wanted her to live, not leave broken hearted the way she did! I couldn’t talk to you then, could I? When I knew how she was opposed to this! When she died…” She bit her lower lip to control her tears. “And then, kaki took me with her. I left everything behind… I couldn’t think of the future. I just wanted to run away from the past.”“From me too?” he asked gently. “Didn’t you think about me even once? Didn’t you think you should’ve told me something, even if it was to go hang myself? I only knew you had moved out of Delhi. Your neighbour didn’t know much, and thought she heard your mother once mention some Rampur. No state name, no region. One Rampur, six states to look for you in! How could I sit in the farm? This MFI job was a front to dissuade my father from probing too much and harassing my friends or worse. And it made my search slow going. I discovered this Rampur some months back and was discreetly enquiring, but almost without hope. Last night, when I came here on work, I was told about…the attack. I was called urgently, and I was stunned to see you, my darling Anu, trembling and shivering. I wanted to cover you, protect you, but was afraid you may not like it! I could barely wait till the morning, and when I saw the look of dismay on your face on seeing me, my heart sank. My Anushka… I made you cry again!” he said softly, now his tears wetting his cheeks openly.She was amazed at his tale, the way he had given up his passion for her. “I can never forgive myself!” she exclaimed.He shushed her again, this time, with a gentle kiss on her lips. “I didn’t know if you were still with that aunt of yours, or in some other city, another country? How could you not let me know?” he murmured.She looked down contrite. “I… I wanted to… Everyday I thought only of you, but I didn’t know…And then…” As she hesitated, he lifted her chin to look into her eyes questioningly. She couldn’t lie, evade or avoid. “I was carrying our child.”He gripped her. “Anu, oh my love! We have a child? Boy or…?” He saw her face and knew the truth. “It doesn’t matter. We will have many more…if you will allow me to?” he smiled, making her smile through her tears. “Did you not want the child…?” he asked hesitantly. She shook her head. “Still born…as if he couldn’t bear the thought of living with a sad mother.”“Oh Anu, my sweet,” he hugged her tightly, his voice heavy. “Why didn’t you come to me? Why didn’t you let me know? Didn’t you know I was dying without you?”Anu averted her face. “I didn’t want to come back as a beggar – holding the child as a ransom for love. Become a burden because of the child. What if you had moved on? How could I impose myself on you after treating you so badly? And then…your father… I didn’t want him to take your farm away from you. It’s your passion…your life…”He clutched her hair and tilted her head back fiercely. “Not since you came into my life, Anu. With you by my side, I can always rebuild my life. There was never a question of moving on. Why didn’t you believe in us?” he demanded.She looked at him sadly, and he loosened his grip. “I didn’t know what to believe then,” she said softly. They were silent, finally finding solace in each other’s arms. She said softly, “I believe now, Chintan.”She rested her head against his chest, knowing that this was where she belonged, that she had been a fool to run away. His hand stroked her head gently, he silently rested his cheek against her head.They had been tested by the fire of separation. Now they would rise together, like the phoenix, in all glory, shining with the love light that enveloped them in the new dawn.