Chapter 54: Lost Without U

Landon

I am lost.

I thought about a thousand different ways I would feel whenever I found out the identity of my shooter. I thought about vengeance, retribution, fulfillment...

I didn't concentrate so much on who it could be because there were literally thousands of possible suspects. That would be maddening.

I thought that knowing the answer would bring me some closure. I should feel at peace, reassured that the 'bad guy' got caught at last.

But I don't feel any of those things. At all.

I feel bad for Harry, Ares, and even for Spencer. I don't have a relationship with him, but I know what he means to my mate.

My poor mate. Harry started crying from the moment Spencer was arrested until late last night. In fact, he cried himself to sleep.

It completely broke my heart to see him like that. I am at a loss over what to say or how to feel. I really didn't see this coming!

No one could have predicted my shooter would turn out to be my mate's best friend. I am completely devastated by this. I cannot sugarcoat it.

All the feelings I was supposed to feel once the culprit was found gave way to remorse I shouldn't be experiencing. I have no business feeling bad for the assailant.

I am feeling guilty about Ares' mate, even though I have absolutely nothing to do with this. I am the victim here. And more importantly, his fate is not up to me. Thank Goddess!

Talk about a blessing in disguise... if anything, I am freaking relieved to not have this decision hanging over my shoulders.

Honest to Goddess, I could not bring myself to want to punish Spencer and leave Ares without a mate. Harry without his best friend.

Though I am sure their friendship wouldn't be the same after that, even if he survived his trial. I don't mean to sound grim, but I highly doubt Alpha Staedler will spare his life.

Again, thank Goddess it is not up to me. Killing Spencer would NOT bring me any satisfaction.

Though I hate the heinous act, I love my life. I am fortunate to have survived that attempt. And I am in such a good place right now. I am mated, marked, and secured as the Alpha of my pack.

I know I need to provide an heir for my lineage eventually, but I am not exactly in a rush to do so. Though I know it's gonna be challenging to get a werewolf surrogate and I cannot exactly command a female pack member - or an Omega - to do that for me.

All I can do is hope the money involved as payment will be enough to secure the transaction. I am sure I can work something out. I don't care what it takes, I am going to get what I need. Of that, I have no doubt.

Back to Spencer, I understand the punishment must fit the crime. I am all for that. But no part of me can ever wish any harm to Ares' mate. I just cannot bring myself to want to punish him and condemn Ares to a life of solitude.

I know how much he struggled before finding Spencer. I know the pain. I know the loneliness. I know it all too well. Even when my bed wasn't empty, my heart always was.

In fact, I haven't felt anything romantically for anyone since Grayson. And I was 18 when he got mated away from me. I am 21 now and I am in love with Harrison Staedler.

I just can't bring myself to wish any harm upon Spencer. I could maybe get on board with banishment, but not if it means I'll never see Ares ever again. Or any of my Lonely Hearts club members.

After Harry left the pack house with Rhiannon, I stayed behind doing my work. Though I pretty much looked like a lost puppy without my mate near me, I did what was required of me. I went to the training center for my mandatory session with Kurt Saunders, but to my surprise, he was not there.

"I apologize, Alpha. He's out today. He would have informed Beta Carillon, but since he's away..." - Mr. Henderson informed me in a somber tone.

"It's fine, Mr. Henderson. I completely understand it. I can't even begin to imagine how Ares must be feeling right now. He was so happy now that he had completed the bond." I commented, dreadfully.

I need to see him at some point, but I am not so sure he is taking visitors at this time.

"Yeah, he really was. It was actually kind of annoying." He snickered in a rare moment of frivolity. Though he is not constantly brooding like his superior, I don't think I've ever heard him making a joke.

I laughed at his comment. The mood inside the training center was tense, as expected. Not only are most of the present worried about Ares and the consequences for him now that Spencer was arrested, but they also know it will inadvertently affect the Delta.

Honestly, the Saunders family will never recuperate from this. Ares was so proud of his mate, the future doctor. Now his mate is an accused criminal. For once, I can completely understand why Kurt failed to report for work today.

Though if you ask me, nothing Spencer did or did not do would ever damage the image I have of Ares. Nothing could make me love him any less. Or lose the respect of the Saunders family for their enormous contribution to our pack and respectable careers.

"If you want, I can train you. It's not a problem for me." Mr. Henderson proposed, noticing me distracted.

"Actually, I'd prefer to return to my office. Please don't take this the wrong way, it has nothing to do with you. But I'm not in a good head space for training anyway. Especially with my mate away." I told him, sounding distraught.

Naturally, he already knew his daughter had traveled accompanying Harry to the neighboring town. I mind-linked him, Kurt, and Rhiannon at the same time during breakfast. I needed to act fast to secure an escort since my mate wouldn't want to wait much longer.

"No problem, Alpha. If you need me, I'm around." He said with a polite smile, then walked away to talk to the warriors present.

Later that day, when I walked out of the dining room after lunch, I was surprised to see Javier already waiting for me. Considering how anxious I was to hear from him, he was exactly the person I needed to see today.

"Good afternoon, Alpha." He greeted me, bowing his head.

"Good afternoon, Beta. Have you had lunch? I'm sure we can arrange some food if you–"

"No, thank you. I'm good for now. I prefer to have this meeting with you, then I'll go home and eat." He said, cutting me off.

"I don't want you to starve on my account. I can wait for you to have lunch. It's not like any information you have to share is gonna change Spencer's fate..." I said, playfully. I could see how tense he was to report back to me, apprehensive. I can already tell it's not good news for Spencer.

"I'm positive. Let's go to your office." He proposed, so we walked towards the Alpha office.

We entered and he closed the door. I took my seat behind the desk and he sat on the chair across from me.

"As you know, the shooter was smart enough to not get caught on the security cameras outside of the pack house. Since he used a rifle, he was able to shoot you from a distance." He began in a serious tone. Though this much I already knew by now.

"Considering the angle in which you were shot, they were able to reverse the trajectory of the bullet and figure out from where exactly the rifle was fired." He continued, building up to something.

"Of course, there are no cameras around the vicinity or the shooter would've already been caught weeks ago." He said in a playful tone, though his face remained serious.

"Beta Wilmont and his team began searching for social media videos taken that day. Anything to shine a light on who the shooter was since the gun was never recovered. Only the bullet." He informed me, sounding troubled.

"It seemed like an impossible task to clear thousands of people who lost family members that day. But he concentrated on those who lost mates since that hurts the most." He said, a bit uncomfortable. I gulped awkwardly.

"Anyway, the vetting process began and they talked to countless witnesses and suspects. It was hard work, but they still didn't have a clue as to the identity of the shooter." He said, sounding impressed by Wilmont.

"In the process of elimination and video searching, they found a tik tok video with Spencer's image at the back, walking away from the alley the shooter was in." He spoke and I sighed in frustration.

"That's it? Really? Any law student could have this case thrown out in court." I said, disappointed. I expected more from Wilmont.

"You didn't let me finish!" Javier frowned at me, just as my father did when he was alive and I interrupted him. Though Javier's glare is much nicer.

"Sorry, please continue." I said, blushing in embarrassment.

"Of course, this is circumstantial evidence at best. Which is why they didn't arrest Spencer on this video alone. Instead, they investigated his alibi. He said he was in his parents' house alone that day. Both of them were working, so they couldn't provide any verification to his claim." He stated in a somber tone.

I inhaled, waiting for the smoking gun. No pun intended.

"The day before yesterday, his team found another video. It was deep in the background. They blew up the image and saw a frame of Spencer holding a rifle of the same caliber in which you were shot. He was in that very alley." Javier told me and I gasped in shock. I am gobsmacked to hear this.

"Oh, my Goddess!" I shouted, perplexed.

Javier took a breath and continued.

"There's more." He declared in an ominous tone.

"What? More?" I am flabbergasted by this.

"Yes, Beta Wilmont did some further investigation and he found out that Spencer used to spend his Summers with his grandparents when he was young. His grandfather taught him shooting and hunting back in the day. Guess what kind of gun he had and taught his grandchild how to use?" Javier smirked.

"I can't believe this! What the hell!" I knew the evidence against Spencer was gonna be solid, otherwise Beta Wilmont would never risk arresting him. But I didn't expect it to be this damning.

"They have a frame of him holding the gun?" - I double-checked, still gobsmacked about this... - "Yes, they do".

"They're holding him inside the pack house under 24 hours of vigilance. Only his parents are allowed to see him." Javier notified me, restless.

"I guess that's it, then. He really did shoot me." I muttered under my breath, utterly shocked to learn this.

"He is only twenty years old and had just lost his mate. He probably thought his life was over. At least, in terms of finding happiness with a partner. I was told that his mate was a beloved warrior among the force. Strong, kind and he loved Spencer very much." Javier told me, trying to make sense of the whole situation.

I understand his reasons, I do. I am mated now, so I can understand the notion of being pulled away from my mate. Though I hope to Goddess to never feel what Spencer felt. But I can certainly empathize with him.

"Thank you for everything, Beta. Has a trial date been set?" I inquired, curiously.

"Not as of yet, but Wilmont and Staedler are working out the logistics before announcing it." He spoke, getting up from the chair.

"Please keep me posted. By the way, I sent Rhiannon to escort Harry while he went back to talk to his family. You have no idea how hard this has been on him." I said, getting up from my seat.

"Yes, she looked me up when she got there. Don't worry. The Luna is safe and she'll stay there until he returns here." He reassured me in a calming tone.

"OK. Again, thanks for everything, Beta." I said, walking with him to the door.

"Of course, Alpha. It's my duty. See you soon." He said, then walked away.

I knew the evidence against Spencer had to be compelling. I just didn't expect it to be so overwhelming. I guess it really got real now. Still, poor Ares. When he finds out about this...

Later on, I told my mother all about the news from Javier. The warriors would soon find out and so would the rest of the pack. Naturally, this is the hottest topic in everybody's mouths. The twist no one saw coming.

At night, Gustavo came to see me. He arrived just after dinner and I loved to receive his visit. We went to the living room and talked for a good while. He looked worried for me and it was nice to check in with him and vent a little.

I guess no one has asked me how I really feel about this and I didn't want to make it about me with everything that is going on. But I told him I feel lost.

I don't know how or what to feel. I want to be mad at Spencer, but I cannot do that.

I want to feel vindicated, but I don't.

I wish I could say I wanted his head on a spike - but that couldn't be further from the truth. I can't wish him any harm. I don't have it in me.

Honestly, I am completely lost regarding the whole thing. It was great talking about it with Gustavo, especially with my mate gone. I could feel Harry's sadness throughout the whole day, even so far apart from each other.

Please, Harry, I hope you will return soon because I feel so lost without you.

A|N: I guess now we know the truth.

As promised, Ares' P.O.V. comes next and you might wanna grab the tissues before reading it.

It's aptly called "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?"

Love,

Léo.