Chapter 55: How Am I Supposed To Live Without You

Ares

It's the smile for me.

If you ask me what I like the most about Spencer, I will tell you straight forward: his adorable smile.

The way his mouth opens to reveal a shy, sometimes naughty grin. I absolutely love that about him.

I love every part of my mate's body. From head to toe, he is perfect. Of course, I adore his butt too. I mean, don't get me started...

What I really love is his smile. His perfect white teeth shining bright can illuminate any dark day. How I wish I could have him smiling at me right now.

My father basically carried me out of the pack house and took me back home after Spencer was arrested.

I sincerely can't grasp the fact that my mate could shoot anyone, much less Harry's mate. It doesn't register with me.

I know he was in a dark place back then. I get that, truly I do. But I can't imagine Spencer shooting someone and lying about it this whole time.

This is not the man I fell for. The sweet guy who couldn't hurt a fly. The same guy who talked me off the ledge when I had my hand on another man's throat.

I am capable of murder. I don't deny it. I was in fact trained for it.

I never actually killed anyone in my life - thank Goddess, this is not a badge I'd like to claim - but the point is I could.

If they killed my mate, definitely I could see myself doing it. I don't claim to be a saint. Never did.

But my sweet, gentle soul Spencer... I can't wrap my head around it. I just cannot.

I am sure the evidence against him must be compelling. And I'll definitely hear about it from my father or Landon. But nothing on Earth can convince me of his guilt. Not that it makes any difference. It's not up to me. Nor is it even up to Landon.

Spencer is a Blood Moon pack member who allegedly committed a crime under their territory. So, it's up to their Alpha.

I would gladly take a banishment right about now. Though it would hurt me to not live in Regency Falls, I'd much rather make my life elsewhere with my mate than not have him at all.

But this is not a banishment offense. Not even remotely. I may not know much, but this much is clear.

Tears fell from my eyes.

I am on my bed lying down the same way I was after my father left me here. I lost the will to live.

I know it sounds gloomy, but I can't do this without my mate. I was miserable before I found him and I don't want to go back to being miserable again.

Just leave me here to die. If Spencer is not walking on this Earth, neither do I want to be here. It's the truth. Spencer is my heart, my everything.

I know we have only just met nearly a month ago, but he already means the world to me. I cannot lie, I didn't know true happiness until I knew him.

Desperate tears insist on falling from my eyes. The implication behind his arrest is daunting to me. I can't stop the despair from taking over me.

With each passing minute comes the realization that I might never see my mate again. Not unless I make the trip to watch his trial, in which he will probably be...

Why Goddess, why? Why mate me to the most amazing man, only for him to be ripped away from me?

I never once questioned being Spencer's second chance mate. Though it's shocking, it really didn't phase me at all. Rejecting him never crossed my mind for a second.

As Landon said, I got everything I've ever wanted. A handsome Omega from a good werewolf family. What more could I want?

Nothing really. He is everything I've ever wished for in a mate. I don't care that he has been mated before. Not at all.

I feel sorry for his loss, naturally. But why mate me to a person who is going to be killed before he turns 21?

The tears are uncontrollable. I am overwhelmed by so many emotions, missing him like crazy even though he was just taken from me.

I have no idea how I am ever going to bounce back from this. Not at all.

Even if he is guilty, which I still don't believe he is, he doesn't deserve to be killed. Landon is alive and well. I am sure Spencer regrets any action taken at the time.

I don't want to make excuses for him, but I can only hope I will never know what it is to have your mate being taken away from you so brutally. Goddess please hear my prayer, protect my mate from harm.

I would do anything for him to never suffer, never know pain. I beg of you, don't take my mate away from me. Even if he were to be guilty, I am sure he regretted it.

I cried so hard I ended up sleeping. I slept late last night, so it's understandable.

THE NIGHT BEFORE SPENCER WAS ARRESTED.

"Hi, mate. How are you doing?" I greeted Spencer as he welcomed me into the pack house after dinner. I worked today until 6 p.m., so I just grabbed a quick dinner and came straight here.

"Hi, Ares. I'm better now that you're here." He replied, grinning. I can't help but swoon every time he smiles. It's infectious how joyfully adorable he is.

I kissed him for a minute, then we walked together towards the guest wing.

"Are you okay with being inside today? We can go out if you want." I asked him while we walked.

"Of course. We don't have to go out every night we're together. It's okay to chill and do some indoor activities." He said with a naughty grin that I find irresistible.

"You're so adorable." I melted.

After entering his room and closing the door, Spencer removed my shirt and pushed me to the bed.

"OK, mate. I'm not just a piece of meat, you know? We can talk too..." I snickered as he started kissing me.

"You are MY piece of man meat. And I make no excuse for how bad I want you right now!" He countered, hungrily attacking my upper body with kisses.

"Well, when you put it like that..." I surrendered, playfully. Honestly, I can't resist him. He can do whatever he wants with me. I am his.

SOME TIME LATER...

Spencer and I are lying in bed naked. We have just returned from the shower and are now resting for a bit. He is grinning from ear to ear after our hot love session and I am just in awe of him.

I turn to the side and tenderly trace his skin with my fingers, grazing his beautiful body from the V line up.

"I used to feel self-conscious about being naked next to anyone, even my mate." He said, blushing.

"Why? Your body is fantastic!" I rebuked, admiring his physicality.

He raised a suspicious frown at me.

"To you, it might be, but–"

"There 's no 'but'. Your body is great. You have to know that. And if anyone gives you a hard time over it, send them to me. I'll straighten them out for you." I affirmed with conviction.

"My knight in shining armor." He melted, kissing me for a while.

"I'm serious though. You look great. I love your body and I wouldn't change anything about it." I insisted, lovingly.

"Not even if I could be skinny like Samson?" He inquired in a snarky tone.

In a swift move, I rolled over to get on top of him, towering his body with my own. I stared at him seriously.

"Listen to me, Spencer Goliath Jonas. I would never trade you or your body for any single person on Earth. Human or werewolf. You are the one that I want. And there's nothing wrong with you!" I exclaimed, firmly.

Spencer was taken aback by my disposition, then he kissed me for a very long time. He used his hands to caress my back and then my head. We embraced each other with such tenderness that it was making me want to...

Start all over again.

MORE TIME LATER...

Now we are both lying on the bed watching "Young Royals" on Netflix.

"Would you give up being King to be with me?" He inquired as we watched.

"Oh mate, for you I'd give up the world for us to be together." I said, romantically. We paused the TV for a while as he kissed me for a long period.

Eventually, we dozed off to sleep and woke up just in time for breakfast. Thank Goddess for alarm clocks, am I right?

It's Thursday morning. After spending all afternoon crying yesterday, I ended up sleeping early and woke up late at night. I didn't know what to do or want to bother my parents, so I turned on the TV and waited for my sleep to return.

Now I am hungry since I skipped dinner last night. I took a quick shower, got dressed, and walked to the kitchen to find my parents having breakfast.

"Good morning, Ares. How are you feeling?" Dad asked me as I took my seat, serving myself some of the food that was already cooked.

"Awful. I don't know how I am ever supposed to be okay with this." I replied in a dry tone.

"You're not! Listen to me, son. It's okay to feel conflicted about this. It's okay to feel for your mate." Mom told me, tenderly caressing my hair. Both my parents looked worried for me.

"I don't feel conflicted. I want my mate by my side. I don't care what he did or did not do! Landon is alive, fortunately. So I want my mate alive as well." I said, in between bites of my food.

"It's not that simple, son. He tried to kill an Alpha." Dad said, feeling bad for me.

"I know it isn't. And we don't know if he's guilty or not. But even if he is, I still want Spencer to be safe and sound. Preferably next to me." I said, angrily.

My parents sighed, looking pained at me. There is no argument that could be made that could change my mind. It is what it is, too bad it's not up to any of us.

After breakfast, I helped wash the dishes and my dad surprised me by saying he took the day off to be with me. My dad hasn't taken a day off in his life except for the birth of his 3 children. Though my sister was born late at night so he was already off by then.

My mom went to work and he stayed with me as I wallowed in self-pity.

Occasionally I would catch myself thinking of Spencer and how he must be feeling. He is probably sequestered in a room isolated from everyone else. I just hope they allow his parents to visit him.

Wolf packs don't have jails, so he can only be inside the pack house. Our laws weren't exactly written with imprisonment in mind. It's either banishment or...

I am crying once again. My father asked me what was wrong and I told him:

"I know they're gonna execute him. I just know it! And I can't breathe!" I said, panting. My father tried his best to comfort me as I was heaving from desperation.

"He doesn't deserve this, dad! Please, talk to someone... anyone! They can't kill my mate!" I pleaded, desperately crying tears of sadness. This is the worst I've ever felt in my life. The worst possible feeling.

My dad held me for a good time while I sank in despair. He told me he would do anything he could for Spencer, but unfortunately none of us had any sway with that pack.

I spent all day in between crying and imagining the worst, then crying some more. The sadness is unbearable. His absence is being felt the most so far.

If this is how I am feeling now, I can't even imagine when he gets...

Pain. Unbelievable pain washes over me. I cannot shake the desperate sensation that I am losing my mate. And it's gonna be the death of me. I just know it.

I cried a lot. My father was deeply worried about me. He knows me well and he understands the ramifications of what happened yesterday. Everybody does.

"I just can't take the pain, dad. I can't take having my mate ripped away from me. I won't stand for it." I told him later at night. He tried to get me to eat but I couldn't stomach anything past what I had for breakfast.

"Don't give in to despair, son. We still don't know the evidence they have against him yet. I'm sure his innocence will be proven by the time of his trial." Dad consoled me.

On Friday, I woke up later than I was accustomed to. I had slept in the middle of the afternoon, so I lost sleep during the night. I am all over the place.

My father was still inside the house worried about me. This is the second day of work he misses and now I am starting to worry about him.

"Why are you still here, dad? I can make myself some lunch if I need to. You don't need to babysit me." I told him as I came into the living room where he was watching TV.

"Because I'm worried for you, son. I know how much you wanted to find your mate. I know how hard you're taking this. And I don't want to leave you alone with suicidal thoughts." He spoke, truthfully.

I gasped at his honesty, though I shouldn't expect anything else from him.

"I get it. And I'm not in a good place, for sure. But you don't have to worry about that... while my mate still breathes." I said and he stood up from the couch.

"I'm serious, Ares! I can't let you squander your life away! I need you to live!" He reprimanded me, deeply distraught.

I hugged my father where he stood until we were interrupted by a knock on the door. Immediately, I darted for the front door to open it. I didn't even ask who it was first or peek to see it through the peephole

There is not much crime happening in Regency Falls, to be frank.

"Landon!" I practically shouted at the nice surprise.

"Hi, Ares. I came to check in on you. Is that okay?" He greeted me with half a smile.

"Of course. Please come in." I said, making way for him to enter. He greeted my father as he bowed his head to the Alpha. I almost forgot to do it too, so I followed his lead.

"Thank you for stopping by, Alpha. It means a lot." My dad said, smiling at him.

"Of course, Delta. I care about Ares." Landon said in a warm tone. I'd feel ecstatic that he is here if it weren't for the dire circumstances.

We all take a seat on the couch. Dad offered Landon something to drink, but he politely declined.

"How are you doing, my friend?" He asked once we were settled in the living room.

"I have been better, I can't lie. But I'm hanging in there. Have you heard anything from the Blood Moon pack?" I inquired, curiously.

"I have. Beta Carillon came back yesterday and he reported back to me regarding the evidence they have against Spencer." He replied, indicating by his tone it was not looking good for my mate.

Truth be told, I didn't expect the case against him to be weak. I know Lucas Wilmont is a young Beta who is eager to prove his worth. Especially considering he is not the Beta that Alpha Staedler selected, he was chosen by Aaron to ascend with him.

It's werewolf politics. Each Alpha chooses his Beta and they ascend to power together. But since Aaron's mate was killed, he wasn't able to carry on as Alpha so his father took back charge. But Lucas continued on the position, especially considering he didn't lose a mate or parent to the drone strike.

"First off, I want you to know I take no pleasure in this. I bear no ill will against Spencer and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even stand trial." Landon was quick to clarify, remorsefully.

I smiled at him and his thoughtfulness.

"I know, Lan. I know you have no say in the matter. It's up to Alpha Staedler." I said, not wanting him to feel bad. He is completely blameless in all this. He is the victim.

"They have him on video in the alley where the shot was fired. And they have an image of him holding the rifle." He informed me and I gasped in shock. My dad too.

"Oh, my Goddess!" I am gobsmacked by this information.

"I'm sorry to say this, my friend. But Spencer's trial is set for tomorrow." He spoke and my jaw dropped to the floor.

"In which time Beta Wilmont will ask for the death penalty." He continued and I felt the ground being shifted under me.

Tears flowed through me as the desperate realization sank in. My mate has only one more day to live and I have no idea how I am ever going to live without him.

A|N: I wrote this chapter with this song in mind. I practically reserved it for this.

This is not fun for me, I tell you.

I'm heartbroken myself about #Spares.

But death approaches. Brace yourselves.

Love,

Léo.