45 | in which he doesn't listen to her

Sometimes ...

The harder you fall,

The stronger you rise.

.\.|./.

Ryan Falls

| in which he doesn't listen to her |

As soon as Crystal gets to her feet, my world literally collapses around me. My heart jumps into my throat and I can't breathe. I can't think, I can't speak, and I just can't be here. Not without Crystal, at least.

I grab her hand, clinging on for dear life and unable to believe that she's actually leaving me here.

"Crystal --" I begin.

"I'll be right back, Ryan," she says casually.

"No," I gasp, unable to breathe. "No, Crystal, please --"

"Ryan," she says, gently pulling her hand free. "I'll only be two minutes. You have to trust me."

"I'll wait in the car," I plead, hoping she'll listen.

I have been alone with this man too many times, and no matter how much I want to trust Crystal, this is unbearable. I trust her, but I can't trust her this much. I can't even if I try.

"Let her go, kiddo," Martin speaks up, and my voice catches in my throat. "Go ahead, dear," he says to Crystal.

"Trust me," she whispers to me again, giving me a soothing look before heading in the direction he points.

She leaves me frozen on the couch, wishing I was anywhere but here. I stare after her, unable to believe this. How can she leave me, knowing how afraid I am of the man standing a mere few feet from me? The sheer sight of him causes my skin to crawl, and being here in his house, under his eyes, within his reach ... I can't take any of this.

"She's your girlfriend?" Martin Grey asks, his voice even.

I don't answer, willing my body to return under my submission so I can drag it out of here. I've lost all control, of my body and of my mind. Suddenly, not even Crystal's reassurances seem enough. She hasn't been through what I've been through. She can't possibly know how I feel, let alone help me.

"Does she know about us?" he asks.

A shiver runs down my spine at the hushed tone in his voice. I refuse to answer, though, wishing my body would follow my command and just move. I want to go outside and Crystal will follow me. I don't trust Martin, but Crystal can take care of herself. She's stronger than I am, which is why she's always ready to face things. She faced Jeremy even when she was afraid of him. She faced Lilliana and only fled because she didn't want to end up hurting her. She faced my mom when I couldn't, and now she's here, saying she wants to face Martin.

Something I can never even imagine doing.

"Kid?" Martin says and my blood begins to boil.

"Shut up," I hiss at him. "I'm not your kid. If I was, you wouldn't have ..."

"Wouldn't have what?" he insists, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Wouldn't have done what you did," I say, my voice already growing weaker.

I keep my hands in my lap, my eyes fixed on the corridor that leads to the bathroom and the one Crystal followed. She's only been gone a few moments but it already feels like a lifetime.

Where is she?

"Don't act like you didn't like it, Ryan," Martin's voice reaches me.

My gaze snaps towards him and bile rises up my throat. "Like it?" I repeat incredulously. "How could I -- or anyone else -- possibly like being sexually abused?"

Martin Grey lets out a chuckle. "Abuse is a big word, Ryan," he says, walking slowly over to me. "I prefer the term 'hands-on education'."

He reaches out towards me and I shake to the core. His fingers are inches from me and my body refuses to obey me. It's only when his skin touches mine that I jump to my feet as if electrocuted.

"Don't touch me," I try to shout, but my voice is a mere whimper.

He doesn't listen, advancing closer while I continue putting distance between us. My knees tremble and hands curl into fists, but my heart beats so loud in my chest I'm sure he can hear it. Martin's eyes bore into mine and I can't even blink, too afraid to recall everything I faced with my eyes sealed tight and the darkness enveloping me.

"You were always my favorite, Ryan," Martin coos, causing shivers to run down my spine. "Out of all the boys, you were always the one I loved."

My stomach flips over, my feet turning to blocks of cement. I can't even walk, not even when he's mere inches from me, or when his fingers scrape the skin of my cheek as he attempts to push my hair to the side.

"Please, just let me go," I whimper, tears stinging my eyes as I close them shut.

"You know ..." he says, his voice low and full of something that I don't want to name. "Sometimes when I'm lonely ... I go back into the basement and replay all the good times we had. You remember them, don't you?"

A whimper escapes my lips and I stumble back, extremely close to breaking down. My mind is spinning, Martin's voice the only thing I can hear anymore. It takes me back to the darkness, to all the pain and all the agony. It drives me to the brink of insanity and threatens to push me off the edge. It makes me want to pick death over this moment any day.

"You remember how much I loved you?" he's saying, and I'm trying and failing to block out his voice. "You remember --"

"Stop," I cry out. "Please, just ... just stop --"

"Silence, Ryan," he whispers just like he always did, brainwashing me and causing my mind to go numb. "Silence --"

"No," I plead. "No, please ..." I don't realize that I'm sobbing, backing away from him and shaking my head.

"Shh --" Martin warns, and I suddenly remember why he's doing it. He's afraid of someone hearing me. He's afraid of someone knowing what he's doing.

"CRYSTAL!" I yell as loud as my lungs allow. My voice is hoarse and throat constricted, but the shout is loud enough to make Martin jump back.

A hand slips into mine and I jump back, my vision blurred from the tears.

"Ryan, it's --" Crystal's voice says, and I see her face through the haze.

"We're leaving," I blurt out, reaching out to take her hand in my shaking one. "Crystal, we're --"

Crystal is nodding, steering me towards the door as I try not to stumble over my own feet and fall face-down against the ground. She wrenches the door open, leading me out into the fresh air, which I gulp down desperately, willing it to open my mind again.

I want to forget I ever came here. I want to erase every memory tying me to this house, this neighborhood, these people, and fucking LA. I want to scrub my skin until it peels off, until the imprints of Martin's touch no longer plague my mind. I want to un-hear his voice, wash his face from my mind and wipe away every scar he has left on my soul. I want to be something I'm not, someone who hasn't been through everything I have been through and live a life that would allow me to actually live and not just survive.

"Ryan --"

"Why?" I snap at Crystal, ripping my hand out of her grip as soon as we're out in the open. "Why would you, Crystal?"

She opens her mouth to answer, her eyes taking me in as I stumble on my feet and rub my face of the tears. She reaches out and I slap her hand away, my skin still tingling from the touch I wish I could forget.

"You knew I didn't want to go in there," I remind her, my voice breaking as anger spills through the desperation. "You knew and you still --"

"Just --"

"How could you do that, Crystal?"

"Ryan, we have to go back to the station," she says, her voice soft.

The calm tone sets me off further and I want to grab her and shake her so hard she feels my pain. She doesn't know how close I am to mentally collapsing and she never will. I want her to understand, to know my pain and see through my eyes. I want her to enter my mind and see how dark it is in there, because of everything I went through at the hands of the man she just left me alone with.

But she can't. No one can.

"I trusted you." Tears sting my eyes but I refuse to let them flow. My heart is still too fast, my body still pumping adrenaline. "You said you'd be there. Crystal, how could you?"

"Ryan, please, just listen to me," she says.

"WHY WOULD YOU?" I shout at her.

I instantly regret my tone, for I have never been this angry with her. Seeing how Jeremy broke her, I vowed that I would never put Crystal through anything like that again. I just wish she had cared about me too.

She doesn't look surprised, like she had expected me to blow up like this. Her eyes say she understands, and that the weak knees and trembling body are normal. It makes me feel like a freak, so small and weak, because I'm not normal. What has happened to me isn't normal and what I'm doing isn't normal. I'm standing on an empty street yelling at the girl I love for leaving me with a man and going to the bathroom. How is any of that normal?

"Why would you do this?" I ask her again, sounding so broken I hate it.

"I'll tell you --"

"Tell me now!" I demand.

Crystal sighs. "Can you please give me my phone?" she asks, catching me off guard. She holds out a hand and I stare at her. I don't know what she means, because I don't even have her phone. I touch my pocket, though, and feel it there.

She cares more about her fucking phone than about answering me?

Hurt and enraged, I stuff my hand into my pocket and pull out her phone, nearly tossing it into her hand. She looks down at the screen and I turn away, wanting to get in the car and drive it off a cliff. I'm already two feet away from her when I hear it.

I hear it, but I don't believe it.

.\.|./.

A/N: The next chapter will be the last, guys. What do you think Crystal has done and what will happen at the end?

After that comes the sequel.