"He has a fucking girlfriend," Dalia said as she slammed her locker door.
She started speed-walking away to no avail. Wendy was hot on her tail.
"Who are we talking about?"
Dalia's Converse boots squeaked against the blue tiles as she tried to make her way down the hall. She didn't even know where she was going. All she knew was that the tears were. burning at the back of her eyes.
Wendy grabbed her and turned her around. "Are you talking about Lawrence?"
"Yes, I'm talking about Lawrence, Wendy, who else would I be talking about?"
She tried turning around again, but Wendy stopped her, yet again. Dalia didn't know Wendy was that strong; she was trying pretty hard to get away.
They just looked at each other for a while. Dalia was waiting on her friend to say something, but Wendy looked completely absent.
"Hello?" Dalia waved her free arm in Wendy's face.
"Oh, right. I was just looking at your hair. That's a great look on you girl," Wendy pointed her free hand around Dalia's scalp.
Dalia touched it. It was out in an afro that day. "My last hair tie broke and I haven't been in a store in like... months."
"Girl, I know. Your parents had you in the house losing."
After their little episode, Dalia self-isolated for a while. She was embarrassed that she'd let herself blow up the way she did. It was a step out of character, and that was her favorite set of earrings that she'd discarded. She could always ask for them back, but that was against her principles.
What took her by surprise was when her mother opened her bedroom door and peeked her head in.
Dalia hadn't left her room during the daytime in seven days.
She'd become nocturnal for the most part, only leaving to pee and siphon something to eat from the kitchen. She didn't know when she was going to stop, but she also knew it wasn't going to be any time soon.
There was a pile of wrappers sitting by her bedside; she'd always forget to get a trash bag when she darted out the door.
She knew that her parents wouldn't bother her; her dad was too sheepish for conflict and her mother didn't care. That was good that once.
All that went to shit when Joelle Glees wrapped her red fingertips around Dalia's doorknob and invited herself in.
"I could've been naked. You should have knocked," Dalia said with her back facing the door. She assumed it was her dad.
"I was just checking on you."
Dalia's head shot up. That was not her dad's voice.
"What's the occasion?"
"Do you mind if I sit?"
"Yes, but it's your house so go ahead."
Joelle let out a sigh, but sat nonetheless.
Dalia blinked really hard to make sure she wasn't tripping before she turned to face the woman.
"Are you alright?" Joelle asked
She blinked again.
"Uh, yeah?"
"I'm serious Dalia. I know that we don't have a traditional relationship or a traditional family, and I know that you like staying to yourself in this room, but something does not feel right and I need to make sure you're alright."
"I just said yeah."
"I'm sorry."
Dalia was starting to fiddle with her hands because she'd just convinced herself that storybook endings were capitalistic propaganda. She hadn't had any life-changing breakthrough, nor did she have the boy. She didn't even have a boy.
He was probably talking to Karielle right then and there.
I should text him-
"You were right to say that your dad and me haven't been the most present. I talk about you going to my alma mater so much, and I haven't supported you through that process like I should have if it was so important to me."
"I don't like processes. Or school."
"I didn't even notice," she said with sarcasm.
"I thought you were apologizing."
"It's too late to try and raise you; I had the chance to do that a long time ago. My work life is so demanding and I just get so wrapped up in it. I've missed a lot, and now I realize I've been absently putting a lot of unfair pressure on you."
"What's your point with all of this apologizing?"
Dalia knew it didn't mean she was going to quit or anything crazy like that. Their house was much too big for that. So what did it mean?
"I'm taking that pressure away. You are Dalia Glees, not Joelle Glees. I'm done pressing you about grades and college. I'm letting you make the decisions that serve you. Just please don't do drugs. Seriously, don't."
This had to be fake.
"I want to drop out," Dalia said as she put a chip into her mouth.
That oughta do it.
Joelle took a sharp breath into her body. "Okay."
"Okay?" She wasn't actually serious.
"It's not like you'll be broke or anything. We have quite deep pockets."
"I know but..." she looked around the room. "You're serious?"
"As a heart attack."
Dalia couldn't get what she actually wanted to express out in a roundabout way, so she just came straight on with it.
"It's okay to miss Aunt Joy, ma."
Joelle started crying.
"It's been thirteen years. I don't know if I'll ever stop missing her."
She'd been trying to process that conversation ever since. What did that mean? Was Tanesia going to get a mother? That wouldn't be fair. Dalia didn't get a mother.
She'd found out the next morning that it was actually John that talked some sense into Joelle. That was another surprise. It was all just too much. Dalia was trying to adjust to all the changes being thrown at her, but she was dizzy.
Then, right after all that unfolded, it was time to go back to school. It was all just turbulent.
Dalia had never seen her own mother express any emotion even similar to sadness, and seeing her break down like that did something to her.
Was it better to have loved and lost, or to not have loved at all? Joelle kept herself together most of the time by not loving at all, but in the process, she hurt everyone around her.
Dalia felt so bad for her dad.
She went back to school, because she clearly wasn't serious about dropping out. That wasn't actually an option. It had been a month since school had started, and it was getting more hectic instead of settling.
As the pair walked swiftly down the halls, Julia came into sights. She took a look at Dalia's hair and the look of distress on her face and raised an eyebrow. "Are we having a breakthrough?"
Dalia had to stop walking then. Clearly it wasn't making anybody leave her alone like she thought it would.
Julia looked between Wendy and Dalia. "Writer's Cave?"
"Y'all are not about to have me as the third wheel on your tricycle. Nope." Wendy crossed her arms.
"It's not about you right now Wendy," Dalia retorted as she grabbed her friend's arm and began dragging her.
Dalia's ban from Joy and Glees had been lifted, and she was making great use of it.
Jules was being her regular nosy self when Dalia arrived early that summer morning. Dalia had been frequenting the studio as much as she could before the school year started back and she got lost in the sauce of balancing all that came with it. She hadn't told Wendy and friends that she'd been let loose quite yet. She wanted to take it one step at a time. Step one was Lawrence, duh.
"Hi Jules."
"Oh, me? How nice of you to speak today."
"Right," was the only thing that would come out, so she went with it despite how rude it sounded.
She signed her name on the paper and scooted to the back.
"Hey Law and Order!" she screamed at him as she peeked her head through the door.
"Fish Eyes!" Lawrence opened his arms for a hug. She held her breath as she accepted it. She didn't need any of that pesky cologne getting in her nostrils and ruining her day.
She made a point not to look exasperated when he released her. She had bad lungs.
"So you're back in action?"
"I think it was God. I haven't had a wholesome conversation with the mother that I can remember."
"Makes sense," he leaned back.
"We're friends, right?" Dalia asked as she stood there sheepishly.
"Right. Last time I checked, that's what you called us."
Dalia had been itching to get the chance to ask about Lawrence's personal business again. He'd flaked on her the last time.
"So what are your other friends like? Do you have like, a special lady friend?" she walked over to him and nudged his arm.
"This again."
Dalia cocked her head to the side. "So you do. Noted. She's pretty I bet. Karielle, right?"
Lawrence was blushing and it made her want to punch him.
"I wish you all the best buddy," she said as she grabbed his laptop from the table. "Looking through proofs?"
He nodded.
"I can help you. I can't take a picture worth shit, but I know what looks cute I guess."
"Only if you'll be speeding the process along. I have somewhere to be later."
"And you couldn't have told me before I came here unexpectedly? Rude. I bet it's a little date too." She sounded awful.
He was silent.
So it is a date.
If she would have just liked Cole, or shit, anybody else, she wouldn't be in the situation she was currently. Sure Cole irritated her, but Lawrence infuriated her.
They sat, looking through some pictures of a familiar face. "This is the girl who's session I interrupted that one time, isn't it?"
"Yeah, she goes to my school. She's been getting into modeling."
"She's very pretty," Dalia said as her eyes flitted over the screen.
Lawrence had no response as he clicked through the pictures.
So I was right. It's all about muses for this guy.
She hadn't wanted to be right, but it was true. Lawrence had only spoken to her because he wanted to take her picture.
"What are your other friends like? That was the one you didn't give an answer to. I'm going to assume it was an honest mistake."
"You got a lot of questions today, Lia."
"I mean, yeah?"
"I have a couple of friends on the team and my childhood friend Q. We're next door neighbors. That's about it."
"You never really talk about your dad much."
"Don't have one."
"And you're okay with that?"
"Did I say that?"
She'd stepped over the boundary.
"I--"
The door opened. Dalia had to do a double-take. Her eyes darted from the computer to the door.
"Are you ready to go Law?"
"Give me just a second. I'm finishing your proofs."
"Oh, I remember you! The owner's daughter. Lia, right?"
"Dalia. Dalia Glees," she glared at her with her eyes while she smiled with her lips.
"Y'all have fun. I'll shut all your shit down, Lawrence," Dalia gestured towards him to go.
"You a real one."
He grabbed his things and left. His arm was around the girl's waist.
"Lawrence," she muttered under her breath.
She grabbed his camera off of his stand and looked at it with curious eyes.
"This shit can't be all that special, can it?"
"So yeah, it wasn't official when that happened, but it has since become so. And I'm sad."
Ever since Karielle ran up on them in the studio, Dalia had nothing but questions for Lawrence. It clearly irritated him, but she didn't know how to stop.
"And how did you find this out?" Julia asked.
"Stalking his Instagram."
Wendy and Julia both let out sighs of disappointment.
"I told you not to go looking for answers you didn't want to discover!"
"Don't blame me! Wendy's the one who taught me how to do it!"
"You are not about to put this on me, trick."
Dalia stuck out her lip and began to cry. "I don't like this."
Julia looked started. Wendy patted Dalia on the back. "It's going to be alright. You know there are a ton of boys here who like you. I know because Terrence used to talk about them. Dean even says so."
"I don't like boys here," Dalia pouted under her arms that she'd put on the desk in front of her.
"Speak for yourself..." Wendy said as her phone flashed a text from Dean.
"I think I want to have sex with him. Maybe that's it. Oh my... what if they've had sex?"
Wendy blinked at her. Julia responded with "Perhaps."
"Oh wow, thanks for that."
"I mean, shit. Not many people date without sex nowadays. You even said it yourself," Wendy said.
"Lawrence is really bad at affection, though. His compliments are the same tone as his commands. I'm guessing he's better at physical intimacy than vocal or emotional. I don't even know why I like him, he's kind of dry. Like sandwich ham."
"I know this girl did not just--" Wendy started as she looked at Dalia. She eventually let it go and looked back down at her phone. "Never mind, Dalia. Continue."
"Who's this Karielle girl, anyway? Where did he find her?"
Dalia fiddled with the end of her uniform skirt.
"Uh, he said she goes to his school? I just know I met her at my dad's place. I'm guessing that's where they met for real. I wonder if..."
Dalia had the most heart wrenching thought then.
What if Lawrence had other romantic flings with his clients?
"So, Dalia," Karielle started.
Not both of them, Lawrence thought to himself.
He didn't know why he couldn't keep the company of two girls, for separate reasons, without it turning into some kind of competition. Dalia was his friend, and he wanted to go further with Karielle. How hard was that to process?
"What about her?" He asked, as if he was oblivious.
"She's around a lot. I know that's her family's place, but she's never with... her family?"
Lawrence took a second to look at her before he responded. Her hair was dyed a honey blonde, and it was in twists that she'd pulled back into a ponytail. Her eyes were small and reptilian, and she had a pointy nose that Lawrence kind of wanted to poke.
They'd met at school. Lawrence had just taken some pictures of some basketball player in the area, and suddenly his whole school body knew his name. Karielle was no exception; she came up to him asking for her picture taken.
He'd been irritated with her at the time, because she, like many, had no interest with him outside of his talents. But, at the same time, he was always down to take a beautiful girl's picture.
Somehow, she convinced him. Then one thing led to another and they were there.
Well, it wasn't "somehow." Lawrence himself even knew it was because she was fine. Any man with his head on straight thought Karielle was fine.
Lawrence had dated a client before. The year before, he met a girl named Aniya. She was gorgeous and charismatic; just like every other girl, he'd taken a fancy to.
As much as he hated to say it, he had a type.
Aniya, Karielle, and every other girl he'd ever wanted to date radiated sex appeal. That was fine by him. They all knew what they wanted. They wanted someone to show them something new, and eventually disappear on. Love and leave.
He knew he couldn't commit to things that were bound to change. People wre ever-changing, and thus, unreliable. Baseball would always be there. His camera would always be there.
A couple of things had a tendency to slip through the cracks, as one would expect them to. His mother, who he cared for dearly, was one of them. She was both of his parents and she always had his best interests at heart.
Q was another. One day when he was four, Lawrence went to the neighborhood park by himself while his mother was at work and skinned his kneecap really bad. That was when he met his next door neighbor, who was the only other boy at the park, and who helped him get cleaned up. Lawrence knew that Q had saved him an asswhooping and a knee infection. They were inseperable every since.
Everyone else was disposable. They were there to entertain, please, or use him in one way or another. He had no problems with that, as long as the feeling was mutual.
Dalia, on the other hand, had those big teary eyes that one could never get tired of. She would dip in, then she would dip back out. Granted, some of that wasn't her fault.
He wasn't surprised when she left the first time. Or the second. That's what people, himself included, did.
What tripped him up about her was that she didn't fit in any of his person-categories. She didn't entertain him much; she rather stressed him out. She was always getting him in to trouble, or near trouble, and she was always finding a new way to be spontaneous and dangerous. Lawrence, a fast-paced individual himself, couldn't even keep up with her most times. He was good at acting like he could.
Dalia clearly was a virgin. That was a question nobody even thought about the answer to. He'd seen enough of her interactions with Cole to see that she was in no way sexually attracted to him. Therefore, Dalia's purpose couldn't be to please him. She fucking hated his job. He'd been working there for nearly two years before she even realized. There was no way she was interested in using him.
She was just there. They'd run into each other a couple of times, unintentionally, then she took it upon herself to run into him intentionally. And no matter how the odds seemed to stack, she found her way back to him.
He couldn't lie to himself; he was somewhat glad when she would disappear; it meant he could breathe. He wasn't a fan of how comfortable he felt around her, nor was he comfortable with how entitled she felt to him. She would always find a way to make him drop what he was doing to tend to her. She was like a dog.
He didn't know how long Dalia would be in his life, and he didn't know how long he would be in hers. It gave him a migrain even thinking about it.
"She's like my best friend, so she has a tendency to hang around, yes," was the response he brewed up for Karielle.
"I'm not sure that I like that."
"I'm not sure that I care. Look," Lawrence began as he swirled his straw around in his Coke. "You're the one I'm laying down with. I take you out to eat and don't make you split the bill. The same doesn't apply to Dalia. We met a while back, and I honestly don't have the heart to tell her I can't hang with her because of my new girl."
"But what about what happened today? I don't want to have to take you away from her any time I want to be with you," her bright eyes flashed him a pouty look.
That's not going to work. Nobody's pout could beat Dalia's.
They were talking and thinking about her too much for his tastes. He was with Karielle, not Dalia. He had to put a pin in all of that real quick.
"Dalia's a flake. I don't even know when she's going to be around most of the time, and she definitely doesn't stay up under me the way you seem to think she does. I'm not going to place boundaries on her, because I wouldn't do that with any of my other friends, but if you call, I'll come running."
Karielle smiled. "Okay."
-
Rihanna: Love On The Brain
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btw this chapter was hard as fuck to write and sent me into a mini-depression :) enjoy