Chapter thirty-nine | In the middle, not the beginning

Chapter thirty-nine | In the middle, not the beginning

I was sobbing by the time I reached home. My heart was calling out for her, making me dizzy with pain.

Locking myself in my room, I ignored all the calls from Connor and Navya.

Why they suddenly seemed to care about me was beyond my thinking.

So, I ignored them and the world for the moment and drowned myself in my guilt, pain, and heartache.

I just wanted to go numb as the image of her lips with Jacob's killed me on the inside. The image of his hand under her shirt as her eyes were closed haunted my heart.

The pillow below my head was wet with my tears, and my eyes felt heavy. I closed my eyes to blink, but they fell shut for the next few hours.

The constant beeping of my phone brought me out of my (thankfully) dreamless slumber. Notifications after notifications filled my phone.

Someone tagged me in a party invitation that was gaining quite some popularity on social media.

My brain found this as a way to forget.

Go party! Get drunk! Forget about her!

The ideal was so alluring that I gave into it. Getting up, I grabbed the leather jacket from the wardrobe and made my way out.

The only thought in my mind was to forget about her and the mess my life had become.

The stench of sweat and alcohol hit me in the face as students partied like crazy in the middle of the day. Music blaring was deafening, making pain an acquaintance with my ears.

My eyes went towards the bottles, and cups filled with alcohol. They called out my name with the promise of making me forget everything.

I remember bringing one red cup to my lips, but after that, I blacked out. Cups after cups were downed, and my conscience lost its sense.

I don't know what I was doing. Not anymore. But, I was sure of one thing. This wasn't the real me.

I was leaning against the kitchen island, looking at the red cups scattered on it. Crushing the now empty cup in my hand, I searched for more. I wanted to drink my life away; I wanted to feel numb.

My stomach was churning, but I resisted the urge to puke. If my parents ever saw me like this, they would be very disappointed. I could imagine the disappointment shining through their tears, turning Mom's eyes glassy. I shook the image out of my mind, not letting my guilt consume me.

The music was too loud, making my ears ring as bodies moved under the dim lights. Like the loser I was, I was sitting alone, drinking my grief away. Nobody cared.

I don't remember how I reached here, but one thing that I still remember was that I was tired of crying. Crying because of what I had turned to; crying for my unrequited love.

As if losing your best friends wasn't hard enough, life decided to add heartbreak to the mix.

Somehow over the span of the past few months, I had lost myself completely. Losing the people that mattered along the way, leaving me utterly lonely. Truthfully, it was pathetic.

Now, losing the girl I fell in love with was my last straw, pushing me into a downwards spiral.

I was awakened out of my thoughts as I felt a hand crawl up my arm. A girl leaned near my ear, brushing her body against me. "You look lonely, Elias. Want me to keep you company?"

I turned and stared at her for a second. I waited for a voice to nag my mind to remind me that what I was doing was wrong. But it was silent, deadly silent. Grabbing the back of her neck, I brought her lips to mine.

My lips moved along with the girl's in what was assumed to be a passionate way. Personally, it felt like a slobbery saliva exchange, not a kiss. My mind went back to the kiss(es) I shared with her. They were the true definition of passion.

I pulled away from the unknown girl's face as thoughts of her invaded me again. Even with the buzz of alcohol, I could still remember her lips. Small pink lips that got enveloped in mine completely.

The girl in front of me was a gorgeous goddess. But when I looked closer, even with the dizzy head, I could see a flaw. The flaw that she was not her. She was not the girl I loved.

You love her, but she doesn't love you. Otherwise, she would not go around fucking another guy right after you confess your love for her, my mind graciously reminded me.

I groaned and pulled the stranger close to me again. I connected my lips with hers, to which she eagerly responded. Her hand tugged at my jacket as her fingers curled around my locks and pulled. The kiss was good but not mind-melting. I could still feel the thump of music and hollering of the crowd.

I'll fuck this girl, erase her from my mind. If our night was just sex for her, then I'll do the same. Just sex! That's what bad-boys do, right? Just like she taught. My drunk self decided.

My hands just slipped under the girl's shirt, touching the firmness of her belly when I was pulled back by my shoulder.

My breath left me as I took her in. The girl with red-rimmed eyes, still a gorgeous shade of cocoa, gazed up at me with fury. The dark tumble of her hair was a mess, scattered everywhere. Her small lips quivered with anger, and her eyes showed hurt and sadness.

I felt an invisible knife slice through me, making my body shake. My knees turned weak with pain, and my head pounded. I was feeling the pain that flashed through her eyes.

Her eyes strayed away from mine to the girl behind me. They met mine once again, and the betrayal in them was my last straw.

Sudden fury overtook me as my broken gaze turned to thundering glare. My fists clenched on my side, and anger thrummed through my veins. I pinned my eyes over her small form as my harsh eyes took in the girl who trained me to be a jackass.

As those words appeared in my mind, I thought about every moment we spent together. Was it all a lie? Were her words and feeling a lie? Was she playing with me from the start?

"What do you want, Cyn?" I hissed but slurred at the end.

Her eyes showed pain as if my words sliced through her body. "You are drunk," she stated, not bothering to ask.

My glare was steady as her hands made contact with mine. I shrugged her touch away, avoiding it like wildfire.

"What do you want? I think I made it clear that we were over?" I hissed, leaning closer to her.

Her eyes were wide as tears filled them. A vulnerable look passed through them, making my heart give a painful twinge.

"You don't mean it," she whispered. "You didn't give me a chance to explain that I didn't cheat on you! Eli, you need to listen to me."

I opened my mouth to deny, but the girl behind me got eager and jumped in the conversation. "Whatever you guys had, it is over, Cyn. So, stop being a clingy bitch," she hissed venomously.

I turned my glare towards the girl, pinning her with my anger. "She is not a bitch. So, shut the fuck up!"

The girl reeled back at my words and looked between Cynthia and me.

"I was helping you get rid of her!" she whined. Not bothering receiving a response, she stomped away from me.

My stomach churned dangerously, making my dizziness known. With a weird noise at the back of my throat, I puked my guts out in a corner. A comforting hand rubbed my back as all the clear liquid escaped me.

My mouth tasted horrid with both puke and the unknown girl's lipstick. I turned my blurry eyes towards Cynthia as she rubbed her hand on my back.

Apparently, it was too quick for my alcohol slowed brain, causing me to stumble and blackout.

The pain was the first thing I felt when I opened my eyes next. My head was throbbing dangerously, making me groan loudly.

That groan increased the intensity of the ache in my body, making it feel heavier by a thousand pounds.

My ears felt sensitive, with my nose twitching in disgust. I refrained from opening my eyes as light might turn me blind. Turning around in the bed, I buried my head into the pillow.

Wait, a pillow? I thought and straightened up in the bed.

The room was unfamiliar as the sudden movements made my stomach churn. My eyes burned with stabbing pain as the dim moonlight from the window filtered into the room.

For a while, everything appeared double. It took me a few seconds to stabilize my vision. My eyes focused on the unfamiliar surrounding and then fell on the bed.

I tapped my body for clothes and sighed in relief as I felt them still intact.

A creak of the door caught my attention as I rummaged my brain. I was trying to recall how I ended up here, but everything came blank.

My eyes followed the noise and fell on the surprised figure of Cynthia. She was walking out of what seemed to be a bathroom.

We said nothing as our eyes bored into each other. Pain throbbed with my heart, and it wasn't just physical this time.

The air was heavy with tension as she took a step closer to me.

A thousand emotions flicker past our eyes, with fear and pain being the most prominent ones.

She stopped on her spot and sighed heavily. "I think there is a mouthwash in the bathroom. You can use it," she mumbled with a slight tilt of her head.

I try taking slow steps as my stomach churned with every movement. I could feel the alcohol sloshing around the walls with every step. Let's say that feeling was very weird and unpleasant.

Locking the door behind me, I rushed to the toilet. Retching my guts out, I could feel my ears ring.

The horrid taste renewed with great vigor as I flushed the toilet.

I grabbed the mouthwash on the counter and gurgled to my capacity. Finally, when the minty tang filled my mouth, I was satisfied with the result.

With my stomach and mouth out of focus, the throbbing in my head became prominent. The world had stopped to spin, but the slight dizziness continued. I splashed my face with water and rubbed my tired and swollen eyes.

Knowing that I couldn't put the conversation with her any longer on wait, I sighed and straightened my rumpled clothes.

The blaring light of my phone showed that it was half-past one in the morning.

I licked my lips lightly and unbolted the door. Cynthia was sitting on the bed with her feet tapping the ground in a nervous beat. At the sound of the door opening, she looked up to meet my eyes.

Her eyes swollen as a tired expression filled her face.

She is tired, just like me. My brain supplied the obvious.

My small gathered confidence deflated as my shoulder slumped. I sat next to her on the bed, making sure to keep some distance between us.

"We need to talk," she whispered.

You don't say! Once again, my brain commented.

I slowly nodded, trying not to disturb the delicate equilibrium of my mind. A hiss escaped my lips with throbbing increasing tenfold as the worst hangover ever stabbed my skull.

"We need to talk... but can we put it off till morning? It is obvious that we are tired, and I have a hangover. So, please... tomorrow?" I asked hesitantly.

She stared at me for a long moment as her eyes scrutinized my every expression.

She sighed heavily and nodded. "Ok, if that is what you want... I will drive you back."

"But what about my car?" I voiced my concern.

"You could always come back for it," she muttered. Her tone told me she found my question irrelevant.

The car ride was tense as silence filled the confined space. The wild throbbing of my head was eating my mind as tiredness took a toll on my body.

I felt myself blink back to sleep again and again as my eyes fought to stay open.

Relief flooded over me as my house came in view. I pushed the door open, taking huge gulps of fresh air after leaving the suffocating atmosphere in the car.

Cynthia was silent as I made my way towards the door. She broke the peace just as my hand touched the front doorknob.

"Eli, remember that I still love you very much."