THIRTEEN

♥ Lucille ♥

I don't know why seeing Kiara with her friend bothered me. Her friend seems nice and like they mean well, but they seemed so close.

They were so close, physically. When Dakota and I first walked in, they were practically cuddling.

I don't know what's going on with Kiara. She's been distant. I'm assuming it's got to do with her mom still, which makes me even more worried.

I'm going to be honest, I'm beginning to see Kiara in a better light now. Obviously, she was kind to me a few weeks ago when I was struggling. And since then she really doesn't seem to have had any ill intent.

I like solving problems. I like patching things up. I like everything to be perfect and happy. So I want to help Kiara, but I don't think she wants that.

A few weeks ago, I genuinely believe I would've been fine not speaking to her for a while. But right now? I want to talk to her.

I want her to talk to me.

She's annoying as shit, but she's funny in the most irritating but best way.

She's dork—like me—but in an admirable way.

I listened to that song she mentioned on Sunday. It was really good but depressing. She had pointed out how deep the lyrics are. It worries me a bit. I worry she might relate to the lyrics. I hope she doesn't. And if she does, is there anything I can do?

God, I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop worrying about this. I need to talk to her upfront.

I check the time. 4:56 PM. I'm supposed to be doing homework. We're in Dakota's dorm. She's working on an essay and I'm supposed to be doing my work as well, but I can't focus.

I should go home. I need to speak my mind before I explode.

♥♥♥

When I get back to the dorm, It's just Kiara. Perfect. Time to force a conversation.

"Hey," I greet.

Kiara nods stiffly. "Hi..."

She's standing in the kitchen, as am I now as well. "I want to talk to you..."

I don't give her an opportunity to respond. I need to get this off my chest or I'm going to end up taking it back and giving up. "Listen, I am... worried about you, I guess. I don't know what's going on with your mom but it seems to me that you're pretty messed up about it. For some stupid reason, I have developed a small liking towards you, and my hatred has shrunk. So, naturally, as your roommate and friend/acquaintance, I am concerned. And I... I want you to be able to talk to me."

Her face reads surprise. And she's quiet for a bit, debriefing my words. She sighs. "I'm sorry I've been ignoring you... I haven't really been trying to, I've just had... other things on my mind..."

She walks past me to sit down at the dining table. I follow, and then take my seat across from her.

She places her chin on her interlocked hands, her elbows bent up against the table, taking another breath. "My mother's a bitch. Like, emotionally abusive, I guess. She's coming to visit on the 27th, which is going to suck. I'm stressed about seeing her again and because she can be really shitty. That's really all there is to tell."

"You can be more specific with me..." I say. "I'm not going to tell anyone else. And I'm not gonna judge you or anything."

She seems to hesitate. "I... There is more... I just... I..." She's stammering. "I don't want to tell you the rest... It's not worth it anyway. The main issue is my mother."

"Are you sure?"

She doesn't speak for a few. "Yeah." She says quietly. She hasn't made eye contact with me.

This is so weird. So unlike her. I want the annoying, teasing Kiara back. This is just making me sad.

"Okay." I nod. She clearly doesn't want to unpack all this. "I'll be like 5 feet away if you need anything..."

I stand, and she remains sitting. That did not go as well as I was hoping. Dammit. What else could she be keeping from me? Maybe her friend, Deven, knows. I hope they know.

When I sit down on my bed, she finally stands. "Did you eat yet?"

"Nah, not yet." I admit, it's still early though.

"I'll order Doordash. What do you want?"

"Burger King?" I suggest.

"Fine by me."

♥♥♥

We're eating Burger King together at the table while quizzing each other on Adventure Time characters.

"What's this one's name?" She holds up her phone, showing a picture of a snail. How the fuck am I supposed to remember it's name?

"I don't know! Snail." I throw my hands up. She keeps doing hard ones.

"It is indeed Snail, good job." She gives me an applause.

Of course it had the simplest name ever. "Fuck you."

She smirks slightly, but doesn't comment. I know exactly where her mind went when I said that. "Anyway... Your turn."

She seems to be doing a little better now. Content at this moment in time. I'm really happy for that. Her "bitch" mom will be here at the end of next week. I don't know what that means for her. Or even myself, but I hope she can distract herself until then. Maybe I can help distract her even...

I do a quick google search trying to find a character that would actually be hard. I screenshot an image of Canyon, and then hold the image out to Kiara.

"Oh. Easy. Canyon." She answers within seconds. Dammit. And I thought that was a good one.

"You are way too good at this."

"My teenage Adventure Time obsession was more intense than the one from my actual childhood." She says with a shrug, stuffing three french fries in her mouth.

"Clearly. I just watched it whenever it was on TV. Plus, I rarely even watched if Marceline wasn't in the episode."

"Then you probably haven't seen every episode! We need to change that. Also, Marceline was definitely my role model during those years."

"Really? I think she was just my first gay crush." I admit. Then quickly realize I just indirectly came out. Well, maybe not indirectly but more of a casual coming out. At least it's out of the way.

Kiara's eyebrows have raised, seemingly a little surprised. "You... You like girls?" She asks. She better not be weird about it...

"Mhm. I'm pansexual." I specify.

"Really..?" She nods. "I'm a lesbian."

I don't know how I didn't see this coming. "Really?"

"Yeah... Thought it was pretty obvious." She rubs the back of her neck anxiously.

"I honestly had no idea." I admit. This is good. I needed more queer friends. Claire still hasn't talked to me since being all weird about my made-up girl-crush.

"Yeah. And that's another reason I should be Marceline instead of her father."

"Fair, but with the way you keep bringing this up is making me think you just want us to be together in the Adventure Time universe." I tease.

"Well, maybe I do." She retorts, catching me extremely off guard. I almost choke on my chicken nugget.

"What—"

"Sorry! I don't know why I said that... Ha..." She interrupts, panicked.

"Um... Okay." That was weird... Especially for her. Panicking over a stupid comment like that is really odd for her...

Now that I think about it, this isn't the first time recently. A couple days ago when she randomly ruffled my hair she had jumped back in surprise. I mean, I guess that was way weirder for her to do, but still.

Kiara stands, having finished eating. She throws away the cardboard packaging for her food and then silently goes back over to her half of the room. Weird...

"You okay..?" I ask hesitantly.

"Mhm... Just got a great idea for my book. I'm gonna write that now." She's a very bad liar, but I'll pretend to believe her.

"Alright."

After I finish eating the rest of my dinner, I throw out all the little cardboard boxes that held everything. We just ate out of those so there wouldn't be any plates to clean.

♥♥♥

This past week has been weird to say the least. It is now the 24th of September. 3 days until Kiara's shitty mother comes to town.

She's been extremely stressed. Deven came over once. I got to know them a little better. I suppose they're nice. And I don't know why but it's nice to know that neither of them are interested in each other. Maybe because having a roommate with a partner could get awkward at times. That's probably it.

She keeps cleaning. Like constantly scrubbing the counter tops and using the vacuum I bought on the floors. I don't know if it's a distraction, or if she just wants things to be perfect, but I think there are healthier ways to cope.

We went grocery shopping on Saturday. We argued in the middle of the pasta aisle over whether Kraft mac & cheese or Annie's is better. We would ask fellow shoppers to weigh in, but that ended in a tie. We settled on getting both kinds.

It was a really fun trip though. Kiara can be really nice to spend time with. I'm so glad we got over this feud.

I'm still worried though.

I'm likely going to end up meeting her mom. I'll be there when she shows up. I'm sure having backup and support will be good for Kiara, but I just hope that I'm able to provide that.

She's also been more panicky. Like when we were bickering over the appropriate amount of cheese to put on a pizza bagel. So we each made our own with our preferred amount.

As it turns out, her massive amount was better because it spread evenly and thinned out—but was still thick enough. Mine, being much less, had a lot more gaps.

She had said "I know it must suck that I'm right." and then patted me on the head... There was a moment of very awkward and tense silence, and then we both took a step back, laughed awkwardly, and ate our pizza bagels quietly.

Or there was the time just yesterday when I was trying to curl my hair and I burned my hand. I shed just one tear over it because it hurt pretty bad. Then she—obviously joking—asked if I needed her to kiss it better. I knew it was a joke. She knew it was a joke. It was funny, and it's something I could've laughed at after the initial pain wore off. But then she made it all weird by apologizing like 3 times and then leaving the house.

Now, I'm wondering why.

Dakota said she probably has a crush on me, but I do NOT want to believe that. For one, it's just stupid. I doubt I'm her type in any way. Plus, I think that she thinks these things are making me uncomfortable. I get why she'd think that, I do find it odd, but she doesn't really have anything to worry about.

Anyway, Kiara is currently wiping the kitchen counters with Clorox wipes. Not the first time today. I should say something, but what?

Telling her to relax wouldn't work, I know from experience that that is one of the most bullshit pieces of advice. I really don't know how to distract her properly though...

"Kiara."