Chapter Thirteen

Vincent

"Just in case you forgot, we are here to forget and let go. What's with that saggy face?" Yhannie, eating her stake and trying hard to act as sophisticated as she wanted to be paused for a moment just to call me out by pointing her fork directly at me. I almost didn't notice that I was just staring blankly at my food and deeply thinking about Keiran.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking about something else" I shook my head and picked up the fork and knife as I regained my consciousness back.

"Don't you mean someone else? Jesus Vincent, this is your freakin' idea in the first place, you dragged me into this shit. Quit thinking about him."

"I know, it's just..... I just can't wiggle him off my mind" I admitted. Several months have already passed since the break-up and at this point, there's honestly no point in lying.

I haven't told Yhannie everything about what exactly happened between me and Keiran which I know makes me elusive in a way, but the bottom line here is that she's here to willingly join me in my very own quest of getting over Keiran. I'm just sort of glad that she doesn't ask a lot of questions about it.

"You know what Vincent. If you truly want to get over him I suggest you should be honest about what you truly feel. If you feel like you miss him, just say it. If you feel like you want to cry, just do it. If you feel like you want to scream the hell, just scream,... just don't do it right now okay!"

"That seems....."

"Shhhhhh I'm not done talking yet" Yhannie cut me off and continued to her speech. "I once stumbled to a poem about getting over someone or something, I don't know but it goes like this 'When pain knocks on your door, let it in. If you don't, it will knock harder and harder. Its voice will become louder and louder. So let it in. Spend some time with it. Have tea with it. Understand it. Then let it leave. Welcome some new visitors', you get that?" She looked at me for a moment as if I'm some slow person who needs time to let something sink in before finally getting back to slicing her stake.

"Wow, that was some damn good poem!" I cried out. "I didn't even know you love reading poems"

"I said I stumbled," She corrected me before putting a slice of stake straight into her mouth and chewed loud as fuck as if she's one of those ASMR artists from Youtube.

While we were on our way to this acoustic club that Yhannie insisted we visit first before dropping to the real party, I've thought of the poem that she just said earlier. It screams truth to me, the pain has been knocking on my door for months and each day the knocking is getting louder and louder and louder to the point where I can't stand the noise anymore, but how do I let it in? How do I open the door and expect the pain to hug me immediately? And should I hug it back? How do I do that?

Keiran showed and let me feel how much he loved me, almost in every way he knows how to get me, he knows how to put a smile on my sunken face, he knows how to uplift my spirit when I'm feeling really down and it's tremendously tormenting to think that I found Keiran cheating on me with someone else. Maybe in a few months, I would've already got over it, it would've been so easy to forget about that cheating bastard but to think that he cheated on me with a girl raised a lot of questions at the back of my mind, and even up until now those questions aren't answered yet.

We arrived at this acoustic bar after a fifteen-minute drive that felt like forever and I immediately discerned this specific calming vibe presenting itself with the bar's ambiance as soon as we found ourselves inside. It's weird why I described it calming when it's clearly a bar nonetheless, but the fact that they are playing some acoustic music gives me this chill kind of vibe that I only feel whenever I go to the beach or a resort or just lowkey having my coffee at my balcony while listening to some Boyce Avenue. The background music is purely soothing, loud but not noisy and it almost makes me want to just sit down in a table, have some drinks, and pretty much gossip about everything along with my friends. The place isn't crowded which made it so much easier to breathe. Yhannie and I chose to settle at a table far away from the stage where the band is performing, so far away yet so in the clear that we can still have a nice view at the band from our spot.

"Cocktail or beer?" I chirped at Yhannie after the waiter handed us the menu.

"Well, we really need to have a good warm-up before going to that party you know, so we'll be having vodka" She replied with such excitement.

"Vodka?" I glared at her. "I thought we were just going to have a light drink?" Raising my eyebrows at her, I questioned this woman's decision. She just said that we are going to have a drink or two just to feel warm and tingling by the time we crash that party and to my understanding of that we just need to have a light drink and now she wants to have vodka.

"Yes, that's what I said" She nodded.

"Alright, so why are we having vodka?"

"Because who wants to crash a party with just a cocktail or beer inside their system? No one!"

"I don't know about that but okay, I'm good with that"

We ordered vodka as per this woman's preference, she's the boss right now and I don't give a shit about it. I haven't had heavy drinks in a few months which means my alcohol stamina had probably lowered down decently. I'll probably be drunk right here after four glasses of vodka before we even go to the party as planned. The first glass went to the second pouring and then unstoppably to the fifth and eventually ending with only a little drop that won't even quench a thirst on the bottom of the glass.

"Cheers to everyone who needs to...."

"Shhhhhh" Yhannie raised her glass for a toss but I cut her off swiftly in the middle the moment I heard someone extremely familiar.

Heartbeats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

That voice. I turned my head around to get a better view of the person who owns that nostalgic voice only to spot someone who is utterly familiar to me, it was Lance Anderson. Lance sat on the center stage plucking that acoustic guitar as he displayed his impressive vocal quality with such ease.

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died every day, waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

I was completely transfixed by this whole new Lance that when I turned my head around, Yhannie was already gulping her vodka until it was gone. I quickly drank mine to match her as well and then turned my head back to the stage immediately.

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything, take away

The sight of Lance at that stage and the melody of his voice certainly brought some extraordinary memories back to my head. I did not expect to see Lance here or anywhere at all and yet there he is a few feet away from where I was sitting, he probably can't see me but I can see him. Lance became a very special memory to me that I almost forgot he still existed in this lifetime. His presence made me inadvertently smile as I quickly called the waiter's attention.

"Uhm,... can I request a song?" The waiter stood beside me.

"Absolutely. Write your request here and I'll make sure to pass it to them" The waiter handed me a folded paper and a pen and I wrote the first song that came into my mind. Lucky Strike. That was the first song that witnessed our first kiss at the backseat of a car. That song was very special to both of us as it was played numerous times during our sexual awakening.

"Here" I pulled a huge bill from my wallet and then handed it to the waiter.

What's standing in front of me

Every breath, every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died every day, waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

I was more than thrilled to hear Lance sing this song in his version. I doubt that he remembers me or even my name, after all these years I'm just that one person who loved him and then left him hanging on thin air, I deserved to be forgotten. I don't even remember why I did that to him but I know I'm a horrible person for what I did.

"Lance did amazingly improved a lot" Yhannie spoke which quickly triggered my curiosity.

"Wait, you knew him?" I volleyed.

"Yeah, high school" Yhannie replied. "Why? Do you know him?"

"Yeah" I nodded.

"Wait, do you like him?"

"I did like him....uh well... did love him" I declared.

"Shut the fuck up!!!" Yhannie's reaction made me regret telling her that but I already said it. She was shrilling like this is big news to her "He's your ex? What in the world"

"Mhmm"

Lance started playing Lucky Strike.

Oh, I want to know just how to love you

The jewel of California

Oh, I want to skip stones on your skin, boy

And drown me in your water

And my boy like a queen

Unlike one you've ever seen

He knows how to love me better

A hit of dopamine, higher than I've ever been

He knows how to love me better

It immediately took me toward a train ride back to the unvisited part of my memory lane when we were still hiding our relationship from the rest of the world. It brought me back to those hidden kisses that temporarily set me free. Flashes of those meaningful exchange of glances that had been the subject of my dreams made its appearance.

'Cause you're safe like spring time

Short days, long nights, boy

Tell me all the ways to love you

'Cause you taste like Lucky Strikes

You drag, I light, boy

Tell me all the ways to love you

Tell me all the ways to love you

Tell me all the ways to love you

Oh, I wanna tip toe through your bliss, boy

Get lost the more I find ya

Oh, don't wanna miss a second of this, boy

Hold tight and love me longer

And my boy like a queen

Unlike one you've ever seen

He knows how to love me better

(He knows how to love me better)

A hit of dopamine, higher than I've ever been

He knows how to love me better

'Cause you're safe like spring time

Short days, long nights, boy

Tell me all the ways to love you

'Cause you taste like Lucky Strikes

Still keeping my eyes on him at that stage while my mind is off somewhere over the rainbow, I felt the warmth that we both draped in.

You drag, I light, boy

Tell me all the ways to love you

Tell me all the ways to love you

Tell me all the ways to love you

Breathe me in, exhale slow

Take me to anywhere you wanna go

Breathe me in, exhale slow

Take me to anywhere you wanna go

'Cause you're safe like spring time

Show days, long nights, boy

Tell me all the ways to love you

'Cause you taste like Lucky Strikes

You drag, I light, boy

Tell me all the ways to love you

Tell me all the ways to love you

Tell me all the ways to love you

Tell me all the ways

Tell me all the ways

(Tell me all the ways to love you)

(Tell me all the ways to love you)

(Tell me all the ways to love you)

During the rest of Lance's set I pretended as if I'm After Lance's set, a sudden flash of idea crossed my mind to which I quickly put to action without bothering to ask Yhannie's opinion or even thinking about it for a moment. I ran to the backstage where I found Lance fixing his things. I stopped and planted my feet firmly the at the entrance, he was on his side but he looked taller and ostensibly buffer.

"Hi" I spat awkwardly.

"Hi" Lance spat back as awkward as I did. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here to see you" I replied, obliviously scanning his now matured appearance and unknowingly comparing it to the shorter and younger version of the Lance that I fell in love with. "I've missed you" I spat, carelessly.

"It's been five years" He spoke as he made a few steps to where I was standing. "But I've missed you too"

I ended up inviting Lance to the party that we are about to attend where he was reluctant at first but because I was much of a bully, I bullied him successfully into saying yes. He sat comfortably at the back seat and while I was striving to focus on driving, I couldn't keep myself from watching him in the mirror. There was this one moment where I sought to steal a glance from him and he was already trying to steal a glance from me and our eyes crossed. Yhannie was mostly the one who's doing all of the talking throughout the drive and I don't mind her performing well at what she's good at. She was hosting the middle ground and correctly maintained and repelled awkwardness away from taking over. She was asking mostly normal questions directed to Lance.