46 | in which he is caught before he falls

When you can tell your story without crying,

You know you have healed.

.\.|./.

Ryan Falls

| in which he is caught before he falls |

I hear it, every word that sounds from the speakerphone I hadn't even known I was carrying. I hear it and yet fail to make sense of it. I hear it and it heals me, proof of my trauma and a way out.

'How could I -- or anyone else -- possibly like being sexually abused?'

'Abuse is a big word, Ryan. I prefer the term hands-on education.'

'You were always my favorite, Ryan, out of all the boys, you were always the one I loved.'

'Please, just let me go.'

'Sometimes when I'm lonely ... I go back into the basement and replay all the good times we had. You remember them, don't you?'

I spin around, my heart suddenly quiet. My mouth hanging open, I stare at Crystal and her phone, unable to believe what I'm seeing and hearing. Crystal stares back, a sad look on her face. Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears and she sniffs, biting her lower lip before speaking.

"I left you alone," she tells me. "Because he would never have said this with anyone around. I wanted to tell you, Ryan ..."

She walks over to me, and I don't move, frozen still.

"But you wouldn't have done it. You wouldn't have been able to. You're stronger than you think you are but you hold yourself back. You've ... you're so used to the pain you no longer feel it. And just as I had to get beaten by Jem to know my own limitations, you had to face Martin to break the mental chains holding you captive."

Her hand touches my face, and I notice she's wiping away my tears before wrapping her arms around me. Her touch breaks me down, and I let her hold me. I remain frozen, too dumb-founded to move or take in anything going on.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers, caressing my hair and holding me so that I don't fall apart. "I'm sorry I left you there and made you feel like I wasn't beside you. I only did it so I could help you. You have to trust me, Ryan. I promised you I'd never let you fall."

I don't cry this time, my mind yelling at me that this is too good to be true. It says this is useless, that it will change nothing and that I'm a fool to think Crystal can do anything. My mind doesn't take anything in, yelling at me that this isn't real.

But as we stand on the street, holding each other, I believe her.

As Crystal hands the audio to the forensics team that finally reports that the audio is original and untampered with, and the officer calls his forces together to raid a criminal's house, I believe her.

As I watch the police officers getting out of their cars a few hours later, knocking on Martin's door and showing him their badges before marching into his house, I believe her.

As Martin is cuffed behind his back and forced into the back of a police car on accounts of child sexual abuse after the evidence is found after a search of his basement, I believe her.

Even while his eyes stay rooted on me, and I stand, knowing that the woman I called mom is watching me too, I believe the girl who holds my sweaty hand in hers and stands beside me. My mind blocks everything out: Martin's incessant pleading regarding his innocence, the police officers summoning Bree to the station to interrogate her regarding her longstanding silence over the matter of my abuse, the sirens that accompany the flashing red and blue lights casting the entire neighborhood in an eerie light, the low mumblings of the neighbors peeking from their windows or standing in their doorways and watching the scene.

I hear nothing, a deadly hush falling over the entire world as I watch the impossible happen.

All these years, day after day, I imagined what it would be like to get Marian punished for his crimes. I imagined how it would feel to see him apologetic and convicted. I imagined it differently, with my mom and dad beside me, my friends supporting me and standing behind me to tell me they're with me. I had imagined it much louder, life-changing and revolutionary. I had seen, on my mind's eye, the sun shining brighter, the birds singing louder, the air cooler and the colors suddenly more pleasing. I had seen freedom and liberty, imagined myself a free man.

Now, though, nothing seems to change. The same LA sun I have seen all my life sets over the horizon. The familiar LA wind warms my skin through the thin fabric of my clothing. The same LA soil rests under my feet, dirt lifting up in curling puffs when the wheels of police cars move out of the neighborhood, sirens blaring and lights flashing, taking my culprit with them.

Long after the police cars have left the vicinity and the neighborhood has gone quiet again, we stand against the hood of the car, staring unseeingly into the distance. I haven't said a word in hours, and Crystal was the one who did all the talking. She's the one who handed in the recording, and even when I refused to answer any question, she answered each and every one of them. She held my hand, repeatedly apologizing for things she shouldn't have to apologize for.

She's quiet now, a serenity resting on her face as her blue eyes stare at the orange and red hues of the setting sun. The light reflects on her pale skin and blonde hair and she wraps an arm around her abdomen, refusing to relinquish her hold on my hand with the other. The corners of her lips remain slightly curled upwards, the peace and tranquility of the sunset mirrored on her face. She tilts her head and places it softly on my shoulder.

"So ..." she finally speaks, standing beside me with her head on my shoulder and her hand in my limp one. "Next stop Vegas?"

I turn my gaze to her, to the girl who promised she's by my side and proved she meant it. The girl who fought my battles and finally defeated my demons. The girl who was there for me when no one else even wanted to be. The girl who loved me enough to walk with me down a track she knew could be the end of us.

"What did you just do, Crystal?" I breathe, not knowing whether to believe my eyes or my mind, which is still screaming that this can't be real.

She lifts her gaze to meet mine, her clear gaze not reflecting my disbelief.

"What?" she asks softly.

I shake my head, frowning. "All of this?"

Crystal smiles.

"I did what someone should have done twelve years ago," she answers calmly. "Someone should have seen it. Your friends who noticed you running from the dark. Your parents who heard you crying when you had nightmares. Your girlfriend who saw you have a panic attack. They should have seen your pain. They should have heard your cries. But you know what, Ryan?"

Her smile turns sad and she sighs.

"Sometimes we pretend to be blind," she says softly, staring at my face but looking deep into my soul. "Sometimes, we act like we can't see, like we can't hear, like we don't know ... because seeing, hearing, knowing ... it's hard. It's hard admitting that we're at fault. It's hard standing up for someone, stepping out of our perfect lives and ... trying to seal someone's wounds. Hurting someone ... is easier than healing them. Breaking someone ... is easier than mending them."

She sniffs, leaning up and kissing my cheek. When she pulls back, I notice the wetness on her lips. She's noticed me crying even when I didn't notice myself.

"You healed me, Ryan," Crystal whispers, leaning towards me so that her lips are inches from mine. "So I tried mending you. It wasn't easy ... but it was worth it."

I don't blink, letting her plant a tender kiss on my lips before leading me by the hand towards the car. I drag my feet, propelled forward by Crystal's hope. She gets into the driver's seat and turns up the radio, letting Skillet's music fill the silence between us. With me in the seat next to her, Crystal begins to drive, and I let her. I let her drive me wherever she wants. I let her take charge.

Because even when if anyone can keep me from falling ...

It's Crystal.

.\.|./.

A/N: So ... this is the end, guys. In the first draft, this chapter was a part of the last one but it felt rushed and I knew I wanted to fix it. So here it is, a final chapter with my thoughts and beliefs strewn all through it. What are your views about the story? What did you like? What didn't you like?

Thank you so much for all your love and support and for sticking by me. I love interacting with you as I write and learn so much from all of you. Thank you again! I love you all like Ryan loves Crystal. <3

Okay, maybe not so much ;)