Chapter Twenty-Nine:Part Two

We made it to the front door and I moved towards the hanging closet, pulling out my winter jacket. It had been Lily's old maternity one but I didn't think she minded me using it. Plus I loved the fact it made me look like a marshmallow and slightly hid my bump. I loved freaking out people when I revealed how big I actually was when they thought I seemed to be more jacket and less belly. I slipped it on as I looked around for my boots, I couldn't see them and groaned in irritation. I needed my boots, it had snowed last night and I didn't want to slip on the slush.

"Michael, I need my boots! Where are they?" I looked over every inch of the bottom of the closet but I couldn't see them. I let out another groan of frustration. Ezekiel barked and I whirled around, my hand clutching my chest in fright. I opened my mouth to give him shit when he nudged the wanted boots across the floor.

"Worry about shoes. Girl." Michael chuckled and I threw a scowl in his direction. I was not a female who worried about shoes. I was worried about my babies, there was a distinct difference. One was vanity and the other was, I didn't want to slip and land wrong on my fucking belly.

"Boots, you asshole, and I need these boots. It snowed last night." I crossed my arms over my chest and he smiled at me brightly.

His eyes crinkled at the corners as he laughed loudly at my continued expression. "I know. Teasing." He reached out and ruffled my hair and I swatted his hand away, giving him an unimpressed look.

"You're a big giant jerk." I crouched down, mindful of my belly, before I shifted back and sat down. I waved at Ezekiel who shoved the boots so I could reach them with minimal effort. "This is why you're my favourite." I threw a look at Michael who crouched in front of me, holding out his hands for the boots and I glowered at him darkly.

"I can put my own boots on. I'm not that big!" I wanted to remain as independent in my actions as I could. I knew there was a point I would hit where things like putting on my own boots would become impossible but currently I could do it. I struggled around my belly slightly but not too badly and managed to get my boots on. I smiled at them proudly. "See? I'm good!" He simply rolled his eyes at me before holding his hands out. I took them and he helped me to my feet. I brushed off the back of my pants even knowing there would be nothing on them. "Do you have the-" Michael held out a manilla envelope for me and I smiled at it brightly. "Thank you!" I puckered my lips and he bent down so I could kiss his cheek.

"I take it back you aren't a big jerk. Now I want the truck today. I don't know how the road up to the mine is going to be like." I gave him an expectant look and he nodded before heading towards the door to the garage. I looked down at Ezekiel. "Are you riding in the truck or running?" He moved over to the door and whined, trying to paw it open.

"Running it is." I moved over to the door and opened it for him. He licked my hand before bolting out into the trees. More than likely he would beat us there. I moved out onto the front steps and waited. A few moments later I could hear the loud rumble of the diesel four by four and headed down the stairs as Michael parked it in the driveway. I was thankful he had gotten his license because the longer I was pregnant, the more anxious I got whenever I had to drive. It had been one of the first things he did. He wanted to make sure there was always someone around that could drive me if I needed it.

I pulled open the truck door and heaved myself up and into the front seat. I settled into it before I put on my seat belt, I adjusted it around my belly and nodded at Michael. He pulled around the drive way and I leaned back in my seat as I unzipped my jacket, tapping my fingers on my belly. The twins kicked me in response to the tapping and I smiled at my belly.

Even as much as pregnancy freaked me out, I was very attached to my little females. I liked how I could tell them apart just from movements and how they seemed to have developed their own personalities. They were in there and they were real to me now. It had been harder to connect to them when there was no evidence they were there other than a blue cross on a pregnancy test.

The first time I had felt them kick I had been so freaked out that I had gone to Doc Howard in damn near tears. He had calmed me down and explained to me that it had simply been a kick. It was the first moment I had realized that I had someone growing inside me that could interact with me and not a shapeless blob of cells. Each kick and movement after that had helped me bond with the twins. Each one was a message to me about their existence. That they were there.

I loved them already, I adored them. It didn't mean the process of pregnancy didn't freak me out. It still did and I was still getting used to the fact that I was going to be a mother. It was a big thing for me, a change that made me panic. I wasn't even sure I could be a mother but I needed to try for my girls. I was giving it my all so I could give them a better childhood than I had. It was why I was doing everything that I was. I didn't want to end up bitter like my mother had been, I didn't want to infect my little ones with that poison. Not like how I had been.

I wanted to give them the best possible start in life. I wanted to be that mother that kissed booboos, soothed nightmares, and tickled tummies. I wanted to be the mother I never had and I knew it would be hard but Heidi and Amelia deserved to have that mother. I wanted to give them that just as much as they deserved it.

I frowned slightly, doubt swirling inside me. "Will I be a good mother?" I stared out the window, we were getting closer to the mining road and Michael made a sound in his throat as I heard his hands tighten on the steering wheel. I felt like I had touched a very painful nerve with him and I swallowed thickly as the silence between us grew.

"Never truly know till babies arrive." He was frowned and the words seemed almost forced. "Babies make you tired. Think you doing terrible and cry a few times because babies are crying an' won't stop." He pause for a second before letting out a small sigh. "But you do your best. Babies can feel love and if you love them, take care of them even if you cry, then you good mother." He looked over at me with a sad smile. "I had baby once." He coughed lightly as if trying to remove a lump from his throat. I blinked in shock. I had never known Michael had been a dad.

"Her name Bethany. She was beautiful, like her mother." His knuckles were white as he held the steering wheel tighter. His gaze was intent on road ahead of us. "Catherine asked me that question a lot. She was good mom, tried hardest to do right by our girl. Bethany was good baby too. I loved them both very much. I miss them. Everyday it hurts they're gone." His voice was tight and he was swallowing convulsively as if he had a lump in his throat. I didn't know what to say. Sorry didn't seem like enough and I didn't know how to relate to him. He had lost his mate and his child and that was a type of pain I doubted anyone could truly relate too.

I reached over the center console and grabbed his forearm and squeezed it lightly, trying to give him some comfort over the loss that clearly hurt him. I couldn't even imagine. I had only known of my little girls for two and a half months, felt them inside me for a little over one but the thought of losing them was a terrible, heart rending feeling. Like I couldn't quite breathe or speak. I couldn't fathom the amount of pain that having my thoughts a reality could bring.

"'S 'kay. Been nine years. It a little easier to bear." He cleared his throat and patted my hand gently as he looked over at me for a brief moment.

"I wish you didn't have to." I didn't want him to hurt, not over that. That was a pain that didn't simply fade.

"Neither do I but 's kay. I help with babies. Makes it easier." He nodded at my belly as he slowed the truck and pulled onto the dirt mining road.

"Well if you ever want to take over some midnight feedings, I'm all game." I watched as a smile crossed his face as he chuckled, relaxing slightly.

"No. 'M good." He smirked at my slightly and I rolled my eyes, typical male. My heart felt heavy for him as I let go of his arm and rested my hand on my belly. I felt a little tick and I frowned in slight confusion as it happened again. A wide smile crossed my face as I realized what it was.

"Amelia has the hiccups again." She had a tendency to get them more often than Heidi. They were a new feeling I had only really noticed a week ago.

"Baby's cute." Michael had troubles pronouncing her name so he usually referred to both of them as baby. I didn't mind. He was helping me out, he was my protector while Luka was down some fucking rabbit hole somewhere. I didn't know about him. I was pissed off that I had to deal with everything without him but at the same time I missed him.

I had learned a lot in therapy. It was normal to feel contradicting emotions for Luka. It was normal to be upset and angry with him but miss him and want him home at the same time. Amber explained that my hormone levels were elevated and that simply magnified everything I was feeling. She had also told me that no matter what I was feeling that I was allowed to feel it. Emotions were my body's way of expressing my mental state. Even if I felt I was being ridiculous, they were still allowed because my body needed to express them. Although she had warned me not to let my emotions control me. I could express them but I couldn't let them take over every aspect of my life.

Amber had also started talking to me about the process of forgiveness. She had told me that forgiveness was not about forgetting the hurt or the actions but it was accepting that they had hurt me and moving forward with the lessons they gave me. It was releasing the resentment and bitterness that the actions had given me and allowing better emotions to take their place but allowing the hurt to run its course because hurt was a natural response to betrayal and broken trust.

I knew she was doing it so I could be prepared to forgive what Luka had done to me but at the moment I wasn't even sure if I could muster up the ability to forgive through all the anger I currently felt. It was a hard thing, to forgive. When a person was angry, forgiveness was the last thing from their mind and I was so incredibly angry, at Luka, at myself, at my mother, at the world. I was rediscovering myself and anger was prevalent.

"Do you ever think Luka and I will be okay?" I half surprised myself when the question escaped. I hadn't meant for it to escape but it had and Michael glanced at me with a small frown.

"Okay?" He looked at the road and slowed down as we eased around a bump that jostled me in the seat.

"Yah, like we will be alright, relationship wise." I swallowed thickly. It was a fear I had, one that kept coming up. I didn't know how our relationship would be if Luka came back. It had been drilled into me by Amber that our relationship had been toxic and harmful to us both, that we needed to work on it heavily to ensure we would stop with how horrible it could get at times.

"You and Luka have... problems. You not work well together at times. It causes friction and frustration. You make mistakes but you and him are getting better. You will need to talk and let the hurt out, both of you. Then move forward." Michael glanced at me again and I let out a small sigh of relief. I honestly didn't want to be a single mother.

"So we will be okay?" I watched as Michael carefully turned the steering wheel, more than likely dodging another pothole. He was silent for a few moments, his eyebrows furrowed as if he were deep in thought.

"It not bad to miss him. It not bad to want to work things out." He glanced at me and I blinked at his words. I knew it wasn't bad to miss him, the claim dictated I did. I was accepting that I did as well.

"I know." I looked out the window and tears sprung to my eyed. "Its just... what if he hurts me again?" That was something I wasn't sure if I could take. His claiming had given me enough anger to shove me out of the catatonic state but I wouldn't be able to live with him constantly lashing out at me when he was hurt.

"Step away, collect thoughts, then talk. Relationships need communication. You no communicate, need to start. It healthier." He said it as if it were simple but I didn't know what Luka was doing. I didn't know if he was dealing with his problems. I was trying because I needed too. I wasn't sure about Luka.

"But what if h-"

"There are two people. You and Luka. Luka makes mistake but you forget you make mistake too. You are difficult to deal with, to talk to. You shut down and shut out others. You need to work at it too. Both toxic, both problem." His words held an edge and I reared back as if he had slapped me. Luka had caused a lot of the problems but Michael was telling me I was a problem as well. I heard enough of that from Amber and I didn't like hearing it from him.

I bit my lip and tried to push back the hurt I felt. "But he-"

"Made mistake. Luka did wrong, yes, but claim wasn't forced out anger. It was out of need to not be without you. To not lose you like he lost Lily, like he lost everyone. Luka loves you, Shey." Michael hit the steering wheel in agitation and I felt the colour drain from my face. Luke had never told me that. I was not ready for that. For the dreaded 'L' word. I was just figuring out my emotions as they were.

A sudden thought had more tears coming to my eyes. "What about the babies?" Even if Luka loved me, I was scared he wouldn't love the twins. He wasn't getting to see them grow. He wasn't bonding to them like I was. I was terrified that he wouldn't love them because of that and then because they were girls.

"What about- Shey, Luka will love babies like you love babies. Its instinctive, natural. He can't not love them." Michael sounded exasperated but he didn't understand. My mother's troubles were caused because she had been born female. I didn't want that for my girls. I would fight tooth and claw to make sure they were never treated like that.

"But they are females." My mouth felt dry as I realized the implication of their sex in this world, in the position one of them would take in the pack. A first born of a first born of a first born. That was a heavy burden for a young female in a world where males seemed to rule absolutely.

"So?" Michael looked confused and I clutched at my belly protectively.

"Firstborns need to be male." "t was what I had been taught. In order to inherit a claim the firstborn needed to be male.

"What? You think pack cares they female? You think I care? Why would Luka care? Luka no care! They future, regardless of what is between their legs." He waved me off rather flippantly and I shook my head. He wasn't hearing me.

"But-"

"Fortis not Old Way. We'll have Alpha Female. Firstborn need be male! You crazy." He looked at me with a rather disgusted expression on his face.

I narrowed my eyes at him, I didn't like him brushing off my feelings like he was. "I'm not cra-"

"You creating problems where there none." He pulled the truck into a small parking look.

"These are valid concerns, Michael!" To me they were. I didn't want my girls to feel less than others because they were born female. I didn't want them thinking they would have been better off male or worth less because they weren't.

"Valid concerns if we Old Way. We not your grandfather's pack. We Fortis, we strong, and we know strength doesn't come from sex but from character, dedication." He looked around, looking for a parking space and I felt like my fears weren't being addressed adequately. It didn't matter that he didn't understand, my fear were perfectly normal to have based on how I was raised.

"I'm scared for my girls, Michael. My mother taught me these things. They are valid concerns to me." I patted my chest as tears filled my eyes. I sniffled as the truck came to a complete stop and I could hear Michael putting it into park.

"Look at me. Your mother raised Old Way and banished because of sex. The babies, the pack's future, never be Old Way. They be loved and cared for every second of every day. Your mother's wrong." He cupped my face in his hands, brushing away the falling tears with a small, comforting smile on his face. "Your girls be alright. They have you as mama and you fight for them. Don't worry about things that you can control. You Alpha Female. You make rules. You do right by them. No one else matters because their mama Alpha Female." I felt my lip quivering and he shushed me gently.

"'S 'kay, Shey. No crying." He patted my cheek gently before he let me go to touch my tummy. The girls kicked his hand. "You have power to give them good life. Use it, stop fearing impossible." I wiped at my face and sniffled. My hormones were going crazy and I didn't appreciate them making me cry. In his clipped, strange way, Michael had actually soothed my fears back into the realm of ridiculous. I was their mother and I would be damned if I would ever let them feel less because they were female. I would be their first line of defence against bigots and the cruelty of the Old Way Alphas. I would protect them like my grandmother should have done for my mother.

The truck was shut off and I could hear the jingle of the keys as Michael got out. I wiped my face, trying to make it look like I hadn't been crying. I undid my seatbelt and did up my coat before smoothing it.

Michael opened my door and held out his hand. I went to swat it away but he gave me a look that stopped me. "Slippery. Need help down." He left me no room for argument as he grasped my hand and helped me down on to the slushy ground, holding me steady so I wouldn't slip.

"Thank you." I grabbed the manilla envelope and Michael grasped my elbow, leading me carefully around the slushy spots on the ground. There was a bark and I looked around before spotting Ezekiel. He sat beside the lack luster mining office door. I waved at him and he barked excitedly before the door opened.

A broad, brown haired male stepped out and his eyes widened in surprise when he spotted me. It was Fredrick, the mine's manager. "Alpha Sterling, I wasn't expecting you to come up here." He gave me a worried smile and I ignored the name. Essentially to everyone in the pack, I was a Sterling. To be honest I preferred Sterling to Lazera. "I could have sent someone to the house to pick up the paperwork." He moved over to me quickly and I smiled at him with a shake of my head.

"Don't worry. I needed to get out of the house. It's a bit too busy at the moment. Michael is going to take me for ice cream after." We met him halfway into the parking lot and I held out the envelope. "Everything should be in there and it should all be in order. If it isn't, don't hesitate to give me a call so I can rectify it. Doing the mining part of the pack's paperwork is still new to me." He took it with a smile as he folded it and tucked it into his back pocket.

"Every other time you do it, it's done perfectly. So I'm sure it will be perfect, no need to worry." He looked me up and I smoothed my hand around my stomach. He stared at my belly in surprise. "I'm really sorry but you are looking big." He glanced up at me and I schooled my features to look offended.

"Are you calling me fat?" I said it as seriously as I could and a look of horror crossed his features. I couldn't help it and laughed. "I'm just fucking with you. I'm big because there are two babies in there." There was a flash of relief before a look of astonishment settled and a large smile crossed Fredrick's face.

"Twins? Really?" There was an excitement to his energy that was almost infectious. Like a puppy dog that wanted to play.

"Really. So I'm going to get even bigger." I didn't think it was possible but his smile grew even wider.

"Wait until the team hear this!" He looked to be almost vibrating with excitement. He looked at my belly again and then back at me. "Can I- Can I touch?" He looked like an excited child and I laughed lightly as I unzipped the coat and nodded at him. He blew on his hands and rubbed them as if to warm them up before he pressed his hand to the front of my belly. The girls were still for a moment before Amelia hiccuped, I chuckled at his shocked expression.

"Amelia has the hiccups." There was a large thump to his hand and his eyes nearly bugged out at it. "And Heidi is practising her soccer skills." He pulled his hand away and I did up my coat again, making sure my belly was completely covered and I was once again back to looking like a fluffy marshmallow, or stay puff man, whichever one I resembled the most at the moment.

"Are you able to shut down early today?" I smoothed the fluffy coat over the bump and he frowned slightly.

"We're already stalled. Old Sal broke down, we can't shuttle the ore around till she's up and running. Why do you ask?" He sounded genuinely curious and I let out a small sigh. Even thought I enjoyed the small amount of time away from the house. I was still not happy with the baby shower.

"The pack is throwing me a baby shower and I wanted to extend the invitation for you and the others to come." I watched as he nodded quickly. I could see how happy he was at having his team invited the to the rather large pack function and it made the burden a bit lighter. The pack deserved a distraction and even if it made me uncomfortable I would allow it. It was for them, the pack, not me.

"We will be there! I will go tell the team. Thanks for bringing this out here." He tapped the envelope and I gave him a small smile. "Have a safe drive and enjoy your ice cream, Alpha Sterling." He waved at me and I nodded in acknowledgement before he turned and lightly jobbed back to the office.

I looked at Ezekiel with a considering look. "We're going to town for ice cream. Either you go back to the house or you get into the back of the truck and you come with us." I chuckled at the rather affronted look on his face as he stood up and shook out his wet fur. He headed towards the trees and I smiled at his retreating form. "You get presentable for when I get home!" His tail swished in agitation before he started loping and disappeared into the trees.

"He get clean." Michael said it as if reassuring me and I rolled my eyes before I turned to look at him.

"I know he will. Now I want ice cream." I started back towards the truck and Michael was by my side immediately, gripping my elbow to prevent e from slipping in the slush that was starting to get harder. "It's getting colder." I stepped into a large pile of slush, watching it smoosh out from beneath my boot.

"It is. You cold?" Michael sounded a bit concerned and I shook my head, trying to put him at ease.

"No. I'm dressed for the weather but I'll let you know if I get cold." We got to the truck and Michael opened the door for me. I thanked him as I heaved myself up into the seat again. I got settled and put on my seatbelt as I waited for Michael to get into the truck. I yawned, rubbing my stomach as it grumbled slightly. I so wanted ice cream.

Within a few minutes Michael had the truck started and we were heading down the mining road. The trip into town wasn't a long one, it was only around eight minutes from the mine. I was so happy that there was a Dairy Queen in town. I was craving a soft serve ice cream cone. We pulled onto the highway and I was practically counting down the seconds till we reached Halsmark.

"Go through drive through. Not inside." Michael turned off the highway and into the town and I didn't even care. I just wanted ice cream.

"That's fine. As long as I get my small ice cream, I don't care." I started searching around the center console for enough change to pay for it when Michael waved me off and pulled out a ten dollar bill from his pocket. "Good male!" Heidi shifted and she pressed against my bladder. I wiggled uncomfortably in my seat, "Heidi, get off my bladder." I tapped where her head was but she stayed put until I rapidly drummed my fingers against my belly. The action always irritated them both and after a few minutes she moved at the same time as Amelia. "Thank you." I looked up and smiled brightly when I saw we were in the queue for the drive through.

"Small, soft ice cream, right?" Michael looked over at me and I nodded quickly, it was all that I wanted. I could practically taste it and I knew it would make my day. I didn't get to have ice cream cones often, much to my dismay. It wasn't entirely healthy to eat ice cream all the time. It tasted great but that didn't mean it was good for me or more importantly, the twins. Michael ordered the ice cream for me and I tried to wait patiently for it but it was hard for me to sit still. He handed me the ice cream cone and paid while I started to savour the cold treat.

"Can I have some cinnamon hearts?" I licked the ice cream and looked at Michael who shook his head as he pulled back out onto the highway. "Please?" I batted my eyelashes but Michael simply quirked an eyebrow at me as he glanced over.

"No. You get heartburn." He had learned way too quickly and I pouted, knowing I wouldn't get anywhere with him. The ice cream was enough to make me feel better about it though. "You like it?" I nodded happily and he chuckled as I hummed in enjoyment, my entire focus on savouring my treat.

The ice cream never lasted long, about a long as the drive back to the house and just like every other time I was left with a feeling of abject emptiness. It was dramatic but the fact I only got ice cream maybe once every two weeks contributed to that. I wiped my hands with the napkin before folding it neatly and setting it on the console. Michael made an odd noise and I looked up at him before I followed his gaze. A beat up humvee sat in the driveway and I frowned. My wolf paced anxiously in the back of my head and I felt a bit uncomfortable, picking up on her cues.

"Who's here, Michael?" I didn't want to get out of the vehicle until I knew who was out there. I looked at him and Michael's face was almost severe looking as he put the truck in park. "Michael?" I clutched at the seatbelt and he shook his head.

"Azrael." At the name I relaxed and took off the seatbelt. It was alright, Azrael was a nice guy. I could trust him. I opened the door and carefully stepped out of the truck, wincing as my back twinged. I moved towards the front of the house trying to think of the reason why Azrael would be in Fortis. I made it around the humvee and my wolf growled in my head. I stiffened in response and my hand went in front of my stomach protectively, there was Azrael and a male with his back to me. Azrael's eyes locked onto me and he looked almost shocked as I moved closer. I felt extremely wary as I moved closer.

"Shey." Michael's voice was sharp and my wolf reacted with a faint growling, the unknown male turned around. Grey eyes widened as they took me in and mine narrowed as anger surged through me. "Shey. Wait."

"What the ever loving fuck?" My hands clenched into fists as Luka turned around. Azrael looked amused but there was nothing amusing about the situation I had just found myself in.

"She-"

"No! You don't get to say anything to me! You lost that right. Five months, Luka!" I pointed at him as I stalked towards him. My chest rumbled with a growl and dominance radiated off of my form, showing my displeasure. "You left for five months. Left me to deal with the pack and right after you forcibly claimed me! You fucking asshole!" I sputtered slightly I was so mad.

Luka held out his hands, "She-"

"No! No! How's about you get your ass back in that fucking dinosaur of a humvee and go back to whatever hole you were hiding in!" I waved my hand in the air and Luka reached for it but I snapped, I barely realized what I was doing until my canines dug deep into his neck and his blood leaked into my mouth. He was limp in my grasp, an acceptance of the action.

I could feel a tickling against my mind before emotions swarmed me, flooded every crevice of my mind. I removed my canines from the crook of his neck, I was proud of the placement, a show of punishment he would have to wear. I shoved him away, hurrying to the house as fast as my legs could carry me over the slightly slushy ground. Tears filled my eyes and I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, ignoring the trembling. I opened the door before I whirled around. Luka's face was pale as he held the wound tightly with his hand.

"You can have that for when you leave and you can see how fucking enjoyable it is! Go to fucking hell, you irredeemable fucking prick!" I screamed the words at him before I slammed the door hard, making a loud boom that startled the twins, making them kick out in surprise. I kicked my boots off, sniffling as I tired to fight the tears back. After five months he chose to come back on the one day I was already stressed out. I fumbled to get the jacket off, a sob catching in my throat as I tried to calm the violent trembling in my hands.

I finally managed to get the jacket off and moved quickly up the stairs, wiping the hot tears away from my eyes. My breath stuttered in my chest as remorse and guilt swarmed me, the feelings from Luka amplified my own. It was hard to tell where mine ended and his began. I needed quiet and I needed solitude. I needed time to figure out what the fuck had just happened.