Chapter 52: : Chapter 52

“How are you holding up?” Ezra asks as he drives us home. I sigh and lock my phone, uneasy. I thought we were doing a little better after that night we spent together, but Serenity has barely been texting me back lately, and we haven’t had a real conversation in days.

She comes home late and leaves early, and when she is home, she spends all her time with Ezra, not giving me the slightest chance to have a private conversation with her, let alone kiss her or hold her in my arms.

“I’m fine.”

“No,” Ezra says, running a hand through his hair. “You’re not even remotely fine. Somehow, you’re worse than when Tyra disappeared, and I don’t understand why. You don’t seem happy to have her back. Relieved, yes. But somehow, you seem far less happy than you were just a few weeks ago.” He glances at me. “I’m worried about you, man. You realize I’ve witnessed you survive some of the worst things that have ever happened to you, and none of those times were you as intensely unhappy as you are right now. Tell me how to help, Archer.”

I lean back and stare out the window. “You can’t,” I admit. “There is no solution, nothing either you or I can do that’ll make things better.”

I’m starting to wonder if I can make Serenity happy at all, and the more I think about it, the more I begin to doubt myself. I was never her first choice, and I can’t help but wonder if she’ll take Tyra returning home as an excuse to give Theo a chance. I couldn’t even blame her if she did, nor do I have any right to stop her, to beg her to stay with me, when all I’ve brought her lately is misery.

I see the way she averts her face each time Tyra reaches for my hand. Tyra is so fragile that I can’t tell her about Serenity, and Sera doesn’t want me to, but fuck, I want to. I need the truth out in the open, but I can’t be selfish. Not now. Serenity would never forgive me if I hurt Tyra.

He looks me over as we walk into the elevator. “Well, our renovations are nearly done, so Serenity and I will be out of your hair in a couple of days at most. Hopefully that’ll help.”

“What?” I ask, panic seizing me.

Ezra studies my face, and I try my best to regain my composure when truthfully, I don’t want Serenity to leave. I already see so little of her. If she leaves, the distance between us will only increase, and I’m not sure I can take it. It’s fucking killing me to lose my girl slowly, while I try my best to hold on.

“I’m moving back in next door, Archer,” he tells me as we enter the elevator.

I nod and run a hand through my hair, trying my best to hide my unease. “Right,” I murmur as we walk into my house. It’s odd how it doesn’t feel like home anymore, and I suspect it has everything to do with Serenity and the way we turned this place into our safe haven. It doesn’t feel like ours anymore.

Tyra rises from the sofa when I walk in, her eyes lighting up, and I force a smile as I seek out Serenity. She turns around, and I just stare at her for a moment, taking in that messy bun and the loose, large T-shirt she’s wearing. It takes me a moment to realize it isn’t mine, and something dark and possessive settles in my stomach. I don’t recognize it, so whose is it?

She thinks I don’t realize it, but I’ve heard her slipping out of the house late at night, and I’ve tried my best not to wonder where she’s been going, who she’s been spending her nights with. I’ve seen the way Theo smiles at her at work, the way they’ve grown closer again. I noticed the little touches that weren’t there before, the way she’ll rest her head on his shoulder occasionally and the way he places his hand on her back as he takes her out for lunch. I don’t dare ask questions that might come with answers that’ll destroy what’s left of my sanity, and what right do I have when it’s Tyra that I fall asleep next to at night?

“You’re home much later than usual,” Tyra says, lowering the volume of the movie she was watching.

I nod and try my best to tear my eyes off Serenity. “Yeah, Ezra and I had a meeting that ran late,” I explain as I take off my suit jacket, my gaze drifting back to Serenity.

Sure enough, she’s staring at me in that way I like—like I’m hers. Her gaze follows my hands as I undo my waistcoat, and my mind tortures me with memories of the way her eyes glitter each time she does it for me, and the way she’ll glance at the charm around my neck, her finger trailing over it appreciatively before she runs her hand down my abs.

I expect her to keep watching me as I tug on my tie, but instead, she turns around and walks away in the direction of my study. I freeze imperceptibly and hesitate before following her, too tired to care about how it looks or the questions it may raise.

Her head snaps up when I walk in, and I tense when I realize she’s standing in front of her replica of The Ballerina. “Serenity,” I murmur, my voice breaking. She tenses when I walk up to her, and my heart begins to ache when she turns her back to me, her fingers gently gliding over the surface of her painting.

I pause behind her, before I lean in to drop my forehead to her shoulder. “Whose is this?” I ask, sliding a trembling hand underneath her T-shirt, until I’m holding her waist. It feels so good to have her skin against mine, and fuck, I’ve missed it more than I realized. “Whose T-shirt are you wearing, darling?”

Her head falls back, and I turn my face to kiss her neck, needing her with an intensity I’ve never experienced. This isn’t lust—it’s desperation, a desire to feel complete again in a way only she’s ever made me feel. “It’s Ezra’s,” she tells me as I slide my hand to her stomach, splaying my fingers possessively.

“Why aren’t you wearing one of mine?” I ask, my hand sliding up until the tips of my fingers caress the underside of her breast, my lips pressed just below her ear. She has no idea how much I need this proximity, how much I need her. Just a few of these moments are sufficient to refuel me for days on end.

Serenity sighs, her back straightening a little. Normally, she’d place her hand over mine and guide me to where she wants me to touch her, but today she turns around and steps back, putting distance between us. When her eyes meet mine, they’re filled with resignation.

“Archer,” she says, her tone conveying regret. Something about the way she looks at me puts me on edge, makes me brace myself. “The painting is done, and so are we.”

I freeze, my heart squeezing painfully. “Don’t do this,” I beg. “Serenity, please don’t do this.”

She reaches for my tie and loosens it, the way she has countless times, but this time, there’s a deep sadness in her eyes that makes me wonder if this is the last time I’ll get to experience her hands on me like this.

“She needs you more than I do, Archer. The sneaking around, the guilt, I can’t take it. I feel like I’m your mistress, and I’m hurting her by coveting what never would’ve been mine if not for that stupid list I made. You waited for her for so long, and all that time, she was waiting for you too, praying for you. I just can’t…I can’t do this to her. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.”

“No, Serenity. I waited for her because I felt guilty, because she disappeared during a trip I should’ve accompanied her on. If you’re going to end things with me, then let’s at least be honest about the facts. I don’t love her, nor do I want to be with her. She’s a friend I care about deeply, but that’s all she is to me. You walking away from our relationship won’t change that.”

I place my index finger underneath her chin and force her to face me, my eyes on hers. “So tell me the truth, Sera. Are you leaving me for him? Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours. Explain it to me because there’s no way in hell I’ll let you go without a fight.”

“I’m ending things between us for all the reasons we initially decided we’d never be together. There was already so much at stake for us, but the stakes are even higher now. We only just got Tyra back, and I can’t lose her again. If she ever found out about us, it’d destroy her. There’s no future for us. There’s no outcome where you and I get to be happy without hurting anyone else. You see that, don’t you? Us being together hurts others. Could you really live with yourself knowing how selfish we’ve been and how much pain we’ve caused? I can’t, Archer. I can’t do it. I won’t be the reason one of the women I love most doesn’t overcome the greatest tragedy she’s ever experienced.”

I stare at her, taking in her resolute expression despite the tears in her eyes. There’s no changing her mind, and it fucking kills me to know she’s right. Walking away is the right thing to do, but nothing has ever felt more wrong.