Chapter 7

Rhainne Jhammira Alethea Lopez

" Late" bungad ni Old Man saakin ng makarating ako ng kitchen.

I arrived at his mansion.

it's not my fault na hindi ko kayang iwan yung babae na yon no. Naihatid ko naman siya ng ligtas at nakarating din ako dito ng ligtas. What a day.

"Complete huh?" inisa isa kong tignan ang tao na nasa hapag kainan. My family

It had been years since I last saw them, and I heard their voices. My hand trembled, but I quickly clenched it into a fist and hid it behind me, as if the simple act of concealing it could hide the storm raging inside.

I took a deep breath, lifting my chin, locking my eyes with them. I couldn't let them see how much this moment was making me tremble. Instead, I met their gaze with eyes that were sharp, cold—fierce even, as though I had never known warmth in their presence.

"Sit now, Ali" utos ni Lolo

Halatang kanina pa nila ako hinihintay. Ako nalang ata ang wala dito. Nandito na rin sila Rayla, Jenaiah at Amrielle.

Wow present na present ah. Part of the family ba sila?

"A-Ali" nauutal na bigkas ng sinasabe nilang nanay ko daw.

Well to tell you, I really don't feel connections to her. She seems nothing, parang walang lukso ng dugo. Bakit ganon?

Is it even normal to feel nothing towards your mom?

"Ali" tawag naman ng tatay ko?

Another heavy sigh escapes my lips, and I wonder if anyone notices. The pressure of this dinner is suffocating.

I can’t stand being here, surrounded by their voices, their laughter that feels like daggers, their presence making my skin crawl.

Every part of me just wants to explode, to scream and leave, but I hold it all in. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend.

My mind is screaming for this night to end, but time feels like it’s stretching, dragging me through this moment I can barely endure. How much longer can I fake it before I break?

"Zhera" bulong ko sa hangin

Naramdaman ko naman ang titig ng tatlo kong kaibigan pati na rin ni old man

"Do you need her?" Tanong ni Lolo habang nakatingin saakin kaya naman pati ang mga tao dito sa table ay nakatingin na rin saakin.

Natahimik naman silang lahat looking at us with a questioning eye

"Who's her?" tanong ng tatay ko daw

"Zhera" sagot naman ni Lolo habang nakatingin saakin "now, do you need her?" Bakas sa boses nito ang pagkaseryoso.

"Who's Zhera?"

"Her personal psychiatrist" unconsciously na sagot ni Amrielle kaya mas lalong rumihistro ang pagtataka sa mga muka nila

"Psychiatrist?"

"S-she h-have o-one?" Nauutal na turan ng nakatatanda naming kapatid, she's looking at me with teary eye

"Shut up! Amrielle outside!" seryoso kong turan kaya napasinghap naman ang mga ito

"Isn't that disrespectful to you Lolo? " - sabat ng adopted child ni Dad

"I think you shouldn't care about it Mickaela. Hindi natin alam treatment nila sa isa't isa " saway naman ni dad

" O-okay, I'm sorry "

"You may talk privately now"

"Excuse us" tumango naman si Lolo at tinignan si Amrielle

Lumabas ako at naramdaman ko ang pagsunod nito saakin. Hindi naman ito nagsalita kaya't nanahimik rin ako hanggang sa makalipas ang ilang minuto ay nagsalita na ito

"Are you mad? Gomen nasai (Sorry)"

I let a sigh before facing her

"I'm not mad. I just use that as an excuse because the air inside of this mansion is suffocating" sagot ko dito

"But you mentioned Zhera earlier, do you need her?" seryosong sabi nito, knowing her, she's only serious sometimes, like now

"No. I told her that I can manage"

"But that's not how I saw it. Baka sa ngayon kaya mo pa pero paano kung hindi? Like how you scream every night" right I forgot na pagawing sound proof anh kwarto ko. "Is that a nightmare again? Hindi mo ba iniinom ang gamot mo?"

"I did but that wasn't effective anymore. And I know why" isang malalim na buntong hininga nanaman ang pinakawalan ko "that's why I'm pushing them away because they're not good for me"

"You know that's not good. Napapansin ko ang pagmamahal nila sayo"

"Let's not talk abaout it already" I left her there standing

Why am I here anyway?

Things aren't clear in my mind. I don't understand. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit? bakit ba ako nandito?

Why am I avoiding every confrontation

Pagkarapasok ko ay bumungad saakin ang mga taong masayang nagsasalo salo, kitang kita ko ang ngiti ng mga ito.

"Glad you're back, where's Amrielle?" tankng ni Lolo

"I'm here!" Masayang bungad naman ni Amrielle saka ako kinapitan at hinila papunta sa table.

I was about to get my food when someone put a sea food on my plate and it's not just a sea food but a Crab.

Gulat naman ang naging reaction ng mga kaibigan ko.

"Hindi po siya kumakain niyan" baling no Rayla sa nakakatanda kong kapatid na ngayon ay nagtataka.

"What do you mean?"

I was about to answer her when someone spoke

"She's allergic to that food"

Everyone's reaction was in shock.

"Zhera" tawag ko sa taong kakarating lang, nginitian naman ako nito saka lumapit saakin

"How I missed you munchkin" pinisil nito ang pisngi ko na siyang ikinasinghap ng mga tao sa paligid namin pero ang tatlo kong kaibigan ay pinagpatuloy lang ang pagkain

"Oh Hi Master A" nakangiti naman nitong baling kay Lolo habang hawak pa rin ako, naupo naman ito sa tabi ko saka pinagpalit ang plato na kakaserve lang

"Care to explain who is she?" Nanlalamig na turan ng nakakatanda kong kapatid na ngayon ay may matalim na tingin kay Zhera

"Sorry about that, Zhera. Zhera Larkin" she extended her arm for a shake hand

____

Another month had pass and yes I admit it I'm starting to like here. Maybe iba ang kinalakihan kong life but I'm starting to adjust it and yeah it leads me to like it

Parang tama nga ang prediction ni Old Man. Maybe he's right and maybe Zhera was right too.

"Ulan saan tayo ngayon?" tanong ni Amrielle

"Ewan ko sayo. I'll go ahead and wait for me at the parking lot and decide kung saan niyo gusto pumunta. You're so magastos and please think right, don't agree with her if she'll think na bar ang pupuntahan"- I plainly said pointing out at Amrielle

They were shock. Bakit nanaman ba?

"Fuck did you just said a two sentence?" Amrielle but I rolled her eyes on her

Bakit ba lagi akong kinukwesyon ng mga to!

"Oh ayan bar ka pa ha. If you want to get sick ikaw na lang wag mo kami idamay. But honestly Ulan you're changing but for the better this time" Rayla said, para siyang naiilang na ewan

Am I?

"Saan ka pupunta?" - Jenaiah

" Hell? " - I answered and they stared at me na parang papatayin ako

What? I just answered they're question

Sasagot ako pero I never said na matino ito

" Seryoso kasi sasapakin kita "- Rayla

Pinagbantaan pa ako, as if she can hurt me.

"Ate"

"Nag kakasundo kayo ah. I'm glad to witness this. I'm happy for you Ulan" singit ni Jenaiah, she smiled at me and I just nodded at her before leaving them

I knock twice at agad naman itong nagbukas

Ohhh I expected na si Ate but it's Prof Alvares.

"A-ali"

"Nandiyan na siya??"  rinig kong tanong ni Ate

Lagi talaga silang magkasama.

"Are you just gonna stare at me? Hindi mo man lang ba ako papapasukin?"  turan ko dahil kanina pa siya titig na titig sakin

Weirdo. Kahit kelan talaga napaka weird niya. Creepy

Matagal na siyang ganyan but I don't mind her, siguro kulang lang siya sa tulog kaya siya natingin ng ganon

Pero bakit kasi siya ganon makatingin?

"Ah eh pa-pasok ka" natatarantang sabi niya and there she is again, stuttering whenever I'm around as if I'm gonna skin her alive.

Agad naman akong pumasok at naupo sa couch na nasa gilid. I mean I'm welcome here, tsaka Ate ko naman siya diba?

"Why did you call me?" I asked kasi yung naman talaga ang pinunta ko rito

" Chill, are you in a hurry? " - Ate said

"Nah"

"Tsk. Your attention is always on your friend. Well anyways I want to invite you" based on her tone she's jealous

Gosh another jelly. I'm so done with jelly people but at the same time sanay na rin ako

"Invite from what?"

" I-it's my birthday tomorrow" - singit ni Prof Alvares

Ohhh I forgot. I check the date, fuck. Tama it was her birthday how could I forget, it's 31 tomorrow. Ganon ko na ba hindi sila napapansin at pati ang birthday niya nakalimutan ko na? Ganon ko ba kagusto makalimot para kalimutan ang birthday ng taong minsan ko na ring naging sandalan?.

But do I really need to forget them or it's just—just those traumatic event? I'm confused again. Paulit ulit nalang nakakasawa na.

"Oh napatulala kana diyan" my attention was caught when Ate said that

"What's your decision?Kanina ka pa nakatitig kay Allisha, ano bang nangyayari sayo?"

I remember her. Pero it's not clear at all. Maybe because it happened long time ago kaya rin siguro hindi ko malaman kung paano ko siya nakilala.

" Hoy "

"Ali"

" Are you sick?"

Damn parang wala akong marinig kahit naririnig ko siya.

"No. I'm not sick and yes I accepted the invitation. Just tell me where's the location and time. I'll go ahead " dali daling paalam ko at agad na umalis dumiretso na ako sa parking. What was that?

Did I just say yes?

What am i even thinking, ghad

"What took you so long?!" - bungad sakin ni Amrielle

Napapikit naman ako dahil nararamdaman kong paubos na ang pasensyang meron ako.

"We've decided na sa mall nalang tayo Ulan"  I heard Rayla said but my mind was too occupied by what happened kanina

Damn What gift should I give her? Fuck I can't remember a thing about what she likes. Bakit hindi ko maalala? Ano bang nangyayari?

"Hey? Are you just gonna stare at us?" I heard Amrielle said in a sarcastic tone

"N-no. Yes. Argh just, Let's go" I left them there dahil nauna na akong sumakay sa kotse ko kaya agad ring sumunod ang mga ito

"Hoy bakit nasa passenger sit ka?"

"You drive" maiksi kong sagot at inabot sakanya ang susi ng kotse ko

Ayokong mag drive dahil baka mabangga kami dahil alam kong matutulala lang ako buong byahe. Although malapit lang naman ang mall dito but still safety first. I have a birthday to attend to.

"Woah really? You're letting me drive your favorite car? OMG this is new. Bakit naman biglaan pero anyway I'll take this as an opportunity to handle your precious" takang tanong niya pero hindi maalis sa muka niya ang ngiti at hawak ang susi ng baby Rolls-Royce Black Badge Dawn 2024 ko

Ngiting ngiti naman si Rayla at onti onting pinaandar ang kotse ko. Dapat lang na dahan dahan, it's too precious para magasgasan lang. Nanahimik naman ang mga kasama ko sa sasakyan, weird. Bago to ah hindi nag iingay ang tatlo at hanggang ngayon ay ngiting ngiti parin tong nasa tabi ko another weirdo

Lahat nalang weird.

I suddenly remember that I have to get her a gift. Why am I even bother by it. I don't usually give people a gift except from Zhera, Old man, Amrielle, Jenaiah and Rayla

I should stop thinking about it... ayokong pumutok ang ugat sa utak ko no

Pero what kind of gift would she likes? I know she loves pink. Maybe I should go to jewelry store or a luxury store to buy something. Natigil ang pag iisip ko ng marinig kong tawagin ako ni Rayla, oh wala na yung dalawa sa likod?

"Tsk. I've been calling you many times already but nakatulala ka lang diyan. What happened to you?" she calmly said pero halata sa boses niya ang pag kairita maybe because kanina niya ako tinatawag?

Nawawala ako sa sarili ko because I've been thinking about the gift and her birthday. This is not me, not me at all. I never lost myself just because of a person, never, never again.

Agad naman nag lakad si Rayla at sinundan ko nalang siya. Ewan ko ba para akong walking robot ngayon.

Natanaw ko naman sila Amrielle at Jenaiah na nasa Jollibee. I wonder bakit gustong gusto nila yan, well kadalasan kasi sa fine dining kami kumakain and kinukwento lang nila sa akin yang lugar na yan. I have never been there.... as far as I know .... but this place feels so familiar..... I don't know why

Mas lalong bumilis naman ang lakad ng kasama ko kaya agad rin kaming nakarating. Wala pa silang order ng makarating kami.

" Ang tagal niyo. Nagugutom na ako"- reklamo naman ni Amrielle. What's wrong with her? kanina pa siya puro reklamo and she knows that I hate people na mareklamo. Is she trying to pissed me? cause it's working.

" You should've order if you're hungry hindi yung magtatantrums ka diyan" - diin ngunit cold kong pag kakasabi kaya naman napatingin nalang saakin ang tatlo. Kita ko baka sa mata ng dalawa namin ang gulay habang si Amrielle naman ay napalunok at mukang natatakot. Tsk. It's just a warning.

Hindi ko rin masisisi kung bakit nagulat si Jenaiah at Rayla sa tono ko, it's their third time hearing me na gamitin sakanila ang tonong iyon.

" A-ako na mag o-order. Just wait here guys " - presinta naman ni Jenaiah kaya agad itong tumayo at pumunta sa counter. Tsk kelangan bang mag stutter? Ako lang to hindi ko naman sila kayang saktan .... hindi sa ngayon ..... pero may chance pag pinagpatuloy ni Amrielle ang pag iinarte niya.

__

Tapos na kami kumain and here we are nag iikot sa isang luxury store. Hindi ko alam kung asang parte ang tatlo because nag kahiwa hiwalay kami kanina pag kapasok namin. May mga iba't ibang trip sila sa buhay and I won't mind going this store all alone. Mas tahimik.

Well me? I'm here in the bag section. The pink bag caught my attention, why all of a sudden I remember her. The bag is good, maganda siya it's simple but elegant at the same time, the price? I don't mind it. Tinawag ko na ang nag a-assist don at sinabeng kukunin ko ang bag.

I roam around to find something for me. Habang nag iikot may nakita akong necklace. Well I find it cute with it's design, four leaf cloves necklace.

"Ma'am it's a set po. So dalawa po sila if you buy it "  singit naman nung nag a-assist saakin. Napansin niya atang curious ako sa necklace.

I could say that I am interested in that necklace but dalawa siya kanino ko naman ibibigay ang isang yon?

The other one was color maroon and the other one was the color pink. How cute this two color combinations. It was a gold necklace and it really highlights the color of the four leaf cloves

Hinawakan ko ang necklace at nag hiwalay ang mga part ng four leaf cloves, oh so it's magnetic? It makes me more amazed. Siguro ay ibibigay ko nalang din as a gift kay Ate Allisha ang isa.

Four leaf cloves means luck

Sana naman swerte nako sa pag babalik ko sa lugar nato. Just please make good memories of this one tadhana. Please don't let me experience the same trauma again. Please don't let me cry again and please be gentle with me life. I am not strong you know it.

Pagkatapos kong icheck ang necklace ay agad nako pumunta sa counter para magbayad. Nakita kong andon narin ang tatlo at ang dami nilang dala. Hulaan ko 500 thousand nanaman nagastos niyan.

" Dalawa lang binili mo?" - bungad ni Amrielle sakin na may bitbit na sampung paper bag. She's making me laugh. Kala mo ngayon nalang bumili ng gamit

" Yeah " - I shortly said

" One hundred fifty five thousand ma'am" - sabi ng cashier kaya inabot ko na agad ang card ko

" Thank you ma'am" - the cashier said at inabot na saakin ang dalawang paper bag, agad ko naman itong kinuha at umalis na kami

Siguro naman uuwi na kami noh? But sadly hindi pa nakontento ang tatlo at nag aya pang mag arcade wala naman akong magawa kundi sumunod.

Yung paper bag na dala namin ay nilagay muna namin sa kotse ko kaya wala ring hadlang sa pag lalaro ng tatlo. Kala mo bata tsss.

Nakakabored tignan silang tatlo kaya nag ikot ako. I have tokens naman just incase I find something fun. I saw a claw machine at may isang Teddy bear na pink doon, cute. I didn't know what comes into my mind at parang kusang lumapit ang katawan ko doon at pilit na kinukuha ang teddy bear. Malapit nang maubos ang token kasabay ng pasensya ko. Damn this claw parang nandadaya.

Naubos na ang token ko kaya naman bumalik ako kung asan ang tatlo kanina and yes nandon pa sila.

" Give me token "- I said kaya natigil ang tatlo at parang nagpipigil ng tawa. What so funny?

" WHAHAHAHA" - at hindi na nila napigilan.

Wala namang nakakatuwa sa paghingi ko? And I'm not even a clown.

" Akala ko ba " I'm not interested in kids game so don't give me this fvcking token as if you're my mom na binibilinan ang anak niya na mag ingat sa paglalaro "- pang aasar ni Rayla kaya naman yung dalawa ay tawang tawa

" Just give me. I need it " - I said and lend my hand na parang nang hihingi ng barya

Tsk. I'm dedicated na kunin yung pink na bear na yon. I want it. It has a heart na hawak with a letter A on it.

" Okay fine, fine, fine ulan. "- Jenaiah said pero natatawa parin then she lend me so many tokens good sakto na siguro to para makuha ko yung stuff toy gusto kong kunin

Bumalik na sila sa ginagawa nila at ako naman ay bumalik sa claw machine.

1hour and 30 minutes

I spent my 1hour and 30minutes sa pagkuha ng stuff toy na to. Well yeah nakuha ko na ito at medyo malaki siya, cute. Hindi ko naubos yung token at may tira pa itong kaonti. Siguro ibibigay ko nalang sa tatlo, wait asan na ba yung mga yon?

Damn pagkabalik ko sa pwesto nila ay andon parin sila. Hindi rin sila tapos sa ginagawa nila. Damn it ganto ba pag nag eenjoy hindi namamalayan ang oras?

" You're not done yet?" - I said dahilan para mapatingin sila sa pwesto ko

They just nood and go back to what they're doing. I'll just wait for them. Hayst cute pink bear I'm gonna give you to Prof Alvares bantayan mo siya ah............. cause I can't do it.

With a heart weighed down by lingering shadows, she's gradually learning to embrace the person she's becoming, step by painful step—emerging from the chains of her past. It’s a quiet transformation, one that stirs both fear and hope, as she lets go of what once defined her, slowly finding peace in the unfamiliar.