Chapter 19

Catherine's pov

I woke up feeling groggy and disoriented. The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from the faint glow of the bedside lamp. I instinctively reached out for Erika, expecting to find her nestled beside me, but my hand met empty sheets. I bolted upright, the cold gripping my body more intensely now that she wasn't there to warm me.

"Erika?" I called out, my voice raspy from the cold. No response.

I pushed the blankets aside and got out of bed, feeling the ache in my muscles protest with every movement. I walked through the house, checking every room—her bedroom, the kitchen, the living room. She was nowhere to be found.

Panic started to rise in my chest. Where could she have gone? Did she go out without telling me? That wasn't like her. As of lately she had been putting every activity on the calendar and texting me updates.

I went back to my room and grabbed my phone, quickly dialing her number. It rang and rang, but no answer.

"Erika, where are you?" I whispered to myself, feeling a knot tighten in my stomach.

I checked the bathroom, hoping she was just taking a shower, but the room was empty. The house was eerily silent, amplifying my growing anxiety. I went back to my bedroom, trying to think of where she could have gone. As I paced the room, my eyes fell on the small bottle of laxatives sitting on the dresser. My heart sank as I remembered the events of the previous day.

I sank onto the bed, my mind racing with possibilities. What if she had left because of that?

I grabbed my phone again and sent her a flurry of texts, hoping for any response.

"Monkey, please come home."

"Erika, I need to know you're safe. Please call me."

"Erika, I love you. Please talk to me."

Hours passed with no response. I felt like I was going mad with worry. My mind raced with possibilities, each one more terrifying than the last. Had something happened to her? Was she hurt? Or worse, had she left me?

I wanted to go out and look for her, but I was torn. The study we were conducting at the company was at a critical stage, and they needed me there. I was already stretched thin between work and taking care of Erika, and now this. The weight of responsibility pressed down on me, making it hard to breathe.

Finally, I made the difficult decision to go to work. I would look for Erika right after.

As the day dragged on, my anxiety only grew. I couldn't focus on anything. My thoughts kept drifting back to Erika, and I found myself checking my phone every few minutes, hoping for any sign of her.

The hours felt like days, and by the time I finally got home, I was exhausted and no closer to finding any answers.

I sank into a chair, my mind racing. I was far more worried than angry at my baby, but anger also started to rear its ugly head. She knew she needed to be a better communicator.

In a daze, I walked over to the calendar on the wall, my eyes scanning the dates. Erika had a class tomorrow. Maybe she would show up. Maybe I could take her back home, and of course give her the spanking of a lifetime.

The night passed in a blur of anxiety and restless pacing. I barely slept, my mind consumed with worry and guilt. By the time morning came, I was exhausted but determined. I would find Erika, and I would make things right.

I arrived at the campus early, my eyes scanning the sea of students for any sign of her. My heart raced with anticipation and fear. What if she didn't come?

Finally, I spotted her. She was walking towards her psychology class, her head down and her shoulders hunched. My heart ached at the sight of her. She looked so small, so vulnerable.

"Erika!" I called out, my voice trembling. She froze, her head snapping up as she looked around for the source of the voice. When her eyes met mine, a mix of emotions crossed her face – surprise, anger, and something else I couldn't quite identify.

She hesitated for a moment before turning and walking away, quickening her pace. I hurried after her, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Erika, stop now!" I called, my voice pleading. "I need to talk to you."

She stopped but didn't turn around. I could see the tension in her posture, the way her shoulders were drawn up.

She continued walking into the building. I of course went after her. I couldn't quite catch up to her little legs. Woah she was fast for having such short legs.

She entered her class despite my demands to exit. Luckily I knew her professor, Dr. Dweck or Carol to me.

I took a deep breath and followed her into the classroom, trying to stay composed despite the racing thoughts in my head. As soon as I stepped inside, Carol looked up, a mix of surprise and curiosity on her face.

"Carol, I need to steal Erika for a second," I said, my voice steady but urgent.

Carol raised an eyebrow, glancing between me and Erika. The students were already whispering, and Erika's face was turning a deep shade of red.

"Erika, could you step outside with Catherine for a moment?" Carol said, her tone gentle but firm.

Erika's embarrassment was very evident as she reluctantly got up from her seat. She avoided eye contact with everyone as she walked towards the door.

The moment we were outside the classroom, I reached out and picked her up, her small body tense in my arms.

"What the fuck, Catherine, put me down! This is ridiculous!" she hissed, squirming in my hold.

Ignoring her protests, I carried her towards the parking lot. "Oh my lord, language little girl, you're already in lots of trouble, you don't need a potty mouth punishment on top of that."

She continued to struggle, her face flushed with anger. "Oh yeah will you just wash my mouth out with laxatives."

I froze, my heart pounding in my chest. Had I really been so careless? Had Erika found them?

I quickly pieced together the events of the past few days, and a horrible realization dawned on me. Erika must have discovered the laxatives in her bottles.

I was drawn out of my thoughts with a tinged of unexpected pain on my lower leg, causing me to yelp.

The sudden nature and Erika's pulling caused me to slightly ease my iron grip that I had on Erika. She quickly ran from my arms.

I was so shocked I didn't know what to do for a second. I let her run, likely running back to class.

I knew she was angry, but that still didn't mean she could just run off without telling me. I had to give her space for the day, but tomorrow I will be taking her home.

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Erika's pov

That psycho bitch tried kidnapping me. I thought about calling the police, but what would I have said.

"Oh yeah this woman, who I willing signed a lease with that detailed that I would roleplay as a child and she'd roleplay as my mother instead of paying rent, put laxatives in a bottles she gives me."

I'd sound like I just got out of the looney bin, which is where Catherine belongs.

The audacity she had to first of all embarrass me in class, pick me up and not let me go, oh and drug me is insane.

I suppose I did agree to that, SOMEWHAT. No where in the agreement or conditions did it say she'd have control over my life, my body, my food, ME. Nowhere. Only for two hours a day was she somewhat supposed to dictate what I did, not for every moment of my life.

I ran back to class, Bio couldn't be missed, but Catherine could have been.

As I entered the piercing glares I revived were evident, especially from none other than Jessica herself.

I quietly took my seat as not to disturb the lecture. As I got settled in, laptop and all, I saw from the corner of my eye Jessica approaching me.

I rolled my eyes when she sat next to me.

"What was that about?" Jessica asked in a condescending tone.

"Hmm... it sounds like: none of your business." I replied with a scoff.

"I was just wondering, that was a bit weird don't you think?" Jessica inquired.

"No, I'm her intern happens often actually." I lied. I then tried to focus on the class, I'm going to fall so behind.

"Oh really? Kinda odd she would choose you, an inexperienced freshman, over everyone else." Jessica replied, a reply in which I ignored with a simple shrug.

Actually I was top of the class, so maybe not as weird everyone thought, bitch.

Our conversation came to a stop as I kept ignoring her remarks.

When class ended, I walked out and Dr. Dweck pulled me aside.

"Erika was everything okay?" She asked, "Catherine wouldn't interrupt unless it was important."

I slightly blushed, trying to avoid her gaze, "Yeah everything was fine."

"Oh good. I saw you on her instagram, you looked adorable." She said with a smile.

CATHERINE HAD INSTAGRAM?!? I mean she wasn't that old, just turned 28, but still too old for instagram.

"Wait what? What picture?" I asked frantically.

"Do you not follow her? Probably for the best, she has some really old post of her doing naughty things in college. I would know I was there." Dr. Dweck laughed.

I ignored her other comment, too focused on the photos she was speaking of, "Can I see the photo?" I looked up at her with pleading eyes.

"Sure." She replied pulling out her phone.

She opened instagram and scrolled to the photo she spoke of.

"Here." She turned the phone so I could see. It was a picture of me in a onesie on top of Catherine. I squinted to read the caption: 'my monkey fell asleep on me #mommylife #mybaby'

I could have actually died from mortification right then and there. WHAT THE FUCK. The picture, the captions, THE HASHTAGS?!

I blushed profusely knowing my literal professor whom I see every week saw me in that state.

"Is this account private?" I questioned, nervous to hear the response.

"Yes, dear, of course." She replied putting her hand on my shoulder, "someone's a bit anxious, I didn't know you would be so distressed."

I flinched at her touch. Americans have no clue what personal space is.

I was relived to know only people who are friends with Catherine follow, she is a relatively private person so I should have known, but I had to make sure.

"Thanks for showing me Dr. Dweck." I smiled at her to hide the previous nerves I was displaying.

"Sure dear don't mention it. If you want to see the million other photos of you on her page, let me know." She responded smiling, making me uneasy once again. THERE'S MORE?

"Okay thanks. I should get going now." I said exiting through the door.

"Tell your mommy I want to come over for dinner sometime, I miss her." She yelled as I walked out.

My mommy?!?! No ones supposed to know that. The intimate details of our relations, but I guess everyone does, or everyone who knows Catherine personally.

I simply nodded in response and smiled.

"くそ" I yelled when I walked out.

I walked, or practically ran, back to Calliope's dorm.

When I entered the common room the only people that were there were from the other dorms.

I opened the door and both Calliope and Noel were gone, likely at work. I would have been there with Calliope, but Catherine made me quit my job.

I couldn't complain too much about that though, the position I was in was amazing for my grad school application.

I basically did nothing, got paid, and got "experience." I used that term very lightly because Catherine wouldn't let me do any of the important stuff.

I mostly just sat and proofread the study papers, but will I be lying and said I did more on my applications? Yes of course.

I sat in Calliope's desk and did all the reading for Bio for once since I missed practically half the class. I might even have to go to tutoring now that Catherine's not here to help me.

Though she was suffocating, she was a useful study tool as well as the fact that for a good chunk of our relationship we were mutually beneficial. I satisfied her need to be a mother and she helped me be top of my class and have an impressive résumé.

Nonetheless I had to forget her. What she did was every level of wrong and psychotic and I can never forgive her for it.

I also had to avoid my classes for a couple days, in case she showed up uninvited again.

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I had spent essentially three days sulking in bed. I had been sharing a bed with Calliope. I started to feel really bad, again. I was burdening everyone close to me.

I had to figure out if I could get a hotel room or something so I didn't have to bother my friends.

My days consisted of: going to tutoring hours instead of class, sleeping, ignoring Catherine's millions of messages, calls, voicemails, she even went as far as to write an apology letter handed to me by Dr. Dweck.

When I went to tutoring yesterday Dr Dweck greeted me with a letter, "Your mommy wanted me to give this to you." she said, "she told me you haven't came home, what's wrong?"

"She's not my mom, and I'm sure she told you what's wrong." I scoffed, but then immediately noticed how rude I was being, "sorry that was rude, thank you for the letter." The one I would be throwing away.

"No problem, she did, but she also asked me to make sure you were okay." Dr. Dweck replied as she sat down next to me, "She really misses you."

"Yeah, I know. Can you explain to me the concept of operant conditioning again? I just want to make sure I understand it correctly." I said, trying to steer the conversation away from Catherine.

Dr. Dweck nodded, sensing my discomfort. "Of course. Operant conditioning is a method of learning that employs rewards and punishments for behavior. It's through this system that an association is made between a behavior and the consequence for that behavior."

I listened intently as she explained, but my mind kept drifting back to the letter in my bag. I hadn't thrown it away yet, despite my initial resolve. It sat there, an unspoken weight.

After tutoring, Dr. Dweck gave me a gentle smile. "If you ever need to talk, Erika, I'm here for you. About anything. I know your mo- Cat only wants the best for you."

"Thanks, Dr. Dweck," I replied, forcing a smile. "I appreciate it."

I walked out of the classroom, feeling the letter burning a hole in my bag. Despite my anger and confusion, part of me was curious about what Catherine had written. I found a quiet corner in the library and sat down, taking the letter out with shaky hands.

I unfolded the paper and began to read.

"Dear Monkey,

I miss you terribly and I'm so worried about you. I understand if you're angry with me, but I need you to know that everything I've done has been out of love and concern for you. I never meant to hurt you. Please, come home so we can talk about this. I just want to make sure you're safe and happy.

Love,

Cat"

I went to a trash to throw away the letter, but as I stood by the trash can, I decided to fold the letter back up, feeling a mixture of emotions. Part of me wanted to believe her, the part that could barely sleep at night because I was so used to her nightly head scratches, but another part of me felt betrayed, the sort with common sense. I just needed time to process everything.

That evening, I met up with Eiki and his roommate Sal. We grabbed dinner at a nearby diner, and the normalcy of the situation was a welcome distraction. We talked about classes, movies, and anything else that came to mind.

"You seem a bit off today, Erika," Sal said, giving me a concerned look. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just a lot on my mind," I replied, not wanting to delve into the details. "But thanks for asking."

After dinner, I headed back to Calliope's dorm. The moment I walked in, Calliope greeted me with a wide grin.

"Hey, Erika! Guess what? We're going to a party tonight!" she announced enthusiastically.

I groaned inwardly. The last thing I felt like doing was partying. "I don't know, Calli. I'm really not in the mood."

Calliope's expression softened for a moment, then she grabbed my hands and gave them a squeeze. "Come on, Erika. You've been sulking for days. You need a break. Plus, it's at Josh's frat. You might have some fun."

At the mention of Josh, my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't deny that seeing him again intrigued me. Maybe a night out would be a good distraction. "Alright, fine. I'll go," I said, giving in.

Calliope's eyes lit up. "Great! Let's get ready then!"

We spent the next hour picking out outfits and doing our makeup. Calliope lent me a cute dress that I felt comfortable in, and before I knew it, we were on our way to the party.

When we arrived at Josh's frat house, the place was already buzzing with activity. Music blared from speakers, and people were milling around, chatting and laughing. As soon as we walked in, I spotted Josh across the room. He looked up, and our eyes met. He smiled and waved, making his way over to us.

"Hey, Erika! I'm glad you came," Josh said, his smile genuine and warm.

"Hey, Josh. Thanks for inviting us," I replied, feeling a bit of my anxiety melt away.

"Of course! Come on, let me get you a drink," he offered, leading us to the kitchen where a variety of drinks were laid out.

As the night wore on, the party became more animated. People were dancing, laughing, and the energy in the room was infectious. Josh stayed close to me, his presence comforting. We talked about everything and nothing, finding a surprising amount of common ground.

"So, what's your favorite movie?" Josh asked, leaning in closer to hear me over the music. I laughed at his attempt at small talk.

"It changes everyday, but today, hmm 'Perfect Blue.' I like mind-benders," I replied, smiling.

"Wow, never heard of it," he said, his eyes lighting up. "but we should totally watch it together sometime."

I nodded, feeling a flutter in my stomach. "That could be fun, but there's no way I'm watching it in English I hate dubbed, English voice actresses are horrible."

"Oh so it's Japanese?" He asked, handing me another shot.

"Yeah, it's really good though, we should still watch it. I'll consider watching it in English I suppose." I grabbed the shot and he gave me a 3, 2, 1 before bottoms up.

We continued talking, and drinking, mostly drinking for me. God I loved getting drunk. Josh's flirtation becoming more evident with each passing minute. He complimented my dress, my smile, the way I laughed. I found myself blushing, not entirely immune to his charm.

"You know, Erika," Josh said, his voice dropping to a more serious tone, "I'm really glad you didn't stay in Japan."

"Yeah? Why's that?" I asked, genuinely curious at his odd phrase.

"There's just something about you. You're different from everyone else. In a good way," he said, his eyes locking onto mine.

My heart skipped a beat. His sincerity caught me off guard, and I didn't know how to respond. Instead, I just smiled and looked down, feeling my cheeks heat up.

Josh reached out and gently lifted my chin, his eyes searching mine. "You're really special, Erika," he said softly before leaning in.

The kiss was unexpected but not unwelcome. His lips were soft, and the world around us seemed to blur as we kissed. I felt a rush of emotions—excitement, nervousness, and something else I couldn't quite place.

When we finally pulled apart, I was breathless. "Wow," I whispered, "I want ice cream now."

Josh laughed, grinning. "Okay, well let's go to my car I'll take you to the best ice cream place I know."

Josh held my shoulders, leading me out of the packed frat. The cool night air was a refreshing change from the stuffy atmosphere inside.

We hopped into his car, and for the first time in a long while, I felt like a regular college student, out for a night of fun with a cute guy.

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trigger warning: sexual assault

He reached out, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. His touch was gentle, sending a shiver down my spine. Without another word, he leaned in, capturing my lips with his. The kiss was tentative at first, soft and exploring. But as our mouths moved together, it deepened, becoming more urgent and hungry.

I responded eagerly, my hands finding their way to his shoulders, pulling him closer. His hands roamed my back, tracing the curve of my spine, and I felt a heat build inside me, spreading through my veins.

Josh pulled me closer, his hand sliding to the back of my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair. The car felt both too small and yet the perfect intimate space for this moment. I could feel his heartbeat against my chest, mirroring the rapid thud of my own.

He pulled my shirt to be close to him, our lips meeting once more. This time, the kiss was even more intense. His tongue brushed against mine, and I parted my lips, welcoming his mouth.

His hand slid under my shirt, his fingers warm against my bare skin.

My heart started beating. Faster and faster and faster, until I couldn't breath anymore. I didn't want this to go any further. I wanted to stop.

I pulled away again, "Okay Josh, that's enough." I smiled at him as to avoid the awkwardness filling the car.

He ignored me and tried to start unzipping my pants. I pleaded and said to stop but he wanted to go further and further. I wasn't ready for that.

"Josh I said that's enough" I screamed as I pulled away a final time. I quickly got out of the car and ran.

"You're a fuckin tease!" Josh yelled angrily. His complaints becoming less and less loud as I continued to leave.

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I felt so horrible, so dirty. I hated that everyone I let get close to me has hurt me, yet the only person I wanted to be with is the one that hurt me the most.

Catherine, my Cat.

I was still angry with her, furious, but I wanted her cuddles, her comforting words, her.

In my desperate state I bit back my fury, and walked the only way I could, to Cat's, home.

The walk seemed endless, every step a battle against my conflicted emotions. By the time I reached Cat's house, I was shaking with cold and apprehension. The familiar sight of the house brought a lump to my throat. I stood there for a moment, hesitating, before finally mustering the courage to knock on the door.

It opened almost immediately, revealing Cat's tense, worried face. Her expression quickly shifted to one of anger.

"Erika, where have you been?" she demanded, her voice sharp. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been? You just disappeared!"

I stood there, unable to find my voice. The tears started to well up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I tried to speak, to explain, but all that came out was a choked sob.

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