Slap!
Mama slapped me.
"I'm disappointed in you, Wisnu."
"Mama, I didn't do anything wrong. I was just defending a woman who was being harassed."
"But not to the point of nearly taking someone's life."
"That was his risk, Ma. He should be grateful he's still alive."
Slap!
Mama slapped me even harder. Then, tears started falling from her eyes.
"I don't even know who you are anymore. You're not my son. I have failed as a mother."
Her sobs grew louder. My high ego instantly crumbled. It hurt to hear her words. It hurt even more to see her cry. A part of me still believed I was right, but the sight before me was heartbreaking. How could I be so cruel as to make my mother shed tears?
After that, Papa stepped in. He gave me the harshest punishment I had ever received.
***
Seven days have passed since I started at my new school. Learning to adapt, learning to compose myself, searching for my identity.
Most of the kids who enjoy fighting already knew who I was. Some had been knocked out by me in my old school. Some looked at me with respect, while others held grudges. I didn't care. But at least none of them were weak enough to go crying to the police, getting me expelled, and making me fight with Mama.
After that incident, I tried to reflect more. Thinking about how I would live my life. Trying to hold back my violent tendencies in situations that didn't require aggression. Learning to control myself better when dealing with problems.
Honestly, I loved fighting. I felt a sense of satisfaction in winning, in overpowering my opponent. Back at my old school, we had a fight club. After school, we would exchange punches, proving who was the best. I never lost. And when it came to school wars, I was always at the front lines.
Despite that, I never neglected my studies. My grades were always above average, and I was consistently in the top three.
My life changed ninety degreesânot a full turn, because not everything changed. In class, I was still the same. Sitting in the farthest back corner, often sleeping during lessons, but still impressing the teachers whenever I answered their questions. The difference? No more individual fights. No more mass brawls.
I used to be outspoken, sociable, proactive, and more extroverted. Now, I was quieter, constantly deep in thought, becoming more introverted.
After school, there were no more hangouts. I went straight home. Locked myself in my room. Spent my time studying, reading, watching, and punching my heavy bag.
Girlfriends? I had never had one in my entire life. I thought it was a waste of time. I also felt it wasn't the right time to start a relationship. I didn't even understand what it meant to truly care for someoneâto love someone.
Even though when I first started high school, Mama once told me:
"Wisnu, now that you're in high school, if you ever look for a girlfriend, make sure she's someone you truly care about and would never hurt. Because if you hurt her, it means you've hurt Mama."
I was confused.
"Of course, Wisnu. I'm a woman too. You love Mama, don't you?"
I chuckled at her words. "Yes, Ma. I love you."
I didn't know how I would eventually understand love and affection. All I knew back then was that if I ever hurt a womanâany womanâit would mean I had hurt the mother who carried me for more than nine months.
But in the end, I had failed.
***
That afternoon, after the last lesson, I went to the cafeteria. Hungry. Needed to fill my stomach before going home.
"Ma'am, one fried Indomie with egg, please."
"Want some bird's eye chili?"
"Oh, yes, please, Ma'am."
"What about a drink?"
"Sweet iced tea, please, Ma'am."
The cafeteria wasn't too crowded. Just a few students who had also just finished their classes. Looks like their stomachs were just as empty as mine. I placed my bag on the table and took out a book. While waiting for my order, I continued reading the detective novel I had paused during recess.
"What the hell?! I don't want to!"
A girl sitting two tables across from me was being harassed by a guy. From behind my book, I secretly observed them.
"Come on, Chel. Stop playing hard to get. You're the prettiest girl, and I'm the most handsome. Plus, I'm the richest guy in this school. We're a perfect match."
"Darwin. Just so you know, Rachel doesn't like guys like you. Rowdy, cocky, and just plain annoying." The friend sitting across from her tried to stand up for her.
"What did you just say?! Watch your mouth, you b*tch!"
"What the hell?!"
"Enoughâjust leave, Win." The girl named Rachel tried to defuse the situation.
"No! Not until you say yes to being my girlfriend." His hand grabbed Rachel's wrist, forcing her to answer.
I didn't like what I was seeing. I stood up from my seat and walked toward the trash of a guy.
"She already said no." I grabbed his arm.
"Who the hell are you?! Trying to play hero?" He shook off my grip.
One of his friends patted him on the shoulder from behind.
"Win, that's Wisnu."
"So?" Rachel and her friend quickly moved away to another table. Suddenly, I became the center of attention.
"You don't know him? He was the strongest fighter from Rajawali High School."
"Like I care. Mur, Dorâtake him down."
One against three. Not bad. I'd handled worse. Darwin stood at the back, ready. His two lackeys took their positions, preparing to attack. One of them looked fearless. The other hesitated.
Both my fists clenched, my stance firm.
Mur charged. His right fist aimed straight at my face. I dodged left and blocked with my right hand. My left fist landed swiftly on his solar plexus. He gasped, doubling over. My right fist struck his chin hard. He staggered backward a meter, blood dripping from his mouth. He collapsed, struggling to get back up.
Now it was Dor's turn. He was trembling. My reputation had shaken him. I curled my left fingers, signaling him to come at me. He was the one who had patted Darwin's shoulder.
"Go on, attack!" Darwin ordered impatiently.
He lunged at me, yelling. Just by looking, I could tell his punches were weak. His friend had been stronger. I dodged. Dodged. Dodged again. Then, I delivered a single solid punch to his diaphragm.
"Bhuaaak!" He vomited his stomach's contents all over the floorârice and side dishes that hadn't even made it to digestion. My fist was still pressing against his gut. Then, I pushed him upward. He stumbled backward and collapsed.
"You guys are pathetic! Completely useless!"
My experience in fights allowed me to gauge an opponent's strength. And this one? All bark, no bite. His height was almost the same as mine, but I was more built.
He ran toward me. Jumped. Launched a kick with his right leg. I dodged. He spun his hips, his left leg aiming for my head. My left hand deflected it. His back was completely exposed. My right leg struck hard. He fell forward, slamming into a table.
"Ahhh..." He was starting to lose his temper. Suddenly, he pulled out a pocketknife from his pocket. The girls in the cafeteria screamed in panic.
I immediately became more alert. I'd faced weapons before.
He swiftly stood up. Stabbed forward, aiming for my stomach. I dodged sideways. Then, he swung the small blade.
Sret. My white uniform was slashed. I was a second too slow to move back, and it could have torn my skin.
The boy named after an evolutionist grinned. As if he had already won. His arrogance irritated me. Looked like I needed to get serious.
He changed his grip on the knife, holding it in a reverse grip. The blade beneath his pinky.
He attacked again. I dodged. His knife stabbed the air. My open hand struck his wrist. The knife dropped. My opportunity. My knee slammed into his stomach. He groaned. Then, I shoved him against the wall.
Final execution. I pummeled him mercilessly, punch after punch. As fast and as many as I could throw.
Suddenly...
Someone stepped in between me and my opponent. The disturbed girl. My final blow stopped just inches from her face.
The cafeteria fell silent. My clenched fists lowered. My eyes met hers.
"He's already bad."
I said nothing. Took a deep breath, calming my racing heart.
I pulled out my money and handed it to the cafeteria lady. Grabbed my book, my bag, and walked away.
"Boy, your noodles are ready. Aren't you going to eat?"
I ignored her. Didn't care. Walked straight to the restroom. Needed to wash my face.
In front of the sink mirror, I asked myself, "When are you going to change?"
The reflection of my wet face stared back at me. No answer.
***
The next day.
I sat at my desk, reading a novel. The classroom was still quiet. Only ten out of forty students had arrived, including me. My restless sleep had made me come earlier than usualâthirty minutes before class started.
"Bro, I got something for you."
Nico, my seatmate who had just arrived, handed me something.
"What's this?"
"Breakfast. Just eat it."
"Nah, you have it."
"No way, bro. She made it just for you. Here, while it's still warm."
Nico snatched my book and placed the lunch box in front of me. I was annoyed at his persistence. But my stomach was emptyâI hadn't had breakfast at home. From the outside, it looked appetizing.
I opened the lid. A portion of rice, sautéed omelet, spicy tempeh and tofu stir-fry, and broccoli. The smell made my stomach growl even louder.
Wait. There was a folded note tucked inside a plastic wrap on the lid.
I unfolded it. A letter.
***
Hey, Wisnu!
I just wanted to say thank you so much for saving me yesterday.
I don't know what would've happened if you weren't there.
This is breakfast I made myself. Hope you like it.
Best,
Rachel
***
I placed the note on the table. Then, I started eating.
Less than ten minutes later, the box was empty.