If You Love Me: Chapter 31

“Do you think it looks good? Do you think she’ll like the cake?” Tristan’s hands are on his hips and he’s wearing his customary scowl. He’s standing in front of a table set up just inside the rink, surrounded by decorations. The whole room has been transformed.

“It’s a pretty kick-ass cake,” Nate assures him.

Tristan ignores his brother. “Roman, what do you think?”

I clap him on the shoulder. “It looks awesome. She’s going to love it.”

“Should we check with Coach Forrester?”

“Bro, chill out. It’s not like you’re going to have another one made between now and when everyone starts showing up. The cake is a masterpiece.” Nate doesn’t seem the least bit fazed by Tristan and his mild freak-out.

“It’s exceptionally cool,” I add. And it is. The cake is shaped like a hockey rink, and it boasts an entirely edible net and a miniature sculpture of Callie in her goalie gear that she can take home.

“Do you think the balloon arch is big enough?”

“Yeah, dude. The arch is big enough.” Nate rolls his eyes.

He moved in with Flip at the beginning of the month and seems to be roped into everything involving the team these days.

“It’s perfect,” I agree. It’s her team colors and takes up almost an entire wall. There’s also a photo booth, complete with dress-up options.

“Okay. Cool. Did you get your shirt? There’s a special one for you. You should change into it.” He checks his watch and runs his hand over his chest. It reads #TeamCallie Birthday Crew. “The kids are arriving any second. Bea? Babe, do you think there are enough balloons marking the entrance?”

“Tris, babycakes, take a breath.” Rix hugs his waist. “There are more than enough balloons. This birthday party will be fabulous, and Callie will love it.” Her shirt reads #TeamCallie Party Brigade.

“I want it to be a good day for her, you know? She doesn’t have a mom or a dad, and not because either of them sucked as parents, but because they’re fuckin’ gone.” He takes a calming breath. “Sorry. I just know how hard birthdays were after our mom bailed.”

Nate mumbles excuse me and disappears down the hall to the bathroom.

“I know.” It’s a sore spot for him, but he’s been channeling it into something good, and this party is one of those things. “You’ve done a fantastic job, Tristan.” I assure him. “I’ll put my shirt on.”

I leave him with Rix and move to the table with all the shirts. Peggy, Hollis, Dred, and Connor are already wearing theirs. Connor’s reads: Callie’s Favorite Player.

He grins at me. “No hard feelings, right, Roman?”

I laugh. “None at all.” Because if all goes according to plan, I’ll get to take that little girl on family vacations. I’ll be the one who reads her bedtime stories, gets on the ice with her, goes to parent-teacher interview nights, and cheers her on at games. While I’ll never replace her dad, I’ll sure as hell do my best to fill the void his loss has caused.

I’m falling just as hard for those girls as I am for Lexi. I’m excited about the possibility of stepping into the role of parent again. Unconventional, maybe. But this time I’ll have a partner who feels the same way about me as I do about her.

I grab my shirt and chuckle. Mine reads Callie’s 2nd Favorite Player. The “O” in favorite is replaced with a sad-face emoji. It’s perfect. Everything about the party is.

Callie’s school friends and teammates arrive, along with her grandparents from Niagara. Lexi’s dad is in the middle of a huge court case, so he’s planning a visit in the next few weeks, but he sent a gift to Tristan and an apology that he couldn’t make it work. Hopefully the party will make up for it, but I wish he was more present for them.

The kids are so excited, especially when they realize they each get a jersey and will meet a bunch of Terror players. They’re already familiar with me and Connor, since we’ve both attended Callie’s games.

Flip, who’s been helping organize the food with Rix and Essie, hands me a napkin with a cookie. “This is looking good. When does the birthday girl arrive?”

I check the scoreboard instead of my phone for the time because I don’t want Flip to see my messages with Lexi. “Soon.” He’s just another person to add to the never-ending list of people I’m hiding the truth from.

He frowns as he scans the room, stopping at Tally, Dred, and Connor, who are busy making sure the loot bags are all tagged. “Talls’s boyfriend didn’t make it today, eh?”

“Doesn’t seem like this would be his thing.”

He crosses his arms. “I don’t think anything is that kid’s thing. What’s his name again? I always forget.”

I shrug. “Dunno. Peggy just calls him Tally’s boyfriend.”

“Well, I’m glad he’s not here. He’s a wet blanket, and Tally can do better.”

“I think the girls would agree.”

“Why don’t they say anything?” he asks.

“Because it’s Tally’s decision who she dates, and they want her to feel supported and not judged. Or at least that’s what Peggy told me when I asked.”

“Makes sense, I guess.” He rubs his bottom lip.

“You and Grace seem to be getting along better these days.”

Flip makes an irritated sound. “I’m going to go help Rix in the kitchen. See you later.”

He hustles off.

My phone pings.

I whistle shrilly to get everyone’s attention. “They’re coming in! Take your places!” We cut the lights when everyone is in position and wait for the doors to open.

“Why’s it so dark?” Callie asks.

Dred flicks on the light, and we yell a collective, “Surprise!”

Hemi is ready with her camera, snapping photos as Callie’s friends converge on her. The way her face brightens makes my heart swell. Fee’s smile is wide, and Lexi looks like she’s on the verge of tears. I want nothing more than to be able to go to her, to wrap her in my arms and tell her I’ve got her. But I can’t. Not yet.

Dred is the one who steps in and hugs the three of them. It’s a flurry of excitement as Callie and her friends suit up to take the ice. Connor, Tristan, Hollis, Dallas, Ash, Flip, and I all suit up as well, and we spend an hour on the ice, shooting the puck around with Callie and her teammates. Even Fee, who doesn’t normally get excited about being on the ice, comes out and plays with Tristan’s encouragement.

After hockey and games, we feed the kids. Tristan sits beside Fee, and Connor takes the seat beside Callie, who keeps looking up at him with moon eyes.

“She’s so happy,” Lexi says softly.

“She is. How was the morning?” I ask.

“It was hard. There were some tears, and for a while I was worried she wouldn’t come around, but Fee made her chocolate chip pancakes and told her we had big plans and that Mom and Dad would want her to have a fun birthday and not be sad.” She pinches the bridge of her nose.

I covertly skim the back of her hand. “I wish I could hug you.”

“I wish you could, too,” she whispers.

“Next year it’ll look a lot different, and I’ll be able to,” I murmur.

She smiles up at me. “I’m really looking forward to that.”

“Me, too.”

Dred approaches with a smile plastered on her face. “Lexi, they’re almost ready for cake. Do you want to come to the kitchen with me?”

“I can help,” I offer.

“It’s less conspicuous if it’s me who goes.” She threads her arm through Lexi’s and guides her away.

Hollis sidles up next to me. “Dred stepped in to make sure you two didn’t look too cozy.”

“Mmm…” Two of our people have noticed now. I glance around, stomach rioting.

“Getting harder to stay away?”

“Yup.” Harder than I realized, maybe.

He claps me on the shoulder, his expression pained but also empathetic. “I’m sorry. Especially because I know exactly where you are right now.”

I tuck a hand into my pocket, the guilt heavy on my shoulders. “I wish it was me who stood to lose, instead of the other way around.”

“It’s a tough place.” He sighs.

I watch Callie and her friends laughing and smiling. “I don’t want to make Lexi’s life harder, but I don’t want to be without her.”

Understanding crosses his features. “That’s good, man. You both deserve to have someone to share this life with. You have a huge heart. More people should get to fit inside it.”

Dred and Lexi return with the cake, a number 9 candle burning brightly. Essie, Peggy, and Rix follow with ice cream, plates, and silverware. Tristan hops up and starts belting out “Happy Birthday.” He’s completely out of tune. Rix jumps in, her voice a melodic counterpart to Tristan’s pitchiness, and we all join her.

“Did you know Rix could sing?” Hollis asks.

“I did not,” I reply.

Callie’s smile is so wide and beautiful, her joy and excitement infectious. She bounces in her seat and screws her eyes shut tight before she blows out the candle.

Dred and Lexi cut the cake and pass it out to the kids and then the adults.

After cake, Callie digs into her mountain of presents.

She tears through the paper of Connor’s gift, bottom lip pushed out as she tries to figure out what it is. Connor steps in to help her set it up.

“Oh wow! Can I keep this in my room, Lexi?” Callie bounces up and down and wraps her arms around Connor’s waist. “This is the best!”

“If that’s where you want to keep it, absolutely.” Lexi gives her two thumbs-up, all smiles.

Taking up more space than is reasonable are life-size cutouts of the two of them. Callie’s dressed in her hockey gear, and Connor’s wearing his #1 Fan T-shirt. It’s fantastic, and I almost wish I’d thought of it.

Callie opens gifts from her friends, oohing and ahhing over the stuffies and games and toys. Lexi hands her the gift from Kristoff, and Callie tears into it.

“Oh this is so cool! I love it!” It’s a special-edition Connor Grace jersey, complete with sequins. He probably had it custom embellished.

The girls pamper her with more fun gifts, and she rushes over and gives me a huge hug after she opens mine. Callie is big into Legos, and I picked up the Terror hockey rink kit.

“Can we build it together?” she asks.

“Absolutely.”

I exchange a look with Lexi, hoping Dred and Hollis are the only ones who pick up on that.

The final gift is from Tristan. It’s huge with a big bow.

She tears through the paper and opens the box. “Oh my gosh! No way!” She pulls out brand new goalie gear. Top of the line. It’s extravagant, especially for a kid who will grow out of it in less than a year, but her joy and Tristan’s are worth it.

“Dude, that’s like five grand in gear,” Nate mutters to his brother.

“I bought you a car,” Tristan counters with a furrowed brow.

Nate opens his mouth to argue, but shrugs instead. “True.”

When all the presents are unwrapped, Callie passes out the loot bags, which again, are ostentatious and over the top.

“I will never be able to top this birthday,” Lexi says as she surveys the mountain of gifts.

“You won’t have to, now that you have us,” Tristan assures her. “We take care of our own. You’re family, Coach. We’ve got your back.”

The girls hug Lexi, echoing Tristan, and I stand back, knowing how emotional this makes her. I want to say fuck it and step in. But I’d be doing more harm than good.

I have a deeper appreciation now for how hard it must have been for Hollis last year when he was in this position—feeling like he had to hide his feelings for Peggy, wishing he could love her the way he does now, afraid to blow up our friendship, unsure if I’d ever get over the betrayal.

But they made it out the other side, which gives me hope for me and Lexi.

Once all the kids have gone and we’ve cleaned up, we take the gifts out to Lexi’s car.

We’re halfway to Lexi’s vehicle when we run into Donnie Richards and his kids. “Hey, how’s it going?” I rearrange the gifts so I can shake his hand and say hi to him and his boys.

“Roman? Hey, this is a surprise. Someone have a birthday?” He glances between me and Lexi. “Hey Forrester.”

“Hey Donnie.” She smiles, but it looks strained. “My youngest sister. She plays at this arena.”

“Right, yeah.” He nods slowly. “I didn’t realize that.”

His son tugs on his sleeve. “Dad, we gotta go in or we’ll be late.”

Donnie thumbs over his shoulder. “We need to head in.”

“Good luck on the ice today,” I say.

“Yeah, thanks. See you tomorrow. Happy birthday to your sister,” Donnie says.

“Thanks,” Lexi replies.

Donnie corrals his boys and heads for entrance.

She tosses a worried glance over her shoulder. “I don’t love that he’s seen us together outside of the arena.”

“All the guys are still in there, and he’s about to run into them, too,” I remind her.

“Right. Yeah. I’m being paranoid.”

“Don’t forget that Donnie and Arnold are friends outside of work.” I don’t say anything about having run into Donnie here before, though, because I don’t want to cause her unnecessary stress. “Come on, let’s get these presents in your car.”

She pops the trunk, and we pile gifts inside.

“I don’t think all of it will fit,” she notes.

We haven’t even loaded half of them and her trunk is almost full.

“I can take the rest and follow you,” I offer.

Lexi scans the parking lot, like she’s nervous we’ll run into someone else we know. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“It’s not a problem. My SUV has loads of space.”

“Okay. Great. Thank you.” We load both vehicles, and there’s another round of hugs and happy birthdays for Callie. She comes to me last, and I crouch so I’m at eye level for a hug.

“I have a question,” she whispers when her arms are wrapped around my neck.

“Okay.” I pat her back.

She backs up and looks over her shoulder, maybe making sure we have a little privacy. “We’re going to watch a movie when we get home. Will you stay and watch it with us?”

“Sure. I’d love to. Is that your question?”

She shakes her head and twists her fingers. “I made a wish today when I blew out my candles, and I know I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but I told Fifi, and now I’m worried it won’t come true.”

“It can still come true,” I assure her.

“Really?” Relief crosses her face.

“Most of the time, yeah.” Unless she’s wishing for her parents to come back. That’s not possible, and I don’t want to give her false hope.

“Okay, good. I’ll see you back at the house for the movie.”

“You don’t want to tell me what the wish was?”

“Not yet.” She kisses me on the cheek and skips back to the car.

Lexi and I exchange a smile.

I’m in so deep with these girls.

I can see the future unfolding, and the more the vision forms, the harder it is to hold back. But we’re almost there. I just have to remind myself of that.