Athena
I never meant to hide anything after promising to tell the truth.
I was an advocate of all things good. It was one of the things that I always wanted to remain constant and yet, things are changing. I can feel it.
It was yet another regular day into the afternoon where I was all alone with my thoughts. The days were starting to get chilly so I grabbed a cardigan as I went out. If Owen was out doing whatever in the library by himself, I might as well do something for me.
And so I ventured out of campus and decided to meet someone. Again.
I didn't bother taking some sort of transportation vehicle to take me to my destination. I always liked walking. The feeling of the breeze gently crisping up your skin tickles me as I strolled outside the university grounds and headed toward a pub he and I always met.
I didn't have a choice.
These past few weeks, Elliot started showing up in my dms and texts as either an anonymous number or a hidden account. He had always been secretive, that asshole. Despite my previous attempts to finally remove him from my life, he always made sure he would somehow creep his way back to me. And so I let him.
I couldn't let myself be haunted by a former flame. I don't feel the heat of it whenever I'm with him anyway. I only feel chills running along the ends of my spine.
What started as a one-time meet-up turned into regular ones once Owen started being busy with school again(which is why he usually goes to the library these days, as he says, to focus). I feel bad for constantly bugging him with nosy questions a mother usually asks a kid. I couldn't help it. I wanted to protect him from whatever's going to boil down after this thing I have with Elliot. I need to settle things with him first before I can finally live without fearing someone watching me.
I finally arrived at the pub Elliot and I always met. Our usual spot was the far end by the bar area, he always liked something to drink whenever we talked. As usual, he was already there, waiting patiently as he sat on the dark, wooden stools around the counter, his head slung low.
I walked up to him slowly and silently sat a seat apart from him. Elliot looked up in my direction, eyeing first the blank seat beside him before turning his gaze up to meet my eye. He snorted.
"All these times we've talked and now you've decided to distance yourself?" he said laughingly as he took a swig from his bubbly, golden beer and drank a little.
"It's better than texting you from the other side of the counter." I mumbled back.
Whenever we would meet to talk out our terms, I always made sure to be a good distance away from him. Elliot always manages to hold my hand whenever we're close enough. I just increased our gap. His hands are rough, calloused and strong; too strong for my tastes, rather. I prefer gentler ones.
"I always thought it was ridiculous to be texting someone just a few feet away from you." he spat as he sipped his beer again.
Still, I couldn't help but smile a bit at how genius it was to use technology as a mode of communicating with an utter dickhead. My sanity is intact and my thoughts are clear whenever I text him from afar. It's a huge win for me, I guess.
"I don't want you near me. I have my reasons." I said as I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning toward the counter a bit.
He and I were both quiet. We both know to ourselves that we still have a lot to talk about. I disliked every minute of it, actually. I felt my legs fidget under the counter, restless as the balls of my feet kick the partition between us and the actual bar. Eventually, Elliot cleared his throat and asked the bartender for another round. He got another mug and drank a little before turning to me, unbelievably looking sober.
"Does that boyfriend of yours know we've been talking lately?" he asked gruffly. The roughness in his voice was probably caused by the beers he had drank. Still, I couldn't help but remember the time when I used to swoon whenever his voice goes deep and rough like that. I don't now.
"He doesn't." I admitted hesitantly in a low voice.
I'm sorry Owen. I know we've made an unspoken pact to always tell each other whatever's happening with us since we don't have that much time together due to school. My chest tightened and it felt as if I was stabbed over a hundred times because I do have something going on with me, I'm just not sure how to tell him.
"Why?" Elliot asked with a half-smile on his face.
Jerk.
"I don't want him to be as messed up as I am." I finally said.
It was true. I wanted to keep him as safe and unbothered as possible because I know he sometimes has the tendency to act rashly and abruptly without considering his state. He has a big heart. I don't want to use his heart to my benefit just so he can play the role of the knight in shining armor for me. I'm not a princess who needs saving. Owen's fine as he is and I am okay with that.
Looking at Elliot, he seemed to be extremely humored by what I said. What an asshole.
"He's already got messed up legs. What's so scary about messing him up a little more? At least he wouldn't be stupid enough to date someone meeting her ex behind his back." he said with a scoff as he sipped his beer again.
I felt my hands clench into two fistful balls, I swore the slightest hints of veins popping out were starting to show. Elliot is an insensitive, entitled prick who doesn't deserve second chances. And yet here I am, giving him the chance to redeem himself; to talk.
"Shut up, Haynes. How many beers have you even drank? Let's talk about something else." I suggested, looking away at him, disgusted by his attitude.
"Like what?" he asked, putting down his mug.
I inhaled sharply before leaning more toward the counter, resting my chin on my hand.
"Where we ended last time. It's not like I came here for you, anyway. We still have things to settle." I said as I looked straight into his apple green eyes before looking down onto the faux wood finishing of the bar countertop. Elliot sighed.
"Aren't we done with that? Come on babe, loosen up a bit. Why so stern? Here, lemme buy you a drink." he offered, raising a hand toward the bartender and asked for a sangria. He knew I loved that during one of our bartending lessons back when we had school together. I smiled a bit and nodded.
"Fine. Just one. And don't call me babe. You always forget that." I said, removing my smile as soon as the bartender came by and handed me my sangria. I knew this drink could easily get me drunk. I haven't been drinking lately and if I drink at least three of this, I'm up for trouble. The only thing I have to do was to not get carried away with it.
"Now, where were we?" Elliot asked as he leaned over to me. From my peripheral vision, I saw one of his hands slowly creep up to mine and I instantly removed my hands from the countertop.
"I told you, where we ended last time." I said, putting down the drink. It tasted good.
Elliot managed a small laugh before shaking his head at me with a charming grin that unfortunately, has no effect on me now.
"Oh, that. Fine. I don't want to go to the police just to be put behind bars. It wasn't even that bad." he said with a shrug.
I felt my insides heat up from annoyance and instead of swatting him with curse words, I simply drank my sangria some more to get rid of the growing headache developing in me because of Elliot.
"Fine. I respect your decision. How about finally getting some fucking help? Wouldn't that be better than jail?" I asked him as I angrily put down my glass and stared at him straight in the eye. Still, Elliot did not falter and instead, shrugged.
The audacity of this guy.
"Me? Going to some rehab with vegan food and chakras and magic rocks? No way, Thena." he said laughingly as he grabbed his mug of beer again and sipped.
"Well you'd better go somewhere. Look, I'm trying to help you after what happened between us. It's for your own good." I said truthfully.
Seriously, what is it with me? The guy who hurt me is a mere two feet away from me and yet, I'm helping him. Sometimes, I question myself whether the good I am doing is justified or not. It's the curse of wishing for better days after something terrible happened. We cannot completely erase the bad and forget it all happened just to smile away at some paradise with huge fields of daisies. The bad sides are never meant to be forgotten after all. I mean, if we pretend nothing bad happened to us in the past, how else would we find meaning in the things we do for the sake of goodness in the present and future?
"My own good? Athena, do you seriously think you're doing this for me or for yourself? You just want me gone. I always knew you would somehow grow to hate me after, you know." he implied as he lowered his head and laughed.
Looking on the blank seat in between us, I stood up from my stool and transferred next to him, bringing my drink. Elliot looked at me with a surprised look on his face and just stared at me.
"I don't just hate you. I despise you and yet, I have to admit, I always have a soft spot for you." I said shrugging.
This is the part I hated the most. Admitting something you never thought you would tell anyone. I took a long sip from my drink and surprisingly, there was nothing left in my glass after I drank. Elliot looked amused for a while before scoffing.
"Really? Might telling me more about this after another round?" he offered again with a dazzle in his stare. I rolled my eyes and just handed him my glass.
"Fine. Just because I'm thirsty. Give me another." I said.
The bartender fixed me up another sangria and handed it over to me after he finished preparing it. I instantly drank from it as soon as it arrived in front of me and finished it all in one sip.
"What do you mean by having a soft spot? Like, do you still have feelings for me? I know I do." Elliot told me with a wink. I shot him a glare and stopped myself from spitting right into his face.
"I don't have feelings for you, dumbass. I care for you. It's different from having romantic feelings." I clarified. Elliot smiled.
"I appreciate that. Thank you."
My face felt a little hotter than normal this time but I know for sure I was not drunk yet. My mind was still functioning pretty well and I still have a douchebag to deal with. I asked the bartender myself for another round and took another sip from my sangria and instantly felt good. I landed my hand on Elliot's high shoulder and felt his body tense a bit from my sudden action.
"Before we became a thing, you and I had been friends. I always had your back as you had mine. Even after everything, I hated myself for still caring about you. It may not be much but the feeling is very subtle. You better pack your bags before I unleash hell, Elliot." I said before laughing to myself.
Elliot looked weirdly pleased with himself and laughed along with me.
"Athena Calimeris unleashing hell? That sounds like something I could stay for." he said with a nod.
"Shut up. I'm trying to save the world from you, dickhead." I spat.
Elliot showed off the slightest hint of a smirk.
"So what now? You're gonna singlehandedly send me away to some rehab or the police? I'd rather live with my mom and step dad than go." he said bitterly.
I frowned and sipped my sangria again.
"Then go home. I'm sure your mom misses you." I said, suddenly remembering my parents a hundred miles away. I felt my chest feel loose and stringy, the only sensation that I think I have is yearning.
I miss them.
Elliot looked disgusted for a moment as soon as I mentioned his mom and swatted a hand at me.
"Nah, she wouldn't. She loves that fucker of a husband better than me anyway." he said as he gulped his beer with a flair of annoyance around him.
"Moms love their kids. I bet she loves you too but is too scared to say to your face." I said with a low voice.
Elliot shot me a disturbed look and shook his head.
"My mom is different. She's a gold-digging, two-faced bitch who forgot she even had a kid. If she found me in jail or rehab or wherever, she'll laugh at me. I'm a disappointment anyway." he said with a shrug.
"I feel you, bud. Now, how about another round? I'll pay this time." I said as soon as I tipped my glass up to my mouth and indulged the rest of the fruity, alcoholic taste of the sangria down my throat. I've never felt this good lately and it was nice finally having that fun little buzz whirring inside of me.
"I thought you'd never say that." Elliot said with a crooked grin, raising a hand toward the bartender to ask for another round for the both of us.