Chapter 4: Hangover (Part 1)

Light sliced through the window, straight into his eyes. Jacky winced and rolled over with a groan.

"For the love of God, shut the blinds!" rasped a voice from across the room.

Jacky's eyes snapped open, grainy and raw, and remembered that he was at college now. He was sharing a dorm room with his ex-boyfriend Billy. And his head felt like a giant had his skull between thumb and forefinger and was squeezing it like a grape.

"Shut 'em yourself," he rumbled, and pulled the covers over his head. His own breath kicked back at him. Stomach twisting, he threw the covers off and jumped off the bed—

--forgetting his bed was up on risers.

He fell the extra two feet to the floor, slamming his knees. "Fuck!" he snarled as he hit the minifridge. But then he scrambled to his feet and slid on his socks to the door, flinging it open before blearily orienting himself to the location of the bathroom, where he pushed open a stall door and fell to his knees again, just before his stomach unleashed holy hell on the porcelain.

By the time he was done retching, Billy had joined him in the bathroom. Red hair mussed, dark circles under his eyes, Billy looked down at Jacky and said, "Lightweight."

"Yeah, losing an arm'll do that," Jacky muttered. He got to his feet and turned on one of the sink faucets so he could stick his mouth under to slurp enough water to rinse his mouth out. Then he let the cool water run over his face.

When he rose to standing, Billy was watching him through the mirror as one might watch someone pick their nose and eat it.

"What?"

"This is a communal bathroom." Billy spread toothpaste on his electric toothbrush and it whirred to life.

Jacky rolled his eyes and used a paper towel to wipe his face before returning to the room and checking his phone. His heart stuttered upon seeing the numbers that said he was about to be late to his first ever college class. "Fuck! Shit!"

He could also see a ton of notifications, but he didn't have time to look at those. He ripped off his shirt—Billy's shirt—and tugged on a black one, decided his jeans from last night were fine, jammed on his shoes, and checked the books in his messenger bag. He pulled out all the books that weren't for his Practices of Academic Writing course and threw the strap over his head. Before he bolted out the door, he shoved his phone and keys in his pocket and started running.

He found his way across campus to the building his class was in, envying those students who looked well-rested, who had maybe had time to get breakfast before class. After, he told himself. He couldn't remember when the cafeteria stopped serving breakfast, but there was also a Dunkin Donuts right near there so he wouldn't starve. His stomach was already rumbling. I just threw up, he thought bitterly at his body. Make up your mind.

The clock was just ticking over to 8 a.m. when he slid into a seat in the lecture hall. The professor wasn't there yet, which gave Jacky time to look around. Deja was there, on the other side of the room. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through the notifications. There was a Snapchat notification from Ryan. Jacky narrowed his eyes at the screen. They barely ever used Snapchat. He almost opened it, then realized he'd blast sound into the room. He lowered the volume, but he wouldn't be able to stop the people closest to him from hearing. And he wasn't sure if he could process whatever Ryan had sent him, anyway. He dug for his earbuds anyway, only for the professor to wander into the classroom and shut the door. Exhaling, he slid his phone away.

The next hour was going to be torture.

The alarm on Ryan's phone started buzzing, but he was already awake. He rubbed his eyes, thumbing off the alarm and staring at the lack of notifications on his phone. Last night he'd waited to respond to Jacky's Snapchat message until he was in bed and had his earphones in, since he had no idea what Jacky would have sent him. They hardly ever used Snapchat except to take pictures of each other when they were least expecting it, something they usually did when they were bored.

Last night, when Ryan had finally looked at Jacky's message, it had been clear that Jacky was drunk. Firstly because it was so dark wherever Jacky was – Ryan hoped it was his dorm room – with his face illuminated by the light of the screen. Secondly because Jacky was slurring as he said, "My roommate is fucking Billy. Billy! Of all people! I juss had to tell somebody. And cuz I miss you."

Jacky would have been able to see that Ryan had opened the message, but Ryan guessed that Jacky had passed out shortly after sending it, which was good because Ryan could not think of how he should respond. He realized he was a little angry. It shouldn't be Jacky sending "I miss you." Jacky had broken up with him—if Jacky missed him, that was his own fault.

He didn't really know why he should care that Jacky's roommate was fucking someone named Billy, and he wasn't sure if he should know who Billy was. He didn't remember anyone at their high school named Billy.

It was possible that Jacky was attempting to message someone else, like Cody, and had sent the message to Ryan by mistake.

When Jacky had left that night, Ryan had thought about how he could give Jacky space, and wait, and maybe when they saw each other on Columbus Day weekend, Jacky would want to get back together. But then Ryan had realized that they probably wouldn't see each other on Columbus Day weekend. Why would Ryan stay the weekend at his ex-boyfriend's house?

Still, Ryan wanted to keep the lines of communication open with Jacky. Jacky hadn't blocked him on social media, which left the possibility of them getting back together. But if Ryan didn't respond to this message, whether it was a mistake or not, Jacky might see that as Ryan not being interested in getting back together. So, he had thought about it, and about an hour after receiving Jacky's video, Ryan had responded with a chat: My new roommates are all lesbians. Pete is outnumbered 4-1.

He figured that was kinda funny. He didn't mention anyone being in a relationship or having sex, keeping it friendly. Platonic. Safe. Maybe he and Jacky could be friends. Some people managed to be friends with their exes, right? Like him and Monica.

Only Ryan loved Jacky in a very different way than he loved his friendship with Monica.

After sending the message, Ryan had stayed up most of the night rethinking it all. Was it too friendly? Too much information? Did it sound like he was rubbing it in that he had cool roommates and not someone who was going to bring home their hookups every night? Upon connecting the idea that Jacky's roommate was clearly gay, now Ryan had to wonder if Jacky would end up hooking up with the roommate at some point later on in the semester. Maybe Ryan should have left Jacky on read for a while. He should have texted Monica to ask for advice.

And now Ryan could see that Jacky hadn't responded. It was still early. A knot of dread clenched inside his stomach and he rolled out of bed, ready to do something more than lie here on the first day of classes worrying about something he couldn't control.

Ryan grabbed his stuff to hop in the shower, only to find the bathroom door closed. Bound to happen when sharing one bathroom with five people, Ryan supposed. He'd gotten used to the group home routine of having two bathrooms for six boys and a tight schedule of who got shower time when. Returning to his room, Ryan checked the time on his phone. He might have enough time to shower if whoever was in there didn't take too much longer. Then he thought of a way to save some time, and got his toothpaste and toothbrush and headed into the kitchen.

The remains of last night's party cluttered the countertops and sink. Ryan started brushing and stacked the dishes to be washed next to the sink and threw the paper plates and red cups into the trash. Then he checked the cabinets under the counter for a frying pan and began cooking and assembling a breakfast wrap that he could carry to class, since whoever was in the shower still had the water going. He hoped it was Jordan, because if it wasn't, he would be walking to his first class by himself.

His wrap was folded into tinfoil and Ryan had gotten dressed before Jordan stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her. "Oh, sorry!" she said when she passed him. "I'm used to being the only one with early classes. I'll be ready in five minutes!"

"No problem," he said, stepping into the steamy room to wash his face and check his hair. He'd either have to get up before Jordan or start taking his shower at night. He sprayed on extra deodorant and had his bag ready, eyeing the clock and picking at his burrito while he waited.

She emerged twenty minutes before class started, wearing her usual jeans and t-shirt combo, her damp hair loose around her face. She already had her backpack on as she headed for the door. "Let's go!"

"Oh," Ryan said, jumping up and hurrying after her. "Don't you need to eat breakfast?"

She waved him off. "I'll grab something after. I hate eating this early."

The sidewalks were filled with students and people in a variety of clothing, from business formal to scrubs to pajamas. "Once you know the way, you should probably leave earlier than I usually do," Jordan said. "If you prefer to be early. I'm usually right on time, but you never know."

The T stop appeared, with the metallic scrape of a train slowing down. "Shit, we gotta run!" Jordan took off, and Ryan did what he could to follow. He tossed the remainder of his breakfast wrap in a trashcan before getting to the platform. "Do you have a CharlieCard?" Jordan called over her shoulder.

He had gotten one last night among his other errands, and he struggled to fish out his wallet from his back pocket while running. He slid it into the turnstile machine and followed Jordan and a crushing mass of other people into one of the train cars.

They stood holding a metal pole, breathing hard. "Morning cardio," Ryan said with a little smile.

"Yeah. Whew. That was close, you never know how often the trains will come. This one usually comes every ten minutes but it feels like forever when you know you're gonna be late to class."

Jordan pointed out what stop they used and once they disembarked. Ryan hoped he would at least remember that so he could put it in Google maps to find his way back. He could barely take in anything else as Jordan rushed him toward the building where his class was, and apparently her class, too. "See ya later. Text me if you get lost!" she said, disappearing down the hall.

Too late Ryan realized he didn't have her number. Or any of his new roommates' numbers.

He was absolutely alone, with nothing but Google Maps to help him find his way back to his apartment. As he stepped into the lecture hall and saw some students talking to each other, he had a momentary regret that he didn't live in the dorms for his first year. Dorms would have icebreaker activities and everyone would be freshmen and it would be easy to meet other people.

He would have to make an effort to get to know other students. He looked around and tried to figure out if anyone looked like good friend material, or at least good study partner material.

His eyes landed on a muscular guy with longish blond hair pulled back in a little ponytail, wearing glasses and a v-neck sweater. Weirdly, the guy reminded him of one of his best friends from back home, Lance. Lance, if he was studious and preferred reading to football.

Ryan took a seat one over from Bizarro Lance. "Hey," he said in greeting.

Bizarro Lance looked up and gave him a little smile, then went back to highlighting the textbook chapter Ryan had read last night.

Not wanting to be too desperate, Ryan focused on pulling out his laptop, notebook, and textbooks. He watched other students trickle in, assess the room, and choose a seat. That was how he accidentally made eye contact with a girl hurrying into the room just a couple of minutes before class was due to start.

Her eyes widened, as if she recognized him, and she hurried over. Everything about her appeared frazzled, from her hair thrown up in a messy bun to the sweatpants she was wearing with an oversized t-shirt. But Ryan had no idea who she was. He trained his eyes down at his laptop and made sure he was connected to the wifi, just in case the professor needed them to do something online.

The girl shoved behind a few other students in the row Ryan was in and while Ryan wanted to sink down in his chair, he scooted his chair forward so she could get by without hitting him with her bag. She hurled her things down on the desk between Ryan and Bizarro Lance.

A professor-looking woman in her fifties came in, wearing a frumpy khaki skirt and printed top and carrying a giant stack of papers in addition to a big bag over her shoulder. She was followed by a tall lanky guy with floppy hair who looked to be in his twenties. He had two big ice coffees in hand. Ryan had never tried coffee and wasn't sure he wanted to start, but had a feeling his course of studies would require some late nights, making coffee a necessity.

"I'm Professor Chambers," said the woman in a loud, bored voice. "And this is my TA, Noel. You'll see a lot of him this semester. This is Biology 101, if you're in the wrong class please leave now."

Ryan was surprised to see three people get up and hurry out of the room. He supposed there were people who hadn't studied the campus map like he had.

Professor Chambers launched into an introductory lecture that covered the textbook chapters Ryan had read. Though he took some notes, he found his mind wandering to what came next. He had a meal plan, which he planned to use as much as he could, even if only to bring home leftovers to eat later, so he needed to check out the various dining centers. He also wanted to find the library, since he figured he'd be spending a lot of time there studying. He had already applied for a few work study positions and needed to check on those.

He made a few checklists alongside his notes. By the time Professor Chambers started talking about what they should have read by the next class and Noel began handing out some additional reading, Ryan's head hurt. He then wondered if there were going to be icebreaker events, which was the one downside to living off-campus for his first year. Maybe the student union would have a bulletin board of campus events, although everything was probably online somewhere.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" the girl beside him whispered, and Ryan snapped out of his mental list with annoyance.

He was about to say, "No, but I do have a boyfriend," and stopped himself just in time. Good thing, not only because he did not actually have a boyfriend anymore, but also because the girl was talking to Bizarro Lance, who looked none too pleased by the question.

"I just mean," the girl said, "you look like the kind of guy who would be dating a supermodel or something."

Ryan shook his head and started packing up his computer.

"No..." Bizarro Lance said slowly.

"Really?" The girl leaned in. "I find that really hard to believe."

Bizarro Lance cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, eyes casting for where Noel was approaching with his stack of papers.

"Not everyone is interested in dating," Ryan found himself saying. Immediately he knew he should have kept out of it. Not every fight was one he needed to be involved in.

The girl raised an eyebrow at him. "No? Are you not interested in dating?"

"I, uh," Ryan said. "I just know some people don't want to be in a relationship. And just because they're attractive doesn't mean they want to date." His friend, the real Lance, was almost certainly asexual, and Ryan had been trying to help him figure that out for the past year.

Bizarro Lance looked like he wanted to fall through the floor. As Noel handed him a sheaf of papers, he shoved it in his bag and stood, then hurried off.

There goes my chance at a friendship with him, Ryan thought glumly.

"Well, there goes that," the girl muttered, shoving her own packet of papers in her bag. "Thanks a lot."

Ryan blinked. "Uh, sorry?"

"Look, next time you catch a girl trying to flirt, just stay out of it, okay?"

The girl started to storm off, as much as she could while having to stop and push in chairs and maneuver her giant bag. After a moment's consideration of the situation, Ryan didn't have to do much to catch up to her. "I'm sorry," he said. "He just looked kinda uncomfortable. I didn't mean to... mess up your flirting, or whatever."

"Nice," the girl said sarcastically. "Cool. Whatever." She turned to face him and pushed her hair back from her face. Then she smiled slyly. "I mean, you could always make it up to me. Maybe... buy me a coffee."

"Uh, okay?" Ryan said, because he didn't know what else to say.

The girl's face changed into a big genuine smile. "Okay? Great. My name is Marina, by the way. Let's go down to the Kindelvan Café. They have the best coffee. What kind of coffee do you like?"

Ryan wasn't entirely sure how this was happening. But his next class wasn't for two hours, and he supposed this was one way to find out where to eat on campus.