Secrets, Lies, and Unrequited Love

LAUREN

I had every intention of spilling my guts.

But the words just wouldn’t come, even as my friends watched me, their faces full of hope.

For now, I was okay with pretending everything was fine.

I needed more time. Time to face the truth head-on.

Right now, I was curled up on the couch, my two best friends by my side, ready to hear what I had to say.

But I held it in, telling myself I was waiting for the right moment, the moment when I’d have the courage to speak up. But that moment never came.

“I’m scared.”

“You feel it though, right?” Beth asked, her voice soft. Athena looked like she was about to ask the same thing.

I let out a sound that was half laugh, half sigh, and turned to her, disbelief written all over my face. “Have you met Mason? Do you think this is easy for me? You know how he is.

“He doesn’t love me, and I don’t think he ever will. Do I just ignore my feelings for him? Do I just walk away when the time comes?

“Someone once asked me if I could, and the truth is, I can’t. I don’t think I can, Athena.”

When I finished speaking, a heavy silence fell over me. I’d never felt so much emotion, or been so confused and sad.

She looked at me, her smile warm and encouraging.

“Mason isn’t the easiest guy to deal with, and I can’t say you’re lucky. In fact, I might even say you’re unlucky.

“But what are you so scared of? Being rejected? News flash, it’s not the end of the world if he rejects you. Rejection is part of life.”

A moment passed, the word rejection echoing in my head, before Athena’s words finally sunk in.

Rejection.

There was a 99.9 percent chance that rejection was what I’d get, which was why I wasn’t letting myself admit what I was feeling. Because saying it out loud would make it real.

It would mean I had to prepare for heartbreak.

“But you can always say no, Laurie,” Beth said quietly. “You can hide your feelings from him and walk away, but where would that get you? Nowhere.

“It’s better to tell him and face rejection than to spend your life wondering if he’ll ever love you back.”

“He won’t.”

“How do you know?” she asked.

“Because I know Mason. We’re in a good place right now. Do you think everything won’t fall apart if I tell him how I feel?

“The last people he trusted broke his heart and his trust. That changed him. You think he’d open his heart to me?”

Athena smiled and said, her voice calm and reasonable, “But I think he already has. Do you think he’s the same guy he was when you first met him?”

Of course, he wasn’t. “No.”

She didn’t try to hide her smile, and Beth looked on, a goofy grin on her face.

“See. If you’ve changed him a little, there’s a chance he might return your feelings, Lauren,” Beth said.

I shook my head, finally finding the strength to admit it.

“The thought of telling him how I feel terrifies me,” I said, letting out a shaky breath.

“Even the thought of it scares me, and I’m not the one who has to do it,” Beth admitted. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”

“Sometimes? More like every day.”

This time it was Athena who spoke. “But you looked past his bad attitude and fell in love with him. How did that happen?”

“I was going to say it’s because of his good looks, but I don’t think Lauren has seen that side of him yet, so I’m going to say it’s because of his amazing body.” Beth winked at me.

I glared at her, my cheeks burning.

“Did you two kiss?”

“No.” I hadn’t realized how quickly they’d switched from asking about my feelings to asking about whether we’d kissed or slept together, questions I didn’t want to answer.

Not because I was embarrassed, but because it reminded me of the times Mason and I had almost kissed, the moments that had set us on fire. I wasn’t going to tell them about those moments.

Those moments were mine to keep.

Athena gasped. “Seriously?”

“Wow.” Beth whistled, raising her glass to me. “Laurie just proved that you can fall in love with someone without kissing or sleeping with them. That’s some serious love.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I’d ask you to teach me how you did it, but I don’t have that kind of self-control.”

Athena looked at me, her eyes serious. “So?”

She wanted to know. She wanted me to admit it.

For a moment, I wanted to ignore her because I had nothing to say. I’d already said enough. I didn’t want to make it real. But it was clear: it had been from the start.

The realization hit me like a wrecking ball.

“I love him.”

I was completely and unexpectedly in love with Mason Campbell. I felt it in my heart. In my head. In the pit of my stomach. I felt it everywhere.

Mason Campbell held my heart in his hands because I loved him. He had a power over me that he didn’t even know about—a power that I wouldn’t admit to him, a power that I hated.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Yes, girl!” Beth shouted, her face lighting up. “Remember when you were so sure you wouldn’t fall in love with him? How do you feel now, Lauren Campbell?”

“Stop.”

“I can’t help it! My best friend is in love with Mason Campbell! I never thought I’d hear those words in the same sentence.”

I couldn’t do anything but agree with her. I never thought I’d find myself in this position—in love with someone as difficult as Mason.

My heart didn't give a damn about all the things he'd done, or was still doing. It didn't care about who Mason was. It only cared about one thing: it was beating for him now.

I took my sweet time, replaying all my encounters with Mason, making sure it was love before I acted on it. Every time I thought of him, my love seemed to grow.

Athena stepped out to take a call in my room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and Beth's endless chatter. She thought I was listening.

When I got up to use the bathroom, I overheard Athena on the phone. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it.

I didn't think it was something I wasn't supposed to hear. But when I barged in, caught snippets of the conversation, and saw her say goodbye, I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

“Was that Mason?”

She turned around, looking uneasy. “Lauren,” she said, avoiding my question. Her eyes confirmed my suspicion, but I needed to hear her say it.

“Was. That. Mason?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

There are moments in life when you get the biggest slap in the face. This was one of those moments, and it took everything I had to keep it together.

There were moments of anger rather than pain, and it was anger that welled up under my lungs and forced all the air out, white-hot fury that had my heart beating fast in the cage of my ribs like it was going to escape.

It wasn't as if I hadn't known, deep down, for days that Mason was communicating with someone. It wasn't as if I hadn't been angry about that theory, but it was always simmering just beneath the surface.

“How long have you been talking to him?” I demanded, needing to know how long he had been ignoring me and casting me aside like he always did.

It was worse now, especially after realizing that I was in love with him. Only then did it hurt more than before.

Athena looked quite uncomfortable, and I almost felt sorry that I was making her so. I didn’t want to, but this was important. “Since the moment he left,” she confessed.

“I thought his phone was off.”

“He’s got another one.”

And now the rage lived under my skin and in my chest, under my feet and right behind my molars, and I could do nothing but keep it at bay.

“I see,” I stated, masking what I was feeling.

She moved forward. “Lauren, listen, he just calls to ask me to work on stuff, that’s it.”

I knew what she was trying to do, I appreciated it, but it wasn’t working.

“Athena, I don’t need you to explain it to me. I don’t blame you or anything.”

She let out a relieved sigh. “Okay, good.” And smiled at me.

“Can I have his number?”

She shuffled her feet around. “Um…he’s coming back tomorrow.”

He told her when he was coming back? My jaw hurt from clenching, and I felt frazzled. “Are you going to give it to me or not?” That seemed to have snapped her out of it before she was nodding.

“Thank you.”

And when I sat on my bed and stared down at my phone, I reached for the bottle on my nightstand and poured myself another drink. I reveled at the feel of the warm liquid pouring down my throat.

But it didn’t calm my nerves or annoyance. The anger was still visible.

My fingers itched with the need to reach out to him, demand to know why he wasn’t calling or texting me.

I knew Mason had issues. I knew how much went unsaid between us in every interaction we had. And that was slightly frustrating but at the same time, I wasn’t even sure how to talk to him sometimes.

But today, I wanted to scream at him.

It was puzzling, to say the least; that he would do this to me, ignore me. I thought we were past it, but it seemed Mason still wanted to act childish. I had no idea, and I was tired.

Tired of trying to decipher him and his actions. Maybe I could just accept them without having to understand why he did them.

But I had to understand them. Now, it wasn’t about the contract between us. It was a matter of the heart.

I picked up my phone and rubbed my thumb lightly over it, staring at the new number and hovering over the keyboard. What should I say? Do? Shouting wouldn’t help because he wasn’t in front of me.

I quickly decided I didn’t care about pretense anymore.

Lauren

Are you okay?

Mason

Are you?

Lauren

If you had cared, you would have bothered to call or text, so don’t ask me that.

Mason

I meant to.

Mason

Did you hold Athena at gunpoint? Is that why she gave you my number?

Lauren

Oh, I’m sorry that I bothered to collect your number because I spent days worrying that you might be dead!

Lauren

But no, you are alive and talking to the people you want to talk to, right?

Lauren

Not me, a nobody.

Mason

Did we not argue about this before? I feel like we did.

Lauren

With you, we’re always running in circles. But whatever. Go back to doing whatever your annoying self is doing.

Mason

I’ve missed you too, Lauren.

I didn’t know whether that was honesty or sarcasm, either way, I didn’t bother replying to him. He was coming back tomorrow anyway.

And I would have to figure out what the hell I was going to do about my feelings for him.