"MISS, A SERVANT just came at the doors and requested we pass on this message to you immediately." Yan'er ran into my bedroom, where I was just taking off my accessories. We were out all night. It was already past midnight by the time I got back into my own little courtyard, and I was ready to sleep after a quick bath.
I took the paper from Yan'er hand, unfolding it to read its content.
Miss Fei,
Apologies for the abrupt and inconsiderate late message, but I was hoping to have a quick conversation with you. I shall be discreet. If you may, meet me outside the west door upon receiving the message.
Duan shizi
I blinked, glancing at Yan'er, who was looking at me expectantly. "Were any other words shared?"
"None," Yan'er murmured. "One of the aunties called for me. But I recognised the servant as one of the shizi's, is he not? I've seen him before, following his master around."
"Indeed it is from Duan shizi. He wishes to meet me at the west door of the manor." I placed the letter down. "This is... highly improper." If I was caught, my reputation would be in pieces.
And he knew this. So it had to be very urgent, at least in his mind.
Yan'er chewed on her lips. "Miss..."
"I probably shouldn't go," I remarked. "But it does seem extraordinarily rude. Which side does the west door face?"
"The manor next door, miss. It's a small alleyway. No one should see. But you'll have to be careful."
"Bring me my cloak. Let's make this quick." I stood. "Make sure no one knows."
We headed there in a hurry, making sure we bumped into nobody, talking all the quieter paths. When we got to the west door, Yan'er carefully pushed the door open, before giving me a small nod.
She stepped out, and Duan shizi took a step forward, offering a small bow. "Apologies for the hastiness and the offence I may have caused at such a late night, impromptu meeting. I shall make this as quickly as possible."
I kept a careful distance, remaining within the threshold of the manor. "What is it, shizi?"
Duan shizi glanced momentarily at Yan'er and his own servant, who immediately took a few steps back. Still in sight, but out of immediate earshot. I motioned for Yan'er to return into the manor, and she took some steps back too, still keeping me in sight.
"Thank you." He was near whispering. "I wanted to offer a proposal."
"Proposal?" I asked, brows knitting together.
"I considered the things you told me earlier, and the things that had been plaguing myself, and I came up with a solution. It is not one that I can share in broad daylight, unfortunately, thus, this meeting."
"What is it?" I asked again, glancing around. "Sir, Iâ"
"The Emperor is rather fond of me, and I am to have an audience with him tomorrow. And I was wondering if you'd like for me to request that he bless a marriage between you and me."
He looked at me, meeting my eyes as my own widened.
"Sir..."
"I originally thought you wanted to make as high a marriage as possible, but upon hearing your words, I realised what you wanted was peace and stability. I believe I can offer it. My father is in favour with the Emperor, as am I with the Crown Prince. Yet we serve no threat to him, since neither of us hold any kind of official position. I am wealthy, and I believe I am unlikely to ever take a concubine, which you seemed to care a little about. More importantly, I think our personalities match. We are good friends, Miss Fei. I can offer you protection and status."
"And what can I offer?"
"You can offer me a wife who I am friends with. Who I shall not detest, and who shall not detest me. And though you are a niece to Shangguan An, your father is a mere low-ranking official. Thus, the Emperor will not feel threatened, which he may if I end up marrying a high-ranking young lady of great power and influence."
I was silent for a long moment. "And how will you achieve this?"
He seemed to let out a breath that neither of us knew he was holding. "I will inform the Emperor that I have formed a tendre for you, and that in the Bride Selection I hope he will grant me a marriage with you. I think he will agree."
"It would be my eternal luck if I manage to secure a marriage with someone of your status," I told him earnestly. "But I hope you are not doing this out of some mistakenly placed sense of duty. We are friends, but if you do not wish to marry me, I will in no way force you to."
"You are not forcing me." In the darkness, he was a mere silhouette. I could barely make out his features. "I am the one proposing to you, Miss Fei."
I gave it a moment of thought. "Must I answer you now?"
"It is unlikely I will be granted another audience with the Emperor before the Bride Selection after tomorrow."
I glanced away.
It did work, didn't it? He fit all my requirements and I fit all of his. We were good friends and he was handsome. I could learn to love him. If I did not, I would not dislike him either. We'd be good partners.
"I am not against the idea," I told him slowly. "But are you certain? You could marry someone of much higher status than I..."
"Miss Fei," his voice was soft. Coaxing. "I am telling you the truth in saying that in my eighteen years of life, never have I met someone with whom I formed so quick an attachment. I will not call it love for that would be a lie, but I would be more than willing to take you as my wife, no matter your status. My mother is quite fond of you, so you do not need to worry about poor relationships there. My father has already hinted to me multiple times that you were a prudent choice, but I was never quite sure if you'd be willing to accept such a marriage. I may never gain any true kind of power or status."
"I do not mind that." My voice had turned soft too. "I do not think I am suitable for the machinations and schemes. All I seek is peace and stability."
"I can offer you that."
"I accept your proposal, then."
He looked at me again. I did not know how much he could see in the dark, if he could see the smile that had spread across my face, or sense the way my heart was pounding, scared that he'd take it all back.
This was my best choice. And perhaps a part of me was waiting for him to tell me these exact words that he had offered me tonight.
"I shall take my leave with your sweet answer," he told me, "before I pose a risk to your reputation."
I curtsied. "It is you who has brought this gift upon me."
He must have come from some kind of restaurant or tavern. I could smell the faint aroma of rice wine in the alleyway. Had he gone with the other lords to drink and then left midway to speak to me? It had not been that long since we'd all parted, forty-five minutes at best.
He left, and I stood there watching for a moment. And when I turned, Yan'er rushed forward. "What did the shizi say?"
"That I shall be the shizi's bride, little Yan'er. My future is secured."
â
I did not tell anyone. I did not seek the shizi out either. The next morning, as we left Grandmother's house after our morning greeting, Yunjun invited us to listen to her and Tianjin's endeavours on the borders.
Tianjin, who was still shorter than me, did not look impressed. "I hardly think our sisters and cousins want to hear about that, sister."
Yunjun rolled her eyes. "If you don't want to bother, then go. No one is forcing you to stay."
Tianjin narrowed his eyes. "You're being mean to me again."
Sometimes, I forgot that Shangguan Tianjin was only fourteen. He was only around two months older than Yunxuan. But Yunxuan always acted in such a way that made her feel miles older, and being greeted with Tianjin, who still very much acted his own age, was a surprise.
"I am not being mean to you." Yunjun was only one year older than Tianjin, but she acted in a very different way. There was something naturally imposing about her, as if she was used to commanding people around. And perhaps she was, on the battlefields. She was confident in a way different from Yunhua: Yunhua was confident because of the power her family held. Yunjun was proud of herself and her own capabilities. Her own strength.
It was admirable. But her path was not one that I would ever want to emulate.
Yunxuan spoke up. "It is alright. I'd love to hear your stories, sister. Shall we head to your courtyard?"
"I'm more than happy to receive." A little grin accentuated the statement. Shangguan Yunjun did not bother staying still and elegant like the other ladies. She was lively, excitable and constantly on the move. There was a sense of liveliness to her that was often lacking in Luoyang.
We followed her to her place, with Tianjin following begrudgingly. He loitered around for a few moments and got bored, taking his leave after saying goodbye to Yunhua, Yunxuan and I. He made a good show of ignoring Yunjun, who ignored him.
When he was gone, Yunxuan turned to Yunjun. "Sister, why is Tianjin acting this way?"
"He's jealous." Yunjun motioned for her servant to pour some tea. "The generals on the battlefield went from constantly praising him to constantly praising me. Of course he'll be unhappy. Whatever. He has no talent for the battlefield anyways, he can leave it to me."
"A bold statement," I murmured.
She looked at me, defiance burning in her eyes. "But a truthful one. You can ask any soldier on the borders. They will all agree that I make a better warrior than he does. And I'm quite good with military strategy too."
Yunhua shook her head, half-dazed. "I manoeuvre the courts of Luoyang. Yunxuan charms and dazzles the courtiers and noblemen. You strategize on the battlefields. What a strange family we are."
I'd noticed that long ago. So instead of adding anything to her observation, I accepted the tea Yunjun offered me and took a sip. That seemed to be all we did. Sipping tea as we conversed with each other. Our culture.
"Isn't it good?" Yunjun asked, pushing a cup of tea towards Yunhua. "We cover all factors of life. And Tianjin will grow up to inherit the Shangguan manor and continue Father's path to become an official. Everything shall be as it is."
"An optimistic outlook," Yunxuan pointed out. "We shall see, won't we?"
"Bah, everything will work out in the end."
Yunjun was a very different person from her sisters. She did not seem to see the intricacies and hidden meanings behind the things people said and did in Luoyang. That, or she did not care to notice them, deeming them beneath her. It made her behaviour seem almost... wild. Yunhua was calculated, Yunxuan was disciplined. Yunjun was wild and unruly, a lion thrown into the pits of Luoyang. She would either rip everyone apart, or be hunted down and skinned alive.
Neither options were good to hear.
How did the same family raise all three of them? That was something that had been confusing me for the past few weeks, after I'd met Yunjun. How had all three of these girls been produced within the same family?
Yunjun began showering us with tales from the borderlands. Of battles against the tribes that roamed the area outside the walls, of bloody battles (though carefully censored) and terrifying missions. Of how she'd managed to slowly win the generals over by proving her worth, and how everyone still doubted her and treated her a bit differently through all that.
I was, admittedly, more concentrated on other things than to focus on every single word that came out of Yunjun's mouth. The girl was not an excellent story-tellerâshe jumped from one tale to another, with no order. Some of the things she said contradicted each other, but she didn't seem to notice or care to explain. Thus, after a little while, I allowed myself to zone out, to think about the events of yesterday.
Was the shizi speaking with the Emperor now? How would the Emperor react to this request? How would my uncle react? My cousins? How would my father react, as well as my step-mother? That, having only left them for only six months, I was now to be the bride of the heir of a prince?
My step-mother must be feeling so regretful. But she'd find a way to try and force me to help her and her son. She would be annoyed and unhappy and then realise my newfound connections meant I could help her future son and my father gain higher positions in rank.
That irritated me. But it was not as if I could treat them poorly either, which would risk my reputation. I only hoped that Duan shizi had a way of dealing with them. Or my uncle.
"I still have a scar here," Yunjun was saying, pulling up her sleeves to show her wrist. "It'll fade eventually, I think."
Yunhua's face was a mix of expressions. "Yunjun..." I knew what she was thinking. A scar would be severely damaging to Yunjun's chances of marrying. But I knew part of what I'd said to her had gotten into her tooâmarriage was hardly Yunjun's only path.
Yunxuan tilted her head. "You ought to be careful with that, Yunjun."
"I know, I know," Yunjun sighed. "But you can't avoid not getting hurt on the battlefield, you know?"
"You make it sound so light," Yunxuan said. "It's not, is it?"
Yunjun shrugged casually. "I know. I'm making it sound nicer because I don't think you'd want to hear the total story. But... I do like it. I feel like I belong there much more than I have ever had in Luoyang."
"If mama was still aliveâ" Yunhua was cut off mid-sentence with a glare. Something flashed in Yunjun's eyes as she stared at her sister before she tore her gaze away.
"If mama was still alive, things would be very different, yes," Yunjun growled, "but she is not. Thus, let us not mention her."
Yunxuan took a careful sip of tea.
I'd met Yunxuan's mother, Madam Fu, plenty of times in the past six months. She was of extremely small presence in the Shangguan Manor, despite being my uncle's only concubine. Everyone seemed to respect her, but it was also well known that she did not have my uncle's heart or love. She was a cool woman who spent her days embroidering. With the exception of Yunxuan, the rest of us rarely ever visited her, and Madam Fu rarely left her own courtyard anyways.
Still, Yunxuan did not seem very close to her mother. She rarely ever spoke of her, and when she did I heard no affection in her voice. It was most curious to me, but I did not pry.
"The Bride Selection is very soon," Yunhua suddenly said, changing the topic swiftly. "Are you ready, Minxi?"
"Aye," I told her, flashing a smile. "I think I am very prepared." I was even certain of who I would be granted a marriage to, if things went as planned.
"You're very confident, it seems."
I gave a little shrug. "I think I shall do perfectly fine, don't you agree?"
"True," Yunhua laughed. "It seems strange, that neither of us shall reside here in Shangguan Manor in less than a year."
Yunjun shook her head. "You, Yunhua, married! I know we have spoken about it for years, but it still seems strange it shall happen so soon."
Yunxuan sighed. "I shall be all alone if you do not stay with me, sister."
"You shall have Tianjin, I think. He does not want to go back to the borderlands."
"Tianjin is not you, sister. He is a boy and annoying and acts like a little child."
"You are younger than he is, sweet Yunxuan," I pointed out.
"Yet I act twice as old," Yunxuan declared matter-of-factly. "Well, perhaps not twice as old, but I certainly act older than he is. I do not think he and I are on the same level of intellect. Perhaps in a few years he shall mature."
Yunhua snorted. "Do not say that before him. Surely he will throw a fit and complain to everyone he sees."
Yunxuan wrinkled her nose. "He truly is so immature."
"He's a thirteen year old boy," Yunjun pointed out. "What do you expect? And I've had to spent so long with him too, it is time for you to suffer, dear sister."
Yunxuan shook her head with false sadness. "You are all abandoning me."
"We shall visit if we can," I laughed.
Yunxuan shrugged. "That would be difficult. You cannot always return here, you know, you'll need the permission of your in-laws and your husbands. Yunhua will not have much of a chance in visiting often, if she is to be the Crown Princess Consort. I can visit you both, perhaps."
That was true. There were strict rules regarding these sorts of things. Most unfortunate. But rules were rules, and I think Duan shizi would let me come and go as I pleased. Or so I hoped. He would, probably: I was still the niece of Shangguan An, the Grand Chancellor. Yunhua was to be the Crown Princess Consort.
I would be respected. I would most likely be allowed to do as I pleased.
Yunjun sighed. "It is scary, how quickly we've all grown."
It had been six months since I'd arrived at Luoyang. Six months. That felt ridiculous to hear. It did not feel that long. I still remember the day when I arrived, the first time I met Duan shizi, Princess Shaoheng, the Crown Prince and all our other friends.
That reminded me, suddenly. "Yunhua," I started, "where did Lord Huo go yesterday?" When we'd all gathered afterwards to head back to our own residences, Lord Huo had already disappeared.
Yunhua rolled her eyes. "We had an argument. Ignore him for now, he will get over it soon."
"An argument over what?"
"No matter to you," she replied coolly. "It is nothing of great consequence."
"Of course." Yunhua did not want to talk about it. It was hardly surprising that Yunhua and Lord Huo would have an argumentâthey spent half their time arguing with each other, after all. But it still seemed slightly surprising that Lord Huo would be angered enough by it to leave. Most of the time, he'd stay put and use his presence to irritate Yunhua as much as he possibly could.
And with the Bride Selection so soon, I had no time to spend worrying over others.
This was what I came here for. Even with Duan shizi requesting for the marriage, I must still impress the Emperor and the Empress. I must do my very best.
The days were ticking.
"i just want a peaceful life!!!!" hhahahahaahahaha minxi you will be shocked in (counting fingers) about ten chapters