Chapter Eleven

Demetri

I woke up wishing I were dead. How much did I drink last night? I grabbed the water from my nightstand—the water I'm sure Alec put there—and chugged the entire thing, then tried to stand.

My legs were wobbly, but other than that I was fine.

Damn it.

I slammed my hand against the mattress. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I keep messing up? I went to the party thinking I'd have one drink and I'd walk with Nat on the beach.

One pill.

One pill? I had one pill left? Did that mean I took three last night?

The sun wasn't up yet. I watched the waves crash on the ocean, listened to the calm around me, and suddenly felt like crying. Either that or ramming my head into the nearest wall.

I liked Nat. Like really liked her, and I'd kissed another girl last night, pressured the girl I liked to drink, and then I'm pretty sure I yelled at her and got punched by my brother.

My life should really be a bad sitcom.

Two paths.

Why did the easy path have to be so damn easy? Would Nat forgive me? Hell, I wasn't sure if I would forgive me if I were in her shoes.

Without a second thought, I got cleaned up and went downstairs to make coffee. I had a hell of a lot of groveling to do.

Alec was downstairs in his running gear drinking a protein shake.

“Asshole,” he sang. “You're awake.”

“You punched me.”

“You deserved it.”

I sighed, “I know.”

We fell silent. I shuffled towards the coffee maker and pulled out a mug.

Alec cleared his throat.

“Thank you,” I whispered, “for taking care of Nat, for being a good brother when I just keep screwing things up… I just…” I felt my emotions take hold. Damn, I just wanted to cry all the time.

I hated that feeling. I hated feeling PERIOD. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Alec said quickly.

Curious, I looked up.

He wasn't making eye contact.

“Did you guys just stay up and talk or what?” I asked.

“We played Go Fish.” A ghost of a smile flashed across Alec's face. “And then I put her in bed.”

“Without you?” I had to ask it. I hated myself for even needing to ask it. But it was Alec. He had a tendency to screw other people over.

“Yup.” He nodded. “All by herself.”

“Okay.”

“Demetri?”

“Yeah?” I licked my lips, waiting for the lecture I so desperately needed. “What's up?”

“Fix it.” Alec's eyes went dark. “Fix it or you're going to lose her.”

“I will.” I stumbled over the words. “I swear.”

We didn't say anything more to each other. I made coffee, then went upstairs and knocked on the door.

Nat stirred in her bed then let out a sexy little moan and stretched her arms above her head.

“You have no idea how much you affect me when you do that,” I whispered.

Her eyes flashed open.

Yeah, I was fully aware that I looked like a nightmare. My eye was black and blue and I hadn't even done anything to my hair.

And my clothes probably looked out of place considering I'd thrown on something normal. That normal people wear. Like normal jeans and a normal white t-shirt.

Nat's eyes darted to the floor where a pillow and blanket still remained, “He's downstairs making breakfast.

She nodded. “I agree to those terms.”

“Ouch.” I chuckled and looked away. “I don't even know what to say, Nat. “Sorr”y just seems lame. “I'm an ass” sounds a little better, but I just don't know what to say.”

I plopped down onto the bed and ran my hands through my hair. “I really like you. I've never liked a girl as much as I like you. I meant everything I said last night.

“I want to be with you.” She had to know that much was true. She had to believe me.

“And every other girl at Seaside,” she added, her lower lip quivering like she was going to cry. Shit. She could not cry!

“No!” I grabbed her hands and kissed her knuckles. My heart sank to my knees. “You don't understand. I only want you. I know I seem like a screw-up, and that's because I am.

“I can't believe I'm saying this. I think you're the forever girl. The one you bring home to your parents, the one you spend Christmas with, the one you have children with. You're that girl, Nat.”

Holy hell. It was true. A little light just went on in my dark drug-filled brain. She was that girl—she was different, she was… I mean she could be… mine. My mind went to that place.

“I don't know how to respond to that,” she whispered.

I sighed. “I don't expect you to forgive me, Nat. What I did was childish and stupid. I got drunk at a party and made out with a complete stranger just because she was in front of me.

“I don't even remember who it was. I only know she had blonde hair. I really did think she was you, but when I noticed she wasn't, I was too drunk to care.”

Nat hunched over. “Well, at least you're honest.”

“Honesty sucks.” I exhaled and looked away, looking directly at her hurt my heart, and my heart hadn't hurt in that way in a very long time. It was a new feeling, not being numb.

I wasn't used to it. “Nat, I want to be with you. Let me earn your trust again. Let me be the guy I've always wanted to be. I want to be that guy for you.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I can't save you, Demetri.”

“I don't want you to. I just want you by my side as inspiration when I save myself.” Because I knew better than she did… it didn't work that way. People didn't save other people.

You could only depend on yourself. Look at Alec. He was still trying to save me and what did that get him? A game of Go Fish and blue balls.

“Please, Nat.” I wasn't against begging.

I reached out and cupped her chin, gently pulling her head closer to mine. Her eyes flickered with interest. Something was holding her back and I wasn't about to let that something keep me from her.

I tried again, “Help me be better. I need you in my life, Nat. You're like my sunshine, my air. I can't explain it, I just know I'm lost without you.” My lips grazed her cheek then lingered.

“Don't make me regret this, Demetri.”

My entire body felt free. “Really?” My smile felt so real.

She nodded.

“Do you want breakfast?” I pushed away from the bed and held out my hand.

She took it and mumbled, “I'm starving.”

Chuckling, I lifted her into my arms. “I bet you are. Though a little bird told me you ate quite a bit of Swedish Fish last night.”

“I'm going to kill Alec!” she yelled. Aw, how cute, she thought she stood a chance against that much muscle. Good luck.

I threw my head back and laughed. “I should have warned you how he plays Go Fish.” Or any game for that matter.

“He's an animal!” she yelled as I carried her down the stairs. I wasn't ready to let her go yet, and I wanted Alec to see that I'd taken the higher road.

“Heard that!” Alec fired back from the kitchen.

I laughed and set Nat down on her feet and went to the fridge to pull out the contents for a kick-ass omelet. I could do this. I could do normal.

“Morning, sleepy head. Did you know you snore?” Alec said, not looking away from the skillet.

“I do not!” Nat defended.

“Do too,” Alec and I said in unison.

“You were drunk!” Nat punched my arm.

Laughing, I answered, “Drunk, sweetheart, not deaf.”

She glared.

“She's crazy when she's hungry,” I said under my breath as I quickly grabbed a plate and piled some fruit on it as a peace offering to the grumpy bear.

Alec finished making the eggs and handed me the plate. "I'm going to go for a run, I'll see you guys later, kay?”

I carried the plate to the table.

“Is he okay?” Nat nudged me just as I'd taken a huge bite of food.

“Who? Alec? Of course, he's fine. Why wouldn't he be okay?” Why did she care about Alec?

“I don't know.” She nibbled her lower lip. “Did you guys talk this morning?” She shifted in her seat and stared at the food like it was going to start speaking to her.

“Yeah.” I said, slowly dropping my fork and looking at her. “He told me I was an ass, and that I was going to lose the best girl in the world if I didn't get up to the room and grovel.

She seemed satisfied with that answer. We joked around through breakfast and put the dishes in the dishwasher.

“I should go.” Nat started heading towards the door.

“Stay.” I placed the wet dish on the counter and walked around to pull her into my arms.

My mouth found hers, bestowing a gentle kiss across her lips, one that held a promise I couldn't convey with words.

“I can't.” She sighed and shook her head as I rained kisses down her neck.

“Why?” My lips moved against her skin.

“Because!” She pushed away a grin spreading across her face. “I have a ton of homework and some of us have to work for a living.”

“I work.”

She tilted her head to the side. “According to you, you're taking a much-needed break right now.”

Damn it. “True, but I still work.”

“Fine, you work, but that doesn't change anything.

“I still have to go to my part-time job, and I have to fit in a run sometime today and do homework.” Her eyes flickered to the clock on the wall; she looked a bit stressed. So I gave in.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “Where do you work?”

“Seaside Taffy.”

Smirking, I asked, “Do you wear cute little outfits and give out free samples?”

She rolled her eyes. “This conversation is going downhill fast.”

Oh, she had no idea how fast I could make the conversation go downhill. I was the king of turning the cards. “Always.” I chuckled. “Sorry, no more sexual innuendos.

She nodded. “Aw, you're learning so fast.”

“Do I get rewarded for good behavior?” Hey, it never hurt to ask!

“And then he defaults.” She sang.

“Crap.” I crossed my arms and pouted and was surprised when Nat suddenly wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me.

She kissed me.

Holy shit.

I didn't know what to do with my hands or legs or mouth. Everything turned to jelly. It was like a first kiss, and then I parted my lips and tasted.

So. Damn. Sweet.

I kept my hands at my sides even though it was the last thing I wanted to do and tried to keep my body in check.

“You taste good.” I pulled back and smiled.

She was breathless. “So do you.”

I stared at her then shook myself out of it.

“I'll text you later, okay?”

“Okay.” I let her go.

When the screen door slammed behind her, I made my way up the stairs to my room.

My dresser may as well have been an alarm going off in my room. Stomping towards it, I yanked out the top drawer and rummaged through the shirts until I found the bag of pills.

Without a second thought, I went into the bathroom and flushed every last one down the toilet.

I wanted the hard path.

Because I finally had someone willing to hold my hand while I walked it—who'd be there at the end of it.