Chapter 19: Daddy’s Dirty Little Secret: Chapter 19

I stormed out of the office with my mind clouded by anger, the kind that always made my chest feel tight and my fists clench. It had been building all day, but from the moment I saw Godwin talking to Amelia, it was uncontrollable. The way they were huddled together, whispering, exchanging looks—I wasn’t blind. It was more than just business. I had let it slide once, but now? Now, it felt like a line had been crossed.

My thoughts were a mess as I marched straight for Godwin’s office. The tension in my neck and shoulders was unbearable. As I reached his door, I didn’t even bother to knock. I threw it open and walked in, my gaze locking onto him immediately. He was seated at his desk, looking up at me like he was surprised to see me. He shouldn’t have been.

“Godwin,” I said, my voice low, sharp. “We need to talk.”

He didn’t flinch, but I could see his eyes narrow slightly. He knew exactly why I was here. “What’s going on, Mr. Blackwell?” he asked, his tone a little too casual for my liking. He had that look, the one where he thought he could talk his way out of anything. I wasn’t in the mood for it.

“Cut the crap,” I said, my teeth gritting. “I saw you with Amelia. Don’t act like it was nothing. I’m not an idiot.” As I was speaking, I realized how irrational this was—I didn’t take time to go through HR, didn’t pause to admit my emotions could’ve made me see things that weren’t there. I just saw through blind rage and jealousy.

Godwin leaned back in his chair with a relaxed face. “What are you talking about? We were just having a conversation. She needed help with something.”

“Help?” I spat, my anger flaring. “You’re fraternizing with her on company time, and you think I’m buying that? You’re not fooling me. I know exactly what’s going on.”

He leaned forward, meeting my gaze with an expression of confusion that annoyed me. “Mr. Blackwell, calm down. You’ve got it all wrong. There’s nothing happening between me and Amelia. It’s just work. She was asking about some stuff, and I was helping her out.”

“Don’t lie to me, Godwin,” I growled. My voice had dropped into that dangerous tone I used when I was angry. “I’ve seen this kind of behavior before. It’s not just work. And I’m done pretending I don’t know what’s going on. You’ve been using company time for your personal interests. Don’t think for a second I won’t deal with this.”

He stood up then, and the tension between us thickened. “You’re overreacting, Mr. Blackwell. It was just a conversation.” I could tell he was hiding something from me—something I felt the right to know about.

“I never said you weren’t being helpful,” I shot back, stepping closer. “But I know when someone’s being shady. And I don’t need people around me who can’t be honest. So, here’s the deal: you’re going to be transferred to a different department. You’ve proven you can’t keep it professional.”

Godwin’s face hardened, but he didn’t argue. I could tell the idea of a transfer hit him where it hurt. I wasn’t interested in playing games with him. The moment he’d crossed that line, he’d sealed his fate.

“I’m done with this conversation,” I said, spinning on my heel and walking out the door before he could say another word. My blood was still boiling, my anger like a fire I couldn’t put out.

I didn’t want to deal with Godwin anymore. I needed to cool off, clear my head. I didn’t know what had gotten into me, but I was furious. I wanted to believe them both, that it was just business, but everything about it screamed red flag. Amelia’s presence in the office was messing with my mind, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep pushing it down.

As I stormed down the hall, I made my way to my office. I needed space, time to think. I had no idea how to deal with what was going on inside me, but I couldn’t let anyone see how much it was affecting me.

I was just about to open the door to my office when I saw Amelia standing there, waiting, looking up at me with those eyes that seemed to see straight through me. It threw me, caught me off guard. I wasn’t ready for this. I hadn’t had a second to think since I saw her talking to Godwin. My thoughts were still tangled in knots, frustration still coursing through me.

I opened the door and followed her into the office, closing the door behind us. My eyes automatically went to her, though I didn’t know what I was expecting. I had no clue why she had come to see me, but I didn’t trust myself to speak right away. The image of her with Godwin lingered in my mind, nagging at me.

What was it about him that made her feel comfortable? Why did they get along so well? The thought grated on me. I hated the idea that she had a connection with someone else—anyone who wasn’t me. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t expressly sexual in nature. There was something about the way they talked, the way she smiled, that made it feel personal. That made it feel like I was being rejected.

I knew I shouldn’t feel jealous. We had an arrangement. Nothing more. Still, it stung, and I didn’t know how to shake it. I couldn’t let her see that, though. I was supposed to be the one who had control.

Amelia crossed her arms, her expression hardening as she took a step toward me. “What was that all about, Xander?” she asked, her voice sharp. “You walk in my office, eyes full of fire, acting like I’m the one who did something wrong. What’s going on with you?”

I felt a sudden rush of irritation. Of course, she was going to call me out. She had every right to. I wasn’t proud of how I had handled it, but I didn’t know how else to express what I was feeling. And the more I tried to control it, the more it slipped out.

“Nothing’s going on, Amelia,” I said, my words careful. I didn’t want to snap at her, but the frustration was still bubbling under the surface. “You’re free to do whatever you want. I don’t own you, but I won’t share you either.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Share me? What does that mean?”

I ran a hand through my hair, trying to keep my cool. “You were talking to Godwin—on company time no less. That’s not how this works.” I winced at my own attitude toward her, then backtracked. “You can do whatever you want with whoever you want, just not while we’re working. We have boundaries.”

She blinked, clearly taken aback by my words. “Wait a second,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re mad about that? Godwin and I are just friends. Nothing’s going on between us. It’s not like that, Xander.” She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Her eyes darkened, and I’d have sworn I saw pain in her expression. “Besides, this is NSA, right? No strings attached. You made that clear.”

I felt a tight knot form in my stomach. She was right of course. We had an agreement. No strings. But her words stung more than I wanted to admit. “I’m not saying you’re obligated to me,” I told her, trying to control my voice, but my fight or flight response was going wild. “You can do whatever you want. I have no feelings for you at all.” Just saying those words hurt me. “But don’t throw yourself at men on company time. Keep it professional.”

Her eyes narrowed with offense, the hurt in them so sharp it almost cut me. “Are you serious right now?” she demanded, stepping back. “I’m not some object you can control. I wasn’t throwing myself at anyone. Godwin and I were talking about work. You really think I’m capable of doing that … ?”

I saw her chest rise and fall, her breathing quickening with anger, and I knew I had overstepped. It didn’t matter that we had an arrangement—what I said was out of line. It wasn’t my place to tell her what to do, and the fact that I had made her feel that way made my insides feel like I’d been bludgeoned.

She took another step back, her eyes narrowing with indignation. “You know what? Forget this,” she spat bitterly. “I’m not going to stand here and be judged for something that’s none of your business.”

Before I could respond, she reeled around and stormed out of the room. The click of her footsteps echoed down the hallway, fading as she got farther away. I stood there, frozen for a moment, my heart sinking in my chest.

It felt like a punch to the gut. I had pushed her away—pushed her to a point where she couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with me. My fingers gripping the edge of the desk, I sank into my chair as I exhaled heavily.

What had I done? I’d let my jealousy cloud everything and twist it into something ugly. And now I felt like a complete fool.

I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling, trying to get my thoughts straight. She was right to be offended. I didn’t even know why I was so upset. What had I expected? That she’d just drop everything for me because I couldn’t keep my cool?

I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. I had no business being jealous. None at all. Yet, there I was—acting like a possessive idiot.

I rubbed my hands over my face, feeling the pressure of everything settling on me. If I didn’t figure this out, I was going to screw up something good. Something I wanted. I was out of my mind with anger. Every muscle in my body felt tight, like a snake ready to strike. I couldn’t control her. And she wouldn’t let herself be controlled. Not by me, not by anyone. So why had I allowed myself to believe that NSA sex would work for us? That I could handle it? I hadn’t even come close to handling it, and she appeared fine with the situation—unaffected by how I felt, unmoved in her own emotions toward me. It was just sex to her.

The whole situation, this whole arrangement, felt like a joke now. I was, tangled in something that was far more complicated than I ever imagined. And the worst part? I was the jealous one, not her. I didn’t want to be, but I was. She was free to do whatever she wanted, and that was the problem. I wanted her to be free, but I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t keep her from talking to Godwin or anyone else. And that realization gnawed at me, like a poison eating away at my soul.

I had let myself believe I could do this—keep things light, detached. But the truth hit me hard: this was too much to handle, too intense to keep pretending I could control it.