twenty three.

during the freshmen orientation,

i met someone who caught my interest,

i told my directioner friend,

but i didn't even know his name,

was i finally going to forget about you?

after a while, i texted you again,

and for some reason, i told you that i liked the orientation guy,

but all you said in response was,

"i know him, but i don't talk to him"

if you did, would you have put in a good word for me?

that same year, my directioner friend and i entered a contest to win concert tickets to see five seconds of summer,

she was relatively popular, so she asked several friends if they could vote for us.

naturally, i asked you.

you could've ended the conversation with

"you're welcome"

but instead, you understood my excitement, and urgency to attend this concert,

and said,

"i would've done the same if it were a daft punk concert"

this initiated conversation, and i was happy that our conversation could keep going,

i also found out more about your taste in music,

and i told you to check out a scremo band i was getting into,

and you told me that a friend of yours had already told you to check out 'that' kind of music,

and i made a reference to the fault in our stars,

i knew the girl you were talking about, she was a year older than us,

and her mother was a lawyer,

and when she asked me what school i went to,

and if i knew her daughter,

i lied and said,

"i don't talk with her personally, but we have a mutual friend"

do you like older girls?

it feels like you're always changing your crushes,

in that aspect, we're the same

your pfp was a picture of you and her, and at first, i thought she was younger than you,

so i wasn't worried,

i could've asked you, but when i messaged you,

you changed the picture to just you,

why was it, that when i texted you,

you changed it?

or was it just a coincidence?

back then, when i first liked you, in middle school,

people told me that you hated losing,

that you hated not being in control, even if it was just a game,

are you still the same now?

if you are, i wouldn't mind,

in fact, i can relate,

im not in control of my emotions, let alone these feelings that ive been holding onto since middle school

when will you stop tormenting me?