Chapter 35

I arrived home while tears glided down my eyes. I rushed to my bedroom and slammed the door closed, wanting to be alone. Mom was home and I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to talk about what had just happened.

I slumped into bed, buried my face in my pillow, and cried. My shoulders shook as different emotions wrapped me in a cold embrace. Anger and betrayal were twisting in my stomach and the emotions that were making my heart ache were rejection and disappointment.

He had never even liked me. He pretended he did.

It was disgusting and revolting but weakening.

I had been vulnerable with him countless times. I had opened up to him. I had trusted him. Only for him to hurt a good person.

I should have trusted my earlier instincts about him.

I didn’t know how long I allowed tears to fall without a sound, only a sniffle from time to time.

After a while, when the tears had dried, someone opened my door. I raised my head, thinking it was Mom, worried about me.

Worse.

It was Graham. He looked sickly worried. His eyes were wide, and his face was etched with a frown.

I sniffled. My head was pounding and hammering. I was exhausted. I didn’t want to deal with him. I didn’t have the energy. My heart was bleeding. Anything he was going to say was going to stab my chest sharply and deathly.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him. “Who let you in?”

“Why aren’t you answering my calls and messages?” he questioned. He sounded a bit mad and exasperated about it. It was like he was worried and had searched around for me, but once he knew I was deliberately avoiding him, he was angry.

I almost scoffed.

“You need to leave,” I said instead.

He ignored me and I clenched my jaw. Couldn’t he leave me alone? Of course he didn’t. He hadn’t left me alone since the beginning of the year, and he had never left Jacob in peace since the beginning of high school.

He stalked toward me and sat at the edge of the bed, grabbing my face and studying it. Whatever he saw made him angrier. Probably that his plan was revealed.

I flinched.

Graham scowled at my movement and his now-empty hands fisted.

“Were you crying?” he asked and moved to grab me again. My heart stuttered in fear. I crawled away from him, clenching my jaw even tighter. He had the audacity to act as if he cared.

~Ha! As if. ~

Maybe it was another sick joke, another play. How fast could he get me to forgive him? How fast could he do damage control and be back bullying and taunting Jacob with me?

I was a plaything on a major scale, probably the last killing piece.

The endgame.

“Baby,” he croaked. He tried catching my eye, but I refused to look at him. He pretended to be worried and exasperated. Perhaps the latter was true. “What’s wrong?”

I ignored him, hoping he left.

I should know better. He continued pressing me. “Talk to me, Hazel.” He stroked my hair, and I swirled around to face him. My eyes were wide with indignation and anger, an overwhelming weight was suffocating me.

“You!” I gritted my teeth, flaring my nostrils. He didn’t want to leave me alone? Fine, I’d make him wish for it. “You are what’s wrong. You and your manipulation and your bullying and your insulting words,” I seethed. All the anger that had been simmering bubbled up and exploded. His eyes widened in surprise and alarm. He was confused and pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about.

I wondered how many lies and things he’d done to bully Jacob and others.

“Jacob told me everything. About how you threatened him with harm, so he broke up with me,” I confessed at last.

His back straightened in alert. He looked surprised at being caught. He probably thought his plan was bulletproof.

“What’s wrong with you, St. Claire?” I demanded. I’d questioned night after night years ago why someone would want to torment another. Jacob had never done anything to Graham. Nothing at all.

“Wait, baby, please hear me out.” He raised his hands, trying to calm me down. I was furious. The gesture only heightened how outraged I was.

“Hear what? How you threatened him? Or are you going to lie to me and tell me you didn’t threaten him?”

He shut his eyes for a moment, jaw clenching in frustration. “I would never lie to you.”

“Admit it, then,” I yelled. “Did you force Jacob to break up with me?”

He looked like a caged animal. The situation was slipping out of control. Out of ~his~ hands. “I did it, but not for the reasons you think. Please, listen to me.”

I shook my head. “You did lie to me. You never changed. You’re disgusting.”

“Hazel.”

“There isn’t one good bone in your body. How fucked up can you be?”

My question was like a slap to his face. His agitation subdued as he stared at me. I schooled my heart to be strong when I saw the pain behind his eyes.

I had hit a nerve. At least the part of how unworthy he saw himself wasn’t a lie. I hated hurting the people I loved, even though Graham deserved this.

He swallowed, blinking fast. “Baby—” His voice was hoarse. He reached for my hand, but I slipped it away before he could clutch it.

I despised the tingles in my hand. “Get out.” I hardened my voice.

“Hazel,” he pleaded, desperate.

“It’s over,” I interrupted. I wasn’t ready to hear more of his words. “Can’t you get it? I don’t want your explanations. Get out!”

His eyes widened even more, glistening. “You told me there was nothing that would make you leave me.” He swallowed, grasping for hope. “At least, give me a chance to explain.”

“I didn’t realize how fucked up you were.” I widened my eyes at him.

He flinched, pressing his lips together as he continued to stare at me. He was hurting.

My heart continued pounding and my head was hammering. Everything was too much. His presence was unbalancing. I needed quietness and silence.

I shook my head and breathed out. “Get out!”

Mom ran to my bedroom, looking alarmed at the two of us. Graham hunched over the bed, ready to grab me if I escaped. I was corralled in bed, afraid.

Graham never removed his gaze from me. “Don’t do this, baby,” he pleaded. Each word was stab after stab. First in my stomach, then on my side, then in my throat. In my chest.

“I don’t want to see you,” I whispered, as a tear leaked from my eye. I wiped it with frustration. “Ever again.”

Graham opened his mouth, but Mom spoke. “Graham.” Her voice was soft—a complete whiplash from our shouts.

Graham turned to look at my mother with hesitation. Whatever my mother saw in his face, softened her. She tilted her head.

“Please.” She pressed her lips. “I think it is better if you leave now.”

Graham looked down at his lap. His hands clenched the covers of my blanket. He took a deep breath before nodding. He reluctantly released my blanket and stood up. Once he towered over my bed, his dark eyes haunted me.

“This is not over, Miller,” he whispered.

A shudder traveled from my neck to my lower back, from my shoulders to the tip of my fingers, causing goose bumps.

I stopped breathing.

Finally, he removed his gaze and shuffled to the door with his head down. Mom looked at me and I shook my head. I needed to be alone.

Without another word, she closed the door, and I heard Graham’s car opening and slamming closed. Once his engine started, I crumbled and cried hard.

It was over.