CHAPTER 12: respect but no love

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ASIM POV:

through out the marriage function and the actual nikah i kept my face emotionless as usual. i knew most of these people present here would either be jealous or gossip about how overly done the wedding was or how they expected more variety in the cuisine. this world isn't for people who trust. its for people who know not to trust anyone.

when the priest asked if i agree with this marriage, i couldn't help but think about the girl who was going to be my wife very soon. her face that day. she looked beautiful. almost too unreal to exist. she doesn't deserve me. but no one else can deserve her too. the thought of her being happy with someone else suddenly gave me a twisted gut feeling. this wasn't how i was supposed to feel. nevertheless i said qubool hai three times, and i had her all to myself.

MY WIFE, MY MRS. AAYAT ASIM AMAN.

just the thought of her being my wife caused me to feel a strange protectiveness over her. all i knew was i wanted to protect her. maybe i can't give her love, but i sure as hell with provide her with everything any girl would ever dream for and respect her with everything i have. but she'll have to know her boundaries too. we can't be a normal couple.

after the nikah when she was brought by her father and was made to hold my hand i felt an electric current pass through me. just before my thoughts could wander off to unwanted destinations, i directed them back on their original path. she's just another responsibility whom i need to respect and take care of. i just have a feeling that this responsibility might make me feel less tired compared to others.

her tears wouldn't stop while leaving her family and friends. and it is completely understandable. no one can live without family. not even me. i may not show how much i love and adore my family but i do. i can't live without them. they are the only people i know would never want something bad to happen to me. they are the only ones who'll be genuinely happy towards my success. now she was family too. i couldn't see her cry i don't know why. it just hurt. i couldn't take the sight of her teary face. i slowly held her hand and brought her towards our car in which we'll be leaving towards my place. she bid her last goodbyes with her people but couldn't control sobbing. i involuntarily forwarded a kerchief. i can't wipe her tears. this is the least i could do.

that was the moment when i realized her teary face was one of the very few things that had an effect on me. that very moment, i promised myself to never let her cry.

i can't make you smile aayat, but i'll make sure to never make you cry.

this was the only thought that occurred in my brain as i watched her slowly dozing off beside me.

end pov.

AAYAT POV:

i woke up when i felt someone lightly shaking me. i had no idea when i dozed off. i turned beside me to find asim was the one who woke me up. i shouted at myself mentally at this embarrassing moment but then coped up eventually.

ASIM: we're home.

he said that in not too harsh but not too soft manner to which i nodded and got down the car. the building.. sorry.. the mansion that was standing proudly in front of me was now my home. this is it aayat. this is your home now. and this is your new family whom you are supposed to shower with the same amount of love with which you used to shower your own family.

with this new found determination i started walking towards my new home with asim in front of me. he was leading the way and i followed him like a lost puppy from behind. his back. my godddd it was broad and huge. how come i didn't notice it? shit this is not the time to check him out- no wait. he's my husband now. maybe i can check him out without any guilt if i make sure he doesn't notice.

i was in my own thoughts and didn't realize that we had reached the door and he had suddenly stopped walking which resulted in me bumping my head into his back.

abso-fucking-lutely great~!

but by god's grace he didn't say anything that could embarrass me.

my mother in law and all the others were already waiting for us but to my delight they didn't really notice my little slip over there. they welcomed me with a bright smile and hugs full of love. the family was actually pretty big but i never really got to have a proper introduction with each one of them.

all of them came and started talking to me enthusiastically but i wasn't able to understand anything as they were all speaking together. i tried to look calm but i couldn't hide my overwhelmed expression. my mother in law interrupted everyone and told them to give me a little space to breathe. i was genuinely thankful to her.

(m-i-l = mother in law lol)

m-i-l : aayat beta you come with me. i'll take you to asim's room. which is ofcourse your room too now since you're his wife. i think its time for you to rest. we can perform rest of the rituals tomorrow.

i simply nodded and went with her.

m-i-l: beta now you rest, tomorrow they won't allow you to sit free even for a moment. they're all very excited to talk to you! you're already everyone's favorite here.

AAYAT: thank you so much a-aunty.

i called her aunty as i wasn't sure what to call her yet.

M-I-L: arre beta i am not your aunty. call me ammi. just like that stoneface husband of yours does.

I gave her a huge smile and nodded feeling genuinely happy.

AMMI: ok i'll leave now. you rest for some time. asim will be here in some time.

i slightly nodded as she left the room.

damn i am nervous..! what am i supposed to do?? i don't know how to speak to him..! what if he has plans in mind?? ohh god i am dead..!

i was in my own thoughts when i heard the door opening. there he entered, my husband.

all the nervousness now vanished and i started feeling calm. i don't know why but i feel safe around him. but that didn't mean i wasn't shy. damn i was hella shy. i just looked down sitting on the bed. he walked around it and removed his watch followed by placing it on the side table.

i could hear him sigh and then he called my name.. in his deep voice.. god take me please..!

ASIM: aayat..

AAYAT: j-ji.

why the hell did i have to stutter?!

ASIM: i want to make a few things clear between us.

my heart beat started racing. suddenly i felt like i couldn't breathe. i don't why but i felt i wouldn't like what he will speak next.

ASIM: i just want to tell you that i'll give you everything and i'll make sure you're not deprived of anything. i'll respect you and protect you. you're my responsibility. but please don't expect anything more than that. i can't love you. i don't believe in love. we can never be a normal couple.

i know it might be too overwhelming for you to soak it in but it is what it is. you have the right to be loved by someone. but i can't give you the love. i just wanted to make it clear. you're free to walk out of this marriage if you're not strong enough to lead a loveless one.

it felt as if the world had collapsed. all the expectations, all the dreams i had seemed to be shattered all at once. all these years i kept myself away from relationships just to give all my efforts in my marriage. but it all seems to go in vain now. what bad had i done that i had to face this? i don't know what to do i just sat there all numb. too tired to give any response.

so i just did what i could.. i just gave him a small nod which he reciprocated in a similar manner.

ASIM: you can take the bed, i'll sleep on the couch.

AAYAT: n-no, its y-your b-bed. you can have it. i'll b-be comfortable on the c-couch.

ASIM: take the bed aayat, i wasn't asking for your opinion. i was informing you.

i just nodded and lay down after removing my jewellery. i didn't have the energy to change my clothes. as i lay down and stared at the ceiling, tears started rolling down on my cheeks. i tried to stop them but they wouldn't stop. so i just let them flow. i had no idea when sleep engulfed me but i was soon in a deep slumber.

i woke up at midnight feeling uncomfortable in my dress and got up to change it. that is when i noticed asim was shivering. it was damn cold in bangalore and he was sleeping without a blanket. i just sighed and went to check in the wardrobe for a spare blanket and found it in the lowest compartment.

that is when i observed the wardrobe. he had half of it emptied for me. i left out a sad chuckle. i had place for my clothes in his wardrobe. but i couldn't have the place in his heart for my love.

just with these thoughts i walked over to him and covered him with the blanket. i couldn't help but gaze at him for a few more seconds. i eventually went away from him and changed into something comfortable and slept again.

tomorrow was going to be a long day.

time skip

next morning.

i woke up as the sun rays hit my face and found myself in an unfamiliar room. i panicked but then calmed down as i remembered i was now married. just then flashbacks from last night started re-appearing in front of me.

i looked around and there was no trace of him.

i just let out a sad chuckle and went to get freshened up and get ready for the day.

i quickly took a shower and did my morning routine and picked a comfortable suit as my outfit. i liked to dress up in light clothes. they were comfortable.

i walked down to the living room and no one was present there. it was pretty early actually. it was just 7:00 am and i am sure after the tiring week of wedding no one would wake up this early. i went inside the kitchen and found ammi sitting there and drinking water.

i slowly approached her and greeted her.

AMMI: aayat beta, come sit. today is going to be very hectic. we have to perform many rituals and i'll have to introduce you to everyone. it was very hard to hold them back last night.

i chuckled listening to this. finally someone was excited about including me in their family.

AMMI: aayat, i want to tell you something beta. asim is a really tough guy. he'll pretend not to care and show you that you don't matter to him. but deep down he does. he does care. a lot..!

in fact it was him last night who signalled me to take you to the room when he saw everyone circling around you.

he'll try to push you away beta. but i need you to promise me that you won't give up on him. he needs someone to bring him back to his old self. he used be very loving once upon a time. a smile would always adore his face. but due to some reasons, he's turned into this cold hearted asim. but i know that somewhere in there, my soft and happy asim is still hidden. i want you to bring him back to his old self aayat bete. i've never seen him care about someone when they're so new to him. you're my last hope. promise me beta you won't give up on him.

AAYAT: i promise ammi.... i won't give up him..!

??: arre bhai subha subha kya baatein horahi hai saas bahu mei? koi humme bhi toh batao. bhabhi abb toh pehchaan karvaado hum dono ki. kal raat ko toh aap bhaga legayi thi aayat ko. aaj toh bachegi nai yeh.

(Ohhoo what is going on between mother in law and daughter in law in early morning? Someone tell me also! Bhabhi atleast introduce us now. You took her away with you last night. I won't let her go today .)

AMMI: haan haan zyada drame Matt kar karwati hu Tera introduction.

(Yeah yeah you don't have to be so dramatic. I'll give your introduction)

AMMI: aayat beta she's my devraani and your chachi. She's a really sweet person

I just smiled at chachi and nodded and she gave me a tight hug with a huge grin.

Later on everyone joined in the living area and introduced themselves.

Chachi and chachu had a son who was 2 years older than me. His name is Zain Aman. And I found out that he was engaged too. And would be getting married soon.

We had dadi maa who was more energetic than any other youngster in the room. She was too sweet. Everyone here was sweet except a certain someone..

Now that he's mentioned. Where the hell is he? Didn't see him from the morning.

I think my thoughts were visible on my face.

Aliya slowly came beside me and whispered in such a way that it was audible only to me.

ALIYA: bhai is not here bhabhi. he must be in the gym. now stop looking around for him.

her tone clearly suggesting that she was teasing.

i kept quite and didn't speak anything.

i spotted a figure entering a living area. damn he was dressed in a suit. it fit just right on his muscular torso and broad chest. he had a white shirt underneath it with its few buttons open.

i turned away my gaze not to get caught.

AMMI: asim aagaya tu. yeh suit kyu pehna hai? aaj office matt jaana.. shaadi ki kuch rasam baaki hai jo aaj poori karni hai.

(you're here asim. why are you wearing a suit? don't go to office today.. we still have some rituals to be completed.)

ASIM: ammi yeh rasam wasam abhi nahi hosakta. aaj bohot important meeting hai. aur yeh poora mahina bhot busy hone waala hai. aap please samjhiye.

(ammi these rituals cannot be performed now. i have a very important meeting to attend today. and this whole month is going to be busy. please try to understand.)

AMMI: baat toh tu meri waise bhi nahi maanega. abhi nahi toh aage toh tujhe yeh rasam karni hi padegi asim. bina rasam kiye mai tujhe jeene nahi dungi.

(anyhow you are not going to listen to me. if not today you'll have to perform these rituals sometime in future. i won't let you survive without doing these rituals.)

ASIM: ji ammi abhi mai jaau?

(yes ammi. shall i leave now?)

AMMI: not before having the kheer aayat made for her first rasoi.

he gave a slight nod and looked in my direction for a milli second but turned back immediately.

i served him the kheer and he thanked me to which i nodded and he proceeded with eating the kheer.

i was very nervous but then aliya asked him what i wanted to ask but couldn't ask.

ALIYA: toh bhai, how's the kheer?

she had a wide grin on her face.

ASIM: its good.

ALIYA: good or very good bhai?

he just gave her a cold glare and stood up to leave.

ASIM: the kheer was very good.

he slowly uttered in way that was audible only to me.

as i saw his disappearing figure, i promised myself to not give up on him or us.

you might portray yourself to be heartless, but you care. i know you do. and i will do everything possible to bring back your old self. and i promise to do that..!

END OF THE CHAPTER~!

THE CHAPTER IS LONGGGGG IKK!! BUT HEHE.. I COULDN'T CUT SHORT..! I TRIED MY BEST LOL!

AMANAT'S CRAZY JOURNEY IS GOING TO BE SOULFUL NOW ON!

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