Silent Stares

LAUREN

I was trying to convince myself that I was alone in the room.

But I wasn’t.

Across from me, Mason was sitting behind his desk, completely absorbed in his work.

I was on his couch, legs tucked under me, holding a stack of papers that I was supposed to be reviewing. They needed my full attention.

But I kept stealing glances at him, studying him. Sometimes, he’d look back, his gaze intense but completely emotionless.

Each time, I’d quickly look away, wishing I hadn’t come into the library. I wished he’d just worked in his study, even though I wouldn’t have liked that either.

We’d been in the room for an hour, and no one had spoken. I hadn’t been able to focus on a single word on the papers in my lap.

It was impossible to concentrate with Mason in the room. I was too nervous to look up and see if he was watching me the way I was watching him.

He’d already caught me twice, and I knew a third time would earn me a few words from him.

Even without looking at him, I could feel his presence. It was overpowering, making me jumpy. The slightest noise would make my heart race.

I would have given anything to end this torture.

But I couldn’t just get up and leave. He’d want to know why, and I couldn’t lie to him. He’d see right through me.

I wondered if he found it as hard to concentrate with me in the room. But I knew the answer. Even if I was sitting there naked, he wouldn’t be affected.

His voice broke through my thoughts. “Does your boss know you spend more time in your head than you do on your job?”

“She’s the best boss I’ve ever had,” I replied, trying to hide my embarrassment. I was being honest, but I knew my words would annoy him.

“If you think that, she’s not a good boss,” he said, leaning back in his chair. His fingers lightly touched his lower lip, while his other hand twirled a pen on the desk.

His voice didn’t give anything away, but his eyes did. They seemed to be laughing at me, daring me to give in to my feelings.

Mason continued, his voice quiet, his gaze focused on the pen.

“A good boss doesn’t let their employees get comfortable enough to forget what they’re paid to do. A good boss makes you fear them. That way, you don’t have time to get lost in your thoughts. You only think about the task at hand. That’s a great boss.”

He smirked slightly as he looked at me.

“You’re just saying that because I don’t think you’re the best boss I’ve ever had,” I said, laughing and shaking my head at his ridiculous words.

I didn’t mention that he was both the best and worst thing that had ever happened to me.

The worst because he always tried to put me down in the worst ways possible.

The best because he made me understand what it meant to be truly happy. To wake up and look forward to the day because there was someone who always made you smile or laugh.

“I don’t care about being the best, or your best. You were just an assistant. Your opinion about work, or who the best boss is, doesn’t matter to me.”

I reminded him of the one thing that stood between us. Not that he needed reminding. “But now, I’m your wife.”

His eyebrows shot up. “You love throwing that in my face. Is being my wife a big accomplishment, Lauren?”

I had to smile. I knew I had never cared about his status or his money.

“You’d know the answer to that, wouldn’t you, Mason? You love reminding me how many women would kill to be your wife, and how powerful and rich you are. You make it sound like it’s an accomplishment.”

But my smile didn’t last.

“But you don’t complain, do you?” he said.

His voice was wistful, and it annoyed me.

Of course, I didn’t complain. I had no right to. I was doing this for my dad, and he knew that.

I swallowed hard, but kept my composure. “Not as much as you love reminding me why I don’t complain.” I grinned at him, but it was more fake than real.

His voice deepened. “And we both know why.”

“This was a lovely chat.” I stood up, gathering the papers in my hands, ready to leave the library before I lost my temper.

But I flinched when I felt a sharp pain in my hand. I looked down and saw that I was bleeding.

I winced. The cut was starting to sting, and Mason was at my side before I even realized he’d moved.

“What is it?”

“I cut my hand on a paperclip.” I’d forgotten they were under the papers.

He was watching my face, so I tried to act like it was nothing. I even managed a small smirk, but the pain was real.

Small cuts hurt more than big ones, I realized. The pain was sharp and throbbing.

“You’re bleeding?” He sounded more like he was stating a fact than asking a question.

“It’s fine.”

“You’re bleeding.”

“Mason, it’s nothing.” But he was already moving away from me, rummaging through his desk, opening and closing drawers. “What are you looking for?”

“First aid kit.”

“It’s a small cut.”

“And?” He found what he was looking for and came back over to me. “I just don’t want you to whine about it for hours. Let me see.”

His voice was softer than usual, and I was surprised by the concern I heard in it.

The only person who had ever cared about my injuries was my dad. He’d always treated my wounds and made them better. And now, Mason wanted to do the same. He wanted to make me feel better.

The question that hung in the air was: would he kiss it better?

“Lauren.”

I lifted my gaze to meet his, his stern eyes locking onto mine, and my heart fluttered in response.

“Give me your hand, Lauren. Let me help you.”

His words left me breathless, my head spinning. I hated how frozen I felt, how I wished his voice had wavered, but he was sincere.

There was no playful glint in his eyes, just a silent plea for me to trust him.

~Trust.~

I did trust him.

I gave a small nod in response, watching him as he rummaged through the first aid kit.

The sound of a disinfectant wipe being torn open reached my ears, and I could feel his warm breath on my face. He was so close.

“You okay?”

I rolled my eyes, hearing the amusement in his voice. “It’s just a small cut, Mason. I’m not about to start crying. I’m a big girl, you know.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you realize that.”

Then he was holding my hand, his cool touch against my warmth, dabbing gently at the cut. It stung a bit, but his touch was soft, his actions tender.

When he looked up, it felt too real. His eyes seemed darker.

“All done.” His fingers, now surprisingly warm, secured a bandage over the cut. I bit the inside of my cheek as he finished. “You okay?”

His gaze was intense, more so than usual. I nodded, and he released my hand, returning to his desk.

I was left staring after him, a frown on my face, wondering why this side of him was so rarely seen, and why he cared for me in a way that reminded me of my father.

I couldn’t help but wonder why this act of kindness from him was causing me to question everything.

He confused me.

He made me question everything about myself, about him.

***

I wasn’t a big drinker.

But I was known to down two glasses of bourbon when I was in a mood, or three shots of vodka while playing games with Beth, and later Athena when we got to know her.

It was a clear warning sign that I was drinking at a time when most people were either at work or just waking up.

How many people sat at their kitchen table with a cheap bottle of whiskey, staring out the window, waiting for the alcohol to kick in and blur reality?

Certainly not counting the days, which had reached exactly eight.

The whole point of sitting here, drinking until I was numb, was to forget. To forget the unwanted memories that had been haunting me for days.

And I finally figured it out.

Sort of.

I realized that I would never find the answers I needed on my own. And a sad glass of whiskey wasn’t going to help.

This is what I get for buying cheap whiskey.

“Having a party without us?” I turned my head towards the voice and found Beth and Athena standing behind me.

“Hey, sweetheart. Are you okay?”

It was Athena who asked, pulling out a chair to sit down. Beth stood behind her, wearing a bathrobe, her hair wet and her eyes sparkling.

“What does it look like?” I snapped, taking a big gulp from my glass. Beth laughed while Athena frowned.

I wasn’t sure if Athena knew what was going on, or if Beth had filled her in. I wouldn’t be surprised either way.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you she gets snappy when she’s like this. It’s kind of hard to live with her now. I never thought I’d say this, but please, move out.”

“What’s going on? Your text didn’t really explain the situation.”

I uncrossed my legs and turned to face them.

“I think I’m in deep shit?” I tried to say, but it came out more like a question.

Neither Beth nor Athena looked worried, and I didn’t think they would be surprised.

“Oh, boy.”

Athena’s eyes darted from Beth to me, then back to Beth. “What? What do you mean?”

But I kept my mouth shut, realizing how hard it was to say it out loud when I was still struggling to accept it myself.

Athena looked at Beth then, and Beth sighed, leaning into the arm of her chair. “It’s that thing we’ve talked about. The one we were so sure about?” Beth said, adding a little enthusiasm into it.

“And you owe me two hundred pounds. I did say it’d happen in two to five months.”

I looked at them in disbelief. “You two bet on me?” And how did I not know about it? Oh, that’s right.

Beth and Athena had been spending more time together than I realized for them to bet on my relationship with Mason. I wanted to punch their faces.

Beth looked over at me and I looked right back, and there was laughter in her eyes. “What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t?”

And really, truly, in this whole mess that I found myself in, the only thing that I never wanted was for Beth to be right. She had wanted this all along, Athena as well.

Did they think this was easy for me?

“Knew I shouldn’t have pushed it to seven months,” Athena commented, staring straight at Beth. “But in my defense, I didn’t know she was that weak.”

“I told you she was weak. No one takes a look at him and doesn’t get weak. See, my legs are getting wobbly just thinking about him.”

“Are you two done?” I asked, my brow furrowed, but they just ignored me and chuckled like they were enjoying a private conversation.

“But damn, do you know what this means?”

“That she’s fucked?”

“Big time. I mean, Beth, couldn’t she have fallen in love with someone easier?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, even though it was a hollow, forced sound. That’s what I’d been telling myself ever since I said “I do” to Mason. Wouldn’t life be simpler if I’d married someone less... complicated?

It would certainly make my life easier, save me from a ton of headaches. But no, I had to go and marry the most challenging man on the planet.

Sure, he was amazing, but he was also a colossal pain in the ass.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Beth responded, waving her hand dismissively. “Actually, this is kind of hilarious. Not for you, of course, but for us. Just think of the drama that’s about to unfold. It’s like a blockbuster movie in the making.”

I shot them both a glare, raising my voice to say, “I’m right here!” Just in case they’d forgotten I was in the room.

It was as if I’d called them over to help me solve a problem, but they’d decided to make a joke out of it instead. I couldn’t really blame them, though. If the roles were reversed, I’d probably be laughing my ass off too.

“Hell, yeah!” Athena chimed in, laughing as she reached out to snatch the whiskey bottle from my hand before I could drown my sorrows in it.

She placed it on the floor, out of my reach. I shot her a quick glare, but she was already looking at Beth.

“You know what’s really a bummer?” Athena asked. “We won’t get to see all the drama unfold. We’ll only hear bits and pieces.”

“At least we’ll know how it ends,” Beth pointed out.

“Ooh, want to make a bet on it?”

“Absolutely!”

“How about five hundred?” Athena suggested.

Beth groaned. “Athena, I’m not as loaded as you. Let’s make it three hundred.”

“Okay. We’ll discuss the details somewhere she can’t overhear us. She’s your best friend, so she might tip you off.”

“Are you two finished? There’s not going to be any bet, okay? I never said I was in love with Mason!”

That shut them up. They looked at me, then at each other.

I wasn’t about to ignore the silent conversation they were having with their eyebrows and their quick, wordless mouth movements. It was downright rude!

When did they become mind readers?

Finally, Beth broke the silence. “Um, sweetie, we didn’t mention any names. We weren’t talking about you. We were discussing Athena’s neighbors, right?” She directed the question at Athena, but her eyes were on me.

Athena nodded. “Exactly. Jaime and Karen are a whole other story. Sorry, what were you saying earlier?”

My face darkened instantly and I clenched my teeth.

“I hate you both,” I told them, sliding off the table and heading to the living room. I flopped onto the couch and screamed into a pillow.

When I finally lifted my head, feeling a bit lighter, the girls were staring at me as if I’d sprouted a second head.

I lowered my voice. “This isn’t a joke, guys. I’m this close to taking a swing at you with a baseball bat.” Beth let out a laugh, glancing at Athena, who just shrugged.

“What do you want us to say? Beth told me you’ve been holed up in your room, moping because Mason’s away. You keep denying that you’re in love with him, but it’s so obvious that you are.

“Why can’t you just admit it?”

Beth threw her hands up in the air, dramatically. “Thank you!”

I stared at my drink, feeling a mix of hot and cold, flushed and desperate. Part of me wanted to bolt.

I rested my forehead against my glass.

“Isn’t it a little late for that? You’re in love with him, Lauren. Say it.”