Chapter 16

Erika's pov

I woke up to the blaring sound of my alarm, reminding me that I had a busy day ahead. I quickly got dressed and grabbed my bag, determined to make it to my biology class on time. Cat shouldn;t be mad at me for leaving since my classes are on the schedule.

Last night with Cat, while the past couple of days have been the most embarrassing, yet comforting moments I've ever had. I hated to admit it, but I do feel so attached to her. I loved her, a large part of me always wanted to be with her, but a small part of me wanted to just be normal. To have a roommate my age, to have a normal job, to go to parties, to be normal.

I had to push my feelings aside, the part of me that wanted a normal life. This was my life and I did tolerate, and suppose loved, Cat too. I mean I did go to her in times of distress even when it was against my better judgment.

The morning passed in a blur of lectures and note-taking, but I found myself looking forward to seeing Josh.

We had become friends over the past few weeks, often sitting together in class and studying at the library. There was something comforting about being around him, a sense of normalcy that I craved in my otherwise chaotic life with Cat.

After bio, I spotted Josh waiting for me outside the classroom. He flashed me a warm smile as I approached, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey, Erika," he said, falling into step beside me. "How's your day going?"

"Pretty good," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. "Just busy, you know?"

He nodded. "I hear you. Want to grab some coffee? I could use a break."

I agreed, and we made our way to a nearby coffee shop. The conversation flowed easily, as it always did with Josh. We talked about our classes, shared a few jokes, and laughed together. There was a lightness to our interactions that I found refreshing.

As we sat there, sipping our drinks, I noticed Josh watching me with an intensity that made my heart race. "Erika," he began, his voice softer now. He reached across the table and took my hand, his touch sending a shiver down my spine.

No one really touched me, except Cat. I didn't enjoy anyone else's closeness. Everyone knew this. For a moment, I was speechless. Part of me wanted to embrace the possibility of something more with Josh. But another part of me hesitated, unsure if my feelings for him were genuine or if I was simply drawn to the normalcy he provided.

We finished our drinks and walked back to campus, the tension between us palpable. As we reached the entrance to the library, Josh stopped and turned to face me.

My heart skipped a beat. Josh began to lean into my face for a kiss. Giving me flashbacks to the first time we kissed, my first kiss.  I closed my eyes as he leaned in, allowing myself to completely let him take the lead.

The kiss was soft and sweet, I wouldn't allow for anything more especially in such a public setting. Americans were different with their public displays of intimacy. In Okinawa I would have never kissed someone where people could see. It was disrespectful. For a moment, everything else faded away, and it was just the two of us. When we finally pulled apart, I felt a strange sense of uncertainty.

We said our goodbyes, and I made my way to my next class, my mind racing with thoughts of Josh. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take. Did I truly have feelings for Josh, or was I simply clinging to the idea of having a boyfriend?

As I walked, I tried to push those thoughts aside, focusing on the tasks ahead. But deep down, I knew that I needed to figure out my feelings, not just for Josh, but for everything happening in my life.

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I walked into the house. Silence echoed through the halls. I noticed Cat's absence immediately, she usually was home from work by now. I took off my shoes and went towards the calendar. She left a note just below it.

'I'm so sorry monkey I won't be home until 5 today. We'll do our time as soon as I get home. Love mommy.'

I was a bit sad that she wasn't home. I enjoyed being alone usually, but lately I've been so dependent on Cat.

I decided to shower then quickly take a nap before I started the loads of homework I had. As I stepped into the bathroom, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. The sight of the familiar shower head and the feeling of the cool tiles under my feet were a welcome change. Lately, Cat had insisted on baths together, which, while comforting in its own way, left me craving the simplicity and solitude of a shower.

I turned on the water, adjusting the temperature until it was just right, and stepped under the warm spray. The water cascaded over me, washing away the tension and stress of the day. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh of relief, enjoying the sensation of the water pounding against my skin. It felt like a small luxury, something I hadn't realized I missed so much.

As I lathered up the shampoo in my hair, I let my mind wander. The scent of the familiar lavender shampoo filled the air, calming my nerves. I massaged my scalp, feeling the suds form and the stress melt away. Rinsing the shampoo out, I reached for the body wash, savoring the feeling of being clean and refreshed. The steam filled the bathroom, wrapping me in a comforting embrace.

I couldn't help but think about how much I missed these simple moments. Standing under the shower, alone with my thoughts, I felt a sense of independence that I hadn't felt in a while. Baths with Cat were soothing, but they came with a level of dependency and intimacy that sometimes overwhelmed me. Here, in the shower, I could just be myself, without any expectations of being Cat's little girl.

After thoroughly rinsing off, I turned off the water and stepped out, grabbing a fluffy towel to wrap around myself. I felt rejuvenated, ready to tackle the pile of homework waiting for me. But first, a quick nap sounded like the perfect idea.

I made my way back to my room, feeling the cool air against my damp skin. I slipped into some comfortable clothes and climbed into bed, letting the warmth and comfort of my blankets envelop me. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to drift off, knowing that I had at least a little bit of normalcy to hold onto amidst the chaos of my life with Cat.

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I woke up from my afternoon nap after class, feeling a strange sensation in my lower abdomen, a dull ache that was different from anything I'd felt before. Groggily, I sat up in bed and realized that something was definitely off. As I shifted, I felt a wetness between my legs that made my heart race. Panic set in as I threw off the covers.

At first I thought I wet the bed again and fear set in, but then I saw the unmistakable stain on the sheets.

No, no, no. This can't be happening, I thought frantically. I quickly got out of bed, trying to figure out what to do. I knew what periods were, of course, but I'd never had one before. At seventeen, I was late compared to most girls, and it had always been a source of anxiety for me. And now, of all times, it had decided to make its grand entrance.

I needed a pad so I searched endlessly, opening the every bathroom cabinet. There were no pads, just tampons. I did not know how to use either, but definitely did not know how to use a tampon more.

My first instinct was to hide it from Cat. She had been so overwhelming lately, and the last thing I wanted was for her to baby me even more over this. But as I stood there, staring at the tampons in my hand I felt utterly lost, I realized I had no idea what to do next.

I didn't even know if she was home yet, but I decided to check and ask her for help, as I always did.

I knocked softly on the door and heard her call me in. She was already up, sitting at her desk and working on her laptop.

"Cat," I started, my voice barely above a whisper. "I... I need your help."

She looked up, concern immediately filling her eyes as she saw my pale face and anxious expression. "What is it, lovebug?" she asked, standing up and coming over to me.

"I... I think I got my period," I admitted, feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment. "I don't know what to do."

For a moment, Cat looked genuinely surprised. "Your period? For the first time?" she asked, and I nodded, feeling even more self-conscious.

"Oh, sweetheart," she said, her expression softening into one of affection. "You're seventeen and this is your first period? That's quite late, but it's perfectly okay. Come here."

She wrapped her arms around me, giving me a comforting hug before leading me to the bathroom.

"I was actually wondering why I haven't been running out of tampons quicker since your arrival, but now I know." She said as she rummaged through the bathroom cabinets. I remained silent.

My period was always a source of embarrassment to me. I was such a late bloomer. I still didn't have breasts, I looked like a prepubescent boy, and I didn't have my period until now.

And then there's Cat. She's stunning with long blonde beautiful hair, an amazingly curvy body, great boobs, I would know I have been very, very close to them. She's just so pretty, I would kill to look like her. She's the most gorgeous woman ever.

"Erika, honey, you're staring, that's rude." Cat scolded, breaking me from my mesmerized state, "What's got you so lost in thought lovebug?" Cat chuckled.

I felt heat flare across my cheeks, and I looked away from her gaze, "You- I think- I- you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

Cat cooed, she pulled me into her lap and gave me a million kisses all over my face, and I giggled. She was also the sweetest woman I knew, and most annoying. "That's so sweet my monkey, do you want to know something?" Cat asked, and I nodded eagerly, "you're the prettiest baby there is." I couldn't help but crack a smile at her compliment, even if it did feel out of pity. I was definitely not that pretty.

My heart swelled at her words, but then she turned back to the cabinets with a frown. "I'm sorry, honey, but I can't find any pads and I doubt a tampon would be comfortable. We'll have to go to the store later. Until then, you'll have to use a diaper. It's the only thing I have right now."

I stared at her in horror. "A diaper? No, Cat, please. That's so embarrassing," I protested, feeling a lump form in my throat.

Cat's expression softened as she rubbed my back. "I know it's not ideal, sweetie, but it's just temporary. Until we get some proper supplies."

I nodded reluctantly, feeling a fresh wave of humiliation wash over me. It was already bad enough being a late bloomer, and now my only option was a diaper.

She stood up and I allowed her to lift me onto her hip. She led us to the changing table in the nursery. She laid me down and brought baby wipes, baby powder, and the diaper.

"I can do it Cat, it's okay." I immediately said to avoid the embarrassment of Cat changing me. Pull Ups were already worse enough, but diapers. Yikes that seemed so much more babyish.

"Uh uh, it's mommy to you little one. I'm going to take care of everything."

Cat quickly began to take off my blood stained underwear which caused my face to become the same color as the stains. I covered my face as I felt a cold wet sensation on my bottom half, Cat cooed at my action. I couldn't watch as I was being infantilized.

"Oh my monkey is so shy isn't she." The aroma of baby powder filled the air. This was just horrible. I needed to get pads asap.

Cat finally finished and she pried my hands off my face before lifting me up on her hip once more. I hid my face in the crook of her neck, finding comfort in the darkness. I was absolutely mortified.

"Honey, when's the last time you went to the doctor?" Cat asked.

I shrugged, "Probably 7-8 months."

"Oh my, I think a checkup is well overdue, my love. I'll make one as soon as possible." Cat replied, resting her hand on my head, pushing me back into the crook of her neck.

I fight back and push my head back to face her, "No that's okay." I didn't mind the doctor, but I didn't want to be seen as a child, especially at the doctors. I should do that because I'm an adult, I don't need my "mommy".

Cat frowned, looking puzzled. "Why not, sweetheart?"

"I can do it myself," I insisted. "I don't need my 'mommy' to take me."

Her expression softened, and she cupped my cheek. "I understand, but as your mommy, I want to make sure you're taken care of. There's no reason to be scared."

"I'm not scared," I snapped, my voice rising defensively. "I'm not a baby."

Cat's eyes held a mixture of amusement and patience. "Then there should be no problem with going to the doctor, right?"

I opened my mouth to argue but couldn't find the words. She had a point, and I knew it. My shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine," I muttered.

Cat smiled and kissed my forehead. "Good girl. Now, how about a nice warm bottle?"

"I actually need to start on my homework," I said, trying to find an excuse to avoid the impending embarrassment.

Cat's face lit up with understanding. "Alright, lovebug. How about I help you with your Psych and Bio homework?"

I nodded, relieved to have a distraction. We moved to the study area, and Cat patiently guided me through the assignments. She was incredibly knowledgeable, and her explanations made everything clearer.

After we finished, Cat suggested, "How about we have dinner now? You must be hungry."

I nodded again, feeling a pang of hunger. We went to the kitchen, and Cat prepared a nutritious meal. As we sat down, she began feeding me, spoonful by spoonful.

With each bite, I felt a wave of emotions welling up inside me. The frustration, embarrassment, and the tumultuous feelings were overwhelming.

"Mommy, I can feed myself," I said, my voice cracking.

"Oh sweetheart I know," she replied gently.

Tears filled my eyes, and I pushed the spoon away. "I'm not a baby!" I cried, standing up abruptly. "Stop treating me like one!"

Cat's expression turned serious. "Erika, sit down and calm down."

"No! I'm done!" I shouted, storming off to the living room.

Cat followed me, her footsteps calm and steady. "Erika, you're going to time out."

I glared at her, tears streaming down my face. "I don't need a time out! I'm not a child!"

"Right now, you're acting like one," Cat said firmly. "Sit in the corner until I come get you."

Feeling defeated and emotionally drained, I slumped into the designated corner, hugging my knees to my chest. Cat's presence was a comforting weight behind me, and after a few minutes, she knelt down and gently turned me to face her.

"Are you ready to talk now?" she asked softly.

I nodded, sniffling. "I'm sorry, mommy. I'm just... it's just. I don't know, my emotions are just so out of control."

"I know, sweetheart," she said, pulling me into her arms. "It's okay to feel overwhelmed. Let's go get you settled down."

She led me to the bedroom and, much to my embarrassment, helped me change into a fresh diaper and comfortable pajamas. Then, she sat on the bed and gently coaxed me to lay my head in her lap.

She lightly scratched my scalp and I felt more relaxed. "When I was younger, one of the rare times me and my mom along was when she scratched my head. I just loved it. I could tell you like it too, monkey." Cat said as she brushed through my hair with her fingers.

I nodded against her lap. I did enjoy her touch, more than I wanted to admit. I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the moment.

"I think it's time for some special bonding," she said softly.

"I really should do more homework," I mumbled, trying to avoid the inevitable.

"It can wait," she replied gently, lifting her shirt to reveal her breast. "Come here, lovebug."

Initially I turned my head, but after some coaxing I eventually gave in and reluctantly, I latched on. I felt the warmth of Cat's body, causing me to melt into her. The milk she produced tasted oddly similar to that of the bottles she gave me, but I brushed it off. I never had breast milk before our relation so how would I know what it was supposed to taste like.

Despite my initial resistance, I found myself enjoying our closeness. I looked up into Cat's eyes and tears were streaming down her face. They didn't seem like tears of sadness, but tears of happiness.

I used my hand to wipe her tears, as she has done for me millions of times. Seeing Cat cry was so unreal. I viewed her as so strong, gentle, but strong. I knew everyone cried, but it was like seeing my mother cry, my role model, but it's okay because I'll be here to make her feel better.

Cat let out a little laugh at my gesture, causing me to frown. What was so funny? Her fingers stroked my hair as she hummed a soothing lullaby, and I felt myself drifting into a state of peaceful contentment.

"You are the sweetest baby girl." Cat said as she stroked my cheek, causing me to blush.

I stopped nursing, "I love you mommy." I said to make Cat feel better so she stopped crying, but this only made her cry more. She cooed, but still stray tears fell from her face.

"I love you more than you'll ever know my monkey." She kissed my forehead and brought her breast back to my face, I began to latch on once more.