5. Catching rays not feelings

Late Sunday morning, Sian pulled up outside mine in her newly fixed car and promised to spend the day lounging around in my garden. Alec couldn't join us as he was on babysitting duties for his parents and had to keep an eye on his three younger siblings.

Hidden behind the swing seat and our overgrown hedges, we spread our towels in the grass and stripped down to our bikinis. Sian lowered the straps on her top and closed her eyes behind her Audrey Hepburn style sunglasses.

"So who picked you up yesterday?" I asked while squeezing copious amounts of sun cream onto my shoulders.

She stayed quiet for a second too long, thinking about her answer. If they were only a friend as she claimed, she would have told me straight away, but her delayed response wasn't natural. Over the last few months, my suspicions about Sian seeing someone had only grown stronger. Why wouldn't she tell me? We never kept secrets, so I'd have to ask Alec if he suspected something.

Whenever we spoke last year, she would leave out details from her nights out and would let certain things slip without meaning to. Her stories would change slightly, each time she had to retell them. Just enough to notice she was hiding something, but not enough for me to call her out on it. If I did, I knew she would get all defensive and deny everything.

I would have to trust that she would divulge it when she was ready.

"Oh, a friend from work. You don't know them."

"Really, just a friend?" I peered down at her, wiping my sticky fingers on the corner of my towel.

"Just a friend," She insisted, turning her head away. "Talking about just friends, what did you and Alec do once I left?"

"We came back here and chatted about things."

"Things?" She faced me again with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Yes, things. I asked what he'd been up to at Uni. He asked about my time away. About how he missed me and I missed him. Those kinds of things." My belly flipped thinking about him. I covered my bare stomach with my hand, uneasy with this unfamiliar sensation.

"I'm warning you now, Nat, keep those hormones in check and stop saying Alec is hot. It sounds weird."

I feigned shock. "Excuse me! You're as bad as me most of the time. And besides, Alec has got seriously hot!"

"Gross! He's like our brother. Can you not! My breakfast might come back up." She grimaced.

I let out a fake laugh, hoping Sian wouldn't pick up on the fact the conversation made me giddy. Because the thought of Alec's body didn't make me want to be sick. Quite the opposite.

"But seriously Nat, don't do anything you'll regret. You have known him for too long to start making it awkward between you both. Plus, I'm not becoming a third wheel."

My throat tightened and my anxiousness twisted into disappointment. She was right. I had known him for far too long and had so much to lose if things turned sour.

"Whoa, back up a bit. I said he was hot, and that's about it. No one's doing anything they will regret. Have you gone mad? Aren't you the girl who lives by the motto: 'I can admire without having to touch'," I stated in a high-pitched voice to mock her and mask my true feelings.

"Ha ha, very funny! Poor Alec is so deep into the friend zone," she snickered.

"Yeah, poor Alec," I mumbled, slightly deflated. The lines of that friend zone were blurring.

"Wonder why he has no serious girlfriends?"

"I always wonder the same about you," I answered.

"I don't want a girlfriend. You're all high maintenance," she giggled as I swatted her arm.

"You know what I mean. Maybe there's someone in Cambridge. He doesn't like talking to me about the girls he sees." I traced a path through the grass, into the dirt. Alec used to get cagey when the subject of his love life came up, but I never questioned him about it.

"Do you remember that summer his mum was convinced he was gay because he did everything we did and never brought dates over? She made us go over to his house so we could tell him we were all there for him and he shouldn't be scared to be his true self? I thought he was going to die of embarrassment. He was so red. She wouldn't let it go." Sian burst out laughing.

"Yes! Oh, I love his mum! She really meant well. You have to admit she would be the most supportive mum out there. Everyone should be like Mrs Hart!"

"Love Mrs Hart! Oh and Mr Hart! Hottest dad around!"

"Sian! Now, I feel sick."

We both clutched our stomachs as we rolled around in fits of laughter.

"Natasha? Are you out there?" My mum bellowed from inside the house as she opened the patio doors.

Every muscle tensed at the sound of her voice. "What does she want now?" I muttered.

I stood up, squirting against the blinding sunlight. My sunglasses did nothing to protect my vision. When my eyes adjusted, a dark shadowy figure appeared next to her and as they came closer, the pit of my stomach fell.

"Oh fark!" I threw myself back onto my towel.

"Fark? Really? Did you not learn to swear in France?" She chuckled.

"Shut it, Sian! Look up! Max is coming this way."

Sian's laughter abruptly stopped.

"Hey Nat, hope you don't mind your mum said I could come get you?" Max wandered towards us with a massive grin on his face. "Sian." He gave her a brief nod before laying his eyes back on me.

I squirmed on my spot in the grass. Feeling self-conscious of the very little clothing covering me, I fought the urge to either grab my towel and wrap it around my near naked body or stand up so he could no longer tower over me. Any brisk movement would show him the power he had over me. I would just have to stay put and hear what he had to say.

"What are you doing here, Max?" I asked him while peering over my sunglasses, my voice neutral, but my hands shook with nerves.

"You didn't answer my texts so had to find another way to speak to you?"

"You ditched me. I don't owe you anything," I snapped.

Max's hand shot up to the back of his neck as he looked away for a split second. "Yeah, about that. Sorry. Something came up, and I needed to go," he mumbled.

"I bet something came up alright," Sian muttered under her breath.

Good old Sian. I stifled a snort and stared at his shoes. It was easier than being sucked in to his bottomless pools of darkness. Two clicks of his fingers and I would be hypnotised, thinking he was the toxicity I deserved.

"Come on babe, let me make it up to you. I already told you I was sorry." He crouched down and placed his palms on my crossed legs. The contact burning my skin.

"Don't call me babe," I whispered, my eyes fixed on his hands.

"Some of us are going for a swim at the lake. Come have some fun with me? I'll be on my best behaviour." Max squeezed my thighs and stood back up.

"I promised Sian we would spend the day together."

"Who's going?" Sian asked simultaneously.

"The more the merrier. Some of the usual gang. Oh, and my brother."

"Yes, we're going!" Sian shouted over me, jumping up with her towel already under her arm. She brushed loose grass off her backside and grabbed her shorts off the swing seat. "Just need to pop to the parentals. Max can drive you. Meet you in a bit." She skipped across the garden, her words barely registering.

"Sian, wait up! What if I don't want to?" I called out while she simply waved at me, continuing towards her car. "Thanks a lot, Daniels!"

I had never known her to be so keen to go anywhere.

"I guess you are coming then," Max snickered.

"Guess so. She didn't give me much choice. Don't seem so pleased with yourself. You have some making up to do. I'm only going to be with Sian." I tugged my denim shorts up over my bikini bottoms and slipped my feet into my flip-flops.

"I can feel you staring," I said, my voice muffled by the fabric of my top as it passed over my head.

"Admiring the view. I nearly forgot how beautiful you were."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his comment. Anyone else would have made me feel self-conscious at how quick he was to throw a compliment my way. But this was exactly what Max Reed did when he knew someone was upset with them. His go-to defence mechanism was to lay it on thick. It usually worked. After all, I had fallen for it plenty of times.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere."

Max stepped closer and slid his arms around my waist. Out of habit, my own arms automatically wrapped around him. A glint of mischievousness flashed in his eyes.

"Doesn't this feel just like old times? It's so easy when it's the two of us." He brushed his nose against mine, his breath fanning across my face, and my stomach tightened, almost forgetting who I was dealing with.

"That didn't really work out for us though," I muttered.

"Don't be that way, Nat-Nat," he whispered back, pulling me in tighter. "We can have fun again, I promise."

"That's the problem. You're always full of false promises."

Pushing myself away from him, I grabbed my towel off the floor and marched towards his car.

***

We parked in a similar location to our last visit to the lake, only this time the area was packed with people. I glanced out into the crowd, searching for our friends. None of them were there yet. Sian messaged while we drove down, announcing she was stopping off for extra sun cream and food for the both of us. Anxiousness coiled around my limbs, picturing Max leaving me on my own again while I waited for her.

Strolling up to one of the furthest ends where the sandy beach met the grassier banks of the lake, we lay our towels down and sat. The water gently lapped at the edge of the bank, the sun casting silver flashes of light across its mirror-like surface. The surrounding din seemed to quieten down as my eyes focused on the slight ripples.

Even the busy atmosphere couldn't break the calming feeling that washed over me.

My daydreaming was interrupted by the feeling of his cold hand, brushing my left shoulder in slow strokes. I shifted round to meet Max's eyes, but they were focused on the spot he was still caressing.

"Nat," he breathed close to my ear. He shuffled forward to get as close as possible. A slight shiver ran down my spine. "I'm really sorry about the other night. I didn't want to leave you here."

"Then why did you?" I sighed, facing back towards the lake.

"A friend needed a lift home. I knew Andy would drive you back." His hand traced lazy circles across my skin.

"How could you be sure? He could have left me too." I drew my knees to my chest and hugged them.

"This is Andy we're talking about. Do you really think he would have left without checking who needed lifts home?"

"I guess you're right," I mumbled.

"Now that's out of the way, can we have a little fun?" He leant over and pecked my shoulder blade. "Come for a walk with me? Looks like it's just you and me here."

Before I had a chance to answer, someone shouted Max's name. I didn't miss the way Max pulled away the moment we were interrupted. I twisted round, to study the look on Max's face. It was an all too familiar scene. I felt as if we were back to last year when he wouldn't admit to anyone else that we were dating. I had to remind myself that we weren't dating now, so it didn't matter and I was probably being paranoid.

Three of Max's friends strode up the man-made beach, tossing a rugby ball between themselves. Another two followed, carrying a large cooler box. They dropped their belongings beside us and cracked open the cooler, which was filled to the brim with ice and cold beers.

They barely acknowledged I was there as they reeled off demeaning comments about the girls around the lake.

Max's attention slipped further away from me, dragged into their childish remarks.

I released a sigh of relief when the girls from the previous night joined the small party, laden with bags of food and picnic blankets. None of the boys moved, so I rushed over to help only to stop dead in my tracks.

Jade rounded the corner with her gorgeous raven hair, long tanned legs and barely there bikini. Max all but run across to her as soon as she appeared and my heart sank. My feet stayed rooted to the spot, watching him lean into and whisper against her ear. Whatever he said, causing her to burst out laughing and swat his arm away.

My body refused to move and my face was no doubt contorted in ways it shouldn't have been. A hand tugged on my bare ankle. Aiden, one of the boys with the cooler, looked up at me. His warm brown eyes crinkled at the sides from squinting into the sun that was casting a yellow glow onto his skin.

"Sorry, Nat. You know what he's like," he apologised with a shrug of his shoulders and handed a beer over.

Sitting next to him, I shield my forehead with my hand, chugged the entire bottle back and reached for a second one.

Yet another empty invitation. Max might have brought me there, but it looked as if we wouldn't be leaving together.

***

Twenty minutes later and Sian was nowhere to be seen. What was taking so long? Her parents only lived a few doors down from my house and she was only meant to be grabbing supplies.

Max and Jade went straight in the water shortly after she arrived so had spent no time with the group. The others slipped off, one by one, to play a game of beach rugby.

Being on my own was starting to feel like an unhealthy habit that needed breaking soon. I wished I had brought a book with me.

A loud voice booming from behind us made everyone turn around. James Reed, Max's much older brother, marched over to us announcing himself. Like his brother, he worked in the building trade earning himself a toned physique. His features were very similar to Max's except for his darker hair and his slightly crooked nose, broken from too many fights. Both Reed boys were charmers, but rumour had it, James more ruthless with his conquests.

What I couldn't understand was why a twenty-five-year-old wanted to hang out with a bunch of eighteen-year-olds? Okay, nineteen-year-olds for most of them and a couple of twenty-one-year-olds like Max.

He stripped his t-shirt off and kicked his flip-flops to the side and ran straight into the water towards his brother and friends.

A few minutes later, Sian walked out from a path hidden by shrubs. The same path James had come from. A tiny, royal blue bikini peeped through her sheer cover-up. She must have changed as she wasn't wearing that at mine. Her hair appeared bouncier, and she had also touched up her makeup.

Maybe that was why James wanted to hang around people much younger than him. Or maybe it was the reason Sian wanted us here. Had they come together? Was she embarrassed and didn't feel like she could confess? Probably! After all, hadn't I been judging James for being here, only seconds ago.

Sian sat down next to me without a word. I couldn't bring it up. I didn't have it in me. Max's recent rejection upset me, and she was probably the only person who could cheer me up. Well, besides Alec.

"You took your time," I muttered, drawing circles in the sand.

"Yeah, um, my parents needed me for something. It took longer than I expected." She tucked a loose strand of her curly blonde hair behind her ear.

Lie! Before she came over that morning, she had told me her parents weren't home.

"Nice bikini. Is it new?"

"This old thing? No, I've always had it. I spilt juice on the other one. Didn't want to smell like stale orange juice," she fumbled with her words.

Sian was a terrible liar, but I wouldn't pull her up on it. She had the right to tell me in her own time. I just hoped she wouldn't leave it too long or let things get awkward between us because of the secrets she was hiding.

"I'm going into the water. Did you want to come with me?" She removed her cover-up and went to stand, but stopped when I placed my hand on hers.

"Not yet. Max is entertaining a new girl. Wouldn't want to cramp his style."

I pointed over to where Max swam around Jade. Every so often she would throw herself at him and he would tug her to him.

"Are you serious? After coming over to yours and ask you here? Don't let him get away with it, Nat. He's not worth it!"

"I know. I won't." My voice came out in an unsteady whisper. Sian gave me a questioning glare. She didn't believe me, and I wasn't sure if I even believed my own words. Max was a promise I broke over and over again. Exactly like he did with me.

"I won't go in either then. No point letting a beautiful mermaid sit alone on this shore," she giggled.

I cast my eyes away from the flirting duo and smiled at her comment.

"Alec used to say that to me when we were ten and I refused to step foot in the sea after a wave had pulled me under," I recalled.

"You spent that summer terrified. He wouldn't go in either, cos he didn't want you to feel like you were missing out. I should have sat on that beach with you too, but hey, I was a selfish ten-year-old."

I leant my head on her shoulder. "I'm not scared of the water anymore. I just can't go in right now. Not when I'm his second choice again. What if he rang her before he came to get me? She probably wasn't going to come and then changed her mind. It's Joana all over again."

"Why do you care so much? You went away to get over it. And now you are just letting him ruin your day," Sian snapped at me.

"She's right, Nat!" Someone spoke up behind us.

"Andy! Don't sneak up on people like that!" I screeched, clutching my chest.

"Sorry, Nat! But Sian's right. Come on, we should get in that water before it's too late and it gets cooler." Andy stripped down to his swimming shorts, his brown hair sticking up messily after he pulled his top off. I stood up and ruffled it some more, earning me one of his beaming smiles. Andy was a big teddy bear, cheerful, soft and kind natured.

Sian and I ditched our clothes and when we were in nothing else but our swimwear, the three of us ran into the freshwater.

It was freezing! The water lapped our sun-kissed skin, and the contrast had me tensing my body. I jumped on the spot to warm up as we giggled, our teeth chattered together.

We spent the next hour messing around and splashing each other until our tummies rumbled and the picnic called out to us.

The picnic blankets laid out in a circle around the food and booze, we settled down, each of us a bottle in hand, save for the designated drivers. I wrapped myself in my towel, the sun already warming my skin.

Peeking over the top of my beer, I spotted Sian drinking but James holding back. When it came time to leave, I would have to check if he would be her lift home. They weren't sat next to each other, but I hadn't missed the few subtle glances they let slip.

Max hadn't glanced my way once since Jade arrived. He was under a spell and only had eyes for her and didn't even notice when Sian, Andy and I joined them in the water. He was all over me when we were alone, but with her company, he barely knew of my existence.

Back on the beach, he made sure he sat with Jade at the furthest point from me while still being amongst the group.

If anyone had noted how uncomfortable I felt, they weren't letting it show. Everyone joked around and talked about their plans for the summer. Somebody suggested a camping trip at one stage, but I tuned them out so I wouldn't catch Max flirting with Jade. I wasn't sure my stomach could handle it, let alone my heart.

My eyes scanned the beach and were drawn to someone walking along the bank, heading straight for us.

I recognised that silhouette. I refused to blink in case I was seeing things, so sat still, waiting for them to approach the group and speak.

***