Chapter 15: Chapter Fifteen

Guilt crashed over me as I looked from Will and Fitz to Grant. I had been so close to kissing him. I had been so close, and I hadn’t cared at all.

I hadn’t cared that Will and Fitz were still running in the woods, hadn’t cared that Ben was only steps away, hurt in the basement.

I hadn’t cared because I was under whatever trance Grant had cast over me.

“What were you doing?” Will demanded, face blotchy with anger. Fitz looked like he had something foul in his mouth that he was dying to spit out.

Grant stepped in front of me swiftly, ready to take the blow.

Anger pricked in the back of my head, anger that both he and Ben thought they were more suitable to handle tough situations. Anger that they both felt they had to.

“My fault,” Grant said, “trying to seduce a pretty girl.”

“She’s mated,” Fitz spat, “and not to you.”

Grant lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “Mated or not, she’s still a pretty girl.”

Will shook his head. “What the hell, Morda?”

I stepped around Grant, trying to contain my frustration and anger and guilt.

“Ben needs our help, someone has got to pop his shoulder back into place, and we need to move you guys before Cerberus circles back.”

“You were just about to lock lips with—”

“Shut it, Fitz,” I warned. “Whatever you want to say to me, you can say it when you’re all safe and we don’t have to look over our shoulders and wonder if Cerberus is about to attack.”

Will said nothing as he helped a limping Fitz toward the house. I stood stock-still until they were inside and then turned slowly to Grant. He had questions. I could see them burning behind his eyes.

“He’s my mate,” I told him. “Ben, I mean. You were right about my father, he was a werewolf. That’s why you and I are mated.

“With Ben, it’s a little different, we’re mated through the moon because we’re cut from the same cloth. With you and me, it’s predestined; with me and him, it’s forged by chance.

“I met him first, and as soon as we met, we were connected.”

“You and I have been connected since before we were born,” Grant rumbled, taking the time to forge his thoughts. I could see his mind scrambling. Could detect some deep level of hurt and confusion.

“The goddess… you…”

“It doesn’t make sense,” I told him. “Trust me, I’ve been trying to rationalize everything since I met you. How do I decide between two amazing people, two fate-forged connections?”

Grant snapped his eyes to mine. “Decide?”

I paled. “Ben is—”

“What is there to decide?” he demanded. “You’re telling me that you’re considering ~him~? The son of the moon, the fugitive, the mutt? ~I am your mate~. He can’t give you anything, Morda.

“He can’t give you security, can’t protect or provide. The kid can’t even stay in the same place or he starts becoming a bigger monster.”

“He’s not a monster,” I defended. “He didn’t choose what he became.”

“And we don’t choose our mates,” Grant argued, voice breaking.

“You are mine. You are not his. You and he were not meant to be together, you met by chance. Werewolf mates are planned by divine powers, by the goddess.”

I shook my head. “I can’t explain it,” I told him. “Ben draws me to him in the same way I’m drawn to you. There is a likeness to us. When we touch, I can feel my own power in him.”

Grant growled and shook his head, taking a few steps back and placing his hands on his hips.

“This is absolute bullshit, Morda, you cannot tell me that there is even a debate. You’d take him over me, you’d take him even though he can offer you no permanent home? No children?”

It was too much. “I don’t know, Grant!” I yelled. “How am I supposed to know?”

“You’re supposed to know because ~I do~,” he cried, “because I looked at you and I knew right away that you were the woman I was going to spend my life with.

“Because I looked at you and I knew that I would fight for you, that I would love and die for you. I knew that you would be mine, and I knew that I could trust you.

“That I could give you my heart and you would recognize it as your own.”

Tears welled in my eyes and poured over my cheeks. “I can’t know that,” I blubbered. “I don’t look at you and feel that.

“I’m not a werewolf, I’m just a girl caught in the middle of this fucking mess that I don’t know how to clean up.” I shook my head and wiped at my cheeks.

“That’s all bullshit, you told me that our mating wasn’t ideal, that I would have brought dishonor if you—”

Grant looked as though he had been struck. “Fuck all that,” he said as he grabbed my face. I said all that because I was standing in front of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

“A woman with more strength in one hand than I have in my entire body, a woman who had the power to break me with one glance, and I was scared.

“I was scared to show you how vulnerable you made me, afraid of this fucking moment right now.

“Afraid that you would tell me that I wasn’t good enough to stand beside you, afraid that you would choose someone else over me and I would be left behind again.”

I laid my hand over his.

“I’m not choosing anyone—I’m not deciding anything right now. I’m just…I’m lost right now. I have so much going on, so much to think over and worry about. I just need time to sort everything out.”

Grant pulled away, all the openness closing as his eyes glazed over.

“I don’t want you to choose, Morda, I don’t want you to have to consider me as an option. I just”—he swallowed—“I just want someone to look at me and know in their ~bones~ that I’m the one.”

I reached for him, and he stepped back another step. I swallowed my pride and lowered my hand to my side, my cheeks flaming. “I don’t want to hurt either of you,” I said.

“Both of you think I’m destined to be yours for some reason or another. I don’t want to leave either of you mateless, but I can’t be with both of you. So yes, Grant, it is a decision.”

“Does he know?” Grant demanded. “Does he know about us—”

I waved off his question bitterly, guilt making me hardened. “Of course not,” I snapped.

Grant’s mouth turned. “He should know.”

“I can’t—”

“Why not?” Grant demanded.

I reached up and tugged at my hair, resisting the urge to rip it all out.

“Because he’s alone in this world! Because I am the closest he will ever get to meeting someone of his kind. He can’t be a part of a real pack, and he’ll never find another son, so I am all he has.”

Grant shook his head. “This is madness, Morda, if you won’t tell him, then I will.”

I stepped in front of Grant, pressing my hand to his chest. “I’ll tell him.”

Grant swore. “I don’t even care what you do, Morda. Tell him, don’t tell him, I don’t give a fuck. I don’t want a mate who doesn’t want me. I don’t want to spend time with you if you’re pining for him.”

“Grant—”

“Figure it out—figure ~yourself~ out.” He paused and placed his hands low on his hips. “And when you have it sorted, come find me.”

Without another word, Grant turned and shifted, running off before I had the chance to call him back.

I placed my head in my hands and closed my eyes, clenching my teeth as a silent scream rattled through my mind. I wasn’t equipped to deal with this dilemma. No boy had even looked my way in high school.

I didn’t know how to voice my feelings, didn’t know how to maneuver through other people’s emotions, didn’t know how to look into myself and find what I really wanted.

I looked up at the house and sighed, pulling on my hat before forcing my feet forward. I crossed the yard quickly, going to the back door and yanking it open.

My mind was so focused on the boys in the basement that I didn’t notice Ben until I slammed into him.

He made no attempt to catch me as I stumbled backward. I blinked and looked at him, quickly reading the devastation and hurt in his tawny eyes.

My face flushed, and then an intense fatigue blanketed over my bones.

He had heard.

Ben wore a funny smile on his face as he spoke, his arm hanging in a makeshift sling. “You know, before I met you, I had believed that I would never have the chance to mate.

“I had grown up in a pack of werewolves, watching as young wolves mated. I had watched believing that I would never get that chance.”

He cleared his throat as tears glistened in his eyes. “And then I met you.”

“Ben…”

“I found you in the woods, heard your heart racing, and when I first saw you, my own heart stopped.

“I believed for the first time since I had been bitten that some greater force, whatever goddess the werewolves worship, was finally looking out for me.

“I had believed that I was finally getting something good out of the world.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, not knowing why. I hadn’t asked for Grant to show up, hadn’t asked for Ben and me to mate.

I had been trying to help a bird in the woods. Had been trying to help my mom in her shop. I wasn’t to blame, fate was.

Ben smiled and shrugged, a tear gathering in his eye. “I’m not mad, Morda, I’m not upset. This is exactly what I deserve. This is just my curse in action.”

~The sons of the moon will only ever find heartbreak, they will only ever find despair.~

My throat was thick with tears. “Ben—I don’t want you to think—”

He only smiled. “Go home, Morda, you’ve helped us enough tonight. Thank you for getting Grant to run Cerberus off. Will, Fitz, Oak, and I will leave Roseburg tonight.”

A muscle in his jaw jumped, and then he looked down, shaking his head. “Goodbye, Morda.”

“Ben?” I called, shaking my head in the hopes of dislodging some of the shock I was feeling. “What are you saying?”

Ben rubbed the back of his neck roughly. “If it were only me and you, Morda, I’d give you the world. But Grant is the better option, he can offer you so much more than I can.”

I felt my mouth fall open. “You’re just going to leave?”

Ben shrugged. “We have to keep moving. Cerberus knows we were here.”

“And what about me?”

“You have Grant,” Ben stated. He didn’t sound bitter or upset, just calm and patient. Whatever logic he had thought up, he had accepted wholeheartedly.

“Ben—”

He interrupted me. “We don’t all get to be happy in this world, Morda.” Quick as anything, Ben stepped forward and kissed my forehead, reaching down to squeeze my hand before he turned and left the room.

I stood in shock for a few seconds before I ran after him, catching the front door swinging with no Ben in sight.

I pushed through the door and stood on the edge of the porch, just catching the tails of three wolves and Ben’s dark hair disappearing into the trees.

I opened my mouth to yell after them but thought against it, not wanting to draw in any Cerberus wolves if they were still near.

Instead, I took off running, holding my arms in front of my face as I broke through the underbrush. After a few steps, I realized that there was no way I would ever catch them.

I stopped and swatted branches away from my face. My heart sinking and turning to stone. Everything had crashed down around me over the course of ten minutes.

I had two mates an hour ago, and now I was alone.

“Fuck,” I swore, dragging out the word. I turned around and fought my way back toward the house, cursing the entire way there.

When I broke through the last of the trees and brush, I stopped still. In the middle of Ben’s yard was a man.

Dane turned and smiled at me. “Morda, isn’t it?”

My mouth was full of ash.

He stalked toward me, his body lithe and powerful, presence demanding. “You aren’t just some human girl, are you?”

Chills ran through me as he inhaled deeply, drawing in my scent. He shuddered. “You’re something else, something strange and wonderful.”

“I—”

Dane was standing in front of me, his fingertips hovering over my jawline. “Shh,” he commanded, “I don’t want you to speak. Women are always a little less attractive once they open their mouths.”

I pulled my face away, and he struck, digging his fingers into my skin as he drew my face up to his. “I’m here on a hunt,” he breathed, lip curling.

“And you are getting in the way of my prey. Grant is my top hunter, and tonight he ignored the rabbit in the snare. Whatever spell you’ve cast over him, I want it to end.”

I spat in his face.

Dane recoiled instantly, dropping my face and winding his hand back to slap me. Whatever barrier had been in me before broke again, and heat burned over my body.

I reached out and caught his forearm as he swung his open hand toward my face.

The force loosened my teeth and jolted my bones, but I held strong and concentrated on sending the burning sensation in my body to my hand.

Sweat broke out on Dane’s forehead as I burned him, my flesh imprinting on his. “You will ~never~ strike me,” I seethed. “You will ~never~ intimidate or threaten me.”

“Witch,” he spat, eyes lighting up.

“That’s right,” I spat, “I am a witch, and if you ever try to harm me again, I’ll make sure this fire is the last thing you feel.”

I wrenched my arm back, and he cradled his burned flesh to his chest, eyes dark and full of loathing.

“Better be careful, ~Morda~,” he whispered, “because the next time you see me, I’ll be on all fours baring my canines at your throat.”

Dane turned without a word and ran off, fast and deadly and burning with anger.

I watched him go, my vision blurring as he hit the trees and then blacking out when he was gone. I fell to my knees and then forward onto my palms.

The earth was damp from the night’s cool air and felt blissful against my burning skin.

I fell onto my side and curled my knees into my chest, my body aching as the last of the power pushed its way out of my body.

A few minutes. That’s all the rest I needed. Just a few…

***

My eyes flew open. I was looking out at blades of grass, the stumps of trees, the feet of a young girl. I jolted upward and blinked, my eyes adjusting to the burning sun.

I was still lying on Ben’s front lawn. My head thumped.

“Morning.”

I looked up at Eveline who was grinning down at me. “What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice full of gravel.

Eve shrugged. “Your mom woke up and found you gone. Then she heard about twenty wolves howling in the forest. She figured something was wrong. The entire clan is out here looking—”

“What?”

“I found you first, ~of course~, because the trees led me right to you.” Eve smiled. “The trees, and because we are going to be taking the Celestial Oath any day now.”

I groaned and reached for Eve’s outstretched hand. She pulled me up to my feet with ease. “Not now,” I pleaded, rubbing my eyes, “I feel like I got steamrolled.”

“Using bound powers will do that to you,” Eve offered.

I looked over at her. “Bound?”

“The clan has to free them at your Lunar Ceremony,” Eve told me, “two weeks from now, I think.” I ran this through my mind as Eve looked around us. “Where are the wolves?”

“I’m done with wolves,” I growled, “so done.”

“Your aunt told me about your predicament,” Eve said. “I totally understand. I once got tangled up with a vampire and a faerie, wasn’t pretty.”

Nausea swept over me.

Eve wrapped her arm around my waist and tucked her shoulder underneath my arm to support me. “We should get you back to your mom,” she said.

“The healers will fix you up. I do suggest that you take a break from the wolves, maybe you need to sort out your own supernatural self before you worry about them.”

I grimaced. “You might be right.”

“And we have to take our oath,” she reminded me, “better to get that out of the way before we tackle your mate situation.”

“We?” I repeated.

She nodded, green eyes gravely serious. “I think you could use a little of my strength in the boy department. Trust me, tree magic is ~very~ sensual. I draw in a lot of lovers by—”

“Seriously, Eve, not right now.”

We walked through the woods together, me regaining most of my strength as we traveled.

Eve rambled on and on, mostly about the trees. To say she knew everything about each type of tree was an understatement; she claimed to know how each individual tree was feeling.

“Willows are among the saddest trees,” she rambled. “Maples are much more preppy.”

“Mm,” I mumbled, trying not to listen.

“Of course, I adore flowering trees, but they can be so conceited and arrogant,” she said. “Pines and evergreens are rude.” She paused as she thought. “Oaks are always willing to do you a favor.”

“Good to know,” I muttered.

“Now aspens—”

“Morda!”

I looked up as my mother rushed toward me, dark hair pulled into a loose bun on the top of her head.

She dragged me into a hug when she reached me, mumbling nonsense against my hair. She grabbed my shoulders and held me at arm’s length. The other witches gathered behind her.

“I felt you,” she said. “I felt you use your powers.”

The other witches waited expectantly.

I nodded. “Yeah… I’m sorry about that…”

“What did it manifest as?” my mother asked.

I shrugged. “Fire.”

All at once, the witches got to their knees, Eve and my aunt dropping directly beside me. My mother smiled vibrantly, pride brimming in her eyes. Slowly, she too got to her knees.

I felt the hairs along my body rise as I took in all the witches on their knees, bowing in front of me.

My mother reached up and grabbed my hands. “Morda,” she announced, “high witch of the Western Witch Clan and future Clan Mother. The Goddess has blessed you, and in turn, you will bless us.”

I looked to Eve who was smirking as if she knew already that I was a badass and then to my aunt who held out her knuckles for props.

Then I looked to my mother who was gazing at me as if I was the only star in the entire sky.

Pressure built up behind my eyes and under my rib cage until I felt like I couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe. I pulled my hands out of my mother’s hold and took a step back.

Grimacing at the witches still bent at the knee for me, I turned on my heel and took off running.