28. False Hopes

I know the book is veey badly written. :( I  had very poor writing skills when I started writing this book, but I made it better and edited, however its not here. The revised verison is on NovelCat. Find me there with my book's name and read a better quality work.

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I had a strong willpower. I was not going to feel those feelings I didn't want to. With that thought, I accepted Ashar's help and sat in the passenger seat of his car. Instead of looking at him, I rested my head on the seat and gazed at the road traffic through my side of window as he started the car.

"Are you mad at me for something?" I heard him asked.

"No." I answered lowly, "You shouldn't just come here whenever you want. Ryan has already seen you." I turned my head to him, "These people are like a family to me. It's not easy to pretend or lie to them."

"Why are you scared? Is it because they have never seen you with a guy before?" He gave me a quick glance.

I widened my eyes at him, "You're talking nonsense."

"You're avoiding the question." He smirked.

Okay now he was getting on my nerves, "That's not my point, Ashar. I'm too stressed out to argue with you. Just tell me why are you doing all this when in our every conversation you showed your strong resentment for me? Why are you donating money to my foster home? Why are you here and bothering yourself for my very personal problem?"

I wanted to say to him that I was trying to stay away from him, that don't make it more difficult for me, but I abstained myself from disclosing that. I wanted him to help me in this matter. Right now, I was in need of comfort, encouragement, some hope and if Ashar was going to be there and keep reminding me that someone was there for me then it would be hard for me to resist him.

"Because." He stiffened, tightening his grip on the steering wheel, "I can't let you roam around freely."

"What!" My face darkened. His statement burst my bubble. It means he only came to the hospital and today here at my foster home to keep an eye on me.

"Of course. Remember I haven't set you free yet from my cage." He further said.

"So you were doing all this only to monitor my actions?" I whispered.

"Right. What else you thought?"

I sat straight and laid back my head on the seat behind, mumbling, "I thought you've finally decided to be considerate of me instead of being a beast." I thought I made some progress with him, but here you go again...

I felt his eyes on me, "Beast? That's how you take me?"

"Exactly." I snapped with a crackled voice. Anger and hurt both rippled through me, "A heartless, insensitive beast. I'm going to be straight with you, Ashar. Don't fucking bother yourself to come here. You've already arranged your damn bodyguard for the same purpose. I would rather accept his surveillance then seeing your cynical face. You're only good at distributing your charity everywhere. Stop showing off your money! My orphanage doesn't need a hypocritical benefactor like you."

I raved loudly. His looked at me disbelivingly. The car screeched stop in front of the hospital building. I swiftly took the bag from behind and got out of the vehicle.

"Sanaya, wait." He tried to say, but I shut him off by closing my side of door and started taking quick steps towards the entrance.

"Listen, Sanaya." He kept on yelling my name, but I didn't stop instead increased my speed.

He had murdered my all false hopes. He was still the same, his taunts were all same that I had been hearing him from the beginning. I thought so high of him and here he was still treating me like a crap. God, why was I feeling like my heart crumpling into pieces?

He didn't understand the problem I was facing right now. I was wrong. He would never understand my pain. He would never pay attention to my true nature. I blinked back my tears and went to the floor where mother's room was located. Ryan was sitting outside her room. When he saw me, he stood up and smiled at me.

"Is she awake?"

"Yes. You can see her." He said.

Giving him a nod, I stepped into mother's room. I placed the bag that was in my hand beside the door and moved forward hesitantly. Mother removed the oxygen mask from her face and passed me a weak smile. My breath stuck in my throat when I observed her frail appearance. Her face and hands had turned into pale white. She looked very bony.

The acute loss of blood made her weak. The doctors said that her wound was still bleeding not like before gratefully, but in small amount the blood was still dripping out of her abdomen side because it's not easy to heal the injuries of diabetic patients. They had started blood transfusion to buy some time to keep her conscious and try their methods to suture the knife's lesion.

I sat beside her bed side, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling the sharp pain with every breath." She breathed aloud, "You've came so late."

I held her hand, "I was here the whole time, just couldn't come to you because there are so many people who wanted to see you."

Her hand was cold and very fragile. Invisible tears burned my eyes. Her throaty voice, her heavy breathes, her stiffness were explaining the pain she was trying to endure.

"Yeah, many children came today."

"We all want you to get better soon. We all need you." I said in pleading manner.

"I can't go back I know, my darling." She whispered, "My time has come now."

"Mother, please, don't say like this." I cried, "You've taught us to always be strong, now you've to act strong and get better again."

She gave a light squeeze to my hand, "I've lived my life, Sanaya. We all have to die someday."

"It will be fine, Just some more time, I promise." My voice broke, no more able to hold back my sobs. I broke down in front of her. I put my palm on my mouth and let the tears to fall down.

I knew, it was wrong of me to cry in front of her when she was fighting for her life. I should've been comforting her, but her weak state and hopeless words made me weak emotionally. She had already accepted her death. She knew she couldn't, wouldn't get better and still laying calmly on the bed.

"Mother, doctors are trying. Stay hopeful." I sniffled.

She gave me a light nod, "Call someone and tell him to give me more pain killer. I can't bear the pain. It's increasing."

I nodded and scurried out of the room. I asked Ryan to call the doctor and then ran out of the hospital. The darkness and hopelessness surrounded me like a black cloud that hung over on my head and now rain of grief was going to pour down on me any minute. The heavy lump that felt against my chest made it hard for me to breathe. I thought I had to let go of that by crying my heart out for once. So, that's what I did.

A flood of tears gushed down my face. I covered my mouth with my shaky palm and tried to stop the loud sobs. The childhood memories, the time I had spent with mother shuffled through my brain, giving me a severe heartache. I thought fate had gifted me family in her face. I didn't want to lose the only family I had. But, I was an unfortunate one in this regard. Nothing worked well for me.

I moved my watery eyes and noticed Ashar was still there. He was talking with someone through his phone very seriously. When his gaze caught me, he got staggered. "I'll call you later." He put his phone down and ambled to me.

"What happened?" He asked, worried.

"Not now, Ashar." I warned, wiping some of the water from my face, "I'm really not in the mood. Leave me alone."

I turned around and started walking away, but he came forward and blocked my way, "Sanaya, I can't leave you like this. Please tell me what's wrong."

My nostrils dilated. He didn't understand my simple words, "I don't want to see your face, Ashar. Didn't you get me before?" I snapped aloud.

Tears streamed down my face. He opened his mouth to say something, but I didn't let him talk and yelled my frustrations at him, "Why my life is full of unfortunate events? Everything is going wrong. I don't want you here. Get out of my life. I don't want to see you. You're a selfish prick. I'm goin-"

"Sanaya." Ashar lessened the space between us by cupping my face with his palms. I got startled. "Calm down." He said in a comforting tone.

"I don't want your sympathies." My eyes brimmed with tears. I grabbed his arm and tried to move it away.

"Okay, okay." He whispered, brushing his fingers on my face to clean of the water, "I completely got your point. You don't want anything to do with me, but still I'm not going to leave you like this."

He encircled me into a hug, began patting my back gently, "I'm going to let you use my shoulder if you want to cry."

I was astonished, but my grievousness was far stronger than that so I couldn't withstand him anymore. My mind was only flooded with mother's condition right now. I wept against his shoulder for almost a minute. He moved his fingers in my hair and gave me a light massage that made my eyelids heavy for some reason.

He pulled back, took my hand in his and towed me with himself, "Come here."

He walked me to the seating-bench that was placed in the front yard garden of the hospital and made me sit down there. He sat close to me that our arms were almost touching.

"I'm sorry." He said, "For being harsh with you earlier. I should've thought that it's not the right time to say things like that to you."

I burst into tears once again and hid my face in my palms, "She's the only family I've, Ashar. She's dying."

That was the only thing coming to my mind repeatedly right now. I had endured everything, but I was not that strong to let her go. My heart was so scared. I felt his arm around me, pulling me close. I rested my head on his chest.

"Your mother won't like it if she sees you that you're crying because of her." He said.

I put my palms down and sniffed, "Death is such a cruel thing. No one can stop this. It takes away our loved ones from us."

"Hmm. A truth that can only be accepted as it is." He sighed. My eyelids were turning heavier. The warmth of his clothes, his soothing voice and comfort were working like a drug on me.

I slightly turned my body to shift from uncomfortable position. Putting my hand on his thigh, I closed my eyes and murmured, "I'll be all alone without her."

He didn't say anything in response just keep massaging my scalp softly that mollified my mental torment. We remained in the same position and I didn't know when sleep overpowered me.

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I blinked my eyes opened. The softness of something made me move my head up. I saw Ashar's face. His one arm was around me and the other one was busy scrolling down his phone's screen. I recalled everything about me being crying like a baby and his offered solace. I quickly pulled back my head and sat straight, creating some space between us. Ashar put his phone down and turned his face to me.

I can't believe, I was really sleeping on his chest and he didn't even wake me up. Moving my fingers in my hair, I tried to get a grip on myself and remove the aftereffects of sleep from my face. My cheeks went hot in embarrassment. I remembered earlier it was a day time, now the sky above me was completely dark. How long did I sleep? How long he had been sitting like that in the same position?

"How are you feeling now?" He questioned.

"I'm...I'm fine." I said slowly, "You should've woken me up."

"You looked peaceful. I thought some rest would help you to feel better."

"I'm really sorry. You must've been tired." I apologized hesitantly.

"Not really. I think my back only hurts a little." He sighed and stood up from the bench. I mimicked him.

I had planned to stay away from him, but I totally forgot about it when he didn't leave me and remain by my side. I really now wanted to throw that plan out of the window and just let my heart feel all those new feelings. Forget about the future, forget about the circumstances and forget about our differences! That's how my mind wanted to work right now. I felt my heart was going weak and acting like my own enemy. It was forcing me to lose my self-control.

"I'm sorry once again. You shouldn't have waited that long." I pressed my lips together.

"It's really okay, Sanaya." He came forward and began caressing my hair, "I can understand your condition."

His nearness, his touch took my breath away. His eyes held mine, "Take some rest. I'm leaving right now, but I'll come back tomorrow."

I slowly motioned my head in agreement and noticed that his eyes fell onto my mouth momentarily. I was surprised a bit. His gaze moved up, "Take care."

His hand went down to the side my neck, stroking his thumb to my jawline. Certain parts of my body tightened in reaction. The magnetic force between us was so strong that I had to close my fists to stop myself to cascade my arms around him and remove that tiny, annoying distance. Disappointment welled up in me when he stepped back. He gave me a small, reassuring smile before walking towards his car.