21. Summer rain

Once the numbness faded, I was angry. No, angry wasn't a strong enough word, I was furious. How dare he just walk away when I had done nothing wrong. I wasn't with Alec when I slept with Max. I was single. Max was single. Even Joana had no right to make me feel guilty for what happened. If she wanted to take it out on someone, then she could do that with Max. He was the one that broke their promise. It wasn't my promise to break.

Did I feel sorry for Joana? Of course, I did. In her situation, who's to know how I would have reacted. I could still picture the pain on her face, the look of despair in her eyes when she found out Max withheld the whole truth from her.

Sian and Rosie stayed by my side as I stood there staring into the distance, where Alec's car once was. I mentally gave myself a shake and walked into the cabin towards the fridge, grabbed a chocolate bar I had hidden at the back and found a share size packet of Doritos, in the cupboard.

Everyone else pretended to busy themselves. They stood scattered around the room, throwing furtive glances my way. They didn't fool me as their conversations hadn't picked up. The quick whispers were irritating. I stormed over to the phone and portable speaker they used to play music and cranked the volume up loud enough to drown them out.

I flopped down onto the sofa, head back on one side, and rested my feet on the other. I unwrapped my chocolate bar and bit a large chunk off. Next, I ripped the bag of crisps open, grabbed a handful of them and ungracefully shoved them in my mouth. Rosie sat on the coffee table, facing my side, and prised the bag out of my hands.

I yanked it off her and took another handful.

"Stop. You're stress eating," she said as she snatched it back.

"I'm not. I'm hungry," I sighed and pushed myself up into a seated position and placed my feet to the side of Rosie on the coffee table.

Rosie raised her eyebrows, letting me know I couldn't dupe her. We might not have been close growing up, but we were still sisters. She had seen me reach for food as soon as I was upset. It was one of the reasons I ran so often. Running was my new coping mechanism, and I hadn't gone on one this morning with the trip. If we weren't in an unfamiliar location, and it wasn't so dark outside, I would have probably gone for one there and then.

"Okay. I might just go to bed." I waved goodnight to the gang and made my way up the stairs.

After stripping out of my clothes, I pulled on a pair of sleep leggings, a T-shirt and the hoodie I had just removed. Not wanting to face everyone again by using the downstairs bathroom, I abandoned any idea of washing my face. I brushed my teeth and used a water bottle I brought up with me to rinse my mouth out. I spat the swill into the toilet.

Once I peed and flushed, I shut the washroom cupboard. Luckily, my hand sanitiser was in my backpack and not in the handbag I had left on the kitchen counter. My phone, however, was in that handbag, so I couldn't check if Alec had tried to call me, or if he was planning on coming back tonight.

Wrapping up in the duvet of the double sofa bed, I tossed from side to side and willed my body to give in to sleep.

Without a watch or my phone to check the time, I had no idea how long I lay there, staring at the sky through the VELUX window. The creaking of the bedroom door startled me, but I didn't turn towards it as the bed dipped on my right side.

Whoever sat there hesitated before they spoke, "Nat, are you okay? Of course, you're not. What a stupid question. Look, if you want to go home, I'll drive you in the morning. You just have to ask."

I rolled towards their voice and stared at Andy, who looked down at me. The sparse moonlight, breaking through the clouds, bounced off his face, illuminating the whites of his eyes.

"You don't have to do that. I'll be okay. I don't want to cut your break short."

"It's only an hour. I can drop you off and still be back to make the most of it." He paused. "Alec sent a text. He isn't coming back tonight."

I turned to face away from him, clinging the duvet closer to my chest and whispered a simple, "Thank you."

Shortly afterwards, Andy left the room, and I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to quiet sobbing and a damp pillow. Realising they were my sobs, I wiped the tears off my face. The covers lifted behind me and the mattress sunk from someone's weight. A pair of arms wrapped around my midriff, a hot body pressed against my back. Their hand stroked my hair a few times as they gently shushed me, "It'll be okay, Nat." Sian stayed in my bed all night, holding on tight.

***

The rain pelted down onto the windows of our bedroom. Still having no concept of time, I stretched my arms and carefully slipped out of Sian's embrace. She was fast asleep. I scanned the room. The bed she shared with James was empty as was Rosie's and Daniel's. The curtain over the bunk beds was pulled over so I couldn't check who had ended up sleeping in them.

The sky outside looked as miserable as I felt, yet there was something soothing about the rhythmic drumming of each water droplet hitting the glass. I gazed upwards for a few minutes before deciding to brave facing anyone already up for the day.

Rosie stood in the kitchen, her eyes fixed on the kettle as the water inside boiled. James and Daniel sat around the dining table, buttering slices of toast. I grabbed a bowl from one of the cupboards and poured my cereal and milk into it.

"Sorry for stealing your girlfriend last night, James," I mumbled as I shoved a spoonful of Coco Pops into my mouth.

"Anytime. Sorry, my brother's such a knob." He gave an apologetic half-smile as I shrugged in response.

Rosie placed a steaming cup of coffee near my bowl and softly patted my back as she took a seat at the table. "What are you going to do, then? Did you try ringing Alec?"

I shook my head. "No, I haven't even checked my phone. I left it downstairs. He wanted space, so I'm giving him space."

"Don't give him too much of it." She placed her hand over mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. "His pride was hurt. Everyone can see how much he likes you. Put yourself in his shoes for a second. Would you want to hear about the person you want, being with someone else? I'm not saying you did anything wrong because you didn't. Okay? But he's done nothing wrong either."

Rosie took a sip of her tea as she kept eye contact. I broke it first, mulling over her words, and silently ate my breakfast.

A cloud of steam escaped from the downstairs bathroom after Andy waltzed out with a towel wrapped around his head. "Best shower ever!" He dropped onto the sofa, arms stretched across the back of it, and propped his feet onto the coffee table.

I continued eating my breakfast and gawked at his relaxed posture. His eyes were closed as he rested his head back.

"Tough night for you, Andrew? Must've been hard putting all those tents up yesterday," Daniel sarcastically spat. He placed a plate of buttered toast and jam in front of Andy, on the coffee table, and tossed a tea towel into his face.

"Oi, will everyone stop throwing things at me, already." Andy scrunched the fabric cloth up and threw it over the armrest. Spotting the toast, his eyes lit up, and he silently chomped on each piece until his plate was cleared.

"What's with the towel on the head?" I asked, not being able to wait for someone else to bring it up. He looked ridiculous, in the best way.

Andy placed his hand on the towel. "What? This? It's nothing. Don't wanna ruin my hair cuticles," he casually answered while swallowing the last piece of bread.

Rosie and I both raised our eyebrows as we glanced at each other and burst out laughing as Daniel and James groaned.

"What? Haircare's important," he said, his voice dropping. He walked past to place his plate in the sink. Of course, he never bothered to wash it. "Have you decided what you want to do then? Offer still stands if you want a lift home."

I glanced over at the others. They all stared, waiting for my reply. "I'm sorry to bail on you all. I just don't want to drag everyone down by staying."

"Don't be silly. You won't be dragging anyone down, but if you really feel you need to go home, then do it for you, not us." Rosie reached over and gave me a quick one-handed hug, which I returned.

I darted upstairs and tried quietly to pack my bag, so I didn't wake Sian up. After a few grunts and groans, she rolled over, her head peeking out from under the covers. "What are you doing?" she said in a croaky voice, having just woken up. Catching sight of my bag, she sat upright on the bed, her blonde curly hair, unruly and thick like a lion's mane. "Are you leaving?"

Zipping my rucksack up and slinging it over my right shoulder, I stood at the foot of the bed. "Yeah, babes. I have to. I haven't decided if I'm going to find Alec, so I can explain everything, but I know I don't want to stay here with Max and Joana."

"Don't go because of them, please. He's not worth it. I'll ring Alec and get him to come back. We can still have fun tonight," she begged.

"I thought you didn't want to get caught in the middle. We can always do something another time. I have to go." I bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Sian threw her arms around me and squeezed.

I popped my head around the curtain of the bunk bed and found Chloe fast asleep on the top bunk. I softly asked her if she wanted to come home with me, but a grunt was the only answer she gave as she pulled her blanket tight over her head.

We made the drive to Hawkley in near silence. As soon as we left, I curled into myself, leaning on the car door, and watched the rain whip around the car as the wind picked up. Andy asked a couple of times if I was okay and then left me to it.

***

Andy parked outside my house nearly an hour and a half after we set off due to the heavy downpour. I scanned the driveway for my parents' cars. My mum's baby blue VW Beetle stood on its own, in front of our garage. My dad's car was nowhere to be seen.

"Wanna come in for a cuppa?" I asked as I slid my rucksack on.

"Another time. I'd better head back. You going to be okay?" Andy's mouth curved into a smile as he gave my knee a brief pat.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Thanks, Andy." I slammed his car door and sprinted for my house. I was soaked by the time I reached it.

Searching my pockets, I couldn't find my keys, and no one was home. I knocked on the door a few times, but it was useless. Rosie was still camping, and I had no idea where my parents were. Not wanting to ring them, I lifted the doormat for a spare key, then rummaged through a few of the plant pots. "Come on. I just want to get in." Out of frustration, I kicked a pot over then quickly put it back in place before my parents noticed.

In a last-ditch effort, I jogged around the side of the house and tried to slide the patio doors open. Luckily, my mother was forgetful and had left one of them slightly ajar.

My clothes stuck to my skin, and my shoes were encrusted in mud from the garden. I took them off outside and left them out to rinse in the rainwater. Next, I peeled my dripping wet clothes off, bundled them up into a ball and carefully made my way upstairs without leaving small puddles of water behind me.

I dumped the saturated pile of clothing into the end of the bath, turned the shower on and climbed into the warming spray.

Twenty minutes later, I was dried, changed and ready to fall into bed. I didn't care that it was still early on a Sunday and that I hadn't had lunch.

I grabbed my phone, lifted my duvet and crawled under it. Still clutching my phone close, I pulled the covers over my head and stared at the blank screen.

My father's booming voice jolted me awake. Leaping up, I glanced at my phone. It was late afternoon, and I had been asleep for a few hours. I crept across my bedroom and cracked the door open to hear his conversation. This time it wasn't one-sided, but I couldn't make out their words.

Once I was downstairs and closer to the kitchen, snippets of the argument drifted my way.

"Lied-Money-Hiding." My dad's disembodied voice grew louder and louder.

Too scared to open the door, I placed my ear against it. My mother didn't raise her voice as she calmly spoke, "I knew you'd react like this. I've worked hard, looking after you and the kids. I deserve something for myself."

"You've worked hard? I'm the one that goes out every day, busting a gut to put a roof over your head, give you nice clothes and everything you could ask for. And how do you repay me? By taking my money and going behind my back. Do you think you're too good for me? Is that it? Want to better yourself so you can leave me?" I shuddered as the sounds of their dispute pierced through the air and out of the kitchen.

"No one's leaving anyone so you can get that idea out of your head. What's wrong with wanting to better myself? What happens if God forbid something went wrong, and you could no longer work? I did it for us. I'm sick of just being called a housewife or a mother. I need to prove to myself that I can do it."

My pulse quickened, taking in every word. That's what my mother was hiding when I found her downstairs, late one night.

"Pfft, I think it's the most ridiculous idea you've had yet. Going back to school to get a degree. You need knocking down a peg or two and stick to what you're good at, cleaning and cooking."

My blood boiled as I listened to my father beat my mother with his words. He was not one to use his fists, but his slurs tore into each layer of her skin. His thunderous voice was replaced with a low snarl. I pushed the door open and watched his flushed face inch closer and closer to my mother's as he slammed the palm of his hand on the table. Mum's shoulders flinched from the noise, but she stayed composed.

"Leave her alone," I screamed as I rushed to her side.

"Oh, and here's the other leech of the family. Perfect timing. Come to bleed me dry too? What will it be this time, princess? Do you need another holiday? Maybe I can buy you a car this time? Something else your mother failed at. Didn't even have it in her to make me a son. Instead, I get a freeloader as a daughter," he lashed out. He stood tall, straightening up, clenching his fists over his crossed arms.

"Enough! We don't deserve this. You're nothing but a bully. Mum? How can you let him talk to you like that? Come on, let's leave." I gripped her arm and tried to pull her up. She coolly brushed me off. Her face was a mask, void of any emotions. "Mum? Please?" I frantically tugged at her again, but it was pointless. She refused to move.

"Stop it, Natasha. It's probably best you go," my mother snapped.

"What?" I froze as she delivered her blow. Her words hurt more than my father's insults.

"You should leave." She turned to face me, her left eye nervously twitching. "Your father's right. You can't keep living off us and getting a free ride."

"But Mum, where will I go?" I croaked while rubbing my right arm with my left hand.

"You should've thought of that before you shouted at your father."

"Please, Mum. Come with me then."

"Go!" she yelled.

Gobsmacked, I retreated, brushing past my father who merely smirked. Tears ran down my face as I silently wept. I hurried into my room and placed all my clothes back into my backpack, along with some essential. I didn't even change out of my leggings and faded T-shirt. I pulled a large jumper over the top, found some dry converse at the rear of my cupboard and a raincoat.

When I was certain I had everything I needed, I flew down the stairs and slammed the front door behind me. The heavy rain had slowed and turned into a thin drizzle. I wrapped my raincoat tight around myself and left my house behind. I had no car and nowhere to go besides one house.

Trying to ignore the pull of the annexe behind me, I studied the farmhouse's door for ages before finally having the courage to ring the doorbell.

After what felt like an eternity, the door opened to a shocked Mrs Hart. "Natasha, darling, you look frozen. You didn't walk here in that rain, did you?" She ushered me into the house and helped remove my damp coat. "Alec isn't in right now. Would you like me to call him?"

"No, I came to speak to you." I whimpered as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and guided me to their kitchen.

***