Chapter 37

Nani Hirunkit

I try to keep my hands from trembling as I settle into the chair across from Professor Prakit. The usual coolness of the office seems to have disappeared, replaced by a subtle but undeniable tension in the air. The hum of the fluorescent lights above suddenly feels amplified, every sound in the room seeming to echo louder than normal. It's as if the very atmosphere is thick, charged with something I can't name—something that has my heart beating faster than usual. I try to steady my breathing, but it doesn't help much.

Professor Prakit doesn't waste any time with pleasantries. He cuts straight to the chase, his voice low but precise, each word deliberately chosen.

"I've been speaking with a few of the other professors recently," he starts, his tone smooth but firm, like he's measuring the very words that leave his mouth. "And based on your academic performance this semester, I think you have the potential to go further than most of your peers. Your grades are the best in the class, and your English is more than adequate."

I blink, the words catching me off guard. I feel a jolt of surprise surge through me, but I quickly try to push it down, focusing on his next words. I don't let my expression falter, but inside, my mind is already spinning. My grades? Best in the class? The idea doesn't feel real—like I'm not even the person he's talking about. It takes a few moments for the recognition to sink in.

Professor Prakit shifts in his seat, leaning back slightly, his eyes now studying me with an intensity that makes me feel like he's reading every shift in my expression, every beat of silence between us. There's no comfort in his gaze, just a kind of calculated assessment. I try not to squirm under it, but it's hard not to feel exposed.

"That being said," he continues, his voice still steady, but now there's an undertone of something else—something more significant. "I wanted to offer you something."

I'm caught off guard again. My breath catches in my throat, and for a moment, all I can do is stare at him, waiting for him to explain. The words "offer" and "something" sound so innocuous, yet in this context, they feel loaded with expectation, with potential. The air in the room seems to press down on me as I wait for the other shoe to drop, unsure if I even want to hear what comes next.

"You've been selected for a scholarship," he says, his voice almost too calm for the weight of what he just said. "This is an opportunity to study abroad, in one of the partner universities we have agreements with."

For a moment, everything falls away. Study abroad? A scholarship?

I stare at him, trying to make sense of what he's just said, but the words seem distant, surreal. This is not my life. This is not something I ever imagined would be offered to me. I've always seen students like this—the ones who get scholarships, the ones who seem to have it all figured out. It was always something for other people, not me. It's like I'm outside of myself, listening to someone else's story.

Professor Prakit pauses, letting the words sink in before he continues. His gaze never wavers from mine, as if he's waiting for my reaction, reading it closely, expecting me to process this all in an instant.

"I've spoken with several professors at a higher-up meeting, and they all believe you're more than capable of handling this responsibility," he adds, each word deliberate. "It's a prestigious offer, Nani. The kind of thing that could shape your future. I think you should seriously consider it."

Shape my future?

The words echo in my head, over and over again. I feel a lump form in my throat. This isn't just an opportunity. This is a pivot, a fork in the road. This isn't about grades or English anymore; this is about everything—everything I've known up until now and everything that could change in an instant. My life, my routine, everything I've ever been comfortable with, is being held up to the light, turned upside down.

I swallow hard, but my mouth feels dry. My heart pounds in my chest, louder now, like it's trying to break free of the cage of my ribs. I try to steady myself, but the room feels too small, the air too thick. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel. So, I manage the only question that comes to mind, even though it feels weak, like it's too simple for the weight of what's happening.

"What's the catch?" The words come out without thought, and I immediately wish I could take them back. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I can't help but wonder what the real cost is here.

Professor Prakit doesn't flinch. His face doesn't change, his posture doesn't shift. His gaze stays steady, unwavering.

"There isn't one," he replies quickly, his tone sharp now, almost as if he's anticipating my next move. "You've earned this. You've proven yourself capable. You're simply being given the chance to take this opportunity."

I hear him, but it doesn't seem to sink in. This isn't just about academics or potential anymore. This is about a shift in my entire existence. The idea of leaving, of going somewhere completely new and unknown, feels terrifying. I've never been someone who dreamed of studying abroad. The thought has always seemed distant—out of reach, like something only the extraordinary get to experience. But now, it's here, a real offer sitting in front of me, and I don't know if I'm ready for it.

I glance down at my hands, suddenly aware of how they're clenched tightly in my lap. My fingers tremble slightly, and I feel a sudden urge to stand, to pace, to do something that will break the suffocating stillness of the room. But instead, I stay still, trying to gather my thoughts, trying to make sense of this.

"But... I don't know if I can just leave everything behind," I murmur, more to myself than to him, my voice cracking slightly. The words taste like a confession, like something I wasn't supposed to admit out loud. The idea of leaving everything—the friends I've grown so close to, the life I've built here—it feels overwhelming. My mind races through all the what-ifs, all the fears, and suddenly, the offer feels like a weight, not a chance.

Professor Prakit leans forward slightly, his eyes softening just a fraction. There's a brief pause, and then he speaks again, his voice gentle but firm. "That's your decision, Nani. But you're more than capable. Don't let fear of the unknown hold you back from something that could change your life."

His words hit me harder than I expect. I look up, meeting his gaze, and for the first time, I realize that this is more than just a scholarship. This is about taking control of my life, stepping into something bigger, something unknown. I could leave, go somewhere new, start fresh. But is that what I want?

I nod slowly, the weight of the decision settling deeper in my chest. My mind is still reeling, still unsure of what to think or feel. The room feels smaller now, the air thicker. There's so much at stake here—my friends, my life, everything I've known. But maybe... maybe it's time for something new. Maybe this is what I've been waiting for, even if I didn't know it.

Professor Prakit watches me closely, sensing the turmoil inside me. "Take some time to think about it, of course. I'll need your decision soon, though. The window for the offer is closing soon."

I stand up slowly, my legs a little shaky. "Thank you," I say, trying to sound more composed than I feel. "I'll... I'll think about it."

"Good," he replies, nodding. "I'm sure you'll make the right choice."

I leave his office in a daze, the door clicking shut behind me with a sound that seems too final, too much. For a moment, I stand in the hallway, just breathing, trying to absorb everything that's just been thrown at me. My mind buzzes with possibilities, with fear, with excitement. It feels like everything is on the verge of changing, but I have no idea if I'm ready to make that leap.

I take a deep breath, forcing my shoulders to relax, trying to steady the storm of thoughts inside my head. I don't have the answer yet, but I know one thing for sure: this kind of opportunity doesn't come around often. I'll need to make my decision soon. And when I do, there's no turning back.