Chapter Twenty-Seven

Two and a Half Months Later

"Not talking about it makes it worse." Amber's voice was starting to grate on my ears. I ground my teeth together as Ainsley patted my hand gently. I wanted to swat at her but she was my closest friend. She sometimes irritated me to the point where I wanted to shove her under a bus but she was the one constant in my life. The one person who I could rely on completely to be there for me.

"I'm... upset." I ground the word out and Amber hummed slightly. I narrowed my eyes at her. I didn't like the female. We butted heads too much. It didn't help I had been practically forced into therapy.

"You have a bigger vocabulary than that, Shey. Please use it." her calm voice was irritating and I stared at her breathing heavily as Ainsley hummed at me, a low tone she had discovered helped me relax. I had no idea why it worked but it always did.

"I'm angry." I gave it up and Amber nodded, writing in her notebook before she glanced at me.

"That's better. Why are you angry?" Her pen tap-tap-tapped on the notebook and I wanted to throw it across the room, the sound grating on already agitated nerves.

"Well I don't know really. My mate ran off after forcibly claiming me and hasn't called or contacted me in anyway to let me know he's not dead, so that might be a part of the problem but you know... I just don't know." I glowered at the blond doctor and she gave me an unimpressed look. Ainsley let out a low sound of protest at the slight hostility in my voice but I ignored her.

"Sarcasm is a defensive mechanism, Shey." Amber let out a sigh as she clasped her hands together and leaned on her makeshift desk. I didn't see the point in her staying. I didn't need help but apparently everyone around me disagreed and so I was forced into therapy at metaphorical gun point and in Gamgam's case I actually believed it was literal.

"Sarcasm is my friend." I spat it back at her and she blinked at me.

"Emotions are your friends." She said it calmly, her voice never going over a certain level and my eyes narrowed to slits.

"Emotions are w-" I cut myself off and closed my mouth with a snap. That little slip was going to get me a lecture.

"Emotions are what, Shey?" Amber's eyebrow rose and I looked away from her, crossing my arms over my chest. "You view emotions as weak and unneeded. You are emotionally stunted." I grimaced at the words. She used them all the time. "You are emotionally detached, stunted if you will, you avoid emotions and push them away. This is most likely a result of the rejections and your PTSD you suffer from the death of your mother." It was enough to make me want to gag.

"I'm fine." I stressed the word and Amber gave me a look that told me how much she didn't believe me for a single second.

"You can't talk about your emotions and you repress them, pushing them away until they become so massive they simply unleash in a torrent that threatens to drown you." She looked at me almost sadly and picked up her notebook. "You need to learn how to express your emotions constructively. You need to learn how to embrace them. Now let's try this again." She coughed lightly and I looked at my lap, frowning darkly. "How are you feeling, Shey?" Her tone was light and Ainsley hummed at me, that low soothing tone that made my dark mood fade away. I let out a small sigh, they wouldn't stop until I gave in.

"I feel... I feel..." I stared at my lap, trying to decipher my emotions. I rubbed at my forehead. "I feel... scared?" I glanced at Amber and she gestured for me to continue. I let my gaze fall back onto my hands and I clasped them together. "I don't know what to do. The pack keeps looking towards me but I'm scared to make a mistake." I let out another small exhale, thinking about my emotions made me a bit panicky. "I don't want to fuck up. I'm the Alpha Female now and there's a lot of pressure on me." Not just figurative pressure. The pressure of having so many mind links in my head has been so overwhelming that I had constant headaches for the first month after the claiming. Add that to the fact I was also overly emotional and puking my guts out due to stress. I was not a very pleasant person to be around. I was constantly surprised when I would roll out of bed the next day and find Ainsley willing to be around me.

"That's good. Fear is a normal reaction to the feeling of being pressured to trapped. This is good." She wrote in her notebook and another emotion rolled through me.

"I also feel really pissed off." I crossed my arms over my chest and Amber gave me a slightly surprised look. I was in a sharing mood and anger was easy to share.

"Go on." She gestured at me and I let out a heavy breath through my nose.

"Luka fucking claims me, well at first I thought he was trying to tear my throat out when he bit me but then I realized. Fucking nope! The bastard claimed me." I rubbed at the scar like it could make it go away. Anger rolled through me and I scowled darkly. "So he claims me, which is fucking terrible in its own right but then the motherfucker runs off. Leaves me to deal with a newly claimed bond, a migraine from hell, his fucking pack, and every other little bullshit thing that comes with it. Bear in mind this is without him telling me any of this shit. I had to find out from Michael." I liked the anger. Luka was in so much shit if he ever came back. I wouldn't wait for Gamgam, I would tear him to shreds myself.

"From Michael! And the bastard doesn't even had the balls to phone me and tell me that he's okay. I hate him right now but this fucking claim is making me feel worried for him. Do you know angry it makes a person to have a bond they never wanted and to feel worried for a person they want to straight up murder? Do you?" I looked at her intently and Amber shook her head, quickly writing in her notepad. "It makes a person very, very angry. There is nothing I want more than to track him down, kick the ever loving shit out of him before throwing him into a jet turbine. Make me some Luka paste to put on some Luka pasta that I can throw at a fucking wall." I gritted my teeth, the emotions rolled through me almost violently.

"Do you know hard it was for me to go through the claiming alone? To have my emotions everywhere and the one person who could fix it is no where to be found? Do you know how hard it was to be transitioned into a pack without Luka? To have that forced on me?" I felt tears prick my eyes and I was breathing heavily. "I could barely breathe. I lay awake at night crying because he isn't here to help me like he's supposed to be." My voice rose in pitch and I could feel myself getting worked up.

"He abandoned me. He left me alone! He left me to deal with all of it without him and all I want is for him to hug me and tell me it will be okay. Do you know how that feels?" I tried to blink the tears away but all it did was send them rolling down my cheeks. "I just want him here. I had lost Lily too. I had to deal with her not being there and then him not being there. I know I'm a selfish bitch but I just want him here for me. I just want him." I sniffled and wiped at my leaking eyes. "I just want him to come home and tell me its okay. That everything will be fine. I- I-" I looked around and Amber was writing in her book while Ainsley was staring at me like she had just seen me for the first time.

"Are you okay?" Her silvery voice was soft and I shrugged, unwilling to speak anymore. She covered her hand with her shirt sleeve and wiped away the tears from my face. "It's okay. I know I'm not the right person to say it but it will be okay." She smiled at me, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners and I let out a shuddering breath.

"You're the perfect person, Luka can fuck a stump." I watched as Ainsley giggled and I let out a watery chuckle at the look on her face. She was slowly getting past her modest little mouse stage. I was proud of her.

"You did good, Shey. Bottling those emotions is not good for your health. You released them in a very constructive manner." Amber's voice was soothing and I wiped at my eyes as I looked at her. "You suffer from some abandonment issues. Which is perfectly normal for the amount of rejections you suffered. You also tend to compartmentalize your emotions and don't deal with them until they end up bombarding you. This is a result of the PTSD you suffered with the death of your mother as well as the rejections. You are emotionally detached, we need to fix that." She gave me a soft smile.

"It's okay to let yourself feel, Shey. Your mother wanted you to be strong but strength doesn't come from the absence of emotions but rather from the ability to express them properly. What has been done to you is not set in stone, we can work through them and fix everything, it just takes time but only if you are willing to try" She set her notebook down and then her pen before clasping her hands together. "Emotions are a natural part of life, Shey. Hiding them, ignoring them doesn't make you stronger. It weakens you from the inside out." I nodded at her. I didn't have to agree with her to see her point. A point she had made for months. It was easier to agree with her than to fight with her about it.

"You did very well today, Shey. I know you still don't believe therapy helps but it does. You need to be able to speak about your emotions or work through them. If your relationship with Luka is to work, you need to help unlearn your toxic behaviours and work through to being better, for both of you." The bond doctor smiled at me again and there was a knock on the door. I looked at it right as her mate stuck his head through small opening he made as he opened the door slightly. I ignored my urge to grimace. "Andrew, what is it?" Amber seemed a bit alarmed and the male stepped into the room with a smile on his face, shaking his head as if trying to put his worried mate at ease.

"It's nothing. I just wanted wanted to get you for dinner." He seemed a bit excited at the prospect and he nodded at me respectfully. The gesture made my nose crinkle. "Are you done with her, Alpha Shey?" He looked at me expectantly and I stood up, dragging Ainsley up with me.

"I was done with her an hour ago." I smiled at him brightly and his eyebrow rose before Ainsley smacked my shoulder lightly.

"Be civil." Her reprimand was soft and I rolled my eyes. Ainsley was big on being nice. I didn't do nice but she was learning I would do civil. That was what happened when a rogue was essentially given an Alpha position.

"Yes, I'm done with your mate for the day. Please, enjoy yourselves." I dragged Ainsley from the room and muttered under my breath. I couldn't believe I had gone onto a tangent and cried. I sneered at the thought. Tears were useless no matter how much Amber protested that they weren't.

"You know Amber isn't going to leave until she is satisfied that you are making progress." Ainsley said it carefully as if expecting an outburst at the words. I let out a groan of protests. I had known that Amber wasn't going to leave until Gamgam or her were satisfied with my 'emotional progress'. It didn't matter what I wanted or thought. Gamgam had insisted upon it and I would have to deal with it. Actually several people had insisted upon it and I felt almost ganged up on.

"I know." I couldn't help the disgust that crept into my tone at the thought.

"Are you hungry?" Ainsley looked at me with slight concern but the thought of eating made me a bit nauseous.

"Ainsley, you know how therapy makes me lose my appetite." That was the truth, dealing with emotions made my stomach churn. Any appetite I had was usually completely gone by the end of my sessions with Amber.

"You haven't eaten lunch in a few days." The concern had leaked into her voice and I rolled my eyes with a groan at. Ainsley was a good friend but she could irritate me with how much she worried over the small things.

"That's because I've had therapy every day. I eat after lunch." I would have a few snacks after lunch then eat supper. It wasn't that I wasn't eating. It was that I wasn't eating when Ainsley thought I should be.

"The pack is getting concerned." And there it was. The reason for the concern. The pack was getting concerned and they more than likely wanted to watch me eat to ensure that I was still there. They were a bit needy after Luka had dropped them and ran. I didn't blame them, I knew how they felt as much as I hated myself for it.

"That pack is fine, Ainsley." I rolled my eyes at her and she pulled me towards the back door regardless of my protests. I didn't need anyone else knowing that Ainsley was able to detect when I was being serious or petulant because then they would be able to pick up on the differences as well.

"They need their Alpha." She pushed the door open and I made a noise of disgust at her words.

"They also need me to have babies. That's not happening any time soon either." Their needs in my mind were a little skewed but I also knew I was being petulant and Ainsley was more than likely going to win this particular argument.

"You're their Alpha." She said it firmly, ignoring my attempts at derailing the conversation. I didn't want to go and be ogled while I tried to eat. Ainsley knew this. I wasn't in a good mood, therapy never left me in a good mood. She pulled me out of the door and I closed it behind us with a sound of exasperation.

"An Alpha who has no clue what she's doing." The lie tasted a bit sour and Ainsley scoffed at me, catching it with very little difficulty. I hated how observant she was getting with me, she was spending too much time around me. I wasn't used to having people understand my moods.

"You know more than a lot of people. You were taught how to be an Alpha." She looked at me, her blue eyes accusing me of the lie I told and I scrunched up my nose at her.

"I'm not a people person." I wasn't. I didn't really like dealing with people. I preferred the paperwork to the people. Ainsley had pulled me out the back door and towards the dining hall and I didn't really have the energy to fight against her.

"We all know that, Shey. Just come in, pick at your food, and smile." She said it as if were simple and I let out another groan.

"I don't want to smile." I didn't. I wanted to hide in my bedroom until the nausea passed and then snack on some crackers and soup when the kitchen was cleared out.

"You're being petulant." She was getting too smart. I felt a sudden urge to push her under a moving vehicle before shaking it off. She spent more time with me than anyone, she was allowed to pick up on the nuances in my voice and tone.

"I'm being realistic. No pack wants to have their Alpha eat with them with a murderous glare on their face." I knew my voice sounded whiny but Ainsley ignored me as she pulled open the dining hall door and I was assaulted by various scents of the shifters and food that made my stomach roll and my nausea return full force. I swallowed convulsively and tried to breathe through my mouth.

All eyes were one me and I could see quite a few beaming faces as Ainsley lead me through the long tables until we found Benji's table. Ainsley greeted everyone and I focused on not throwing up everywhere as the smells bombarded me. She shoved me down onto the end of bench and grabbed my hands. "You don't have to eat. Just visit for a bit." She smiled at me brightly and I nodded as she walked around the table to sit across from me. I looked over at the Delta sitting beside me. He was an older male but he was still broad. I was fairly certain that his positions kept up his form.

"You are looking a little pale, Alpha Shey. Are you okay?" He looked me over, worry clear in his eyes and his wife, Norah, gave me a slightly concerned smile.

"Had therapy." I swallowed again and he nodded at me and Norah's smile went from concerned to sympathetic.

She reached behind her mate to give my arm a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "That's enough to make anyone's face pale but it's helping. We are glad you are joining us, though. We missed you the past few days." Her smile was bright and proud and I nodded at her as I focused on calming my stomach down.

"Amber needs to let me eat lunch before therapy." I muttered the words out and Ainsley nudged me with her foot under the table. Her looked was clear, I needed to be civil. I glowered back at her. I wasn't feeling well, civil could take a back seat.

She returned my look with one of her own. "You just end up throwing it up anyway if you do it that way, Shey."

"And if I eat now I'm going to throw up, Ainsley." I scowled at her and she lowered her gaze with a sigh. I looked up and watched as Sombro walked over with a rather full plate in his hands, his eyes on the back of Ainsley's head. I watched in mild amusement, my nausea forgotten for a moment as Ainsley's took a sniff of the air and stiffened as her eyes went wide. My smirk grew wider as Sombro stopped slightly behind her and placed the plate in front of her.

"I saw that you didn't get anything to eat so I brought you a bit of everything." He said it softly and looked at her expectantly but Ainsley's mouth stayed firmly closed. She looked away from the plate and closed her eyes. I could see her breathing in through her mouth as if unwilling to take in his scent.

"Look at you, taking care of your mate. What a good male." I smiled at him brightly and he nodded at me, a smile of his own on his face as he looked at Ainsley's red curls. Her head was turned away from him, denying him her face.

"Only the best for her." He was trying really hard but I was surprised at how vehemently Ainsley was against the pairing. It had been two and a half months and he had made literally no progress with her. She didn't speak to him, she avoided him like he was some sort of highly contagious disease. It was actually fairly impressive that she had turned pretty much to stone whenever he was around. She almost matched me and that was bordering on a bad thing.

"Only the best for her... Such a lovely thought." I watched as she shook her head a tiny fraction, asking me not to push it. However she wanted me to place nice and civil. "How sweet of you, Sombro." I looked at Ainsley pointedly. "Ainsley, where are your manners? Thank the male." I gestured at Sombro and Ainsley stiffened as she dropped her head to stare at her hands. I could hear her gritting her teeth.

"Thank you, Samuel." The words were said lightly but there was an edge to the way she said his name and Sombro stiffened, a small frown crossing his face.

"Well, I'm glad." I gave Sombro a smile. "Please would you li-" Ainsley kicked me hard under the table, her blue eyes spelling murder as she looked at me. I blinked at her, wondering if I should push it before looked back towards Sombro.

"Please don't linger on my account." I turned away from him, dismissing him. He lingered for a second more, as if expecting something else from Ainsley and I was reminded of a starving dog looking for scraps. The others at the table had ignored the interaction and I kicked Ainsley back. She gave a small yelp as she glared at me. She pushed the plate of food away, with a pout on her face. "Are you going to explain to me why he was frowning?" I gestured at Sombro's retreating back with a lazy gesture and sighed.

"He doesn't like being called Samuel." It was a petty action that I completely approved of. I had done it to Luka enough times. I couldn't fault her for something I did all the time. In fact I was a little bit proud of her.

"How did you find that out?" I raised an eyebrow and she picked at her nails as she avoided my gaze.

"I called him that and he explained to me that he prefers being called Sam or Sammy." Shame radiated off of her slightly. She knew she was acting petty but she didn't know that I approved of it.

"So you call him Samuel." I bit back my smile and she glanced at me with a slightly look of a kid who had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Yes." She looked away and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. That was hilarious. A female after my own heart.

"Question I've been dying to ask. Why do you have such a problem with him?" It had been eating away at me for the past few months and any time he was brought up Ainsley dodged the questions or derailed the topic so quickly that I had been impressed but irritated.

"He's attractive." She said it softly and I chuckled but cut it off when I saw how uncomfortable she looked.

"Most females would like that, a handsome male fawning over them." I said it carefully and she bunched her hands in her shirt tightly.

"I'm me, Shey. Look at me." She gestured to herself, her blue eyes filled with pain. There was a harsh insecurity to her words, a deep pain that made me want to find her father and give him to Gamgam. "What happens if he gets bored of me? Or if some pretty female comes along? I don't want to be thrown away like trash. I've had enough of that." There was a slight edge of panic to her tone and I wasn't going to be the one to tell her she was being irrational because I understood what she was feeling.

"If he does I can help you hide his body." I shrugged, trying to reassure her. If he did I would tear him to shreds. No one would harm Ainsley, she was my friend. I didn't think he would but on the minuscule, the tiny, tiny chance that Sombro would. He wouldn't have time to utter an excuse before I ripped him to pieces and painted a warning with his blood.

"I could help!" Norah sounded excited at the prospect and Ainsley gave her a rather shy smile. "You're a very special female, Ainsley. There's no mistaking who you are. You have such a sweet spirit and a kind heart." Norah's voice radiated warmth and I watched as Ainsley's face turned red at the compliment. The poor little female still wasn't used to them.

"You're pretty enough, Ainsley. If he doesn't see it then he's a damn fool." Benji said it gruffly and I watched as Norah beamed at him, leaning her head against his shoulder. I rubbed at my scar with a scowl. Luka was so dead when he got back.

"Thank you." She said it softly and I could feel her appreciation for the older couple. I closed my eyes and breathed, ignoring the nausea that had returned. The various chatter around me almost made my head hurt but a faint voice caught my attention.

"That must sting, Sammy!" At the voice my teeth went on edge. I stood up and Ainsley looked at me in alarm at the sudden action. If Ian said one thing, one thing, about Ainsley I would make sure he never spoke again. "Being turned down again by Marti. One would think that would be an easy score." I watched how Ainsley flinched under the words and I ground my teeth together.

I walked around the table and Ainsley grabbed my hand, a pleading look on her face. "Don't. Just leave it." She was begging with me but I simply tightened my grip on her hand and hauled her to her feet. I drug her towards the table in question right as Sombro grabbed Ian by the shirt collar and slammed him on the table.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" His voice was deadly quiet and the whole dining hall fell silent as all eyes landed on the altercation. I slowed to a stop and Ainsley gasped as she hid behind me. "An easy score? As if she would ever be an easy score. She's not a fucking toy. I don't want you or anyone looking at her like that. She has some fucking class! She's friends with the Alpha Female and I'm nothing but a rogue given a place out of pity." His tone was even but dark and I was slightly impressed. Ainsley's grip on my hand tightened and she pressed her face into my back. She was still shy and with how many shifters were looking at her, I almost didn't blame her.

Sombro shoved Ian back into the table letting him go as he turned to look at me and Ainsley. He gestured to us sharply. "She is too good for me! Look at her! I have never seen anything so beautiful." He moved closer. "I've seen countless female and they pale in comparison to her and you call her an easy score? I'm not looking for fucking easy." He stopped in front of me and I tugged her out from behind my back. He grasped her face, pressing his forehead to hers. "I'm looking for Ainsley." The words were whispered. "All I will ever want is you. There 's no one who could possibly compare to you. No one who could ever come close to you." I found it a bit cheesy but the way Ainsley's hand trembled in mine I knew it was working on her. That was what truly mattered.

"No." The word was choked out and Sombro growled low. I let her hand go and she reached for me but I stepped out of her reach

"No. I'm not letting you run away again!" He let her face go before he threw her over his shoulder, striding to the door.

"Shey!" Her eyes were wide with panic as she struggled to get out of his grip but he growled at her to stop.

"I got in between you two once. Not going to happen again, Ainsley! Thanks for lunch." I gave her a wide grin and her face fell as he carried her out of the dining hall. I narrowed my eyes slightly. Sombro, if you hurt her in anyway... let's just say Gamgam and I will be involved in the means of your death. I didn't need a reply from him to know he understood the sincerity I had. No one would ever hurt Ainsley and leave unscathed or with their life.

"Did he really just cave male her out of here and you let him?" Jack's voice made my grin widen a fraction more as he came to stand beside me.

"I did. He won't hurt her. He knows better." I shrugged as I glanced at him. "Besides I look at it as payback. I didn't want to go to the dining hall and she made me."

He chuckled in amusement."Yah, I was starting to get worried. You weren't eating with us. I thought you would lose your pudge." He went to poke my stomach and something snapped in my head. I grabbed his wrist tightly, halting the motion as my other hand gripped his throat. I lifted him up and slammed him down on the table closest to us, a dominating growl rattling my throat and chest. My wolf was with me, her strength flooding my limbs and her growl echoing mine. Her anger rushing through me at the perceived threat.

"Don't touch!" The words were spoken from behind elongated teeth and my claws tapped against his skin. His eyes were wide and he immediately exposed more of his throat. My power rolled through me, sending shivers down my spine as I let it free. There was muted thumps all around me as my hearing turned sharper and more sensitive. The dominating growls continued as I leaned closer to his face. His fear was apparent and I suddenly realized what had happened.

My mouth dropped open in shock, the growls ending abruptly and I released Jack quickly as I stared at the slowly retreating claws. Tears filled my eyes as I could feel her, the comforting presence of my wolf in the back of my head. Whole and strong, she sent me warmth and love. My body temperature rose slightly in response, the strength that flooded me was more than comforting. She was within me again. She was in every fibre of my being. We were whole.

Jack slowly sat up and I threw my arms around him in happiness. He had given her back to me, snapped her out of her sleep. He hesitantly hugged me back and I squeezed him to the point where he choked slightly. I let him go quickly, a bit embarrassed I hadn't realized my own strength.

"Thank you so much, Jack! She's back!" I looked around and jolted when I realized all the shifters in the dining hall were either on their knees or slumped forward, their necks bared in submission. "Oh shit! Sorry." I focused on pulling the dominance back a bit and I could see them relaxing as I toned it down. She was still a bit agitated and I didn't blame her. It had been six years since the last time we had shifted and over two years since we had been able to communicate effectively.

I quickly headed towards the door of the dining hall, a large smile on my face. I wanted to shift, to run with her despite the pain it would cause at first. My wolf's unease made me falter a bit as I went outside. I wanted to shift but she kept stopping me, she whined, throwing rapid images at me that I couldn't understand or grasp.

I froze slightly and my eyes narrowed. "No." I said it firmly but she continued to bombard me with frantic images I couldn't understand but one main theme seemed to be prevalent that made me grit my teeth. She was refusing the shift and there were very few reasons a wolf would refuse a shift.

I bolted for the house, throwing the back door open and heading straight for the infirmary. Doc Howard was in the dining hall, I had caught sight of him. It was a good thing because I didn't need anyone questioning me at the moment. I ground my teeth together. If it was what I thought it was then I was going to be pissed. I threw open the infirmary door and moved over to the cupboards. I dug through them frantically, looking for the specific box I knew was kept in stock. My wolf whined in my head at my agitation, she wanted to help but didn't know how.

I found it the stack of white and blue boxes in one of the lower cabinets and quickly grabbed one before sprinting out of the room and up the stairs. My wolf whined in protest and I shushed her quickly as I made it to my room and locked myself in the bathroom. My hands shook as I opened the box and pulled out a pregnancy test.

There were only a few reasons a wolf refused to shift and for female shifters it usually indicated pregnancy. It would also explain the sudden aggression when Jack reached for my stomach. I pulled out the instructions and read them quickly. I was slightly confused because I had gotten a light period in the past two months. It wasn't as heavy as my usual ones and had been late but I had shoved it off as stress. I had been stressed. I thought I was over pregnancy scares. I had been internally freaking out because I realized Luka and I hadn't used protection but then my period had come, different than the others but it was still there. Now I wasn't entirely sure.

"Okay line means not pregnant, cross means pregnant." My hands shook and I let out a shuddering breath and opened the package. "Seems easy enough." I was starting to panic a bit but I did as the test instructed and recapped it before setting it on the edge of the sink. Unease twisted at my insides as I washed my hands and my wolf sent me comfort, trying to help me relax but it was going to be an agonizing three minutes to wait.

My hands shook as I paced back and forth. I felt a sudden urge to throw the test away and not look at it, to pretend everything was okay and my wolf was simply being silly and that we would shift later but she was firm in her decision. We weren't going to shift and that was a huge fucking problem. My teeth started to chatter and I could feel her worry for me. I appreciated it, I appreciated the fact that if that test destroyed my current reality that I wouldn't be alone. She would be with me and we would be okay.

I let out another shuddering breath and resumed my pacing. I didn't want to play connect the dots, I didn't want to think about the what if. I wanted to remain ignorant but this wasn't something I could ignore. If I was pregnant, if, then there would be no way of ignoring it because the evidence would make me fat. The thought made me panic a bit. I didn't want a child growing inside of me. I didn't want a little parasite feeding off of me, relying on me for everything. I could barely take care of myself let alone a growing fetus.

I took several deep breaths to quell the panic. I needed to know because I hoped to Mene that I wasn't. It would be one last fuck you from the goddess if I was, a punishment for desecrating one of her altars. I gave a nervous chuckle at the thought. It sounded like something she would do. She was vindictive like that.

My wolf nudged me, making my hand twitch, letting me know the time was up. I stopped mid step and stared at the test with wide eyes. I didn't want to touch it. She nudged me again, making my hand jump. I had forgotten how in tune I was with her. We shared our body, we never fought and utilized each other to the fullest extent we could. I took a step towards the test and squeezed my eyes closed. I took a deep breath and grabbed the test.

"Cross." I stared at the intersecting blue lines and my heart dropped. I gave a small hysterical chuckle. "I'm going to kill him." I dropped the test back onto the counter. I was going to find and kill Luka. I was going to track him down and kill him. "I can't believe this. That stupid mother sack of shit!" I felt flushed as anger rolled through me suddenly. "Oh this is just fucking great! He claims me and leaves me alone and if that wasn't fucking enough, he fucking knocked me up? Oh he is dead! That male is so dead we had him for last fucking Christmas!" I seethed as I paced. This was his fault. It was his fault I would have to deal with this shitty situation.

"I am going to rip his balls off. If I ever see him again, I am going to rip his balls off with my bare hands." I was breathing heavily as I paced and my wolf remained silent, letting me work out the emotions for myself. "This is fucking great! I have to deal with a pack, paperwork, people, and now a fucking pregnancy? Oh he is beyond dead!" My voice was shrill and i became aware of a faint knocking on the door. "What?" There was a hysterical edge to my voice that I couldn't control and I was inhaling and exhaling rapidly.

"Are you okay?" It was Ainsley and I stared at the door incredulously. I threw my hands out and started pacing again

"Okay? Am I okay? I'm fucking pregnant! That's so far from okay it's on another fucking planet!" I grabbed at the shirt over my stomach. "I have a baby growing inside of my stomach right now! A fucking baby!" I screeched the last word and looked around. "I have a baby growing in me. A baby." My eyes went wide and I ran at the door, panic filling me. I unlocked it and tore it open. Ainsley looked at me warily and I tugged on my hair had before I grabbed my stomach. Everything was getting to be too much. "I have a baby growing in my stomach right now. Help me." I reached for her, she let me wrap my arms around her and she shushed me gently as I started hyperventilating.

She lead me back into the bathroom and sat me down on the toilet. "There is a baby. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to be a mum." I swallowed against the dryness in my throat and I looked around wildly. "I can't be a mum! I'm going to be a terrible mum! The kid is going to be fucked up! I'm going to fuck it up!"

Ainsley closed the bathroom door and came back over, grasping my face. "Breathe, breathe." She exaggerated her breathing and I copied it, gulping down huge breaths of air. My teeth started chattering and she rubbed my arms gently.

"I can't have a baby! I can't have a baby!" I stared at her, hoping she would understand, I wasn't fit to be a mother. I had fucking killed my own mother, the kid would be so messed up it wouldn't even be funny.

"You're going to, Shey." She started humming at me as she softly wrapped me up in a hug. "Don't focus on the future, focus on now. Figure out what we have to do." The humming and her gentle rocking was slowly starting to calm me down. I wiped away the tears that had fallen in my panic.

"Kill Luka?" I kept my tone hopeful and she laughed at the words before squeezing me tightly.

"We can do that in the future but right now we need to breathe." She started coaxing me into the deep breaths again before she started humming. "By the way, you will be a great mum." She said it with a deep conviction that rattled me.

I sniffled. "How do you know?" I wiped at my eyes again and she let me go, holding me at arm length, her blue eyes went a bit watery.

She brushed my cheek with her fingers as she gave me a smile. "Because you're a great big sister."