Chapter 39

Nani Hirunkit

I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling, the dim light of the night creeping through the window. My phone rests on the nightstand, just within reach, a constant reminder of everything I'm trying to avoid thinking about. The scholarship offer. My parents' encouragement. Dew and Win's unwavering support. It all swirls around in my head, tangled up with the fear of leaving everything behind.

I roll onto my side, pulling the blanket closer, as if the weight of it might somehow ease the pressure building in my chest. My thoughts keep circling back to my friends—Aou, Boom, Perth, Santa, Joong, Dunk, and especially Sky. We've been through so much together, and now, I'm faced with a choice that could change everything.

What if they don't understand? What if they feel betrayed by my decision? How could I just leave? The uncertainty gnaws at me, and the more I try to push it away, the more it takes root.

It would be so much easier if I didn't care about how they'd feel, if I could just make a decision without worrying about the impact it would have on them. But I know that's not who I am. They've all been there for me—through every high and low—and now, the thought of leaving them behind makes my stomach churn.

I turn over again, trying to find a position that will somehow quiet my mind. I can hear the distant sounds of the city outside, a faint hum in the background, but it only serves as a reminder that the world is still spinning, while I'm stuck in this moment of indecision.

Sky... Would he be upset? Or worse, would he not even care? My heart tightens at the thought, and I feel the weight of the decision pressing harder. I don't know if I'm strong enough to leave. I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay.

With a frustrated sigh, I grab my pillow, pressing it to my face, trying to block out the thoughts that have taken over. I know I should be sleeping. I'm exhausted. But my mind refuses to settle, bouncing between the excitement of the opportunity and the fear of what I might lose.

Finally, after what feels like hours, my body betrays me, and I slip into a restless sleep, the uncertainty still lingering, unanswered questions hanging in the air like shadows, waiting for the morning to bring clarity—or perhaps more confusion.

-----------------

I push open the glass door to the café, and the familiar scent of coffee and warm pastries washes over me, wrapping around me like a comfort I don't want to lose. The soft hum of conversations, the clinking of ceramic mugs against wooden tables, and the occasional burst of laughter make the space feel as lively as ever. It's a place that feels like home—our home.

The others are already there, sprawled across our usual corner booth near the window. Boom is mid-laugh, his head thrown back as Aou playfully smacks his arm, while Perth and Santa are locked in what looks like a heated debate over their drinks. Joong and Dunk are watching with amusement, and Sky—Sky is stirring his coffee absently, his gaze distant, as if lost in thought.

Boom notices me first, his eyes lighting up as he waves me over. "Took you long enough. Thought you bailed on us."

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, forcing a small smirk as I slide into the empty seat between Aou and Dunk. The cushion sinks beneath me, grounding me in the moment, but my stomach is tight. My hands feel too cold.

I glance at Sky across the table. He hasn't looked up yet, his spoon tapping softly against the edge of his cup. My chest tightens. There's so much I want to say—so much I don't know how to say.

"So, what's up?" Joong asks, leaning forward, resting his arms on the table. "You've been weirdly quiet in the group chat lately."

The lighthearted atmosphere shifts. I feel it before I even speak, the way the energy around the table subtly changes. My throat dries, my fingers curl against my lap, and suddenly, the words feel too big to say out loud.

But I have to.

I take a deep breath. "I... I got a scholarship. To study abroad."

The words drop like a stone into still water, sending ripples through the space between us. The background noise of the café seems to dull, the voices and clinking cups fading into something distant, unimportant.

Boom blinks at me. "Wait, what?"

Aou shifts beside me, sitting up straighter. "Abroad? Like... actually leaving?"

I nod, my grip tightening around the edge of the table. "Yeah."

For a moment, no one says anything. They're still processing it.

Then Perth lets out a low whistle. "Damn, Nani. That's huge."

Santa nudges him. "And you're just telling us now?"

I swallow hard. "I wanted to, but..." My voice falters, and I hesitate, looking around at them—at their familiar faces, the people who have been my family in every way that matters. "I don't know. I guess I was scared of how you'd react."

Sky, who has been silent this entire time, finally lifts his gaze. His dark eyes meet mine, steady, unreadable. "When would you leave?"

The directness of the question makes my stomach twist. "I'm not sure.. The end of the semester maybe." My voice feels smaller than I want it to be.

Joong exhales, running a hand through his hair. "Wow. That's... soon."

Dunk shakes his head, still processing. "I can't believe you almost didn't tell us."

Boom lets out a breath and smacks my arm—lightly, but with enough force to make me flinch. "Idiot. Of course we'd support you."

I blink. "You... do?"

Santa snorts. "What, you thought we'd be mad?"

"I mean, I don't know," I admit, rubbing the back of my neck. "I was worried you guys would feel like I was leaving you behind."

Aou scoffs, nudging me with his elbow. "Nani, this is an incredible opportunity. We'd be mad if you didn't take it."

Joong nods. "Yeah. We're surprised, sure, but this is huge for you. You can't let fear hold you back."

Perth grins. "Besides, we'll just bug you constantly with video calls. You can't get rid of us that easily."

A shaky breath escapes me, something loosening in my chest. I hadn't even realized how badly I needed to hear this.

Dunk nudges my shoulder. "Say you'll go. Say you'll make the most of it."

My gaze flickers back to Sky. He's still watching me, his fingers tapping idly against his cup. There's something unreadable in his expression, something restrained—but then, finally, he gives a small nod. "If this is what you want... then go for it."

The tightness in my chest eases, just a little.

Boom throws an arm around me, nearly knocking me over. "Guess that settles it. Our Nani's gonna be an international scholar."

The conversation shifts, the weight lifting as the others start teasing me about moving to a new country. Aou and Boom argue over who'll visit me first, Santa starts calculating time zone differences, and Perth insists that I'll have to wake up at ungodly hours just to stay in our group chats. The warmth in their voices, their easy acceptance—it makes everything feel real.

I can do this.