4. A cup of hope or just coffee

I woke up to an empty house late Friday morning. My parents were out and my sister, Rosie, was at school for the day. She had stayed at Daniel's, her boyfriend, since my first night back and I couldn't help but feel she was avoiding me.

Max sent a text as I got home last night, asking if I had left yet. As usual, he apologised and asked if he could make it up to me somehow, but I never answered. Instead, as soon as I was awake enough, I slipped on my trainers and went for a run in the hopes I could burn my negative energy.

My eyes stung as I let the weight of my emotions pull my shoulders down. My own family didn't want to spend time with me. How could I expect Max to? I replayed his words at the lake: I didn't realise you thought we were that serious. I felt so stupid. There was no way I imagined our relationship.

I rubbed at my eyes and sped up.

My body close to exhaustion, I returned home for an ice-cold shower and food; lots and lots of food. Showered and in a loose playsuit, I sat at our kitchen table with a mix of snacks and a good book.

I lost track of time, engrossed in a murder mystery, and barely heard the front door open and my sister call out. "Is anybody home?"

I scrapped my chair on the tiled floor, rushing to her. She looked so small and pale next to Daniel, who towered over her. She was petite and fair whereas Daniel was tall with dark brown hair and near-black eyes. His skin was a soft caramel colour. Even their personalities should have clashed, but they somehow worked. They were the definition of opposites attract.

"Rosie, finally! I missed you! Crazy I know!" I launched myself at her, hugging her tight.

Rosie kept her arms at her sides, not returning my embrace. The awkwardness made me release her.

"Natasha." She nodded. "How long are you staying?" Her smile hardly reaching her ice-blue eyes.

I looked over at Daniel, who gave me a sheepish smile.

"Erm-, I'm not sure. Might even stay. No plans yet."

"Well, maybe you should let Mum know. So she can be more prepared next time you leave." Her voice, cold, held a hint of disdain.

"Are you upset with me?" We were never close, but even I thought she might have missed me with our time apart. How naïve of me. My cheeks prickled with an unwelcome heat and I wanted to run to my room. The whole trip home was a disaster.

"Not upset. Just a bit bored. Sorry if I'm not overly enthusiastic with your return. Not all of us make decisions on a whim with zero consideration for others, then expect us to jump for joy because they came back."

My vision blurred as I gawked at my sister, her words not fulling registering.

Luckily, I didn't need to answer as Daniel cut in.

"That's enough Rosie. She's your only sister. Just be happy she's back." Daniel leant over and gave me a quick one-handed hug and pat on the back. "Great to see you again, Nat. Andy told me he saw you last night. Wouldn't stop going on about it. I think he might have a little soft spot for you," he teased and gave me a subtle wink.

"Nice to see you too," I mumbled, the prickling in my cheeks moving to my neck and chest.

I wished he hadn't told me that. Embarrassment coiled around me.

"Don't tell her that," my sister discreetly hissed at him, but I caught her words before she grabbed his arm and disappeared into her room.

That evening I had dinner with my parents once they got home. My sister never joined us, having decided that she was going to spend the entire weekend at Daniel's.

***

Saturday morning I sat in an empty coffee shop, waiting for Alec and Sian. The steam escaped out of the foam from my cappuccino. I tapped my fingers on the ceramic mug, staring out the window. The cafe was a short walk from my house and I purposely left late so I wouldn't be alone for too long.

I checked my watch again. Twenty minutes late, as usual! What were they doing?

Sian must have sensed my frustration. As I pulled her name up on my phone, she came bustling through the door, startling the poor girl behind the counter. Call it best friend telepathy.

"We're so sorry, Nat. Can you believe it? My car's still at that poxy garage. Alec ended up coming to get me."

"Any excuse! You two would be late regardless," I laughed.

Sian came rushing over and squeezed her arms tight around my shoulders.

"Where's Alec?"

"He let me jump out so you wouldn't have to sit any longer on your own and is just parking his car."

The bell over the door rang as I pulled my chair back out and I glanced over Sian's shoulder.

My breath caught in the back of my throat and my heart definitely flipped once in my chest. What the-

There, in all his glory, stood my other best friend, Alec Hart, a hand shoved in the front pocket of his jeans. And honestly? I couldn't remember him ever looking this good.

There was no way he had gotten taller in just a year, but there he was. Oh, and broader too.

My mouth ran dry, his eyes caught mine and lit up as he took me in.

He was always very good looking with his dark brown hair, emerald green eyes and beautifully tanned skin. The girls at our school used to gush at how lucky we were to be able to get up close and personal to the 'sexy' Alec Hart. We couldn't see it as he was just Alec to us. But I could definitely see it now!

That face, those eyes, those-

"Close- your- mouth-," Sian whispered in my ear.

Arms! What was wrong with me. It was Alec... just plain old Alec. Why did I suddenly feel so nervous?

He walked over to us and wrapped me in a comfortable embrace. I automatically raised on my tippy toes and nestled my face into his neck and discreetly breathed him in. He smelt like oranges and summer all rolled into one.

Did he just do the same to me?

"Hey, little Nattie..." He released his hold with a quick kiss to the side of my head and slid his warm hands into mine to look at me. "I've really missed you," he whispered.

Alec was the only one to call me Nattie. If anyone else did, it would irritate me. He had done it since we were kids and it just felt right coming from him.

"Really missed you too. You look really-, well." I gave him a small smile, never taking my eyes off him.

His green eyes bore into mine. They reminded me of lush green grass and untouched forests. They were stunning and standing there with him holding on to me and staring into my soul, I could see why he had those girls fawning over him. He wasn't just a pretty face with a body to die for. His personality outshone his looks. Whether it was a blessing or a curse for Alec Hart, he was also known for being everyone's friend and the biggest people pleaser.

"Alec! I don't remember getting this kind of welcome when you came to see me. I might start getting jealous!" Sian huffed, taking a seat at the table. "Make it up to me by getting my drink. I'll have a vanilla latte," she requested playfully while batting her eyelashes dramatically. "Pretty pleaseeee."

Alec glared at Sian, let go of my hands and walked over to order their drinks.

"Want anything, Nattie?" Alec shouted over.

I shook my head and sat back down.

Sian narrowed her gaze and sighed. "Don't look at him like you want to eat him. It's weird and makes me feel slightly gross."

I swatted her arm. "Am not!" I leant in closer. "But is it just me or has he got kind of hot over the last year?"

"Definitely you! Now stop it! Remember, it's Alec you're ogling." She grimaced. "Picture him running around your garden, naked, covered in mud-, being hosed down by your mum." She screwed her nose up and fake gagged.

"First part doesn't help. Thanks for adding the mum part." We both burst out laughing.

"What are you two witches cackling about?" Alec quizzed, returning to the table with Sian's Latte and a bottle of coke for himself.

He pulled out the seat beside me, leaving Sian opposite both of us.

"Sian was just telling me about the benefits of mud."

Sian and I both let out another chuckle while Alec shook his head and took a swig of his drink. The problem with him sitting next to me, I couldn't stare at him without being caught out. He, on the other hand, turned his chair so he was now facing me, letting me feel his eyes on the side of my face.

If I acted on impulse and copied, I knew Sian would have a field day and would tease me relentlessly.

I took a sip of my lukewarm coffee and winced. I hated when that happened.

"So stranger, how long are you staying for? The whole summer?" Alec questioned.

"Don't know! Definitely until the end of summer, but nothing planned for after. When do you head back to Cambridge, Dr Alec?" I teased.

"Probably end of September. Classes don't start until October."

Alec was studying medicine at the University of Cambridge. Just like my sister, he was a planner and knew exactly what he was doing with his life. He wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, attend the same university, where his dad had met his mum, and eventually become a doctor.

I wasn't intimidated by his determination. I admired it and wished it had rubbed off on me. Sian was more like me and took life as it came. She did her A levels with the rest of us as a compromise with her parents and didn't have the urge to travel or attend uni like most of our friends. She stayed in the area, decided she would save some time on the inevitable and started working small jobs so she could afford her own place in Petersfield. Her parents also helped her out. She was out most weekends making the most of her youth.

She once told me, if she really felt the need to go back to school at a later date, she would. Right now, she just wanted to enjoy everything around her without worrying she would disappoint someone if she couldn't cope with the pressures of university.

"That's great! We have all summer to have fun, like old times. It will be as if you never left me," Sian rejoiced. She clasped the hand I had resting on the table, gave it a quick squeeze before turning her attention back to her latte.

"How was the barbecue? Still disappointed you didn't tell me you were going. I would've turned up if I knew," Alec sighed. He averted his gaze, finding something to pick off the side of my saucer.

"Ah, so you listened to me. How did you get there?" Sian was now playing with her phone, only giving us half her attention. She assured me she could listen and be on her phone at the same time as she was great at multitasking. I had yet to see it.

I glanced up to Alec, trying to gauge if I should tell him. Him being friends with Max wasn't really my issue. What worried me most was that he might be disappointed with me for how easily I seemed to forgive him and want him back in my life. I hadn't decided if I completely wanted Max back in, but I wasn't quite ready to just cut him out either.

Max knew what it felt like to have parents disappoint you. Alec and Sian didn't.

No matter how reluctant I was to share what had happened with Alec, I couldn't lie to him. That wouldn't feel right.

"I wasn't planning to go but bumped into Max on my run. He asked if I wanted to tag along," I admitted.

Alec stiffened and turned back towards Sian, who had put her phone down on the table. I didn't need him to face me to see his eyes widen. They were clearly having an unspoken conversation, and that wasn't a good sign.

He slowly twisted back my way, waiting for me to continue.

"I know what you're both thinking. Nothing happened. He left with someone else anyway."

"He left you there? After inviting you?" Alec huffed. "What's wrong with him! Why didn't Andy tell me Max was with you?" he mumbled, assuming I wouldn't hear the last part.

"It doesn't matter. I still had fun, and he apologised the next day. There were other people I knew. Plus, Andy gave me a lift home, so I was safe." Each excuse spilt out and left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. Any disappointment I should have felt by Max's disappearing act never surfaced. It simply left me numb, and that was easier to cope with.

"It matters. It's rude! What if Andy wasn't there? Some of Max's friends aren't like Andy. Don't let him walk all over you again! That's not the Nattie I know. The Nattie I know would give him shit for it."

I could see the fire behind Alec's eyes. Anger radiated from his body and it only made me feel sympathy for him, not for me.

"Would I though?" I half-shrugged and chewed on the skin around my thumb.

I wanted to be the person Alec described, but why make a fuss when I didn't go to the barbeque with any high hopes? I was used to being on my own. After all, I spent a year amongst near strangers.

Sensing I didn't want to continue this conversation, Alec placed his hand on my knee and gave it a light squeeze.

We stayed at the café for a few more hours, catching up and laughing. Once the small spell of tension was broken, it was as if we had never been apart. It felt so good to be there with my favourite people.

By mid-afternoon, Sian told us one of her friends was outside and would give her a lift back to her apartment. She hugged us both and promised to call later.

Alec and I were finally alone, and my nerves calmed down. He wasn't some stranger, he was my Alec. The same boy I had known since I was four years old. The same boy who followed Sian and me around for years and didn't care when we made him watch our soppy films or when we swapped our daily bike rides for shopping trips and makeovers.

The boy who held me during my first heartbreak. The boy who stayed in my room for hours while I told him about my first crush and first kiss.

He never made fun of me when I made him bury a snail I accidentally stepped on while chasing him around my garden.

He had been part of every major and minor event in my life-, except for the last year.

I was selfish for leaving without telling him, never giving him a second thought when I packed my bags, and now he had a whole new life without me. I should have been there to wave him goodbye when he left for the place he had always dreamt of. Seeing him move on without us would have been hard, but if I had stayed, I might have had a glimpse of his new life, he might have shared some of it with me.

I had no idea who his new friends were, if he liked his roommates if it was everything he had hoped it would be. I only thought of myself, and at the time, I was alright with my decision. I had made peace with that.

Sitting opposite Alec, I no longer felt comfortable with my choices. I would use the summer break to make it up to him and to Sian.

***

Alec offered to drive me home so we could spend more time together. I was glad he hadn't rushed off. I wasn't ready to let him go for the night.

When we arrived at my house, we settled into the wooden swing seat, nestled at the bottom of my garden. The last of the sunlight cast a golden blanket over the furthest patch of grass and privacy hedge.

The swing seat was my favourite spot in my home to reflect on everything. Alec and I used to sit here for hours some nights, not needing to speak, just think.

Without having to use words, we got into the same position we did every time. Alec sat down on the right side of the two-seater swing and I leant into him with my feet off the ground.

He put his arm around me and absentmindedly played with a strand of my hair.

"I'm really sorry I left," I whispered.

Alec stayed silent for a moment and looked heavenward. "I know," he sighed. "Wish you'd given me some kind of heads up so I could have been prepared or that you had called me once you were settled. I was disappointed for a little while. Maybe even angry. It was probably best you didn't call, actually. We would have fallen out. But I also understand why you did. A selfish part of me just wanted you to stay here forever so you would always be around when I came home."

My cheeks heated up at his confession and guilt washed over me.

"Don't know why I didn't tell you or call you afterwards." I turned around to look at him. Alec still kept his gaze away from me.

"Look at me-," grabbing his face towards me I continued-, "I really am sorry. I was scared of disappointing you the most. We were so close. It all seems so silly now. I felt so-, so. Can't even remember how I felt. I just know I didn't want to stay here anymore. It had nothing to do with you."

Alec stroked my cheek as I stared into his beautiful green eyes. For a split second, they flashed with sadness and something else I couldn't quite catch.

Alec squeezed me flush to his side and planted a brief kiss to my temple. "Come here, Nattie. We're always okay, me and you. Nothing will change that."

He was right. As long as we were friends, we would always be okay.

***