Chapter 52: A Lost Memory Pt. two

ELAINE

Once upon a time, the judgment of my pack might have bothered me. But now, it didn’t seem to matter.

Yet, sitting here in front of my family, I felt a pang of self-consciousness. I was acutely aware of my past mistakes, and their stares felt like a harsh judgment.

Their emotions were clear as day, etched on their faces. Anger, betrayal, sadness, even happiness. It was a cocktail of feelings that left me uneasy. I wasn’t sure if my apology would be enough.

I was perched on a large, comfortable armchair, with Connor standing by my side. The rest of the pack formed a circle around us, their eyes on me as if we were meeting for the first time.

They looked like they were ready to question me, to interrogate me. Was I ready for that? I wasn’t sure. So much had happened in the past two hours. It felt like I’d missed a lifetime.

On top of that, I was still adjusting to the strange sensation of having something foreign inside me, something that belonged to someone else.

My mind felt foggy, as if some memories had been lost or forgotten, while others seemed to have been there all along, just ignored.

“...Elaine, did you hear what I asked?” Connor’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.

“What?” I blinked up at him as he leaned over, his hand resting on my shoulder.

“I asked if you’re ready.” He frowned, and I stared back at him, trying to focus on the present moment.

I sighed and nodded.

Turning to face the group, I studied each face. These were the faces I’d missed, lied to, and hurt with my selfish actions.

“I’m sorry…” I began, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m truly sorry for hurting all of you. You might never forgive me, and I understand. What I did… it’s unforgivable.”

The room was silent. I cleared my throat and continued.

“My greed, my desires, my selfish dreams led me down a path I wouldn’t wish on any of you. I was blinded by my own wants, never considering anyone else.”

I gave them a weak smile. “I know this apology might seem pointless. I can see the hatred in your eyes—”

“Hatred?” a voice interrupted. “You think it’s just hatred?”

I clasped my hands together nervously, lowering my gaze.

“We hate you. ~I hate you.~” Jyn’s words were like a knife to my heart.

“All this time, I blamed myself. I thought I was a terrible brother. I thought I was unworthy of finding a mate. But it was you. ~You~ did this!”

I flinched.

“You think we’ll forgive you as easily as Connor has?” Jyn hissed. “You hurt us all, Elaine. You played us! You ~killed~ your own son!”

Tears stung my eyes. I blinked rapidly, trying not to look at him.

“Everything you touch, you destroy. You’re like a plague, spreading destruction and corruption. And for what? For something you could have asked me for help with. But you never, not even ~once~, trusted me.”

“Jyn,” Yuki interjected, shaking his head.

“Don’t defend her, Yuki. She dragged you into this mess too. Your pack doesn’t even see you as a leader anymore because of ~her~.”

Jyn was panting, his hands clenched so tightly that his nails dug into his skin, drawing blood.

“Everyone here has been hurt by Elaine in some way. We risked everything to save her, and Connor lost his right to be king!”

“His crown?” I asked, turning to Connor for confirmation. “You’re not a king anymore?”

He shook his head.

“When I first asked the Goddess for help, I told her I didn’t want to be king if you weren’t by my side. Nothing matters without you. And when you were kidnapped, your grandmother made me give up my rights to the throne to stay with you. I did as she asked and passed the title to Jyn.”

I turned to look at Jyn, who angrily looked away.

“You’re the new king?” I whispered, surprised. “But why would you do that?”

I turned back to Connor, who smiled gently and knelt beside me. His hand found mine, and our fingers intertwined.

His touch was warm and comforting.

“I realized I never wanted the throne,” he said, his smile growing. “All this time, I thought I was taking away what you wanted, but it was our bond that drew us together.”

“You mean our mating bond?” I asked.

“Yes, we were destined from the start, Elaine. You and me. Our hate and desire for power, it was that that pulled us closer.”

He gently caressed my knuckles, pressing a soft kiss to them.

“Making Jyn the king of the pack is the best decision I’ve ever made,” Connor said, turning to look at Jyn, who seemed troubled. “The throne was never ours.”

His words felt like a betrayal to my mother.

“But I don’t understand,” I said, frowning. “If I was saved, then why am I here?”

Everyone exchanged a glance before Yuki began to explain.

I listened intently as he recounted everything that had happened since my kidnapping, from Victoria, our pack intermediary and now Jyn’s mate, to the fight with Sorin, his escape, and my time here in the pack.

“You’ve been with me for eight months?” I asked, my mind reeling from the information overload. “And I’m that woman’s granddaughter?”

“Yeah, she’s ~our~ grandmother,” Regulus admitted, sounding less than thrilled. “This is our first time inside the pack.

“She never let us visit you guys, not since she made Connor leave Black Rose.”

“What about our parents?” I asked.

Connor gently squeezed my hands.

“Your dad was exiled and imprisoned. He’s waiting for the Moon Goddess to decide his punishment,” Connor explained.

“My dad moved to a different pack. He’s hurting because of everything Sorin did, and he can’t bear to be around my mom right now, since she’s staying in the pack.”

“I…” I was at a loss for words.

It felt like I’d been living in a frozen cave, oblivious to everything that had happened while I was away.

“Enora. Did she tell you what would happen to me when I woke up?” I asked, sensing there was more to the story.

“No. We’ve asked, but she just brushes us off. It’s like she can’t stand us,” Arye said, sounding defeated. “Except for you.”

“Me?” I asked. “Why me?”

“Because you look like our mom,” Regulus said, managing a sad smile. “You’re her spitting image, Elaine. No one else looks like her, except you.”

“Of course!” I said, my patience wearing thin. “I’m the only girl in the family. Daughters look like their mothers.”

“But you’re the only one with a lycan, Elaine,” Yuki chimed in. “The only one with a lycan like your mom.”

I was dumbfounded.

“Hold on,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. My head was pounding. “Let’s pause there. I have another question.”

“What?” Connor asked.

“Sorin,” I said, turning to Connor who had yet to respond to our earlier conversation in the closet room. “You said he escaped. How?”

He sighed, stood up, and walked over to the table where a pot of herbal tea was steaming.

I looked at the others, but they all avoided my gaze.

“Why can’t any of you just answer my question?” I snapped, my irritation growing. “I asked you this, Connor, and you ignored it after you told me.”

The room was silent. The silence was so intense it made my head throb painfully.

My vision blurred, but I brushed it off.

Annoyed, I stood up, ready to kick everyone out. But as I headed for the door, it swung open.

I stopped in my tracks as Enora entered, dressed in a silver gown.

A thin cape hung from one shoulder, and a headband, resembling a crown of twisted vines, rested on her fiery red hair that was so much like mine.

“Hope I’m not interrupting your reunion?” Enora said, smiling at me. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard your question, dear.”

“No one wants to hear from you,” Yuki retorted. I shot him a glare, silencing him.

“Don’t you want to know why Sorin, your former ~mate~, escaped?” Enora asked, her smile turning wicked.

I was annoyed as I watched her, standing there so tall and mighty in the doorway.

I was curious about many things, but I didn’t want answers from her. I wanted them from the people behind me, my family.

I crossed my arms over my chest and smiled.

“This is a family meeting,” I said, letting Ashina step forward.

“I’m family.” Enora’s smile faded as she moved away from the door.

She came closer. Her eyes, the same blue as mine, bore into me.

“You’re not considered family,” I replied coldly.

I expected her to be offended, but all she did was scoff.

“I’m more family than those you think are,” she spat, her words filled with such venom I had to fight to keep my face neutral.

Her gaze shifted to the guys behind me.

“They are not your family, my dear granddaughter,” Enora said, turning back to me with a smile. “If you think you’re like them, then you’re mistaken. You have the least in common with them.”

“Oh, bitch, please.” I rolled my eyes, surprising her.

I took a step closer and leaned in.

“Listen, Enora,” I growled. “If you think having a lycan or a wolf makes us different, then you’re dead wrong. They’re my family because they’re my blood.

“Connor is my family too, since he’s my mate. He has a lycan and he’s married to me. ~You’re not.~

“And if you think they can’t match your strength, let me tell you something,” I said, getting in her face.

“They don’t need to, because I’d gladly fight for them.”

I expected a response, but instead, she slapped me.

The force was so strong it made my neck crack. My brothers and Connor called out to me, but I calmly raised my hand to silence them.

I felt the sting on my cheek and grinned, then slowly turned to face her.

Enora was seething, her eyes pitch black as her face morphed into her lycan form.

I touched my cheek and smiled again. I had every intention of making her mad, of provoking her to attack me first so she would regret it. There was another reason I wanted her to strike first.

“Hit a nerve, did I, bitch?” I said, and she slapped me again.

This time, I tasted the metallic tang of my own blood on my tongue.

My lycan was clawing to get out, but I held her back. I needed to stay calm. It wasn’t the time, not yet.

“Clearly, you don’t get it!” Enora snapped, her chest heaving and nostrils flaring. “You have no idea why I’ve done what I’ve done, you ungrateful—”

“Careful,” I warned, my voice low and dangerous as I rolled my shoulders.

I flexed my wrists, cracked my knuckles, and met her gaze without flinching. “Remember what I told you earlier? I said I’d kill you, and right now you’re giving me plenty of reasons to do just that, but…”

I stepped closer, gripping her shoulder. My nails dug in until she gasped.

“There will come a time when I’ll kill you with my own hands, and put your head on a stake for your entire pack to see who really rules these lands,” I said, stepping back.

My hand was smeared with her blood.

“I might not be a queen anymore, since my beloved mate gave up his crown for me, and because someone as vile as you forced him to choose,” I said, wiping the blood on my dress.

“But I haven’t forgotten my ultimate goal, Enora. And that is to be queen.”

“Queen. What a joke,” she scoffed, flipping her hair. “You can never be a queen unless…”

“Unless what?” I asked as she hesitated.

Enora glanced away from the guys and back at me. Something flickered across her face, but she quickly cleared her throat. Any hint of uncertainty was gone.

“You can never be queen,” she sneered, looking down at me.

I laughed at her words. She really didn’t know me at all.

I stepped into her personal space again, flicking her tiny headband, making her face turn a furious red.

“Oh, Enora,” I said, smiling as I poked her chest. “Have you forgotten? Or do you just not know me? I can be queen if I want to.”

I laughed.

“What? Are you planning to betray the little mercy the Goddess has shown you again, like you did before?” she asked, slapping my finger away.

“No,” I replied, placing my hands behind my back and pivoting on my heels.

I walked over to the group, pausing to look at her over my shoulder with a bright smile.

“Not exactly,” I said, smirking mischievously. “I just have to take it from you, and the easiest way is killing you, ~grandma~. Now leave us.”

***

After everyone was dismissed for the night and Connor insisted I needed rest, I lay in bed with him, maintaining a respectful distance.

It might seem strange, but I needed the space. With everything that was happening, I was struggling to stay calm.

Enora’s words, the way she told me I knew nothing, made me wonder what else they hadn’t told me tonight.

When everyone had left, I asked Connor a few things, from his mother to how he met Enora, if he knew what had really happened to Sorin, and why the Goddess had helped him.

His answers were vague, except for the question about Sorin, which he still avoided.

It was ridiculous. If he didn’t want me to know, why bring it up in the first place? He knew I’d be curious.

Frustrated, I sat up, threw off the sheets, and rubbed my face. The cold air made me shiver.

I walked over to the large window. An owl was perched on a branch, and the wind stirred the leaves with an eerie sound.

This place felt so empty, devoid of the life that once inhabited these lands.

“Are you okay?” Connor’s hand rested on my waist.

I kept my gaze on the forest outside. High walls protected the place from whatever lurked in the woods.

“When I went out earlier to see what Enora was doing to you guys, I saw a body in a corner of the area. Its face was covered in blood, disfigured, making it hard to identify.

“But I noticed a tail. What was that about?” I asked.

Connor’s hands tightened on my waist before he finally sighed. He rested his chin on my shoulder, his eyes on the owl outside.

“I don’t know,” was his reply.

Unable to take it anymore, I pushed his hands away and turned to face him. His face looked tired, but I saw the surprise flicker in his eyes.

“Enough. Just stop whatever you’re trying to do,” I snapped. “If you think keeping secrets from me will protect me, you’re wrong. I will find out what’s going on.”

Connor furrowed his brow. The calm look on his face was replaced by tension.

“Secrets.” He repeated the word as if it was foreign.

Seeing him look at me like that made me realize how much he reminded me of myself.

“Is this some kind of punishment for what you’re doing?” I asked, confused. “You think acting like this is the best way?”

Now I felt insulted rather than angry.

“Punishment?” Connor scoffed. “Jesus, Elaine.”

Connor ran his hand through his hair, pushing back the strands that fell over his eyes.

His hair had grown out to his shoulders, giving him a mature look. There were shadows around his chin where new hair was growing.

“Fucking punishment. Do you think everything is a punishment?” he asked. “Can’t you see that we’re all lost in what’s really happening here?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out.

“Listen,” he said, taking my wrists and bringing them up to his face. I gently touched his cheeks and he leaned into my touch.

“There are many things that I know you want to know. But it’s not the right time to answer them.”

“Why?” I asked, trying to pull away, but he held on.

He kissed the inside of my hand, closed his eyes, and sighed.

“I can answer anything you want tomorrow,” he said, cursing under his breath. “You just woke up. Can’t you see it? You’re acting like you’re fine, but you’re not.”

“I am,” I protested.

“No, you’re not. Your eyes have been unfocused since the moment you stepped out to help us. You were unrecognizable, Elaine!”

Connor shook his head.

“You seemed like you’d sleep forever,” he said, his voice choked with emotion. “Can’t you see how scared I’ve been? How much I’ve missed you?”

I nodded, letting myself relax into him.

I’d seen it, the moment I laid eyes on him. The man who’d stood against me time and time again was a stranger now.

This wasn’t the Connor I’d wronged, or the Connor I’d fallen for. He looked so worn out, so tired. It hurt to see him like this.

I placed my hands back on his face, pulling him closer. He leaned in until our foreheads touched. His body was warm, but I felt cold.

I shouldn’t have been cold, not with a lycan inside me. But how could I be sure my body was functioning as it should?

“I know. I’m sorry. When I found you all, Enora and everything else, all I could think about was finding out what happened.

“What happened to me?” I asked, my voice pleading. “You’re right, I don’t feel right. I feel off, Connor.”

He pulled back slightly to look at me. His honey-colored eyes searched my face.

“Talk to me, Connor,” I whispered. He shook his head stubbornly before leaning back in.

“You should talk to me,” he mumbled in response.

His lips were a breath away, warm and inviting. They beckoned me to taste them, to forget everything that was worrying me, if only for a moment.

“I know you’re eager…” Connor began, but I cut him off, pressing my lips to his and silencing his words.

The kiss was soft, just like our first one.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. My body demanded to feel every part of him—his legs, his chest, his arms, his lips.

His heart pounded against his chest, matching the rhythm of my own.

I clung to him in desperation, pulling him closer. His hand slid down my waist and then up my back.

All my worries disappeared. In that moment, he was all that mattered.

“I love you.” I whispered the words I’d never been able to say to him before. “I love you so much…”

My voice broke on the last word, overwhelmed by the intensity of my feelings.

Connor’s lips stilled against mine. He was watching me. His honey-gold eyes burned with a heat I’d never seen before.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words,” he said between kisses. “Ever since you said them on the phone, I’ve wanted to hear you say them to me in person.”

I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat.

“Now I can say them, every day, anywhere,” I whispered, locking eyes with him.

I felt something slide down my wrist and glanced at the bracelet. For a moment, my focus on Connor wavered.

Questions flooded my mind, but I pushed them aside. Now wasn’t the time.

Connor seemed to sense my change in mood, which I didn’t want to spoil.

I wanted this moment with him, and more.

“Kiss me,” I commanded, refocusing on him. “Kiss me like you’ve missed me.”

He rewarded me with a smile, then kissed me with a desperation and intensity that took my breath away.

I smiled against his lips.

When he bit my lip, I gasped. The heat between my legs made me want to touch him, to be inside him, to whisper his name into the night.

I pushed myself away from the window and shoved him onto the bed.

Connor looked up at me, his eyes wide.

I smiled down at him as I straddled him.

“I think we have some unfinished business to attend to,” I said, licking my lips.

Connor’s chest rose and fell rapidly, his mouth forming an O. Khan was close to the surface, his eyes darkening.

His gaze traveled slowly down my body, his hands reaching for my bare legs. But I grabbed his arms, stopping him.

“No, my king,” I said, grinding against his growing erection. “Tonight, I’m going to please you as you deserve.”

Connor raised an eyebrow.

“As I deserve?” he smirked.

“Yes.” I placed my hand on his chest. “My king deserves to be pleasured by his queen.”

I slowly slid my hand down, reaching for his pants and untying the knot that held his arousal in check.

“You’ve done so much, you deserve my gratitude,” I whispered, moving slowly down until my lips brushed against his chest.

I continued moving down, whispering words of worship, gratitude, and desire.

Connor watched me with hooded eyes as I made my way to his arousal. I licked my dry lips, then pulled his pants down and ran my tongue over his tip.

Connor hissed as I took him all the way in. His hands flew to my hair, holding me steady as his hips bucked and filled my mouth.

It only took four sucks for him to climax, filling my mouth with his desire. I nearly choked on the amount, but I sucked him dry.

With one last flick of my tongue, I sat back up. Connor was panting as I looked at him, a smile on my face. My fingers were wet with his release.

“Now,” I said, licking my fingers and looking at him. “We should move on to step two.”

With that, I pulled my dress up and straddled him again.

Connor growled as his nails found the thin lace of my underwear and ripped it apart.

I bit my lip as his eyes darkened and his arousal grew.

“I. Love. You. Connor.” I said each word slowly as I lowered myself onto his throbbing erection, filling and stretching me.

I gasped, pausing for a moment.

He felt so big inside me. I tried to push down further, but Connor, being Connor, flipped us over and thrust deep, making me arch beneath him.

A moan escaped my lips as he kissed my neck.

“I’ve missed your scent…” he whispered against my skin.

I blushed, then felt his tongue trace the mating mark.

I gripped his shirt nervously. His long canines grazed my skin.

“I’ve dreamed of having you like this again,” he said, his tongue tracing a path from my ear to my shoulder, making me shudder.

“Ever since you vanished, I’ve been trying to keep my sanity. But now that you’re back, Elaine, I can’t help but lose it.”

His voice was rough, his body rigid.

I felt him filling me, my moans creating a symphony as he moved his hips.

“I was devastated when I discovered the truth. ~I despised you~, felt shattered, like I was drowning. But would you believe me if I told you all that vanished?

“Not because I finally learned the truth, Elaine,” he gasped. “But because deep down, I knew—no~, I felt~—that I could never let you go.

“I’m consumed, in love with you, madly in love, Elaine.”

Then he bit down, marking me once more.

***

Slowly, I turned in bed, searching for the nightgown I had discarded earlier, only to find it torn to shreds on the floor.

I had forgotten how wild Connor could be when he wanted something. Especially after a few rounds. I sighed and turned to look at him.

He was a sight, sprawled on my bed with nothing but a sheet covering his still erect manhood.

I blushed, my body responding to the sight.

Grinning like a fool, I turned when I felt him stir. Instinctively, I froze and waited for his breathing to return to normal.

Once sure, I glanced over my shoulder. Shocked by what I saw, I turned. My hand instinctively reached for his back.

Feeling the rough texture and shadows of fresh wounds, I pulled my hand back.

All my previous feelings vanished in an instant, replaced by anger.

“Enora,” I hissed, grabbing a discarded bedsheet from the floor.

After a quick change, I headed downstairs, my senses on high alert as I caught her scent.

It wasn’t hard to locate anyone here.

On my way down, I passed two rooms where I knew my brothers and Yuki were. Their scent was strong, distinct from the other lycans in this place.

Walking down the hall, I passed three lycans who seemed surprised by my sudden appearance. I ignored them and continued until I reached a pair of doors.

I pushed them open and entered a grand throne room.

A loud bang echoed as the doors slammed against the wall, startling a few guards outside.

As expected, the one I was looking for sat on her throne, playing queen.

“Such disrespectful behavior,” Enora snapped.

“And should I be concerned about your punishment?” I asked, my hands clasped behind my back. “Should I worry you’ll do to me what you did to Connor?”

Enora frowned.

“I did to him?” she laughed. “I’ve never laid a hand on him.”

“But your people have,” I said, stopping at the foot of the stairs. “Men like ~him.~”

My gaze shifted to the man I had seen panicking earlier when I found him punishing my brothers.

“He has nothing to do with this!” Enora said, leaning forward, her hands gripping the arms of her chair.

“Nothing?” I echoed, raising an eyebrow. “Should I believe your pathetic lies? Because I must say, you’re quite the actress.”

“Silence!” she commanded. “You don’t dictate what I can or cannot do. Or have you forgotten whose pack you’re in?”

“No, I haven’t,” I replied, a wicked smile on my face. “That’s why I challenge him to a duel.”

Both of them were taken aback.

“YOU—”

“I have every right. It’s a pack rule, Enora.” My smile faded, replaced by a stern expression.

“You know that neither the queen nor the king can interfere in a duel. And I challenge him. Of course, there’s something at stake.”

“And what might that be?” Enora asked, tapping her cheek with her nail.

“Simple. A wager,” I replied. Enora narrowed her eyes. “If he wins, I’ll make everyone leave and do as you wish, which I assume is me staying in this dreadful place. Am I right?”

Enora’s lip twitched.

“And what do you get if you win?” she asked, curiosity in her voice.

I grinned.

“His head on a silver platter, and freedom for me and my people.”

Her jaw tightened as she considered me.

“Fine,” she finally agreed, though it seemed forced. “But I have rules.”

“No,” I said, wagging a finger at her. “If we’re doing this”—I smirked at both of them—“we’re playing by my rules.”