31. The Cold-Hearted Brute

The sun had risen. I found out about it when the weak rays of sunlight flickered through the large window and teased my eyes. I was laying motionlessly on the middle of the large bed of the room.

Ashar was right. I was a foolish, stupid and amateur teenager. He showed it to me last night.

This was the first time in my life, when I felt suicidal. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn't face anyone anymore. Ashar took advantage of my emotionally weak state. My mind was surely malfunctioning last night that I didn't give a thought of the outcome of my own actions. I forgot about his resentment for me.

His kisses and hugs were lessening my mental torments so I just let my feelings floated. They were satisfying my longing desire so I gave in. I gave in to my virtue to him.

I left his room in the middle of the night before he could wake up and spent the rest of the night in other room; the room that the family offered to me when they brought me to this mansion. I thought I couldn't be able to face Melanie after that or answer her questions so I stayed here and tortured myself by replaying last night's memories in my mind.

I assumed that he had some sort of romantic feelings for me and made this whole marriage relation a lot more complicated.

I slowly blinked my eyes opened in the middle of the night, registering the different bed, different surrounding. Bit by bit, series of images crossed my mind and I remembered why I was in a different room. My lips curled up into a coy smile. I moved my eyes down and saw that my naked-self was covered by white cotton sheets.

My legs were entangled with Ashar's. His arms were around me and his face was close to my shoulder blade. Slow breaths that were exhaling out from his mouth tickling my bare skin. Gently, I tried to move his arm that was placed just down my chest because I wanted to turn on my side. I wanted to look at him while he was asleep. He got slightly disturbed and put his arm to his side and even pulled back his legs from mine.

I turned and faced him. The lights snores coming from his nose was an indication that he was in deep sleep. His long, dark lashes were resting on his cheekbones. I felt the urge to touch them. They would surely feel like soft feathers. His thick, lustrous hairs look disheveled. I was the one who messed them up. I ran my fingers in them all night when he was doing wonders to me.

Every cell of my body was screaming for him. There was no space between us. My every body part was rubbing against his still I wanted him closer, closer and closer. The eagerness, the yearning increased in me with every kiss.

My gaze move to his slightly parted lips. I recalled how that pair of lips incited those wild, suppressed desires in me. The tiny hair on my arms stood up, making me lightly shivered. His effect on me was still so strong. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. I wanted to make the rest of my nights like today. Yeah, I was not going to deny anymore what my heart wanted, not going to run away from my own feelings.

"Ashar." I whispered, tracing my finger on his cheek.

"Hm." I got astonished when he responded lowly.

The smile on my lips widened. Now I used all of my fingers and caressed his cheek, going down to his neck. His skin was rough, yet smooth and soft. "I think I'm falling for you." I said without thinking much.

His nose wrinkled as if he got irritated while his eyes remained closed. He moved the bed covers up to his chest, "Tsk. Stop it, Samara. You know I hate it when you say that."

My smile faded, replaced by the utter bemusement. Samara? Did he just say Samara's name?

He turned to his other side, showing me his bare, flat back. "Go back to sleep." He murmured in a very low voice.

My heart shivered. Did he mistake me as Samara and slept with me? I got pale white as I thought more on the possibility. In his sleep, he was thinking about Samara, he was thinking she was sleeping beside me. My head started whirling. He was taking me as someone else. He wanted Samara beside him. Tears gathered in my eyes as my fright and doubt began increasing.

I sat up and looked for my clothes while clutching the bed covers up to my chest. I would be doomed if my assumptions were proved to be true. I wore my clothes. I tightly put my hand on my mouth to stop the sounds of my whimpers and hurried out of the room.

The loud knock on the door snapped me out of the dreadful memory. I reached for the door and opened it. Ashar was standing there in last night's clothes. He stormed inside the room and closed the door behind.

He roughly grabbed my arm, "What exactly you were thinking last night? Why didn't you stop me?"

Venom that was flashing in his eyes was like a sudden slap on my face. He was regretting it. He didn't want that. "Did you really take me as Samara?"

His jaws contracted. He didn't respond immediately, but took a long pause. He looked into my eyes, "Of course. Why would I want to sleep with you?" He left my arm with a jerk.

I became motionless. No, Gosh, no.

That's not how I expected him to behave after taking my virginity. That's not how I expected him to treat me. He was supposed to say that he liked me too. That's what he should say. Ground started shaking under my feet.

"You...you..." I weakly pointed my finger at him, "You said you weren't drunk. You said my name."

"And you believed me." He raised his hands in air, shaking his head, "Can you even imagine me in my sober-self doing that sort of thing? I thought Samara brought me to my room. I thought I was kissing Samara."

I looked at him in sheer disbelief. My lips quivered as I found myself near to tears. I bit my bottom lip. There was no way I was going to weep in front of him. Hurt drained through me. It travelled to my every nerve and deadened my mind.

"You are lying, Ashar. You asked me to stay. You said you felt something for me."

He pulled in his lips, balling his fists. His eyes met with mine when he said, "You're assuming things on your own, woman. You took advantage of my drunken state. I-I was thinking to...settle my differences with Samara since few days. So I thought she came in front of me last night so I just kissed her." He shrugged, and then pointed his finger at me, "But you spoilt everything as always."

His gaze looked cold and emotionless. There was no sign of kindness or guilt in them. He wanted to sleep with Samara. That little fact was enough to shatter my heart.

"It was my first time, Ashar. Don't ruin this for me." I cried aloud, "Stop blaming me for everything. You're completely involved in this."

"Lower your voice." He snapped, "I don't want anyone else to know about this. Your nagging will not change the truth."

I couldn't believe he could go that low. He was a pathetic excuse of man and cold-hearted brute. "Go from here...right now."

I said I was falling for him and that's how he was going to reciprocate me my confession? I felt like I was only insulting myself by asking for my rights from him. There was nothing left to talk with him anymore.

He came closer to me, "Listen to me very carefully." I tightened my jaws, "If this is your another trap to fool me then you've lost it already. Don't you dare disclose this information to anyone. Keep it a secret and try to forget about it because if you try to use it against me, it will only ruin you further. Mark my words."

He turned around and walked out of the room. That's how he thought of me?

Breathy gasps reverberated through me. My heart was butchered. His opinions about me were still same. He was still expecting a betrayal, trickery from me. After listening to all his rules, restrictions, he didn't believe in me. I wanted to now dig a hole in the ground and bury myself there.

💙

After few days, Matt Hobsons called me in his office through Aaron so I went there. I knocked the door for once and stepped inside. Katherine was also sitting there with a stern face. I greeted both of them.

"Take a seat, Sanaya." Matt gestured towards the empty seat in front of him. Katherine was sitting on a single-seater couch at some distance.

I gave them a confused glance while silently hoping that they shouldn't give me any bad news. My mind was already flooded with intimidating thoughts. The thought that was giving me sleepless nights nowadays was that I remembered that Ashar and I didn't use protection that night. Ashar would've purposely avoided it because as he said he thought he slept with Samara so he wouldn't mind it surely if Samara would've gotten pregnant with his baby.

My mouth got bitter at the thought, but I ignored it because I had a more severe problem now to deal with. I forgot about using protection because it was my first time. It happened unplanned, so suddenly. I guess my carelessness was only due to my lack of experience in this field. I was the stupidest person on this whole planet who didn't even think about the consequences before taking any decision.

It was certain that I could not accuse Hobsons for devastating my life. I played the major role in it with my stupidity, carelessness, too much nice and cooperative behavior, acting naïve and letting them taking advantage of me as they pleased.

"You'll be happy to know that finally I've arranged a lawyer who is ready to help us and keep our secret as well." He passed me a smile.

I distractedly nodded because my mind was occupied somewhere else. Since I had read few online articles about the chances of pregnancy, I remained on the edge. They said that the chances of pregnancy are low in the first time, but there's a possibility. Misfortunes after misfortunes! My whole life had became a hub of misfortunes.

"Let's say the time has came when everything we'll be back to normal."

"Yeah?" I gave them a confused look.

Katherine frowned at me, "We're talking about divorce – your divorce."

"Really?" My brows lifted up in astonishment.

Matt gave me a nod, "We've paid the considerable amount to the lawyer and ask him to secretly prepare the divorce papers."

I guess my fate had finally decided to show some mercy on me. My insides shrank for some reason. A little curiosity aroused in me about how Ashar would react to this news. Would he be happy? Would he hesitate to sign the divorce documents?

Stop. No. I shouldn't be thinking about this. I was not going to assume anything anymore. That day he crossed the line and killed all my hopes so I would now accept what fate had chose for me. I misunderstood Ashar. He was a selfish, mean jerk who could not even take responsibility of what he did instead put the blame on the alcohol.

Something was burning in me, maybe it was my heart, maybe it was my hopes, or maybe it was my dreams. I don't know!

"When can I sign them?" I questioned.

"The papers are not ready yet, but he assured us that he'll do it soon. I hope Sanaya, this time nothing will go wrong. Soon, you'll be out of everyone's life and my son will be able to start his new life."

Yeah, with that wench Samara. I muttered under my breath. He would be eagerly waiting for that moment like when can he get rid of me and go to his childhood sweetheart.

"Of course." I said with a bitter mouth.

"We'll update you about that matter. Don't create any more fuss. You may leave now." Matt said in an authoritative tone.

Fuss?

It had already happened, old man. I slept with your beloved son.