39. Nineteenth Birthday

First of all congratulations to me for the completion of 50k reads.

Don't forget to comment and vote. And don't worry, I've decided to write one chapter from Ashar's POV. It will be there soon.

My deep condolences to the worldwide fans of Sulli, K-pop star. 😢

It's sad, very, very sad. Rest in Peace, Sulli.

(In this picture, it seems like she is waving her last good bye to the world.)

✸✸

Reluctantly, I opened his car's front door and sat on my side while cussing some swear words to Abigail and Eleanor. It was because of them I had to listen to Ashar one more time. My damn pride was crushed under his feet!

Ashar started the car after giving me a quick glance.

"You smell of coke. Did you pour the drink on your dress instead in a glass?" He mocked, looking at me through the corners of his eyes.

I shot him a glare, trying to hide my embarrassment, "Drive faster. Your presence is suffocating me." And that rotten smell that was coming from me.

His car seat would also get sticky because of my clothes. Ugh. I wanted to burst into anger right now at him and tell him that this was because of him, those nutcases were pestering me because of him. But, I abstained myself. I had lost my right to complain to him for anything. When he didn't want to have any connection with me, then I won't tell him my concerns. I could, I would handle my problems by myself.

"Okay, just answer my one last question." He glimpsed at me.

Instead of replying him, I leaned back my head on the car seat and closed my eyes.

"Do you've some sort of obsession with ruining clothes through liquids? I remember you tried to burn my skin through coffee, now I'm seeing you all wet as if you've poured down a gallon of coke on yourself."

My jaws clenched. I didn't open my eyes and stayed in the same position. I was starving. My stomach was making light growling sounds. The rush of strong stress and anxiety was overlapping it. Negative thoughts corrupted my mind.

"Sanaya..." He called my name in a soft tone. I could feel the tension inside the car. I slowly opened my eyes, but didn't look at him, "I want to say something to you."

I felt his quick glance on me, "Actually, I want to apologize from Samara's behalf. She, she shouldn't have done that. She cross-"

"Don't bother." I didn't let him finish, "It doesn't matter." I could feel my heart became quite as if it had stopped beating or stopped feeling any emotion. The darkness of my own fate encircled me.

The realization that I was playing a villainy role in their love story forced me to now step aside and let them have their happy ending. I won't be an obstacle in their path. Hobsons wanted heir, but not me. They were bearing me only because I was carrying their blood. They would never accept me. I didn't meet their standards. I couldn't live this kind of contemptuous life anymore. I couldn't be around those people who were just bearing me or taking me as a burden.

And I couldn't let my baby suffer with me, suffer with my depression so I will hand over my baby to them. I knew they could raise him better than me because they had enormous wealth. Soon, I would step out of everyone's life silently and go on my way.

"Suppose, if this baby proves to be yours," I sat straight, turning my face to him, "Will you accept him and be a good father to him?"

His gaze was switching between me and the road in front. Lines appeared between his brows. "It's not his fault that his mother is a fraud, who tricked all of you. Answer my question, will you accept him or her as your own blood?"

"I don't know. Maybe." He shrugged. I gave him a slight nod. At that moment I saw the glimpse of Katherine's promise on Ashar's face that he would perform all his fatherly duties if he would become sure of baby's DNA.

I got more confirmation on my thoughts that everyone wanted my baby, but not me. My decision was right.

The car came to a halt in front of the mansion. I opened the car's door, whispered, "Please, do so." And came out of the car without waiting for his reaction.

I would grant them their wish, give them what they wanted.

💙

Time passed steadily and agonizingly. It was agonizing for me because I was going near to the day when a mother was going to leave her newborn behind. Just three months left to my delivery.

My belly grew in size and I also put on few pounds. Most of the nights, I cried to sleep and grew a habit of talking to the tiny life growing inside me. I apologized to my baby every day that I was his Mom and for not going to be there for him.

One day, my child would understand my decision that I did everything for his own good. His grandparents could fulfill his every desire. They were able to bring any happiness of the world to him. And I won't be an obstacle in his way.

With me, he could've to bear a lot. I could not bring him extravagant clothes and toys, not even able to provide him a proper, hygienic environment. He would have everything in his life except his mom and I thought he would accept that truth with the passage of time.

I wanted best for my kid. I wanted him to experience family and family love. I wanted him to live a good life, pursue education from renowned institution and have heaps of money to live the rest of life comfortably. Talking with Estella at that day, I understood the family's desperate desire for the heir so I was certain that my baby would live happily here.

It was a third time my phone rang in an hour. Today was my nineteenth birthday that was why my friends from college and foster home were calling me to greet me.

My birth date was not confirmed because there was no one to tell my exact date of birth. I was found in an apartment all alone. However, the orphanage said I was just two weeks old, but still they decided to formalize that date when I was brought to the orphanage officially. Same date was written on my birth certificate which they issued later on. It was a problem that faced by many orphans like me. I wasn't the only one. My birthday was in the beginning of December.

Ryan and Carol also called me to wish me. I didn't know if Hobsons knew about my birthday or not. But, Melanie knew. She was right now in my room with a small vanilla cake she tried to bake by herself. She had actually learned it from me.

"If it would have been in my hands, I would have organized a grand party for you." She said, "But, for now a small cake for my young friend. Happy Birthday, Sanaya."

My lips twisted into a gentle smile, "Thank you. Your small cake looks yummy."

She was holding the cake in front of me, waiting for me to blow the little candle. I blew it while she sang the happy birthday song.

"Now taste this and tell me how it is." She brought the small piece near my mouth, "I'm nervous."

"Oh come on. I'm not a judge of some cooking competition." I opened my mouth. She put the piece in it.

"You're an expert. You can be the judge." She complimented me.

I chewed and felt all the flavors to give my honest opinion, "Um...I think you've put too much flour or maybe you didn't mix the batter properly."

"Really? Let me taste it." She took a bite immediately.

"You're right, Sanaya. I can only taste flour and not any other flavor." She scrunched up her nose in disgust.

"I totally spoilt it." She forcefully gulped down the dessert.

I chuckled at her reaction, "It's okay. It was your first time. Keep trying."

I could relate myself to her. I felt the same when I started learning baking. My first cake tasted like sour milk. Hers was much better than mine.

"It's not that bad. Let me eat more." I reached for the remaining cake, but she pushed away the plate.

"No, don't. You'll throw up."

"Melanie, you're-"

I stopped in mid-sentence when I saw my room's door pushed opened. Katherine stepped inside. Melanie immediately stood up from my bed and bowed her head a little in front of her and greeted her.

"What's happening here?" Her eyes landed on the cake, "Why the cake is here?"

"It's my birthday." I explained, "Melanie baked it for me." It was midnight. I didn't expect her to come to my room this time.

"Really?" She seemed surprised, "Darling, you should have told me about it. I would have celebrated your birthday in a better way."

"No, Miss Katherine. It's not needed." I said.

I usually celebrated my birthdays at my foster home. But, I could not go there this time because of my pregnancy. I didn't want them to know about it. I got countless calls from foster home. They were asking me to come over, but I turned down their invitation with an excuse that I was stuck at work.

Melanie came forward and picked up the cake, "I should leave now. See you later."

After receiving a nod for me, she left the room. Katherine continued chattering with me for a while and promised me that she would bring birthday presents for me. She couldn't organize a birthday party on such a short notice, but she said she could buy gifts for me.

Next day, I received gifts and wishes from Ashar's parents. I was going to be eternally thankful to them for their generosities. After taking my decision, I observed their behavior very closely like how they were treating me and how they were respecting my baby in order to be sure that my baby would be in safe hands.

And I was satisfied with their behavior. With every passing day, their excitement was escalating for the grand-kid and they were making preparation to welcome him. I had planned if Ashar would try to reconcile with me, I would reconsider my decision.

But, I knew I was only expecting something impossible.

💙

Hobsons arranged a grand celebration on New Year's Eve at their mansion. Ashar's parents also invited me and insisted that I should be there too. It was my first party at the mansion and probably the last one as well. The celebration was arranged at the back side of the mansion as always. Most of the Hobsons's events were organized at the backyard.

I was not very comfortable in attending that party with the outgrown tummy and chubby features. Although, Katherine arranged a beautiful, maternal gown for me, but it could not hide my out-of-shape body. My blue, floor-length gown was elegantly designed with a fitted lace bodice, made up of pure silk. My makeup was soft and my hair loosely rested on my back.

I roamed my gaze around and observed the happy and cheerful faces of the guests who were there to welcome the New Year. My eyes caught Ashar who was in a white patterned shirt and nude blazer over it. He was standing at the entrance, greeting the guests with his heart-winning smile.

A thought crossed my mind that if he could just stop me or show any sign that he wanted me in his life, I wouldn't have to leave my newborn behind. He had a power to ease my difficulties.

With the passing months, my maternal love grew unknowingly. I felt a strong attachment to the innocent life inside me. I didn't want to follow my birth parent's path. I had read about mother-child bonding through mags and blogs that it was a very strong relation, very strong love. I couldn't be sure about this because I had never experienced parental love by myself so I didn't know whether I would be able to love my child in the same unconditional way those articles described.

When my legs became sore, I found a place for myself to sit. These days, I couldn't stand or sit for a long time. I needed to change positions after every few minutes due to my increasing backache and sore legs. I sat on the empty table.

"Hello, Sanaya. You're looking good." Estella appeared before me, bent down and embraced me in a quick hug.

"Hey. It's been awhile I last saw you." I said as she pulled back.

She offered me a soft drink. I accepted it with a smile.

"You're right." She gasped and sat on the same table with me, "The workload and stuff. Anyways, tell me how are you doing? Is your pregnancy time going well?"

"Not at all." I answered, shook my head in negative, "I can't sleep comfortably in any position, all night changing sides. And that agonizing backache can't let you sit or stand."

She creased her lips, "That sounds bad. But, every pain is worth enduring. You'll get your fruitful outcome."

The smile on my lips faded. Tears began threatening to pour down my face.

"Of course." I inhaled the painful breath.

My gaze landed on the elegant beauty, who just made her appearance in the event; Samara Elizabeth. Several guests turned their heads, admiring her bewitching personality.

She was in a light purple, evening gown that was draped perfectly over her curves before going downward touching the floor. The bodice was covered with multi-colors rhinestones that were gleaming under the lights of the venue.

"Oh, Samara is here." Estella also glanced at her.

Samara moved further and linked her arm with Ashar's, who was engaged in some serious conversation with some men in formal suits. Ashar didn't mind her move, but smiled and let her held his hand.

My heart ached. She was taking my place. I was Ashar's wife, the mother of his child still I was cornered here and she was standing under the spotlight, confidently holding his hand in public. I stiffened. My whole self stiffened.

Mental tornedo erupted inside me that could not be seen or comprehend by anyone. A wave of jealousy also washed over me as I saw her beside Ashar. Ashar's eyes moved in my direction. Lines formed on his forehead as he frowned at me. I paused my gaze for few seconds on him then turned my head towards Estella.

"Estella, I don't think I can stay here anymore. My back is tired and my legs are aching as well. I'm going to my room to take some rest." It was not a complete lie. My back pain actually increased.

"But, New Year is about to start. You should stay till then."

"I'm sorry. I can't. You enjoy the party." I forced a smile on my face.

She pouted, "Okay. But, do you want me to come with you and help you?"

"No, I'll be fine."

I placed one hand on my back and another one on my belly, taking miniature steps in the direction of my room. I was feeling the pain in my back in waves, causing me to stumble. I pursed my lips to stop the moans that could come out. It was not the first time. It happened before. Sometimes Katherine and sometimes Melanie gave me a back massage through a heating pad that helped reduced the pain.

I managed to walk till my room with weak and wobbly steps. Perspiration formed on my forehead and on my upper lip area, an indication of the throbbing ache I was trying to bear. I dried the sweat with back of my hand and just at the same moment, I felt a light touch on my arm.

"Sanaya?" I turned my head. "Are you okay?" The voice was filled with worry.

Ashar was here. Since I felt weak and drained out of energy, I couldn't snap at him. I simply nodded and stepped into my room. I roughly piled up my hair on the top of my head because they were tickling my neck and it felt like needles poking there.

Another strong wave of pain struck my back. This time, a moan escaped from my mouth. I started rubbing my waist. Ashar entered into my room, "Let me help you. Please."

"I'll manage." I said lowly and moved towards my bedside where heating pad was placed. I picked it up and connected it to the socket board.

I turned around and saw Ashar was still there, looking worried. "Why are you still here?"

"I saw you stumbling so I stopped and waited to see if you need help. I can't leave you like this when you're in pain." He hesitated.

"Thanks. I'm fine. You can go." I responded. I didn't know why he was here and left his childhood sweetheart alone at the party.

I sighed aloud and looked at the heating pad. I hoped it would heat up soon because I couldn't stand anymore. I tightly puckered my lips to stop my moaning and low screams. My doctor said that the back pain was common in pregnancy and it could even intensify with time. It was normal and could be lessen through heating pad massages.

"I understand what you think of me." He spoke in a hesitant way, "And you've every right to be angry at me, but I want to tell you that I do care for you."

Confusion crossed my face. I couldn't comprehend what he was trying to say and why he was explaining himself to me? "It doesn't matter." I didn't pay attention to his words.

I switched off the socket and took my heating pad and moved towards my bed. I laid there, ignoring him. When I turned on my side, I moaned again because the pain intensified. I tried to place the heating pad against my back.

Ashar probably noticed my futile attempts. He took the heating pad from my hand, pulled the backless stool beside my bed and sat on it. Then, he rubbed the pad at the small of my back, "I'll do it for you."

I let out a sigh of relief as the heating pad began doing its job, "I don't want to see your face."

"I'll go after that. I promise. Does it hurt too much?" He turned the pad upside down and put the warmer side on my back.

"Hmm." I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth. I let out few breaths as I became more relax.

His fingers touched my skin as he continued positioning the heating pad to the needed area.

"Do you love Samara?" I whispered a question, not looking at his face so I couldn't know how he reacted at my question.

He moved the pad to my upper back, "What's love for you?"