Many of us act purely on emotions, - we try our best not to, but we end up doing it more times than we realise.
As we are all human and equally flawed
When we're angry; we lash out, when we sad; we cry, when we happy; we smile, when we hurt and have recently faced brutal defeat; we retreat and usually don't come out for a while.
I hadn't seen mom for a full week now, - I had considered calling the police that day after I helped mom inside and gave her frozen peas for her face that had begun to swell
I reached for the phone
And I never saw mom act so fast
''Who you calling?'' she asked, her hand already covering the mouthpiece
''Police'' were my next words, just barely above a whisper
She grabbed the phone, and tossed it across the floor
''Don't. Just leave it'' she seemed to warn, yet at the same time plead to me pathetically.
I was enraged, how could she say that? How could you let someone hurt and disrespect you like that?
Mom had always been the one to tell me how important it was not to let anyone ever hurt me, and if they did I should give them hell for it.
So I didn't understand why she was being such a hypocrite at this moment in time.
I reached for the phone again.
She didn't know what was good for her
''Emily, I said leave it!'' she yelled
I did.
But never had I had so little respect for her than I did that day
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Now filling up an empty cup with coffee, the old man glanced up at me from behind his newspaper sliding his horn rimmed glasses down his nose
He smiled at me
I gave him a tiny smile back
He smiled brighter to emphasise 'smiling'
God, was I that morbid looking? That old men were giving me charity-I feel- bad for-that- girl-smiles,
Even Sheri gave me a disdainful look
So I plastered a smile to my face for the rest of the day, shoving all feelings of remorse and anger down
The bell tingled on the counter signalling another customer, notebook and pen still in hand, I rattled of the lines I knew well
''Hi, good day, what can I get you?''
After a minute of silence, I looked up, and nearly dropped my notepad
''What are you doing here?'' I asked a little bit too aggressively
''Ordering'' Finn answered with his usual nonchalance
I couldn't help it, I smiled.
Of course he wasn't ordering he didn't know the first thing they sold at a cafe.
The manager: Ross came in from out back, looking from me to Finn warily, taking his position behind the main till.
Finn didn't seem Like he belonged in the cafe-scene, with his skinny jeans, - that wasn't quite-skinny, and oversized t-shirt, - his tattoos peeking out from underneath the areas that weren't covered by material
Ross looked at me for a moment too long, that it kind of made me feel guilty, even though I had done nothing to feel guilty of.
I set a blueberry muffin on a napkin, sliding it over the counter to Finn
''That will be 2.50'' I said in my most; 'business- with- a -little- touch- of- friendliness' voice I could muster
Finn nodded, playing along, and handed over the money, which I gave to Ross who in turn popped it into the till.
Once I handed him his slip, he took a big bite of the muffin, glancing at Ross intentionally
I almost laughed, when Ross gave him a sour look.
''I'm going to take my fifteen minutes earlier'' I informed my boss, meeting his eyes levelly
He said nothing, just nodded as I slipped out silently.
____________________________________
Outside we pulled up two milk crates, lighting a fag
''What are you doing here?'' I asked again passing the fag back to him
''Buying a dollar fifty blueberry muffin'' Finn answered matter- of- factly, gesturing to the now discarded napkin and crumpled wrapper peeking out of the big green rectangular shaped chest-high bin
''What are you doing here for real?'' I asked, a playful note lilting my words
He shrugged.
''Can't I visit my favourite girl'' he said sending me a wink
I rolled my eyes.
_______________________________________
I thought back to the last day we saw each other, where I had been acting all sketchy and weird towards the end of our trip, - trying to get rid of him and all. -
The day dad did the one thing that I would never forgive him for.
_________________________________________
What had Finn thought? My mind reeled, remembering how I'd acted
Looking at him now, he looked totally normal, - like how I acted last week was just part of my imagination, - a moment that never happened, except in my brain.
For the first time since then, a thought crossed my mind;
What if Finn saw?
Maybe it was guilty consciousness, - but all of a sudden I couldn't stop thinking about the; 'what if's'
I shoved the thought as far down as pushing went, - praying to any God out there that he hadn't seen a thing.
We smoked in silence for a while, me, giving up asking him why he was really here.
________________________________________
Then almost like we were; movie stars acting out a scene, Finn said something that stunned me so, that I looked to him, - A little bit too long - just to make sure I had heard properly.
''So your fokes fighting or something?'' he asked, his bluntness causing me to flinch involuntarily.
I envisioned my mouth dropping dramatically.
''What?'' I asked my tone of voice slightly too loud
''your fokes'' he said feigning a sigh, like this topic bored him now
I stared at him so intently, my eyes started to burn
I blinked, then carried on staring, - no intention of answering his question. -Praying none of this was real
This was my worst nightmare
''That was your fokes right?'' Finn asked searching my eyes for an answer, taking my silence for puzzlement.
I stood up, suddenly getting it
This was his way of getting back at me, for what I did to him at the diner
He was going to expose this piece of information about my parents to the world.
That was worse than what he could do to me.
Talk shit about me, but not my parents.
This would break them, - Stories always spread, -and especially if kids went home and told their parents about this, - my parents' lives would be ruined.
I wasn't going to react, I was going to stay calm, - I was tired of fighting. -I was going to try and persuade him to rethink his choice.
''I said I was sorry, - and I thought we were cool - '' I said easing into what I was about to say.
I should approach this mater as cool as possible, and maybe he'll just keep this to himself
-''but I said it was cool if you couldn't - '' yeah, easy does it, - I knew how sensitive boy's egos were
''Can't we maybe negotiate or something? - I'll come out as mental or something in-front of everyone,- Just leave my parents out of it, it has to do with me completely'' My voice seemed more pleading at the end than intended
He stood up
''What the fuck you talking about?'' he asked, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown
I bit my lip, - maybe he hadn't wanted me to piece together his plan, and now he was angrier than before
I needed to try harder
''Just think about it, I can like go to Dave's and just act crazy, - and people will think nothing of what happened last week '' I added calmly ''And we'll be even?'' I asked hopeful
''Are you shitting me?'' he asked, almost sounding angry now
He needed to drop it; I needed to get him to drop it
''Okay, you name it, I'll do whatever it is'' I asked, - then bit my tongue violently
What if he asked something that went entirely against all my morals
''What the fuck Em!?'' He repeated, half yelling, stamping out his fag, - he was definitely agitated now.
This was the worst thing that could've possibly happened to me
Finn came so close to me, that I was forced to look up at him
I took a step back, not breaking his gaze
''I don't want shit!'' he spat angrily
I flinched, - he was going to go for it, and there was nothing I could do about it
My calm evaporated, replaced by something far uglier
I couldn't believe he was doing this
I scoffed bitterly
''So why are you here then? If you already made up your mind why show up?'' I asked snarly
Finn ran a hand through his hair
''What?'' he asked fiercely, seeming so genuinely confused, that it frustrated him that he didn't know what I was talking about?
I almost believed it, but not quite.
''Come here to rub it in my face? You such a dick'' I retorted infuriatingly
He slapped a hand to his forehead
''Seriously, what the fuck you on about'' he asked bitterly, abandoning all traces of patience.
I was getting annoyed with his acting
Why didn't he just admit to it?
''This is just too good for you, you getting a kick out of this? '' I carried on, sky being the limit now
He wanted to say something, I could tell, - but I wasn't done
''You going to spread shit about what happened, because I embarrassed you when I was fucking drunk? - And you holding that over my head. You are more of an ass than I thought'' I spat.
In the next few seconds, it seemed as although, realisation dawned in his eyes.
''No fucking way'' - he laughed bitterly, surprising me with the sudden surge of harshness coming from him
''You think I was going to talk about your fucking 'mommy-daddy' problems at home, - You are shallower than I thought you were'' he spat equally as bitter.
I was about to add, but was cut off - He wasn't finished, - I almost laughed because of the Irony.
''Oh that's great, fucking great!, I came here losing my shit for like a few days, - wondering if you're okay, after everything.- Feeling like a total dick-head because of me doing the pussy thing; by not getting out,- thinking you would probably be more mad at me if I did, than if I didn't. - So I sat and watched the piece of shit go for it- ''
I assumed my father was; the piece of shit in his story
''Then was out of my car again, about to beat the crap out of him, - when he drove away''
Finn's surge of anger evaporated along the lines of relaying this story.
I looked at him shocked, the words in my head unable to form sentences.
''You seemed -okay after that, - more like you needed space, - so I left, - End - of - Fucking - story'' he dragged out the last bit of his sentence, the previous venom back in his tone
I felt bad now.
''I only asked about it, thinking you might want to talk'' - He added sincerely, looking everywhere but besides me, - fidgeting with his lighter
I was a little embarrassed, and surprised now. Though I appreciated his sad excuse for chivalry, I still didn't appreciate him; invading my privacy, when I had told him to leave -
I wasn't the type to be impressed by the guy who cared too much about the girl
Instead I thought it was possessive.
''Well you didn't have to'' I said, my pride refusing to accept defeat, My anger needing a little while more to evaporate
''god you're so infuriating!' he barked out.
- I assumed- he was a little bit annoyed with me now.
I spun around, quick as a snake about to bite back
If he wasn't done, neither was I.
''Oh that's- ri '' --
I was cut short, and slammed against the wall
Lips met lips, in an intense and ravenous kiss, A million different sensations, exploding throughout everywhere all at once.
And then it ended just as quickly as it had began
Finn drew back, and I was looking directly into his grey-green eyes, breathless, - my chest rising and falling in sync with my uneven breaths
His gaze was still hot on mine, both of us unable to move.
The next thing I knew, I was reaching for him, and pulling him back in, - our heads slightly bumping at first, -but I didn't care, I was hungry for his lips
His lips were soft but rough at the same time; - he tasted of mint, and blueberries
I smiled against his lips.
His tongue slipped into mine- so expertly, coaxing my lips to submit to his. A gasp escaped my lips, - as I felt something poking into my lower stomach
The intensity of the kiss was leaving me feeling heady, so I clung to him, my arms fastened around his neck.
And even though it felt like the breath was being crushed out of me, - and there was no space in-between our bodies whatsoever, - he still seemed so far, - I wanted him closer.
Finn's hands slid down my back and rounded my butt, till his one hand lifted my right leg, I did the rest, wrapping the back of my leg around the back of his
It was the type of kiss that felt like it was timeless; it was too long, yet at the same time came to an end to soon.
I didn't know how long we stood there like that, or how long it went on, - just after what seemed like many countless gasps and murmurs. - Reality hit in the back of the head like a brick
''Okay guys seriously'' I heard a voice snap. - It didn't take a rocket scientist to know the person was speaking to me - us.
I wasn't sure if I had really heard it, - but even if I had ignoring sounded like one of the best things
''Guys!''
Startled by the outburst, I broke away so sharp from Finn, that I almost fell over my own feet.
I grabbed onto Finn trying to regain my balance
I heard him chuckle besides me, and I loosened my fingers around his forearm
I blinked, taking in my surroundings, feeling like I just took my first step on planet earth.
My gaze landed squarely on Sheri, her hands resting on her hips
She looked at me death evident in her eyes
''Ross told me to tell you that your fifteen minutes is over''
Finn stepped back from me, - my body suddenly cold
I swallowed, before answering, unsure of how my voice might come out
''Oh yeah'' I said lamely, too embarrassed now, I looked down at my wristwatch instead of Finn, barely glancing behind me, I just followed Sheri back inside.