When I was younger, Dad was better. I supposed it was because at that point- he needed to be. We were small children and couldn't yet take care of ourselves, let alone take care of each other.
Though, he did the bare minimum.
What we needed was a loving father that treated his little girls like princesses. What we got were the awkward smiles and pats on the heads, and the desperation for our grandmother or Maria to come and take care of us all the time, which we didn't mind.
Our grandmother always treated us with the kindness and love we needed, spoiling us with peppermint candies and occasionally, with real toys.
We never thought our relationship with our father, our relationship with our grandmother, or the absence of our mother was weird, that was normal to us. We thought everyone was like this, not until we were in school did we realize that fathers don't typically act that way and mother's aren't dead.
We were the exception, and it caused a lot of pity to be sent our way, especially with Ryder's parents.
"My parents sent you a card and a package," Ryder mentioned off-handedly during our routine tutoring sessions on Wednesday. "Along with your monthly check," he motioned to the box atop his desk.
It was Ryder who sought me out for tutoring, but it was his parents that sought me out to discuss my pay, and dare I say they were overpaying me by a long-shot, not that I was complaining.
It was nice, being able to have more than enough to provide for Angelica and I.
"A package?" I questioned, gaze falling on the white gift-box and the envelope placed on top of it.
"Yeah," he said distractedly, "might be a care package or something, you know how they are with you."
I did know how they were with me, with Angelica. For a portion of our lives, for the time Ryder and I were inseparable, we might as well been considered family. His parents weren't always there, but they tried.
Just like how my dad tried.
I tilted my head at the card, opening the lip of the envelope and pulling out the thick paper, the paper that invited me to 'The Thompson Gala'.
"Ryder?" I asked, turning to him.
He looked up from his work, pencil in mouth, "Hm?" His eyes fell on the paper in my hand and an eyebrow raised, "They've invited you."
"To what exactly?" The paper listed a date, an address and a rather cold paragraph about how the Thompson residency was excited to invite me to their annual gala.
Ryder closed his textbook and stood from his bed, long strides reaching me quickly as he snatched the invite from my fingers, "Every year they invite all their rich friends and their privileged kids to this stupid charity thing and usually I'm allowed to bring some friends but I suppose they've invited you for me," he handed me back the paper. "Eros will be there too."
A frown tugged on my lips. "Anyone else?" I vainly masked the hope in my voice.
He looked down at me, "No, you two are my best friends and I usually don't like inviting others."
Spending a night with strangers and Eros wasn't exactly how I planned a fun evening, but it was for Ryder, so I suppose it wouldn't be that bad.
Ryder noticed my discomfort and nodded toward the box, "What's in it?"
I turned from him and pulled off the white top, slightly stunned when I saw a dress in it. "What's this?" I asked in exactly the same tone Ryder had used.
He peered over my shoulder as I pulled the navy blue dress from the depths of the box. "I suppose that's what you're wearing to the gala," I turned to see Ryder tilting his head to the side. "Honestly, it's an exquisite dress Alice," he reached out and traced the lace of the bodice.
I swallowed, pulling the dress to rest above my body. He wasn't lying, it was absolutely breathtaking.
The bodice was fitted with tulle, floral lace coming up to cover the breasts, creating a deep V that ended with a ribbon tied around the waist, the skirt of the dress pillowing out in thick layers of tulle, decorated with the same lace of the bodice.
"I can mark off number one on my list with this dress," I joked, looking back up to Ryder that stood with a hand on his hip, a smile curling on his lips.
"You could sure do more than kiss someone with that dress on," he winked.
I felt my cheeks redden and I folded the dress, tucking it back into the box, "I'll have to send your parents a rather extensive thank you card for the dress."
Ryder's hand caught mine, and unexpectedly, he pulled me into his chest, enveloping me in a warmth I could only relate to sunny days at the beach. "You know they think of you as their own kid Alice," Ryder murmured into my hair. "You know gifts is how they show their love.
Their love, like the truck Ryder got for his sixteenth birthday or the flatscreen T.V hanging on the wall.
After all, Ryder knew he was loved, and that's all that mattered to me.
***
The goosebumps arose on my exposed skin before I could rub them away, creating texture amongst the tan skin and darkened scars on my legs that poked out of a skirt that truly hadn't seen the light of day in a year.
I had naively hoped that since it was the last week of January, winter would just decide that California had it's fill and we'd return to our typical state of sunny, windy days.
Sunny, windy days that sometimes popped up despite it being January because, global warming had started to show her wrath.
I was alone, and for the first time in forever, I genuinely felt alone.
Ryder had spoiled me, showed me what it was truly like to be in the company of another. And although we had strict arrangements for our tutoring sessions, Ryder was proving to maintain a relationship with me, spending time with me out of school and spending lunches with me too.
Today was not one of those days.
I had no homework to do, no kids to study, no social medias that needed refreshing, and no friends to talk to.
If we were being honest, it was rather depressing, siting with the oak tree, shyly watching other students, cheeks heating when I awkwardly made eye contact with them. I tilted my head down, pen lazily scrawling my favorite flower in the corner of my planner: forget-me-nots.
I felt his presence beside me before he spoke. His finger reached over and traced the shape of the flower, the delicate petals of the rather simple drawing.
"Didn't knew you still drew," Ryder commented, his other arm coming to rest behind the bench.
I should've known better. From our first tutoring session, Ryder would never allow for me to be alone again.
My head lifted and I glanced at Ryder, mildly surprised to see Eros shifting awkwardly beside the bench. "It's just habit I suppose."
He shifted, head turning to Eros' hunched figure for a moment before replying, "I recall when it was your birthday, my parents would send the best art supplies and you'd never let me touch it."
My lips tugged upwards at the memory, "You never had any artistic capabilities, why would I let you use the good stuff?"
A trickle of lively laughter escaped Ryder and he shoved me playfully. "I can sing- that's my artistic ability Alice," he winked.
He had always sung, as long as I could remember. He sang Disney songs, he sang the alphabet, sang while we did homework or when he was bored.
Just like when I was bored, I sought comfort in the safety of the simple drawings I did.
"You can sing," I agreed, "and I think it's time for you to try out for the X Factor."
At the mention of this, his ears turned crimson, "Over my dead mother-fucking body Alice."
I remained silent, stilled with shock of his language.
It wasn't that I didn't like curse words, I genuinely didn't think much of them, but those words just didn't feel right when they left Ryder's lips. Even more so when we were talking about something so right for him.
"I think I'm having an influence on you Alice," Ryder said after a prolonged moment of silence.
"What?"
His head was resting on his shoulder as he beamed at me, the golden flecks in his green eyes shining with mischievousness. "Your style has changed," his head bopped to my outfit. "I never thought I'd see the day when I'd see you in a skirt."
The smell of cigarette smoke roused me out of our exchange and my eyes lifted to Eros, shamelessly taking drags from the death-stick, watching the pair of us lazily.
His darkened eyes met mine and I flushed with heat, turning my attention back to Ryder.
"I've worn this before!" I protested.
"Yeah?" Ryder said. "When?"
"She wore it last year."
Our gazes' snapped to the body standing beside Ryder, Eros holding the cigarette in a hand, using it to point at us accusingly. "Your guys' banter is giving me a fucking headache." Another drag.
Steely silence.
He knew when I wore this skirt. I wore it once, when I had first bought it. I found it in our local thrift shop and supposed it was time for me to venture out into cooler styles, and regrettably, I don't think it worked very well with me.
"How'd you know that?" Ryder's eyes were squinted in suspicion at Eros, an almost picturesque scene of an adorable protectiveness he felt over me.
Eros' eyebrows raised and he raised his ringed fingers in defense, the smoke drifting in the wind from his cigarette. "You don't remember?" At our blanched faces he continued, "Every damn boy at this school couldn't stop talking about how damn fine she looked," he paused, looking down at me with thought before his eyes hardened, adding, "and she did look mighty fine in the skirt too."
He breathed in the smoke of the cigarette.
I would be shocked if my jaw wasn't on the floor- did Eros Zane, just call me hot? Well not necessarily hot, but it was pretty damn close to that.
I was mighty fine.
Ryder spoke up, "I don't remember that day no," his voice was significantly higher than usual and his hand dropped off the bench his hand loosely hanging on my shoulder.
Eros regarded me again, ignoring Ryder's words, "I'd love to see you in that skirt again Alice."
I swallowed audibly, the eye contact between Eros and I seemingly more intense from before, slightly flirtatious, but still masked with emotions I couldn't quite make out. "Maybe I'll wear it more often," I replied, my words soft and wispy.
He cracked a small smile, and I felt my heart plummet into my stomach.
Eros Zane was going to be the death of me.
***
unedited! if there are any mistakes pls let me know <3
all my love