chapter 29: new year's eve

"Name?"

August's eyes darted around nervously. "Um..." Her fingers picked at a loose string on the hem of her black coat as she fixed her stare back at the large man who stood with his arms crossed in front of the mansion with glass windows that she could see into.

Drawing her eyes away from the enormous black spade tattooed onto the bouncer's equally as large bicep and to the glass windows of the modernistic house that belonged to Ronnie, she considered turning around and running away. The inside of the house looked foggy from the outside, and her eyes fixated on a few blunts being passed around the crowd of dancing people. Pink and green lights crossed the top of the people's heads, a single pink ray finding its way straight into August's pupil, straining her eye before it flashed in another direction as quickly as it had come. She could feel the music bumping in her chest, and it reminded her of the college party she went to so many months ago. Going to that party was a decision that changed her life, but even now she still found herself uncomfortable on the party scene.

"Next!" the bearded man yelled, leaning his head over to view the line of people who stood behind August, waiting for their entry to the party.

"August," she instantly mumbled, her dark blue eyes peering up at the tall man. She swallowed, a shiver running up her spine from the cold night air. As much as she did not want to enter this party, especially because the person who invited her to it  was without a doubt somewhere inside that shockingly large and booming house, the late December air was seeping into her bones and her teeth began to rattle in her mouth. The warmth of a house sounded good to her at that moment.

The bouncer, while his persona had remained stiff the entire time the smaller girl stood in front of him, seemed to still completely as he heard her name. His arms suddenly uncrossed and he bowed his head downwards slightly. "My apologies, Miss August," his gruff voice changed to a more respectful tone as he pulled open the glass door and held it open for the girl.

She was confused by his sudden change in demeanor but realized he must have been instructed by a certain dark-haired woman to let her in immediately. August nodded her head downwards as a silent thank you as she stepped inside the house, her body immediately melting at the warmth hitting her and her ears being penetrated by the heavy bass music. It wasn't extremely upbeat, electronic music like what played at the college parties she'd been to, but it was more alternative. The people danced, but not as frenziedly as frat boys and sorority girls. Nonetheless, the stench of marijuana and alcohol floated in the air.

"I can't believe my eyes," spoke a raspy voice that rang a bell in August's head.

She jumped, turning sharply to her right towards where the close voice came from. It took her a second to register that Cornelia was standing in front of her, her blonde hair up in a ponytail and her makeup smudged under her eyes.

"We figured Will slaughtered your ass. You aren't a ghost, right?" the woman spoke, narrowing her eyes and leaning closer to scan August up and down, the girl's nose crinkling as she smelled alcohol emanate from both the woman's mouth and the red solo cup in her hand.

August's jaw clenched at her words, her feet taking her a step back as she tried to ignore the woman's mention of Willow killing her. Everything suddenly felt all too real for the girl. She had spent the last six days pushing every single trace of the Blue Porcelain gang's existence out of her mind, but now with seeing Cornelia again, so many memories began to flood her mind like an uncontrollable stampede. She inhaled and tried to calm the waking rabbit in her chest.

"What are you even doing here, kid?" Cornelia spoke over the music, feeling a little bit of compassion towards the young girl who looked scared and out of place in the crowd full of gangsters. "And what even happened? Willow hasn't said a single word to anyone since she came back from Texas. All she has done is drink and stay locked up in her room. Every time anyone so much as talks to her, she nearly threatens to murder them."

August sighed, looking down at her shoes and tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "It's...a long story. I think I made a mistake and really upset her." She spoke quietly, feeling so many different feelings rise in her chest. She had decided that she was in the wrong for being so selfish and getting angry that Willow's original intent was to kill her. She had come to the conclusion that if she had been in Willow's place, she would've done the same thing. And she also had come to the conclusion that it was so obvious that Willow's murderous intentions had faded into nonexistence by the time Christmas came around. August felt guilt pang at her chest as she remembered the woman telling her she loved her right after they made love. She felt so stupid for not believing her when she told her that she no longer planned on harming the girl.

"You think you upset her?" Cornelia spoke, bringing the alcoholic drink to her lips and taking a swig, swallowing and sighing before continuing, "I haven't seen Willow so cold and dark like this in years."

August sighed, looking away to focus her eyes on a green houseplant sitting in the corner of the living room, seemingly isolated from the rest of the crowded room. She felt so out of place. She didn't know why she came there, or why Willow even invited her in the first place.

"Where is she?" August, whispered, drawing her blue eyes back to the blonde.

Cornelia's eyes softened. She pitied the girl who exuded innocence. She could not grasp how someone like August and someone like Willow could ever meet and do anything more than clash and be anything more than simply good versus evil. But it didn't surprise her that something of this came about. The girl seemed so fragile, and while Willow did seem head over heels for her, she knew the gang leader's lifestyle would have never suited the young girl. She knew from the beginning that someone would get hurt; she just didn't expect it to be Willow's soul that would be dampened with sadness while some sort of guilt flashed through August's eyes when hearing of the woman's despair. She thought maybe Willow had hurt the girl and was beating herself up over it, but now it seemed that August must have done something to hurt the seemingly impenetrable gang leader.

"I'm not sure where she is," Cornelia finally answered her while looking around. She turned back towards the girl, pausing for a moment before giving her an empathetic smile. "But I will tell you if I see her."

"Thank you," August spoke, giving her a tight smile. She exhaled deeply as the blonde walked past her and away to talk to a group of people who all had a black spade tatted somewhere in plain view on their bodies, whether it be on their arms or necks or even on the side of their waists as one girl with a halter top exhibited. August frowned, wondering if things hadn't have happened the way they did, if she would have ended up getting that tattoo.

She felt eyes on her. She didn't know how she could feel that someone was staring at her—she never before had some sort of supernatural senses; but in that moment as she stood in the middle of the entrance hallway, the dancing crowd blurring from her focus and the music drowning out of her ears, she felt a nervousness grow within her. And somehow, her eyes knew exactly where to snap towards to be met by two cat-like, light green eyes piercing through her.

She audibly gasped, her lips parting and eyes widening slightly as she saw the woman for the first time in nearly a week. It was as if it was her first time ever staring into those sharp eyes, everything else seeming to melt away as they were the only things she could focus on. It was like that night so many months ago that started the whole predicament she now found herself in—that night she met those eyes for the first time, the green irises seeming to glow in the dark alleyway and being all that she could clearly see. It was like that now—everything outside those eyes was just background, just a blur. She nearly felt dizzy.

But just as she took a single step towards the direction of those eyes, the woman turned away and was lost in the crowd of people. August froze, her eyebrows scrunching. She did not understand. Why did Willow invite her to this party but wouldn't even acknowledge her presence? There was no doubt within her that Willow had seen her, too.

"Malibu?" a voice interrupted her thoughts as her eyes searched the crowd of people in hopes to again see those green eyes or a familiar head of long black hair. But she tore her eyes away to see a guy standing next to her with a bottle of Malibu in his hands.

"W-What?" she asked, looking into his chocolatey brown eyes that complemented his brown hair.

"Malibu," he repeated, more as a statement than a question now, holding up the bottle and shaking it, the liquid jolting against the insides of the bottle and leaving a ringing sound in August's ears. She felt as if her brain couldn't function, as if the sight of those green eyes melted away any coherence she was barely hanging onto. "Do you want some?" the guy asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, um, no thanks." August gave him a small smile, waving her hand in front of her. "I don't drink really."

"Oh, c'mon. Malibu is very light," he insisted, holding the drink out to her with a lazy smile on his lips. His smile seemed genuine, his eyes warm and inviting. They didn't hold that stern coldness that most gang members of Blue Porcelain's held. She felt as if he was human, like her, while everyone else in the room were some other supernatural creatures.

She hesitantly took it and held the bottle in her hand, looking down inside its open top to see that it was about half-full. She glanced back up at him suspiciously. "I shouldn't take drinks from strangers."

He chuckled warmly, the sound easing her nerves. "My name is Jake," he told her, placing his hands in his jean pockets. "Am I a stranger now?"

August studied him, his tan skin, his grey t-shirt, his athletic build. He looked like he came right out of a cheesy teenager movie as the quarterback of the high school football team. Nonetheless, she spotted a black spade tatted right behind his ear. It was barely visible, nearly hidden behind his earlobe and a patch of hair.

"Are you with the gang?" she asked, although seeing the tattoo already gave her the answer to her question.

He nodded. "I just joined a few days ago." August connected the dots as she noticed the tattoo was still a little red around the edges, indicating it was new. This also explained why he seemed to have some warm life left in him, something the older members of the gang lacked.

She nodded upwards once, wondering if Jake had to get the confirmation of Willow before being allowed in the gang. She wondered why such a nice boy like him was even in that type of gang.

"My name is August," she told him, biting her lip as she felt the back of her head burn. Someone's eyes were on her yet again.

Jake's eyes widened slightly when he heard her name. "Oh, shit. You're her."

Her eyebrow quirked. "What?"

He blinked a few times, shaking his head before replying, "Nothing, I just heard a lot of stuff about you and Miss. Everyone thought that she killed you..."

August sighed, looking down at the bottle that was looking more appealing by the second. "Sometimes I wish she had," she muttered.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she did. Miss terrifies me, if we're being honest," he says, stepping closer and leaning in as if it was a secret that he didn't want anyone else to hear.

August didn't know why he acted like it should have been a secret that the woman terrified him. Even Willow's closest gang members all seemed like they never ceased to shudder in her presence. August didn't blame him, though, for being terrified of the woman; but she also knew that he nor anyone else in that house had seen the sides of her she had seen. They only saw the Willow who wore leather jackets and carried a gun in her belt, who stabbed people in the alleyways at night and held more authority in her single gaze than an entire government could.

But August saw much more than that. She saw the Willow who held her closely at night, who kissed her sweetly, expressed her love to her, protected her like she would die if it meant the girl would be safe. August knew the woman deeper than anyone else ever had before. She wasn't scared of Willow like she was when she first met her, but she knew she had messed up and she didn't feel like the woman was one of mercy. Yet, she invited her to her New Year's Eve party and said on the note that they "needed to talk." August's stomach churned at the thought of talking to the woman, partly because she had so much she needed to say but mostly because she feared what Willow had to say to her.

"So, are you gonna drink it? Or am I still a mysterious stranger to you?" he asked, his eyes glinting as he gave a small chuckle.

August smiled, inhaling deeply as she stared at the bottle. Her cheeks tinged as she felt the woman's stare on her from somewhere in the room. If the woman wanted to talk to her, all she had to do was approach her. Until she did, August made her decision by bringing the rim of the bottle to her lips, throwing her head back and chugging down the liquid. She felt her stomach burn—she never had liked alcohol. But for some reason, she couldn't stop. She drank until the last drop slid onto her tongue and down her throat.

"Damn," Jake said as she released the bottle from her mouth, wiping her lips and closing her eyes as she already felt lightheadedness. She was a lightweight, but she also did just chug half the bottle. And Lord knows it was on an empty stomach; she had barely eaten all week. "Do you want to go get some more?" Jake asked, pointing his thumb behind him, which August assumed was the direction of the kitchen.

August felt either a looseness or a rebellious spirit overcome her—she couldn't decipher which it was. All she knew was that she didn't know how to take the woman who only stared at her from a distance. She felt hurt, anger, guilt, and confusion all swirling in her chest like a mixing pot. She was tired of having felt that way for six whole days. She came to the party in hopes of attaining forgiveness from the woman, but if the woman wasn't even going to approach her at the party she invited her to, August was going to enjoy herself until she did. "Yes."

Jake smiled at her almost angelically, making August feel safe. He seemed like a really nice guy, something she wouldn't be able to find in anyone else in that party. So they made their way to the kitchen, but as they did, August could feel those eyes staring at her again. She turned, immediately locking eyes with the woman who stood in the far corner of the room, holding a glass of what looked like whiskey. August froze like a deer in headlights, watching silently with wide eyes as Willow brought the glass to her lips, throwing her head back and downing the liquid all while her eyes stayed piercing into August's.

The girl held her breath, waiting for the dark-haired woman to take a step towards her or smile or wave or wink or literally anything to acknowledge her, but her heart sunk in her chest as the woman simply looked away and walked in the opposite direction of the room, as if she had not seen anyone of importance.

Anger flared in August's chest. She couldn't read the woman. She couldn't tell if she was angry with her or if she had something up her sleeve and was taunting the girl. All she knew was that she was not in the mood to play the woman's evil games. With a roll of her eyes, she turned and started towards the kitchen.

♠

"No, no, no, water is not wet!" Jake declared, laughing over his own slurred words as August giggled beside him, her cheeks pink and warm from all the alcohol she had downed in the past hour. She hadn't felt any more distant stares, or maybe she was just too distracted to notice if there were any.

"Oh my fucking God, how can water not be wet?" August slurred, putting her hand down on the couch seat in a chopping motion as if trying to make a point, but she was too giggly to keep a serious face.

Jake laughed so hard that he wheezed, and August laughed at his laugh. She didn't know why what she said was so funny, or why it was so funny that he found it so funny, but she giggled as she took a sloppy chug of her vodka, some of it spilling over her mouth. She wiped it away with her sweater, leaning forward unsteadily to place her cup on the coffee table. She hadn't kept up with how much she had to drink, but the room was spinning and her vision was doubling.

Jake sighed, wiping his tears from his laughter. Grinning, he leaned closer to August and placed a hand on her knee. She ran a hand through her hair, too focused on trying to straighten out her dizzy head to notice his hand.

"You're so funny," he slurred, his eyes halfway closed. He opened them, turning his head to her with his mouth slightly agape. "And beautiful."

August opened her eyes also, not realizing she had them closed in the first place. She looked at his brown eyes. "What?"

"You're so..." he breathed, leaning closer to her while his hand moved a few inches up her leg. "Beautiful...is what I said." He stared hard at her through his messy words, trying to keep himself steady through his drunkenness.

She simply stared at him, not knowing how to respond. She was too drunk to comprehend what he was saying, but she also simply couldn't think of what to say back. Her eyes darted around the living room, looking at all the people standing around and the heavy bass bumping through the speakers that stood right behind the couch they sat on. She could feel the vibrations from the music all over her.

"I want to kiss you," were the quiet, mumbled words that she barely caught hold of as Jake was already leaning his body onto hers, his face coming closer. She opened her mouth to say something—she didn't know what, but it didn't matter anymore as she felt his lips press against hers. She closed her eyes, not kissing him back, feeling completely frozen. She didn't push him off and she didn't tell him no, but she didn't want it either. She was simply stuck like a statue, her head spinning behind her closed eyes as she felt his hand grip her upper thigh, his kiss becoming sloppier.

She felt him grunt sensually against her lips as he leaned forward even more, basically pinning her against the arm of the couch. She grunted, trying to signal to him that she didn't want it. She seemed paralyzed by the alcohol, her limbs heavy and her head too dizzy to figure out what to do.

She felt him press harder against her and his hand trail up even farther, almost reaching her groin; she started to really panic, about to let out a scream when suddenly it was like the boy vanished in thin air. She opened her heavy eyes, just now realizing the heaving of her chest and the shaking of her hands. Her chest heaved even harder at the sight in front of her.

Jake was suddenly thrown onto the coffee table, slamming onto the wood and rolling off, knocking everything of it off with the force his body hit the surface with. August gasped, looking up as she saw a tall, slender figure with long black hair cascading down her back standing over the boy. Willow.

Through her blurred vision she saw Willow's shoulders from behind, heaving up and down as her fists balled at her side. Suddenly the world started to dim; her drunkenness mixed with how shaken up she was from what just happened with Jake and now seeing Willow stand in front of her and feeling her anger radiate off her even with her back turned to her.

August snapped out of her faintness as she heard grunts and punches being thrown. She opened her eyes to see Willow on top of Jake, slamming her knuckles down and hitting him straight in the face over and over again.

"S-Stop!" August mumbled, lunging towards the woman, but her legs gave out when she stood from the couch and she buckled to the ground, hitting the hardwood floor. The fall seemed to clear her vision, though, as she felt suddenly jolted awake. She slowly stood up, holding onto the coffee table as she reached towards Willow who was still on top of Jake, continuously swinging at the boy who was already knocked unconscious. August felt a shiver run through her spine at the look in Willow's eyes. She almost didn't recognize her; it was similar to the look she had when she had gotten so angry with August in the beginning days of their... "relationship," except it was a million times worse. The woman was obviously blacked out from her anger, not realizing that she was a few licks away from killing the boy.

"Willow," August whimpered, on her hands and knees only feet away from the woman, nearly tearing up at how bad she wanted to scream at the woman, but the state she was in would not allow it.

The whimper was enough for the woman's ears to perk. She froze mid-swing, her fist in the air as her gaze shot to her right to see the girl on the floor, tears welling in her half-closed eyes. The sound of the girl saying her name was enough for the fire in her eyes to settle, turning to concern and awareness of what she was doing.

She stood up sharply, looking down at the unconscious boy whose face was covered in blood and bruises to the point where he was unrecognizable. She flicked her wrist in the air, saying, "Take care of him," to any of her men that were around. After getting no response, she looked up to see that the whole room was frozen, staring right at her in utter terror and disbelief. She hadn't noticed in her blind rage that even the music had stopped playing. Her eyes scanned the crowd of people that only gawked at her like frightened children. "Now!" she yelled, her authoritative voice booming throughout the now silent mansion.

"Yes, Miss," a few of the people mumbled, breaking the silence by finally moving her to commands, a few men picking Jake up off the floor. She honestly couldn't care less if he lived or died after what she had just witnessed, but she gave the order anyways.

She turned to the girl whose teary eyes had finally released a few lines of salty liquid down her bright red cheeks. She internally sighed, taking a moment to stare at the girl. Oh, how she missed that girl's blushing cheeks, blue eyes, and curly brown hair—even if her cheeks were red from alcohol, her eyes teary from watching the scene play out before her, and her brown hair messed up from that dickwad pushing her against the couch. She felt anger rile up in her chest and her eyes that had momentarily softened turned to stone again which caused the girl's stomach to drop.

"You," Willow quietly demanded, reaching forward and taking the girl's wrist, pulling her to her feet and watching her stumble as she held her slender wrist with an iron grasp, "Come with me."