Athena
"You didn't have to go all the way here, Eli." I immediately told him as soon as he surprised me right after midterms. In complete and utter shock, I hid my innermost feelings about the situation and maintained a straight face as I yanked him by the arm and toward somewhere hidden.
I feared Owen might have seen us or something but I immediately erased the thought of him going out alone in broad daylight on a weekend. That kind of thing was extremely rare and to be honest, I had a huge hunch he's still asleep in bed. Owen loves that. As far as I know, he absolutely hates anything that involves social interactions and that includes even passing by random strangers. He'd rather sleep and read than go out, that adorable idiot.
"I wanted to see you. It's been a while." Elliot told me as he freely let me lead him towards a secluded area inside the campus. He had a cheeky grin on his face and honestly, he looks as if he never changed.
Well, except for his hair. His former shiny blonde locks had now been dyed into a darker, chestnut brown, all tied together in man bun. Elliot always did enjoy having longer hair. It was something that made him stand out from the rest of the guys back at high school. It was one of the things I first noticed about him.
I eventually shot Elliot a glare, the same exact kind Owen used to give me before. Throughout the years of our relationship, I had been given a lot of his glares and I am proud to announce that I think I learned how he does it. Terrifyingly.
"How the hell did you even know where I was? I didn't tell you."
"I contacted some old teachers from school and asked where you go now. A Princeton girl. Wow. You could've went to Harvard or Yale but this is okay, I guess." he said with that same breeze of coolness he always had around him. Elliot took his time looking around the buildings and other campus scenery as I yanked him towards one of the smaller coffee shops around and went inside.
I sat down on one of the more hidden tables fearing someone I know would see me with this mammoth and call me out for being a slut or something. Things like those easily becomes rumors here and I don't want such things to happen. I never want them to happen. To think of it, I never wanted this meeting with Elliot to happen either.
"Coffee? Athena, it's lunchtime. Couldn't you have chosen somewhere with a bigger menu?" Elliot said, in an attempt to joke. I looked up at him, his six foot something height towering over my five foot one and a half. His green eyes had been the same over the years and his stare was the same kind one he gave me before.
But things are different now.
"Shut up, dickhead." I told him with a straight face.
Elliot curled the edge of his mouth into a cheeky smirk and nodded. It was not too soon until he sat opposite of me and clasped his hands together like the stupid fly that he is.
"Feisty. I like that."
"Fuck off. If we're here to talk, that's all we're gonna do. I'll eat something later." I spat bitterly.
"Alright, alright. We'll stay in this, --whatever this place is." he said with a slight chuckle in his tone.
Elliot looked well. Too well for someone who disappeared and suddenly came back like he's the messiah or something.
His now chestnut hair had strands that got out of his man bun which I suspected was blown off by the wind. The type of clothes he wore was still the same; plain shirt, dark jeans and a black bomber jacket. It seemed as if he never aged these last two years.
"Elliot," I started, looking down on my sweaty palms. I began to rub them anxiously, it had been a habit of mine after the thing happened.
"Yes Athena?" he asked innocently.
I looked at him sternly, tugging back the longer edges of my bangs behind. I cleared my throat.
"Tell me, why did you want to see me? In person?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest as I leaned back.
Elliot looked unfazed and he had this naughty smile on his face, it was almost sickening.
"Simple. I missed you, babe."
Babe.
He used to call me that every time. But times are different now. He's different. I don't want to turn back to him and neglect what progress I have with Owen. He's good for me and Elliot on the other hand, was the complete opposite.
"Don't call me that. I have a boyfriend." I said in a hushed tone, sinking in deeper into my seat. I diverted my gaze away from Elliot and instead focused on some tissue dispensers on the table.
I heard Elliot laugh and I looked up to him sighing. His expression was laughing and I didn't know why.
"Don't tell me that crip is the one who bangs you now, Thena. You've got to be kidding me." he said almost plainly, as if it was natural to him.
I never did it with Owen but I did it with him. Like I said before, things moved quickly when it came to Elliot and I but I valued Owen more. He was sincere and caring and he never pushed me to do things I wasn't really ready for.
Somehow, my thoughts of Owen being so conscious of his disability came rolling in and I couldn't help but feel anger surge within me. I know how it feels being insecure about things you can't help and I never want anyone I value feel that way.
I felt myself gritting my teeth a bit and my jaw clenching. I tensed up. I forgot how insensitive and careless Elliot may be and how he mostly thinks of himself instead of others. He was born rich; some kids grow up to be humble but this person, Elliot, grew up as if he's entitled to everything. And I didn't like it.
"Shut it, Eli. He has a name and it's Owen. Don't say things like that. It's offensive." I said tightly.
Elliot couldn't help but laugh a little and sigh at me. I narrowed my eyes at him and kept my distance.
"Things like what? Cripple? Isn't that what he is? That dude can't really walk but he sure can throw a punch. Does he train or something?" Elliot asked jokingly as he laughed to himself. I plainly stared at him making fun of someone who's obviously a better person than he would ever be.
"Stop this,--talk about Owen. I want something from you." I told him seriously.
I was rarely serious when it comes to how I interact with people and it seems so unlikely of me to be like this. Being serious was Owen's kind of vibe. I'm not.
Just being in the presence of Elliot again made me feel so different about myself.
I felt unsure. Insecure. Annoyed.
"What is it, babe?" he asked again as he leaned forward a little from his side of the table. He had a soft look on his face and whatever his intentions are as he kept calling me that old nickname, I didn't like it.
"I told you, stop calling me that." I fussed.
"Why? I think it's cute." he said as he attempted to reach for my hand. I slapped his wrist instead. He looked taken aback a bit by how I acted and I internallt felt a little better about myself than a few seconds ago.
"I want closure, Elliot, that's why. I don't want anything left unsaid." I said seriously.
"About what?" he asked, seemingly as if he was just starting to get a grasp of the main purpose of this somehow meaningless reunion we've gotten ourselves into.
"Us. Whatever spiralled down after you--"
I couldn't continue. I choked on my own words. All of the sudden, it seemed as if the words had been taken out of my mouth and my brain completely erased all thought of this meeting with Elliot.
"Yeah. About that," he finally said, sitting back in his chair as he scratched his nape.
"Hmm?"
Elliot somehow looked uncertain for a while as his green eyes looked away from mine and looked lost. For a second, I felt myself sympathizing sith him but then, I suddenly remembered who he was and what he had done.
"You did know I was going through some rough patches that time, right? My parents getting divorced and all." he recalled.
In fact, something like that did happen. It was way before I met Owen that Elliot kept coming over to my house to stay the night since his parents fought so many times until their inevitable divorce. After that, he kept telling me that the best thing that happened out of it was the money his mom had kept in secret was used for him to get himself a condo unit somewhere out of town.
I knew he was internally hurting despite getting himself unnecessary things and yet, I confused myself with feelings of actual love and pity.
"Yeah. I remember." I plainly said.
His reasons are not valid.
That is a fact that I know all too well now. His parents' divorce is not the sole reason for him having the audacity to hurt me. And I don't want to be hurt. Not again.
"Well, I know I wasn't thinking straight that time. I don't like my mom since she's rarely home and I'm literally forced to be with her. That's why I always hung out with you in my own personal condo." he said.
"The lives of the rich, jeez." I muttered as soon as he mentioned his own condo unit.
That part could've been erased from his whole monologue since it was clearly irrelevant. That was just him bragging. He had always been a big bragger, this guy.
"Sorry. It's just that, right after the divorce, some random guy asked my mom for her hand in marriage. And it hadn't been too long after they were separated." he said glumly.
This was the part I had never heard from him. Before, he always mentioned them getting divorced but not because of any communication problems between them, but because there was another guy involved.
I had never met his mother the whole time when we had dated before since she really was pretty busy and out of the house so I don't really know how to picture the whole scenario.
"So you're mom had been cheating on your dad with someone else?" I asked.
"Basically. And I had been so angry, I didn't know I had let it all out on you. I promise, I'm not a psychopath or some other dumb things like that. I am never like that."
It was my turn to be taken aback.
He was never like that?
Psychopathic? Toxic? Manipulative?
Elliot is the literal embodiment of a psychopath. Nothing will change my mind over that matter. He will always will be one.
"But you hurt me." I muttered as I looked away and bent my head down.
It had been hard on me feeling as if my world crumbled down on me that time I woke up in the hospital not knowing where the hell my boyfriend at that time was. I did not have a clue what even happened since it was so fast and I can barely remember any small details involved.
"And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't say a word after you got hurt and I'm sorry I didn't even visit you in the hospital or help your aunt pay the bills. I regret leaving you like that."
Regret.
That was a feeling I never knew a guy like Elliot even knew and felt. Elliot was the golden boy back in high school, the popular jock, the guy who every girl has her eyes on. He was selfish, vain, and cruel.
I'm never letting him get into my head ever again.
"I was stuck in a fucking halo for six months, dumbass. I don't think I can accept your apology. I'm sorry." I said, looking up at him blankly.
"You were in a what?"
I sighed.
After that incident, the only person I've told this about was Owen. Calix, Tim and Viv all knew it without being told since they had been with me at school and saw me in that damn thing during the last few months of sophomore year. Fitz doesn't know and neither does Maya. I don't think they'd understand the whole situation with the image of me being some sort of Transformer or something.
It was uncomfortable telling people about how you got hurt or got into an accident. I somehow understand why Owen dislikes telling people what happened to him and I get how he feels about being looked down on. I don't want to feel that ever again.
"A halo. It's some big, chunky metal thing that literally holds your head up with rods and screws. I was in that thing. I broke my neck and some other things because of you." I simplified.
I could've died. I could've been paralyzed neck down but I didn't. I ended up with a few scars and scratches but that's alright. I fled with my life.
"I told you, I'm really sorry,--"
"And do you know how much money my aunt paid for the things you have done? How much my hospital bills were? Goddammit Elliot, she was supposed to go with me to Greece after graduation and she spend her ticket money for me. For me." I shot off my mouth.
I felt all the bottled anger inside me resurface and I blew it all on Elliot. Maybe somehow, he would know the feeling of being the person someone would let out all their anger on.
"Athena, babe,"
"I told you before and I'm telling you now, never call me that. Again." I said through gritted teeth.
"Okay. I'm sorry."
"Sorry's not enough for the damage you have caused. And like, have you ever thought of visiting me after I got hurt? Of sending me even a small text or something? Showing up?" I asked angrily.
I have never felt so much anger on a person my whole life. And it all led up to this moment.
"Athena, I was going through a rough time. I hope you understand that." he said calmly, defending himself.
I got even more angrier at him, I actually felt my whole head heat up because of him.
"And I hope you understand how hard it was for me to wonder what the hell happened and why the fuck can't I move my head since I was in a fucking halo."
"Athena," he said, loudening his voice a bit.
"Now what?" I asked annoyingly.
"Take me back."
I didn't know how to answer that.
I didn't know how or why he even wants such a thing to happen and I was terrified to know why.
I remained silent.
"I missed you so much and it hurt me not to even contact you after disappearing. I left my mom and her new husband who supposedly is my stepdad now and went on the road. I needed to find myself, Athena. I needed to fix myself before I give myself to you." he said.
My chest felt tight and I wanted to cry and slam something on the walls but I remembered we were in a public area. This was no place to inflict all your anger and pain out into physical things.
"No. I won't accept that." I muttered, looking down on my lap.
I didn't want to see the look on his face. I didn't even want to see his face.
It was the face that I previously fell for and the face I last saw as I was pushed off. It has two sides and yet, the more dominant one would probably be the dark side of Elliot. The one that caused all this mess.
"Athena, I love you. I still do." he admitted, violently reaching for my hands for him to grasp.
Elliot eventually found my hands and entwined his fingers into mine. I stared at our hands and I honestly felt nothing but disgust.
I quickly freed my hands from his and sprayed some alcohol on them.
"Shut up."
"All these years, constantly hiding in random places around town, I never missed a day without missing you. I really do regret what I did when I hurt you and I hope you'll believe me when I say it was unintentional."
How was pushing someone off as you stare into their eyes unintentional?
"Unintentional? Elliot, you literally lured me towards the balcony and threw me off. It hurt. It really hurt." I said, remembering all the pain I felt as soon as I hit the ground. I remembered how I couldn't breathe right and how my head felt light until all I saw was darkness as I lay unconscious.
I remembered the feeling of waking up first in an ambulance with a neck brace as I was surrounded by random paramedics who kept asking me what the hell happened and I was unable to tell them since I was so confused. So I just cried.
"Athena, I'm saying this again because I love you. I'm sorry."
I remembered how my friends looked at me the first time they went to visit me back then. Tim couldn't look at me since he was so not used to seeing all the metal stuck to me and Viv teared up. Calix, although he made himself seem okay, was secretly shuddering at what happened. He and Elliot had been friends too. It was unbelievable.
"Shut your craphole Haynes. I don't have time for your bullshit." I said as I started to stand up.
"What about the closure thing you wanted?" Elliot asked, gripping my wrist.
"I think I'm good with that." I said as I attempted to fake a smile.
"Scared that crip would find out about me being here, then? Go ahead. I won't show my face to him." he asked cheekily with that sickening grin on his face.
"Don't make Owen a reason why I have to talk to you longer." I said, flicking my wrist so it would be freed from his grasp.
Elliot didn't look taken aback this time and instead, he stood up in front of me and blocked my way out.
"So, Thena, what in the world could you possibly see in that guy? He's a fucking crip. An invalid. Obviously, I'm the better choice." he said smilingly.
I rolled my eyes at him and sighed.
"Don't talk down on him. He's better than you in more ways than one."
"Oh yeah? In what way is a guy in a wheelchair better than a boxer?" he asked, demonstrating some punches and flexing his biceps.
These things may seem so hunky and cool at first but I'm not pleased by his arrogance.
"For starters, he's nice to me. He cares. Unlike you, you only think of yourself. That snippet about you being a boxer won't make you better than him. That and your money." I said as I tried to walk away from him. Again, Elliot blocked my path and he had that sickening smile on his face again.
"So what? I'm nice to you. Fine, I didn't get to finish high school but who cares." he said as if education is just a joke.
"Are you even back in school? Even taking just a few online courses? God, Elliot, your money would all go to waste if you won't spend it right." I said.
"To be honest, I'm not. I dropped out. Well, I tried taking courses but that ain't it. What's that crip of yours doing these days? Stuck in a community college near home? I bet his mother won't let him go too far from home in his condition." he said laughingly.
I narrowed my eyes at him and pushed him slightly. Elliot's a boxer, for god's sake. I would easily be taken down by him and I don't want to risk it.
"Oh shut up, won't you? You don't even know the facts. Owen goes here too. He's smart enough to get into an Ivy League unlike you. You gave up easily just like you did with me."
"I didn't give up on you. I still love you, remember?"
"I don't believe you."
"Fine. But that cripple keeps surprising me, maybe someday he'll shock me with something entirely different. What if he'll walk next time and kick my ass?" he asked jokingly.
His jokes are not the least bit of humorous to me. They are insensitive, cruel, and full of ableistic idealogies.
"That's it, I'm leaving. Go back to whatever place you're hiding from you mom from. I think I'm finished yearning for closure." I said pushing him away from my path and walked out the cafe.
"Whatever. You might say that now but someday, you'll think otherwise. See you, babe." he said.
"I told you so many times, stop calling me 'babe'." I told him as I sped past him and walked briskly towards the direction of the dormitories.
"Alright. Bye Athena. This won't be the last. I'll get you. Someday." he said, following me slowly behind.
"Fuck off." I said, turning back at him, showing off my middle finger as well.
He deserves it.