Despite my greatest efforts, the time I spent with Ryder, often overlapped with time that Ryder was adamant on spending with Eros. It wasn't that I didn't mind Eros, he seemed for the most part, a relatively nice guy. I did mind that Eros and I were not close at all, and he had seen me at my weakest, at my most vulnerable.
"Alice, I don't understand this problem," Ryder pushed the paper across the bed to me, the bed that seemed to become our permanent residence for completing our homework.
Eros was sprawled across the couch under the window, light filtering through, bringing light to the darkest features of Eros, a book in one hand, the other absentmindedly combing through the curled hair atop his head.
Shifting my attention, I pulled Ryder's paper towards me, briefly looking over the problem he was having difficulty with. "It's asking you to find the derivative of cos(5x2), so firstly, you should try and deal with the derivative of co-"
"Ryder!" Maria's voice cut me off, and both our heads lifted and turned to the cracked door to which we could hear Maria's voice flooding through.
"Yes?" He called back in a relatively similar volume, head turned to the ajar door.
"Can you come down here? We need to talk!" There was a waver in her voice that I had never heard before, a waver that caused the blood to rush out of Ryder's face, and his typical smirk melted straight off, replaced by a stoic expression.
"Stay here," he addressed Eros and I, and we didn't move as he did, standing cautiously and firmly shutting the door behind him.
I took a breath. Everything would be fine, the waver in Maria's voice was probably because she had been working so hard lately, not because there was something wrong.
Still, my stomach twisted in anticipation for Ryder to come back upstairs and tell us what happened.
Eros spoke unexpectedly, "It's probably nothing," I turned my head to see him turn the page of his book, not even sparing me a glance. "She's probably just worried about the lack of noise she's been hearing from this room."
"Noise?" I questioned, admiring how the filtered light fell on Eros' face, gentle and light, everything I knew Eros not to be.
Almost shamefully, his lips curled up into a small smile, "We like to play music, and we like to play it loud."
I tried to imagine this, the boys in this room, doing God knows what, blasting music so loud that Maria would have to work with ear plugs to even get anything done. The thought, was highly amusing.
I found the words leaving my lips before I could stop them, "Why was Ryder different from everyone else?"
The ringless fingers stilled on the page he was turning. "Alice." His voice was hard, and still he didn't even glance at me.
I felt smaller and smaller, as if my simple question was too personal for Eros to even begin to understand.
I supposed it was.
"We are not doing this," he turned to me and his eyes were blazing, a deep blue-black that emerged from the depths of the typical lighter blue hues.
"We aren't doing what Eros?" I answered defiantly, my voice slightly more wispy than I'd like it to be.
His head turned and he resumed turning the page. There was a moments silence, filled with my breaths and his deepened breaths, his finger trailing over the paper of the book.
"We are not having a fucking cliche bonding moment. I'm not a fucking mystery to be solved Alice. Don't treat me like one."
I replied instantly, "I don't think you're a mystery Eros, you should know better than that."
He didn't reply, and I was okay with that. I wanted to make it clear to Eros that my label wasn't just words. I wasn't called the kindest girl on the block for anything, I cared, and I cared about Eros.
Lost in my thoughts, I barely registered Eros standing and crossing to Ryder's desk, nose still buried in the book as he retrieved a yellow highlighter from the, dare I admit, crazily messy desk drawer.
I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't think much of Eros when he looked up from his book, and his fingers lifted to pull the paper off the wall.
I snapped out of my daze.
"Alice?" He asked, "What's this?" He faced me, holding the paper so I could see my curvy handwriting on the sheet of paper.
I raised a brow at him, defensive, "That's none of your business Eros."
"It's a list," he said despite my words making it clear that he shouldn't have been looking at that. "13 Things That are Crucial to do Before Senior Year Begins."
Somehow, It felt worse when Eros read even more than when Ryder discovered it. At least with Ryder, I knew that he'd tell me straight up how he felt about it. Eros was more of an internal kind of guy, and I doubt I'd find out how he'd feel about it anytime soon.
I was so freaking wrong.
"This is yours." Statement, not question. Everyone, even including Eros knew my handwriting.
"Yes," I affirmed.
He glanced up to me, confused and walked toward me with it, "Why?"
"We're not doing this Eros."
He shot me a dry look. "This is different Alice, this has nothing to do with friends or me or any depth about you at all."
"No it isn't Eros," I stood from the bed, and made terrible attempts to pull the paper out of his hands.
"Why Alice?" He repeated, as his gaze fell on the numbers, each delicately written, each personal to me, written for me.
I stared at him. Who was he? Who was he to look at one of my most private things as if we were friends, as if this was his business?
"I think I need to live more broadly than the books I surround myself with." I answered, albeit more sassily that I intended, but nevertheless.
"That I can attest to," he shot back at me, and flipped it over, the milky white sheet on the back that was labeled with the date I had written it. His brow furrowed. "You wrote this a year ago Alice, and you've completed," he looked back at the numbers, "Two."
"Two in a matter of a week." He moved to sit on the foot of the bed, forgetting we weren't friends all together. "Well ain't that quaint."
I sat across from him. "Eros, please, is it wrong that I want more in my life?"
He glanced at the list again, reading it through. "Alice, there's nothing wrong with wanting more, I just- I," he looked defeated, and looked at me a way he has never before.
His gaze held sadness.
I've seen Eros angry, heck I've seen him slightly happier than usual. And I'd like to think I know him better than most, seeing as the only other person whoreally knows Eros is Ryder. But- as Eros looked at me that way, I didn't know what to do. I felt as sad as he looked.
He seemed broken.
"Eros?" I asked, attempting to hide the worry in my voice.
His fore finger traced the gentle swoop of my letters, and for the first time, with the absence of his many rings that could usually be seen on his fingers, I was able to read the letters that were tattooed on his knuckles:
ANNA
The letters were in a bold font, surrounded with wisps of black flame that encompassed the name. The black fire ended at his wrist, and on the front of his hand was a gap in the flames filled by letters that definitely didn't resemble English:
μηÏÎÏα
He noticed my staring and tucked his hand under his jeans.
The conversation about the list was long gone, our worry about Maria long gone.
I asked a question I knew he wasn't expecting, "Why aren't you wearing your rings and bracelets?"
Often, his fingers were clad in silver rings, various bracelets on his wrists as well, today however, they were absent, and I was sort of glad they were.
"Didn't feel like it today," he shrugged, taking his hand from under his leg and standing, picking up the list.
I waited till he was pinning the list on the wall.
"Who's Anna?" I asked, I'm sure he assumed I wasn't going to ask, as if he could be private about things to me. I wasn't about to let that happen.
He paused, his fingers stilling from putting the list back on the wall. His body tensed and everything seemed to slow as he turned to me, the sadness ever evident, his hands rubbing up and down his jeans.
We were doing this.
"My mom."
***
HELLO MY FELLOW WATTPADERS AND HUMANS OF THE WORLD!
i'd like to start with- i want to fight whoever said senior year would be easy, i'm absolutely drowning in work and it only gets harder from here hahahahahaiwanttodiehahahahahaha!
besides that, this chapter is dedicated to my little baby that i treasure and love very very much, madpandamwahaha! she's literally the cutest person i know and YOU GUYS SHOULD 10/10 CHECK OUT HER BOOK
ok
iceteashti OUT
all my love