Athena
I deserve to have fun.
With everything that went on and that little bit where I felt the jolt of being alive, I realized I had strayed away from one of the core essences of being in college: parties.
I had my fair share of parties in high school; sponsored ones hosted by rich kids' parents in their big ass mansions, Cal's unusual but fun parties, and even the occasional ones hosted by other kids we barely knew in class.
This was my time to actually enjoy something. I deserve it.
Fuck finals.
All I'm asking for is one night of fun, laughter, and terrible drunk dancing. Finals won't even take place over the next few days. It happens exactly a week from now.
I get good grades, why shouldn't a measly party be a treat?
"I'm giving you one hour, Thena. Just one." Elliot told me as soon as we pulled up over by the campground's parking area.
My arm was still broken, so Elliot, being the annoying little spawn from hell, insisted on driving me. What a way to rain on my parade. He acts like a parent now, what the hell.
I sat back in the passenger seat of my car and raised both my feet up on the dashboard, purposely annoying Elliot. Sucking the tiny lollipop I had in my mouth rather loudly, I puckered my lips and turned to stare at him with the kindest smile I can muster.
"Let's pretend I give a shit and leave it at that." I said, shrugging as I continued biting on the hard surface of my lollipop.
One party isn't gonna hurt. A few drinks wouldn't either.
"Athena." he said sternly, emphasizing my name the same way my aunt says it whenever I did something stupid.
I put out my lollipop towards his direction and grinned cheekily.
"You know what, I think I'll go swimming. There's a lake nearby." I noted, looking out the window of my car and out towards where campfires and lamps illuminated the dark, making out silhouettes of people walking by, dancing, taking photos, and even the occasional guy inverted on a keg.
Elliot heaved out an audible sigh and turned my by the shoulder to face him and his musty face. His short, blonde hair was all spiky and prickly now, and his green eyes looked dull in the dark.
"You can't be serious. You can't just jump into a lake without a change of clothes or something to protect your cast from getting wet." he said.
I groaned and sat straighter in my seat, intent on annoying the fuck out of him so I can do whatever I want.
"So no skinny dipping?" I suggested.
That got a chuckle out of him.
"You're unbelievable. Fine. Do whatever you want. I'm coming back in an hour to give you a ride back to your dorm. Call me, okay?" he said as he turned off the car's engine.
"I won't." I told him as soon as I opened the door of my car and went out, smiling to myself as I walked away.
The path was a bit rocky, but it was fine as soon as the land flattened, and I can nearly feel my Docs sinking in a bit to the soft, dark soil. The earth smelled rich, and weird as it may sound, I kinda liked it.
I knew I was at the center of the party as soon as I saw people around my age flocked around one, big campfire, all dancing to the loud music blazing through some speakers. They all seemed alive, like all things boiled down to one event, and this was it.
I laughed, and ran towards them, but before I went to the center, with all the dancing and the drinking, something stopped me.
I shot my head up, never minding my annoying, overgrown bangs that started to curtain my eyes, looking up. In that moment, I couldn't help but stop running, and I stood there, staring up at it.
They were lanterns.
Floating lanterns.
They looked strangely familiar though, as if they flew out of Tangled and instead of floating into the sky, they were all hung in neat rows above me, illuminating the whole party.
They were bigger than expected, too, and I couldn't take my eyes off them.
The lanterns were strangely glorious, they had beauty in them. I didn't realize I was smiling to myself, laughing even, as someone blew a whistle and pulled all the strings that tied all the lanterns together. They all flew upward, into the dark of the night, dancing, twirling.
I couldn't help but spin around myself.
Laughing, I felt myself go a bit dizzy, and I lost my balance there a bit, only for someone to catch me, holding me by an arm. I laughed louder as I spun my head to see who it was.
"Fitz!" I said, still laughing and looking up at the sky full of lanterns, before turning back to him, looking somehow bewildered.
"Athena? You're here too?" he asked, letting go of my arm, grinning widely at me, looking relieved.
"You didn't tell me you were coming either. We could've hit the road together, and I could've escaped the wrath of my new dad." I spat, rolling my eyes a bit as I remembered Elliot acting like a babysitter.
I'm old enough to do things I would probably regret anyway. I deserve having things to regret. Isn't that what being young means nowadays?
"Dad?" he asked, looking at me with a curious look on his face.
I sighed, shaking my head as I pulled Fitz towards where the drinks are.
"Elliot. He's being such a stuck up lately. You're here alone?" I asked, handing him a cup of something that is probably alcohol, and took one for myself too.
"What does it seem like?" he asked, cocking his head to the side a bit, sipping from his cup before his eyes widened and he spat out some of the liquid in his mouth, his expression sour.
I laughed at his attempt to try alcohol, and I sipped a bit from mine. It tastes just like any other cheap alcoholic drink.
"Old dog trying new tricks. I like it." I said, before chugging down my drink.
Fitz watched me in awe, and he tried a sip again, before he eventually threw his head back and drank the remainder of his cup in one breath. He later threw his empty cup to a nearby trashcan and turned to look at me, his face beaming.
"Another one?" he asked, wiping the corner of his mouth with a sleeve of his shirt.
I nodded and smiled at him, amused at his sudden willingness to drink.
We took an entire tray of cups filled with alcohol and brought it over to a less crowded area, where no one would give us weird looks for smuggling what might be drinks for at least ten people.
Fitz and I each grabbed a cup, clinked them together, and drank. After a few of those, we seemed to be a little tipsy, and I had to stop for a while before I get too drunk and Elliot would probably give me a hell of a sermon later.
"Have you heard the news? It's been buzzing around the party for quite a while now." Fitz said, as he held his near-empty cup in his hands, sweating a bit.
"What news?" I asked, setting my own cup down on a nearby table.
He sighed and shook his head.
"I don't know if it's a rumor or not but, Maya's suspended and on academic probation. Turns out, the school discovered her fake application credentials through an anonymous email sent to the dean." he admitted, before chugging down the rest of his cup.
I was a bit shocked, and I didn't seem to move.
Maya's suspended?
I know I should feel sorry for Maya and her impending doom but something tells me I knew who sent the email to the dean. There could only be one person who dislikes Maya as much as I do and at the same time, has access to all her dirt. I couldn't help but feel a little burst of pride for Elliot.
What a way to turn the tables.
"Really?" I asked, eyeing Fitz curiously, picking up any possible signs of him possibly knowing it was Elliot who brought Maya to justice.
Fitz seemed oblivious and clueless, so he just nodded along.
"Yeah. I even have theories about it." he said looking at his near empty cup.
"Care to share?" I asked, gently nudging him by the shoulder, knocking him off balance as he stood.
He glared at me and sighed.
"You know how Maya was doing good with her grades when she had Owen around?" he started.
I nodded.
"Maybe she used him to maintain her place here at school, I don't know. He was smart, and Maya kinda needed help with her stuff. This all went down when her grades got worse just this semester. And what happened over the semester?" He asked, ending openly, looking at me as if he's expecting me to answer back.
"Owen ignored her?"
He smiled and nodded, pointing finger guns at me.
"Bingo."
I shook my head and laughed.
Maybe she did use Owen for academics, but maybe she also liked him the same way I do. She did show signs that she had a little crush on him way back.
And she took his virginity. Let's just leave it at that.
"That's just crazy. This whole story is crazy." I said, taking a rather long sip of alcohol from my cup. It stung my throat a bit, but that was the way alcohol was supposed to work.
It stings, the same way Maya once stung us with her whole innocent facade. We got poisoned by it, but now, we're healing.
"I know. But we did get our peace and quiet with Maya out of the picture, right?" he said, the smile on his face a bit distant.
I smiled back, and wrapped my good arm around his shoulder, though I had to stand on my toes just to reach his towering height. Fitz wasn't the tallest person I know, but it was nice having a real friend here in college, someone constant. Some people are simply ruthless snakes.
"Let's keep it that way." I said as I laughed and yanked Fitz to party central, still carrying the entire tray of alcohol cups we nabbed.
Fitz looked terrified for a quick second, his gaze pointed toward the tray of drinks we took. He was currently holding it in his hands, and I just laughed and took photos of him looking like a cat with ginormous eyes.
"Didn't we steal this thing? Let's put it back first."
"It's not stealing if we finish it all off." I said, still laughing at how scared he was.
I didn't mean to come off as selfish and unfeeling but, I wanted Fitz to have even the tiniest bit of recklessness in his body. I know I deserve fun, and he does too. This year has been just so exhausting, we all deserve a break.
Even Owen, wherever he is. I just hope he's happy and is processing things one at a time.
Life can be cruel, but that doesn't mean we aren't allowed to grip it and take it by the reins. Carpe Diem, says that one movie I used to watch endlessly in middle school. Seize the day.
If we let things break our minds, we would be prisoners to our own fears. We fear judgement and social inequality, as has Owen. We fear feeding into stereotypes such as Marley. We fear that lack of money wouldn't get anybody anywhere, such as Calix. God, even new blood such as Fitz fears something, and that was trying something new.
I, on the other hand, fear loneliness. There is a massive difference between loneliness and being truly alone. I can feel safe and at peace when I'm the only person in the room, but I feel so lonely seeing all these people have their respective persons they can call home.
Maybe now's not the time for me to have that yet, or maybe I'll be doomed to a life that has no one I can come home to, or rant to about my day. There's a chance I won't be able to come home to someone and just, crash into them and ugly cry, telling them about my tragic first day of work or a failed job interview. I won't have someone to yank towards the scariest amusement park rides or take tons of photos with.
But then I remember, seize the day.
I smiled, remembering the good memories I had with Owen, and even the fewer ones I had with Elliot. Things with Elliot had been fun, with the idea of first love clouding my mind but, when I think of Owen, everything just clicks.
I don't know if it's the slow effect of alcohol taking over me, but when I think of him, I could just climb the highest mountain and proclaim my love for him. I could scream at the top of my lungs and yell out how amazing he is. How his kindness touched the ones around him, how he'll do anything just to make someone feel less sad, feel less alone.
Alone.
I pinched myself back to reality, and saw that Fitz was no longer around. Even the entire tray of drinks we took was gone.
I shuffled around the thick crowd of people enjoying the party, and I almost felt fear rise in my chest for convincing Fitz to do whatever he wants to do. Once I heard the familiar yelp of his voice not far from me, I immediately darted toward him, and almost instantly, found myself laughing.
"Athena!" he screamed, waving at me as he tore his shirt off and spun it in the air, moments before two other guys take him by his legs and helps Fitz do a hand stand over a keg.
My stomach hurt from seeing him like this, all care-free and oh look, he's doing a keg stand.
I watched Fitz attempt a keg stand and god, was he kinda good at it. It was unbelievable how long he managed to it, shirtless and sweaty and all.
People around him whooped, all pining for the new guy, and I took selfies and photos of him, unmistakenly deadass drunk.
I shook my head at him, imagining how hungover he would be soon enough.
"See you in a bit, then." I told him loudly through all the cheers he was getting around him. I smiled as I left.
Maybe I was a good influence on him after all.
Instead of eating something or grabbing another drink, I took a walk.
I strayed further away from the party and headed toward the lake. Not many people were around it, just a few who wanted some quiet after their ears were bloodshot from the loud music playing earlier.
I was near the lake now and noticed how not many were swimming. Just a few dumbasses with their butts out jumping in and out of the shallow parts of the lake, probably because of how cold the water might be. I wasn't sure.
Sitting down on a good patch of cold grass, I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of freshwater. It was clean, and I found it refreshing not having algae or anything decomposing infiltrating my senses.
Everything was quiet here, and the view of the lake was gorgeous. I opened my eyes to look at it, and at the reflection of the full, bright moon ahead of me.
"Can I sit with you?" a voice so familiar to me said.
I turned behind to look at him and couldn't help but smile.
"Of course."
Carpe diem, isn't it?